(no subject)

[deathbydrama]

everyone please pray for me before i lose my mind.
or rather, before reason takes over and i throw out what i have believed to be right for the past three or four years.

i have a far too open mind to be "christian".
i try to do things how i want.
and being a christian doesn't allow for this.
i believe in god.
i love god.
i believe that jesus died for me.
i'm a good person.
why do i have to spend my whole life stressing over being what everyone says i have to be?
please pray for me. i really need it.
i'm about to decide whether i will continue with the band or move to florida.
i'm just trying to figure all this out.
i'm not complaining.
i'm just asking for help.
i've been questioning for a long time.
why are we given a mind that thinks.
is not thinking the essence of being human?
why do we have to do things a certain way.
can we not love god and please him without following a set of rules?
where do these rules come from?
why must i always question.
why can't i just follow blindly.
am i wrong here?
is it wrong to want to do what i feel? to follow my instinct?