breathe in breathe out
my mom forgot about me today so the terrible happened. my "dad" had to pick me up, and he never ceases to kill me no matter. I didn't even say a word, but it doesn't matter, his words always come and they always shout corruption. You know, I always stood true to the fact that it didn't matter because letting me get upset over it would mean that i am justifying the power he was trying to have over me. But every single time his disgusting hateful words flow, it always makes my lip quiver, not so much at what he is saying to me, because i know its not true, but because i look at the situation from third person. If i saw a different father treat his children in such a way my heart would mourn for those kids because its a horrible concept of a father hating his own children and trying with all his might to break them to pieces. My entire life growing up I sort of always thought his behavior was normal because, being naive and young, I had never experienced love from a father or even seen it with my own eyes. Only extremely recently I've sort of been given the oppoutunity to observe other fathers and their daughters and been able to see how normal they are. How they can even be able to say hello to each other and be content with the peaceful notion of acceptance in each other's voices. I was watching a home video of when my family went to visit my mom's side of the family. I was about two and a half and my Uncle was holding with me and playing with me. He sort of had that fatherly look of adoration in his eyes as he held me and it hurt to look at that because i knew that's what my life should be like. I'm stuck constantly doubtin myself because of that foundation of love and support i just now realized is important for a child to have because otherwise I did sort of feel like something was wrong in my life. And everytime i heard that john mayer song fathers, i would sort of think that that was my song because it hade the line that girls love the way that their fathers loved them and it holds true to all my relationships. Anyways, that was my day. It sucked.