05 february, 2006; 10:25pm-
thursday was spent with friends and the loveur, rolling around the floor of the back living room, watching jake put various objects down his pants, jump off tables; blowing rasberries, and misinterpreting situations, crying, losing trust, drinking, alot. alot.
friday, he missed class to make me stop crying, my heart hurt alot. we spent the night doing free shots at off the wall and laying in bed.
saturday, sarah and her housewarming party welcomed us. drank an entire bottle of jake's dad's wine, smoked on the porch quite often and misinterpreted yet another situation before i freaked out and cried in front of everyone.
today was a day of weird realizations, scared of over dependency, scared of people in general today. i really am happy, i really am. sad to say that weekdays are wastes of my time, soley based on the fact that i do not see him.
no phone now means no contact until thursday, and im afraid to be in my bedroom alone. i will finally take my walk down elmwood tomorrow, apply for jobs, and make his valentines day gift.