(no subject)
many points and messages to send out today. different commentary on parts of my life, and different notations for various people. they should be separate, but I'm posting at once. interpret as you will.
I:
I know it's too late to mean anything now, but I'm sorry. it hurt me too. I didn't see it coming. I never meant to hurt you. I don't want to lose you in my life over this, when you were just barely back in it. I hadn't reason to believe such a thing would be done to me,and in turn, to you. it kills me to know she betrayed my trust--even moreso though, that I betrayed yours.
I wish you understood how I felt about you, and why I do the things I do. I'm so sorry.
II:
you don't know how much you fucked me over. I will never trust you again. not that it matters anymore--the chance of salvation was lost. and I blame you.
III:
this is it. I'm changing. I mean it. I'm facing fears head-on and letting go of nothing--except inhibitions.
here's a curious thought, though: by putting these things out there, by freeing them from my mind, am I opening myself and the world to the ideas suggested? facing those pending changes in the eye and preparing for battle? or am I simply putting it out of my mind by placing it in storage as something to "work" on in time? am I promising to heal or am I hiding in a fix?
IV:
sixteen days until my birthday. normally, I don't care very much about it. it comes, it goes, and I'm a year older. this one though... I really wish it just wouldn't come at all. I'm not ready.
tl;dr?
Listening to...
My Heart Never Sleeps by Lovers
She Has No Time by Keane
Somewhere a Clock is Ticking by Snow Patrol
Stay Away by The Honorary Title
Skin by Alexz Johnson
Pioneers by Bloc Party
Fakey Fake by Earlimart
Waste of Paint by Bright Eyes
Tell That Mick He Just Made My List Of Things To Do Today by Fall Out Boy
Only Fooling Myself by Kate Voegele
I:
I know it's too late to mean anything now, but I'm sorry. it hurt me too. I didn't see it coming. I never meant to hurt you. I don't want to lose you in my life over this, when you were just barely back in it. I hadn't reason to believe such a thing would be done to me,and in turn, to you. it kills me to know she betrayed my trust--even moreso though, that I betrayed yours.
I wish you understood how I felt about you, and why I do the things I do. I'm so sorry.
II:
you don't know how much you fucked me over. I will never trust you again. not that it matters anymore--the chance of salvation was lost. and I blame you.
III:
this is it. I'm changing. I mean it. I'm facing fears head-on and letting go of nothing--except inhibitions.
here's a curious thought, though: by putting these things out there, by freeing them from my mind, am I opening myself and the world to the ideas suggested? facing those pending changes in the eye and preparing for battle? or am I simply putting it out of my mind by placing it in storage as something to "work" on in time? am I promising to heal or am I hiding in a fix?
IV:
sixteen days until my birthday. normally, I don't care very much about it. it comes, it goes, and I'm a year older. this one though... I really wish it just wouldn't come at all. I'm not ready.
tl;dr?
Listening to...
My Heart Never Sleeps by Lovers
She Has No Time by Keane
Somewhere a Clock is Ticking by Snow Patrol
Stay Away by The Honorary Title
Skin by Alexz Johnson
Pioneers by Bloc Party
Fakey Fake by Earlimart
Waste of Paint by Bright Eyes
Tell That Mick He Just Made My List Of Things To Do Today by Fall Out Boy
Only Fooling Myself by Kate Voegele