(no subject)
these past few days went so quickly. i got things done, but i'm afraid of slumping back into inefficiency. actually, i'm always afraid of that. it was lovely to spend time with my family, but with so much going on it wasn't quite enough time. my family is strong and cohesive and wonderful, but everything is off. our matriarch is crumbling.
seeing nana was nice, but startling. my mom tells me all of the things that are happening, and rapidly, but you have to see it to understand. it still hasn't sunk in. i'm afraid i'm getting numb, i've hardly cried. my mom is so strong, i wish i could help her more, be there to take some of the burden. next semester i'll be going home a lot more, no friday classes.
todd called (back) today and it was nice to talk to him. actually got him to stay on for more than an hour. i tell him all about the nana stuff, i'm not sure why. he knows her, and i have to tell someone i guess. he doesn't really say anything. we talked around the summer, but it's too early, we have to see each other before all that. i hate the disconnect. it makes me afraid. i'm afraid that we'll be stuck on two separate fucking coasts forever.
tears are loosening up now. it's been so long.
seeing nana was nice, but startling. my mom tells me all of the things that are happening, and rapidly, but you have to see it to understand. it still hasn't sunk in. i'm afraid i'm getting numb, i've hardly cried. my mom is so strong, i wish i could help her more, be there to take some of the burden. next semester i'll be going home a lot more, no friday classes.
todd called (back) today and it was nice to talk to him. actually got him to stay on for more than an hour. i tell him all about the nana stuff, i'm not sure why. he knows her, and i have to tell someone i guess. he doesn't really say anything. we talked around the summer, but it's too early, we have to see each other before all that. i hate the disconnect. it makes me afraid. i'm afraid that we'll be stuck on two separate fucking coasts forever.
tears are loosening up now. it's been so long.