let me fall.
no one reads this, right?
I guess it doesn't really matter whether they do or don't.
because if I'm letting it out here, then I'm bound to say it somewhere else.
since when can I keep my mouth shut?
it's kinda of funny, actually. any time either one of us breaks down, where it would usually scare some away, or where, in a best case scenario, someone would try to comfort you, we get closer. we find something else that makes us more alike, in some incredibly obscure way, and we connect in such a twisted way that we don't see it as twisted. you recognize it, but it's the thought that someone sees or feels the same way about the world makes you feel less crazy.
I know it doesn't make me think any less of you, like you almost seemed to hope for.
it makes me see you as even stronger. to be able to live through that, daily.
you shouldn't have to, but you do it anyway.
and I'm the only one who knows why.
but I can promise you it's not because you told me.
I know you better than anyone. some days I have doubts that I do, and others I believe I know you better than myself.
that's really scary, you know that?
not knowing enough about myself to keep myself sane, but to know what's going through your head and to be able to stabilize someone having the same psychopathic thoughts as I, while I can't do it for myself.
I've always felt like you judge me.
like I'm never good enough for you.
not even to be your friend.
I never question the fact that I love you though, and care about you and your well-being much further beyond that of my desire to fend for myself.
a few times I thought it may have been true.
there were a few times when I would've sworn it was.
other than those very few moments, I would've never thought otherwise.
I'm so tired of running.
But last night, falling asleep with you on the phone was the closest we'll ever get to falling asleep in eachother's arms.
Now I don't know. I'm scared.
I don't know if I like this feeling, for all that comes along with it.
While you slept, I told you I would never leave you. That I love you, and I'll always try to catch you.
And if I can't?
Then I'll just fall with you.
I love you. Don't ever question that.
I promise you, I will catch you. No matter what it takes.
Even if you're not strong enough to catch me, too.