Fanfiction: Roads to Hell
More fic written for 12daysChristmas, this time for the prompt "eight good intentions".
[Title] Roads to Hell
[Fandom] Death Note
[Notes/Summary] Everyone started off with the best of intentions, even if things didn't always work out that way.
Raito
Raito can't get the memory out of his head. The truck ploughing forward and the crunch and the girl's scream and one speck of glass hanging in the air -
When you think just of what you saw and heard, it's almost not horrific at all. Just a vehicle. A woman. A speck of glass. It's when you know there's another person under that mass of metal. It's when you know you put them there -
He's feeling sick again. He can't give into this. He can't let people start asking questions. At the very least they'll think he's having a nervous breakdown, unable to take the strain of preparing for the exams. At worst -
Stop it. Stop. Work with what you have. The woman's scream. A moment before she'd doubtless thought the worst thing imaginable was going to happen to her. And then the truck had come down on them like an avenging angel. Saved her. Think about that. Think about making someone relieved. Grateful. Surely you haven't done anything wrong, if you've done that?
L
L walks through the computer-lit room, fingers gripping coffee cup and saucer.
So. Kira exists. Kira exists and can kill at will. And he can be provoked. He can be tricked into making a mistake.
He is, unequivocally, human.
And he can reach out and - given a couple of pieces of information - murder anyone he chooses.
L has always been interested primarily in the puzzle-solving element of detective work. Were it not that Watari has a preference for his enterprises having real-world tangible effects, and that he himself finds most artificially created puzzles too easy, he could be happy detached from the world and solving problems that are relevant only within their own closed systems. Of course it's pleasing to prevent a death or to bring to justice those who've done terrible things and thought they'd got away with it, but it's never been his key motivation.
But this is different. Kira should not exist. A single person should not be able to do this. L is not prone to sweeping moral judgements as a rule, but this is wrong. People do not get to leapfrog the justice system to stoke their own egos. And L intends to keep it that way.
And if that means he ends up being the person who stopped one of the most prolific serial killers the world has ever seen, that's only an additional satisfaction. Were he preoccupied with leaving a lasting mark on the world, he would be content. And even if he isn't, he will still take quiet pride in the achievement.
Rem
Rem stands on the edge of the well leading to the human world. The mist shifts and whispers and she feels that if she just looked harder, she would see Misa Amane standing beyond it.
She has never gone to the human world before; she has never understood who would want to. To be preparing to go now is unnerving, as if she has left her real self behind.
But why remain up here holding onto a second notebook? Isn't that more pointless than giving it to a human?
She thinks of Gelus crumbling into sand. His final act - that was pointless. She may as well try and redeem something from it. Otherwise it sits as a stupid sacrifice, and why should it? Why should she want that?
Misa Amane has had cruel things done to her by other humans. She will like having the chance to do things herself. Humans value power, and Gelus wanted her to be happy.
Rem does not understand it, but she recognises it as something not of this world. Something like light, which she - perhaps - does not want to see vanish, even if she knows nothing of it herself. She steps forward and lets herself fall.
Soichiro
When Soichiro arrives home, the house is dark, but as he takes his shoes off he spots the light under the kitchen door. Sachiko is sitting at the table, holding a cup of tea. When he walks in, she reaches for the teapot, pours another cup.
"You shouldn't stay up," he says. "I'm only going to be coming back even later. If I'm back at all." The memory of the latest resignations hangs heavy on his shoulders. As if they didn't have enough to do already.
She smiles tiredly up at him. "I won't always wait up. But I couldn't sleep tonight."
He wants to say I doubt I'll have that problem, it's just getting to bed that's difficult, or ask her whether when she says things like this she really understands what's at stake, that literally every day this case goes on another dozen or so lives are lost. But she's already saying, "I know you'll always do what's right. Don't worry." Sad smile down at her tea. "I just can't help wishing there wasn't so much asked of you. I miss you."
He comes to stand next to her, puts an arm round her shoulders, feels her lean against him. I don't want to hurt you, he says silently. I don't like seeing you sad. But what else can he do, when so many people are dying? I don't want to hurt you. Things will be better soon. Just like her, he has to keep believing that.
Misa
Misa tries to pretend she's just reading a magazine like normal, but she's not fooling herself - and even if she were, Rem's cat-like yellow gaze would see straight through her.
Legs over the arm of the chair, kick kick of her heels. It can't just be someone caught cheating on their girlfriend, or getting in a cat-fight at a party. It needs to be a proper crime, otherwise the police will notice something weird's going on. Also, she can't just kill someone for no reason. Kira would be mad with her then.
But it's pretty weird, right, thinking she's about to just - make a celebrity die. It's as weird as watching a movie and finding yourself able to change the ending.
But in a good way. Isn't it? Because Kira's making the world so much better, he really is actually answering people's prayers and helping them. And she's like the best person in the world to help him. With a notebook, and the Eyes, she can't just lie around doing nothing while he takes all the risks. Not after what he's done for her. Misa-Misa isn't a... a scrounger.
She swings her legs again, turns another glossy page, breathes in the smell of paper and perfume. Hmm. Drug possession. That could work.
Mello
Mello's eating a stolen hot dog and it's like thirty degrees out here, which feels like the epitome of the American dream to him. It's a pretty good hot dog, too, laden with onions and ketchup, though it's no bar of chocolate and he's so hungry a dead rat would probably taste nice right now. He used up the last of his cash getting to L.A. because it felt right. So if his instincts were off, he's screwed.
But he doesn't think they are. He needed a big city - a place with, as Wammy's House would put it, a well-established criminal infrastructure. Because, let's face it, with L gone and everyone at Wammy's rallying round Near to sort things, the only other people who are going to give a shit about getting rid of Kira are those who know the bastard's already gunning for them.
Mello's pretty sure he can make this work. No, scratch that, he's going to make it work. He will do literally anything if it means beating Near; his time at Wammy's taught him that and his time away from it has made it even clearer. They all know the position of L is riding on this even if Roger didn't spell it out. And Mello knows he can go down to the wire if it means that little creep losing out at the end.
There's just this nagging voice at the back of his head pointing out that it seems pretty dumb to be hooking up with criminals in order to avenge the greatest detective in the world.
He crumples the hot dog wrapper, hurls it at the nearest palm tree, and tells the voice to fuck off. L knows - knew - knew as much as anyone that you do what you have to in order to get results. And besides, Kira's the biggest criminal of them all, and he's clearly a megalomaniac to boot. Mello's not going to just fucking roll over and let him win. He wouldn't do that anyway, even if Kira hadn't got to L. No. You do what you have to. And the good guys need people like him, to do the stuff that they won't. He's doing them a favour. L would understand.
Mikami
Mikami is determined from the start that being granted God's power will not make him arrogant. He knows that some people would decide that day-to-day life no longer mattered, would fling away the small things and gaze just on the prize they'd been given. But even though he is unable to sleep, that first night, unable even to close his eyes because of the glory and the realisation of it burning inside him, the next morning he washes and dresses and catches the subway as usual. It's a sunny morning, and light spills over the other passengers. The schoolboy from earlier is there again, alone this time, hugging his satchel to his chest. Mikami knows, or hopes, that he looks the same as always - neat, blank, just another commuter. But for the first time that feels like a mask. Not that I am the chosen one - although he is still ecstatic that God has noticed, that all his efforts both to seek to Kira and to live a good life have not been in vain - but we are on the brink of a new world. That things will be better now. Everything will be all right, and he will be part of making it like that. The little boy is scrambling off the seat as they approach the next stop. He glances nervously at Mikami as he passes, then smiles - that same shaky smile of thanks that Mikami remembers from his schoolmates, before, when things were better. He only nods back, but in his mind he's laughing. Such a smile is a tiny forecast of what's to come. At long last, things will be better again.
Matsuda
Matsuda waits around until he and Raito are the only people left in the main room, but then the silence and the memory of his own stupid comments close in on him and he's too embarrassed to even open his mouth. Of course Raito works it out because he really is that smart - he looks over and smiles and says, "Were you waiting to say something, Matsuda-san?"
Matsuda swallows and fights the urge to pick at the plaster on his cheek. "Yeah, I... I wanted to say I was sorry about earlier."
Raito frowns, and Matsuda makes himself carry on: "You'd just... after... I mean, with your dad... you don't need me saying maybe we're on the wrong side. I should've just kept my mouth shut. I didn't want to make you sad."
"It's all right," Raito says, and his smile is warm and kind and Matsuda lets himself believe it's true. "I think it's good that you said it. It's good to hear someone admitting they aren't sure whether they're on the right path."
Matsuda wants to ask how sure Raito is himself of that. But then he figures it's kind of mean to get someone to admit they're confused - god knows enough people have done it to him.
"I guess," he says instead. "Like I said, I... I do know that we have to catch Kira. It... I mean, it will..."
He trails off. He can't exactly say it will make the world better. And okay, it will save lives, but it won't save the right ones, will it?
Maybe the only reason they are doing it is to avenge Ukita and Ryuzaki and the Chief. Maybe that's all it is. That's still something, but he feels like at the start there was something more. At the start he knew that they were the good guys. He almost wants to say that to Raito, ask him if he felt the same, but then they'll just end up having the same conversation again and his apology will be pointless. So he just grins and says, "Well... goodnight..." and Raito's answering "Sleep well," is sympathetic, as if he knows what Matsuda's thinking anyway.
[Title] Roads to Hell
[Fandom] Death Note
[Notes/Summary] Everyone started off with the best of intentions, even if things didn't always work out that way.
Raito
Raito can't get the memory out of his head. The truck ploughing forward and the crunch and the girl's scream and one speck of glass hanging in the air -
When you think just of what you saw and heard, it's almost not horrific at all. Just a vehicle. A woman. A speck of glass. It's when you know there's another person under that mass of metal. It's when you know you put them there -
He's feeling sick again. He can't give into this. He can't let people start asking questions. At the very least they'll think he's having a nervous breakdown, unable to take the strain of preparing for the exams. At worst -
Stop it. Stop. Work with what you have. The woman's scream. A moment before she'd doubtless thought the worst thing imaginable was going to happen to her. And then the truck had come down on them like an avenging angel. Saved her. Think about that. Think about making someone relieved. Grateful. Surely you haven't done anything wrong, if you've done that?
L
L walks through the computer-lit room, fingers gripping coffee cup and saucer.
So. Kira exists. Kira exists and can kill at will. And he can be provoked. He can be tricked into making a mistake.
He is, unequivocally, human.
And he can reach out and - given a couple of pieces of information - murder anyone he chooses.
L has always been interested primarily in the puzzle-solving element of detective work. Were it not that Watari has a preference for his enterprises having real-world tangible effects, and that he himself finds most artificially created puzzles too easy, he could be happy detached from the world and solving problems that are relevant only within their own closed systems. Of course it's pleasing to prevent a death or to bring to justice those who've done terrible things and thought they'd got away with it, but it's never been his key motivation.
But this is different. Kira should not exist. A single person should not be able to do this. L is not prone to sweeping moral judgements as a rule, but this is wrong. People do not get to leapfrog the justice system to stoke their own egos. And L intends to keep it that way.
And if that means he ends up being the person who stopped one of the most prolific serial killers the world has ever seen, that's only an additional satisfaction. Were he preoccupied with leaving a lasting mark on the world, he would be content. And even if he isn't, he will still take quiet pride in the achievement.
Rem
Rem stands on the edge of the well leading to the human world. The mist shifts and whispers and she feels that if she just looked harder, she would see Misa Amane standing beyond it.
She has never gone to the human world before; she has never understood who would want to. To be preparing to go now is unnerving, as if she has left her real self behind.
But why remain up here holding onto a second notebook? Isn't that more pointless than giving it to a human?
She thinks of Gelus crumbling into sand. His final act - that was pointless. She may as well try and redeem something from it. Otherwise it sits as a stupid sacrifice, and why should it? Why should she want that?
Misa Amane has had cruel things done to her by other humans. She will like having the chance to do things herself. Humans value power, and Gelus wanted her to be happy.
Rem does not understand it, but she recognises it as something not of this world. Something like light, which she - perhaps - does not want to see vanish, even if she knows nothing of it herself. She steps forward and lets herself fall.
Soichiro
When Soichiro arrives home, the house is dark, but as he takes his shoes off he spots the light under the kitchen door. Sachiko is sitting at the table, holding a cup of tea. When he walks in, she reaches for the teapot, pours another cup.
"You shouldn't stay up," he says. "I'm only going to be coming back even later. If I'm back at all." The memory of the latest resignations hangs heavy on his shoulders. As if they didn't have enough to do already.
She smiles tiredly up at him. "I won't always wait up. But I couldn't sleep tonight."
He wants to say I doubt I'll have that problem, it's just getting to bed that's difficult, or ask her whether when she says things like this she really understands what's at stake, that literally every day this case goes on another dozen or so lives are lost. But she's already saying, "I know you'll always do what's right. Don't worry." Sad smile down at her tea. "I just can't help wishing there wasn't so much asked of you. I miss you."
He comes to stand next to her, puts an arm round her shoulders, feels her lean against him. I don't want to hurt you, he says silently. I don't like seeing you sad. But what else can he do, when so many people are dying? I don't want to hurt you. Things will be better soon. Just like her, he has to keep believing that.
Misa
Misa tries to pretend she's just reading a magazine like normal, but she's not fooling herself - and even if she were, Rem's cat-like yellow gaze would see straight through her.
Legs over the arm of the chair, kick kick of her heels. It can't just be someone caught cheating on their girlfriend, or getting in a cat-fight at a party. It needs to be a proper crime, otherwise the police will notice something weird's going on. Also, she can't just kill someone for no reason. Kira would be mad with her then.
But it's pretty weird, right, thinking she's about to just - make a celebrity die. It's as weird as watching a movie and finding yourself able to change the ending.
But in a good way. Isn't it? Because Kira's making the world so much better, he really is actually answering people's prayers and helping them. And she's like the best person in the world to help him. With a notebook, and the Eyes, she can't just lie around doing nothing while he takes all the risks. Not after what he's done for her. Misa-Misa isn't a... a scrounger.
She swings her legs again, turns another glossy page, breathes in the smell of paper and perfume. Hmm. Drug possession. That could work.
Mello
Mello's eating a stolen hot dog and it's like thirty degrees out here, which feels like the epitome of the American dream to him. It's a pretty good hot dog, too, laden with onions and ketchup, though it's no bar of chocolate and he's so hungry a dead rat would probably taste nice right now. He used up the last of his cash getting to L.A. because it felt right. So if his instincts were off, he's screwed.
But he doesn't think they are. He needed a big city - a place with, as Wammy's House would put it, a well-established criminal infrastructure. Because, let's face it, with L gone and everyone at Wammy's rallying round Near to sort things, the only other people who are going to give a shit about getting rid of Kira are those who know the bastard's already gunning for them.
Mello's pretty sure he can make this work. No, scratch that, he's going to make it work. He will do literally anything if it means beating Near; his time at Wammy's taught him that and his time away from it has made it even clearer. They all know the position of L is riding on this even if Roger didn't spell it out. And Mello knows he can go down to the wire if it means that little creep losing out at the end.
There's just this nagging voice at the back of his head pointing out that it seems pretty dumb to be hooking up with criminals in order to avenge the greatest detective in the world.
He crumples the hot dog wrapper, hurls it at the nearest palm tree, and tells the voice to fuck off. L knows - knew - knew as much as anyone that you do what you have to in order to get results. And besides, Kira's the biggest criminal of them all, and he's clearly a megalomaniac to boot. Mello's not going to just fucking roll over and let him win. He wouldn't do that anyway, even if Kira hadn't got to L. No. You do what you have to. And the good guys need people like him, to do the stuff that they won't. He's doing them a favour. L would understand.
Mikami
Mikami is determined from the start that being granted God's power will not make him arrogant. He knows that some people would decide that day-to-day life no longer mattered, would fling away the small things and gaze just on the prize they'd been given. But even though he is unable to sleep, that first night, unable even to close his eyes because of the glory and the realisation of it burning inside him, the next morning he washes and dresses and catches the subway as usual. It's a sunny morning, and light spills over the other passengers. The schoolboy from earlier is there again, alone this time, hugging his satchel to his chest. Mikami knows, or hopes, that he looks the same as always - neat, blank, just another commuter. But for the first time that feels like a mask. Not that I am the chosen one - although he is still ecstatic that God has noticed, that all his efforts both to seek to Kira and to live a good life have not been in vain - but we are on the brink of a new world. That things will be better now. Everything will be all right, and he will be part of making it like that. The little boy is scrambling off the seat as they approach the next stop. He glances nervously at Mikami as he passes, then smiles - that same shaky smile of thanks that Mikami remembers from his schoolmates, before, when things were better. He only nods back, but in his mind he's laughing. Such a smile is a tiny forecast of what's to come. At long last, things will be better again.
Matsuda
Matsuda waits around until he and Raito are the only people left in the main room, but then the silence and the memory of his own stupid comments close in on him and he's too embarrassed to even open his mouth. Of course Raito works it out because he really is that smart - he looks over and smiles and says, "Were you waiting to say something, Matsuda-san?"
Matsuda swallows and fights the urge to pick at the plaster on his cheek. "Yeah, I... I wanted to say I was sorry about earlier."
Raito frowns, and Matsuda makes himself carry on: "You'd just... after... I mean, with your dad... you don't need me saying maybe we're on the wrong side. I should've just kept my mouth shut. I didn't want to make you sad."
"It's all right," Raito says, and his smile is warm and kind and Matsuda lets himself believe it's true. "I think it's good that you said it. It's good to hear someone admitting they aren't sure whether they're on the right path."
Matsuda wants to ask how sure Raito is himself of that. But then he figures it's kind of mean to get someone to admit they're confused - god knows enough people have done it to him.
"I guess," he says instead. "Like I said, I... I do know that we have to catch Kira. It... I mean, it will..."
He trails off. He can't exactly say it will make the world better. And okay, it will save lives, but it won't save the right ones, will it?
Maybe the only reason they are doing it is to avenge Ukita and Ryuzaki and the Chief. Maybe that's all it is. That's still something, but he feels like at the start there was something more. At the start he knew that they were the good guys. He almost wants to say that to Raito, ask him if he felt the same, but then they'll just end up having the same conversation again and his apology will be pointless. So he just grins and says, "Well... goodnight..." and Raito's answering "Sleep well," is sympathetic, as if he knows what Matsuda's thinking anyway.