(no subject)
Sometimes, just sometimes, I feel like I'm two different people. Its a scary thought really now that I think about it.
There is one part of me, the main part, who is nice....ok nice is a bad choice of words because nice can mean a lot of things, who is intelligent, caring, honorable, empathetic, and would give the shirt off her back. That person is great, I love her. That is who I strive to be every day.
But then there is another side to me that I hate so passionately. She is mean and cruel and sometimes violent. She berates and belittles anyone she sees. Even herself. Hateful and full of rage, she ruins anything the other has worked so hard to build.
I, for the sake of my own sanity, have separated the two in my mind. The good side, lets call her Natalie; and the evil side well she can be Ana.
How FUCKED is it that I can even ever say this, I mean that cant be right. one body has to mean one person yes? But anyway!
No matter how i look at it, they're demanding and spoiled, temperamental and insecure.
Someone asked me once if I thought I was capable of doing some bad things. Not that I would ever do ANY of them, but I had to answer honestly that yes I thought I could! And now thinking back on this, I am seriously scared. And I have to be crazy to put all this to paper.
I dont know what to do. I cant exactly say that I am aware of all that I do, there have been times....
sigh....
Should I be worried? Just want to cry!
Actually I want to scream!!
AUGH! Im just gonna hide in a corner I think.
There is one part of me, the main part, who is nice....ok nice is a bad choice of words because nice can mean a lot of things, who is intelligent, caring, honorable, empathetic, and would give the shirt off her back. That person is great, I love her. That is who I strive to be every day.
But then there is another side to me that I hate so passionately. She is mean and cruel and sometimes violent. She berates and belittles anyone she sees. Even herself. Hateful and full of rage, she ruins anything the other has worked so hard to build.
I, for the sake of my own sanity, have separated the two in my mind. The good side, lets call her Natalie; and the evil side well she can be Ana.
How FUCKED is it that I can even ever say this, I mean that cant be right. one body has to mean one person yes? But anyway!
No matter how i look at it, they're demanding and spoiled, temperamental and insecure.
Someone asked me once if I thought I was capable of doing some bad things. Not that I would ever do ANY of them, but I had to answer honestly that yes I thought I could! And now thinking back on this, I am seriously scared. And I have to be crazy to put all this to paper.
I dont know what to do. I cant exactly say that I am aware of all that I do, there have been times....
sigh....
Should I be worried? Just want to cry!
Actually I want to scream!!
AUGH! Im just gonna hide in a corner I think.