What a crazy life....
I just had the craziest day yesterday. Yesterday totally helped me put my life into perspective and now I know what to do to fix all of these mistakes and mishaps that will save me. I think I have realized what the meaning of my life is in a small way. I could never explain quite in words what I mean. I think I'm just going to take in what I can and just relax for a bit because I have been so tense. At least I'm going to have a job soon hopefully. It's almost guaranteed but I'm not going to rely on it. I'll know for sure soon though and that will give me enough time to make sure I plan this all out perfectly. I can't mess this up. I'm so tired of my mom constantly having trust issues with me. She thought I was on ecstasy yesterday just because I was up until 5 am but that was because I couldn't sleep because I hadn't eatten in awhile and I was hungry. So I ate... big deal? The summer is coming to a close and this effects me only because I will not have my best friend and girlfriend by my side. I am all on my own now. I just have to figure out how I might be able to be the person that I want to be. I haven't even been doing hard drugs. I've only done ecstasy once in the whole summer and it was not very good. I mean it made me feel good in combination with all the pot I smoked but it wasn't worth the effort, time and money. I find pot is getting to that stage too because I would really enjoy being able to smoke pot only a couple of times a week at the most. I mean, pot is cruel and unusual punishmnet. My body gets sick because I smoke and have smoked a lot of pot in my life. But I'm going to see where this all takes me right now... I need a smoke though so updates later.