don't go looking...
Had a dream last night about some people from university I haven't seen in 15 years or so.
Wracking my brains, I eventually remembered the surname of the one and found her on Facebook - hurray! I got it right! It was lovely to see her face, smiling. Time had been kind. I sent a friends request.
Then, cranking the handle on my rusty noggin, I remembered her best friend - quieter, more quirky lass, lots of fun,who I liked a bunch too, and desperately tried to remember her surname but couldn't for the life of me. I searched by her first name in the friends lists of people from uni who I already had on Facebook. No good.
Spent about 20 minutes, thinking and thinking, willing my memory to fucking WORK. Imagining the drunk parties we all went to, the dancing and silliness, the wonderful times (and a few bad ones).
Suddenly, DING! I fucking remembered! In fact, I remembered teasing her because it was a good surname for making silly jokes about. I knew I had got it right.
But then I tried to find her on Facebook and nothing. Friends of friends lists. Nothing.
So I tried some googling... I'm a little dataminer, me, when I get going. I tried a few things and found results for roughly the right geographical area in the career I knew she'd studied for. Maybe. Might be her, sounded close.
Nothing with any photos, though, but I felt I had the right person. Same person kept popping up with more and more little bits of (work-related) data that seemed to fit. I thought... Linkedin! Found her name! The job I expected! Friend of a friend... but still, no fucking photo, and too distant a link to let me say 'hi' via Linkedin. FUCK!
Tried google images, desperately... numerous word combinations, but got nothing useful. Then, WAIT! Fuckit, try Flickr!
No good... no good... no good... then, third page down, BANG! FUCKING FOUND HER! BINGO!
Absolutely, definitely her, (also much like she used to look), in a photo by a man with the same surname as her (brother, I assume).
LOTS of photos of her - I was over the moon! She was looking happy and much like I remembered, and mostly in the arms of a well-to-do-looking dude, both of them smiling. Holiday snaps, parties, lots of good times by the looks. I found pictures of her wedding. She looked lovely, her feller very dashing.
Eventually, a tag on a photo revealed his first name. I combined this with her full name in yet another google search and immediately I found his surname (her new surname, of course! that's why I got crappy results...)
And then I found her Just Giving page.
From a few years ago.
She was running a marathon for Cancer research.
Because her husband had died of it a few years ago. Had it since he was a kid, was in remission for years, then it got him. She wanted to give something to the research (and had got a really great total of donations) that had given him long enough for them to meet and get to know each other.
And, back in my head, all of the buzzing joy at succeeding at a data-sleuthing puzzle AND being SO clever AND finding my friend looking happy and just like I remembered her, in her life with this feller that she'd been smiling about in all those pictures... went 'pop' and fizzled away and scampered into a dark corner in my room.
With her new surname, I found her on Facebook straight away.
Haven't sent her a friend request yet.
Just looking at the pictures of her and her dude, smiling.
Am very melancholy, now.
Wish I wasn't such a fucking smart-arse and never managed to track her down.
Wish I didn't have to know what she's had happen.
Feelings of guilt about the twinges of jealousy I felt seeing how happy her life looked as I scrolled on by (reflecting, automatically, about my own exploded marriage and failure in that domain of life).
And strong feelings of sadness that all those smiles now lack the dude she had her arms around in every picture.
Going to try to go to sleep again, now. For a bit, at least. Don't feel like sleeping any more.
In the morning, I shall make a donation to Cancer Research and see if I feel comfortable to send her a message and say hello some how.
Going to cuddle my pillow and think about my son and my jodi.
Wracking my brains, I eventually remembered the surname of the one and found her on Facebook - hurray! I got it right! It was lovely to see her face, smiling. Time had been kind. I sent a friends request.
Then, cranking the handle on my rusty noggin, I remembered her best friend - quieter, more quirky lass, lots of fun,who I liked a bunch too, and desperately tried to remember her surname but couldn't for the life of me. I searched by her first name in the friends lists of people from uni who I already had on Facebook. No good.
Spent about 20 minutes, thinking and thinking, willing my memory to fucking WORK. Imagining the drunk parties we all went to, the dancing and silliness, the wonderful times (and a few bad ones).
Suddenly, DING! I fucking remembered! In fact, I remembered teasing her because it was a good surname for making silly jokes about. I knew I had got it right.
But then I tried to find her on Facebook and nothing. Friends of friends lists. Nothing.
So I tried some googling... I'm a little dataminer, me, when I get going. I tried a few things and found results for roughly the right geographical area in the career I knew she'd studied for. Maybe. Might be her, sounded close.
Nothing with any photos, though, but I felt I had the right person. Same person kept popping up with more and more little bits of (work-related) data that seemed to fit. I thought... Linkedin! Found her name! The job I expected! Friend of a friend... but still, no fucking photo, and too distant a link to let me say 'hi' via Linkedin. FUCK!
Tried google images, desperately... numerous word combinations, but got nothing useful. Then, WAIT! Fuckit, try Flickr!
No good... no good... no good... then, third page down, BANG! FUCKING FOUND HER! BINGO!
Absolutely, definitely her, (also much like she used to look), in a photo by a man with the same surname as her (brother, I assume).
LOTS of photos of her - I was over the moon! She was looking happy and much like I remembered, and mostly in the arms of a well-to-do-looking dude, both of them smiling. Holiday snaps, parties, lots of good times by the looks. I found pictures of her wedding. She looked lovely, her feller very dashing.
Eventually, a tag on a photo revealed his first name. I combined this with her full name in yet another google search and immediately I found his surname (her new surname, of course! that's why I got crappy results...)
And then I found her Just Giving page.
From a few years ago.
She was running a marathon for Cancer research.
Because her husband had died of it a few years ago. Had it since he was a kid, was in remission for years, then it got him. She wanted to give something to the research (and had got a really great total of donations) that had given him long enough for them to meet and get to know each other.
And, back in my head, all of the buzzing joy at succeeding at a data-sleuthing puzzle AND being SO clever AND finding my friend looking happy and just like I remembered her, in her life with this feller that she'd been smiling about in all those pictures... went 'pop' and fizzled away and scampered into a dark corner in my room.
With her new surname, I found her on Facebook straight away.
Haven't sent her a friend request yet.
Just looking at the pictures of her and her dude, smiling.
Am very melancholy, now.
Wish I wasn't such a fucking smart-arse and never managed to track her down.
Wish I didn't have to know what she's had happen.
Feelings of guilt about the twinges of jealousy I felt seeing how happy her life looked as I scrolled on by (reflecting, automatically, about my own exploded marriage and failure in that domain of life).
And strong feelings of sadness that all those smiles now lack the dude she had her arms around in every picture.
Going to try to go to sleep again, now. For a bit, at least. Don't feel like sleeping any more.
In the morning, I shall make a donation to Cancer Research and see if I feel comfortable to send her a message and say hello some how.
Going to cuddle my pillow and think about my son and my jodi.