i know what i should do but i just can't walk away.
why is it that when you want to hate someone, it makes it that much harder to?
why is it that when you want to let go, it makes you hold on that much harder?
i just don't understand.
it's like the months haven't gone by and words haven't been said and i'm forever frozen in 5 AM on the morning of april 2nd, when i woke up in a cold sweat and crying.
then, maybe feeling like i could've made things different was plausible.
then, not being over what never happened was understandable.
now, despite what my heart is telling me, it's august the fucking 9th.
i am not doing as well as him, because he doesn't care.
he stopped caring the moment i walked out his door.
i meant nothing, i was nothing.
not a notch in a bedpost, not a line in a song.
nothing happened, so why do i still care?
i don't get myself.
it's embarassing to even write these words down because i sound sickly obsessed, and that's not the case.
my life is normal and great.
it's just... when i begin to feel lonely, i can't help but regret what i said.
maybe it wouldn't be, but i can't help thinking things would've been different had i kept my mouth shut.
and for some crazy reason?
i can't help but wonder if it's some sort of sign that he's still in my head.
ugh, this is pathetic.
i can't even talk about it anymore.
anyway, my day's been okay.
i went school supplies shopping and i got everything i needed.
i'm excited, because beauty school starts on saturday!
heck yes, i am soooooo excited.
and i get to go along with my best friend!
life really is good, and i know i've said this before, but i really should focus on all that instead of stupid boys.
the end.
why is it that when you want to let go, it makes you hold on that much harder?
i just don't understand.
it's like the months haven't gone by and words haven't been said and i'm forever frozen in 5 AM on the morning of april 2nd, when i woke up in a cold sweat and crying.
then, maybe feeling like i could've made things different was plausible.
then, not being over what never happened was understandable.
now, despite what my heart is telling me, it's august the fucking 9th.
i am not doing as well as him, because he doesn't care.
he stopped caring the moment i walked out his door.
i meant nothing, i was nothing.
not a notch in a bedpost, not a line in a song.
nothing happened, so why do i still care?
i don't get myself.
it's embarassing to even write these words down because i sound sickly obsessed, and that's not the case.
my life is normal and great.
it's just... when i begin to feel lonely, i can't help but regret what i said.
maybe it wouldn't be, but i can't help thinking things would've been different had i kept my mouth shut.
and for some crazy reason?
i can't help but wonder if it's some sort of sign that he's still in my head.
ugh, this is pathetic.
i can't even talk about it anymore.
anyway, my day's been okay.
i went school supplies shopping and i got everything i needed.
i'm excited, because beauty school starts on saturday!
heck yes, i am soooooo excited.
and i get to go along with my best friend!
life really is good, and i know i've said this before, but i really should focus on all that instead of stupid boys.
the end.