i don't know. maybe it's all the festivities...
so my 19th year has earmarked my becoming a true adult. though i am horribly updating this from my cell phone right now, i feel like my rushed, depressed sense of urgency in life just means i'm growing up. i seriously hope that my growth actually involves me feeling like a real person, without spells of horrible crippling depression and my cute little suicidal comments that blurt out everytime i cutely drink way more than i need to. though i may be securely in love, the stress of balancing friends and work, acknowledging the family hours away - as well as those minutes from here - and feeling a dark brooding desperation for some semblance of intimacy has got me dipping into the liqour bottle a little more than i would've liked to admit. but someday i'll have my own happy little family with my own thanksgiving turkey and christmas tree, and then all those little miseries i feel from day to day will seem childish. but hey, who knows. i'm just the kid who always wanted to grow up to be a starving artist. ha.