[For Ines] "That's Just Damn Weird..."

[death_kl0wn]

He should have known that being a spy would involve some strange stuff, but he didn't expect the discovery he'd hit upon

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[x_postal_ines]

Ines was reading in the main room when she heard the muttering and that familiar rasp.

"Ryuk?" she asks, "you seem to have seen the devil."

She'd expect him to be amused, but he looks quite out of sorts...

[death_kl0wn]

Ryuk sticks his head over the edge of the cabinet, a grin crossing his face. "Hiya, Ines," he says, a little less weirded than before. "Ain't seen the devil, but I found out something damn weird about our buddy the Warden.

"He's a dad now. Got a little girl, but that ain't the weird part. Well, except that baby humans look like little monkeys with no fur. The weird part is who carried the kid for 'um."

[x_postal_ines]

"Is that so?"

Ines, for a moment, is torn between amusement and unadulterated, pure, evil, dark jealousy.

Her tone remains detached.

[death_kl0wn]

"Oh yeah, his kid's mom is a guy, some big, ugly mook from a different planet or some time in the future, or both, I dunno," Ryuk says. "Looks human, but I ain't so sure now: guy's got so many death dates whirlin' around his head, it makes me *dizzy* to look at."

[x_postal_ines]

"Ah." Ines meanwhile is starting to seethe.

"You are telling me the Warden had a baby. With another man."

Just to be sure, here.

[death_kl0wn]

"Oh, yeah, that," Ryuk says, his train of thought getting back on track. "Dunno what's more weird: that the Warden is a dad, or that his kid's mom is also another dad. An' I dunno if I wanna know how that's possible," he adds, looking weirded out.

[x_postal_ines]

Ines just... stares.

"That's just biologically impossible, Ryuk."

Pause.

"You're lying."

[death_kl0wn]

"Well, the guy's from another planet, or sez he is, so maybe they've got different plumbing on that planet," he says, shrugging vastly. "Or maybe he was wunna them girls that had surgery to look like a guy, but left the plumbing intact? The humans got that now, where I come from."

[x_postal_ines]

"Ryuk."

Ines sounds like she's trying to warn a Death God.

"Stop it."

[death_kl0wn]

He'll stop blithering, his head tilted. "Huh? Somethin' I said?" he asks, innocently, but on him, any innocence looks really fake.

[x_postal_ines]

"If you think making up tall tales will earn you more apples and smiles, Ryuk, you're sorely mistaken!"

[death_kl0wn]

He rolls one shoulder in a shrug. "I'm only tellin yah, what I know an' what I see," he replies. "Yah don't believe me, ask the Warden. Or ask the guy who had the kid."

[x_postal_ines]

"Fine."

Ines crosses her arms, visibly angry.

"Find them for me."

[death_kl0wn]

"Ain't seen the Warden lately, might be busy buildin' his jail," he says. "Might be able to scare him up, though: he likes me. And the guy that had the kid has some kind of nightwatch route in the house."

[x_postal_ines]

"Find me the Warden," Ines replies. "And I will find this other man. Who is he?"

[death_kl0wn]

"Gotcha. The guy goes by the name Jack Harkness, but I know his *real* name," he says. "Gimme an apple an' I'll tell it to you. That'd get a rise out've 'um."