One day our generation, is gonna rule the population
Tonight was bad, just as I had anticipated. My sister came home from camp, and I can’t explain why it’s so unacceptable, but it is. My dad has always victimized himself, and lately, he’s done it more and more. It gets frustrating because he’ll take it out on me, and tell me that I don’t do enough around here, when I feel that I do more than carry my weight. He says I don’t appreciate him, or the money he provides me and my family with. It’s silly too, because of everyone, I appreciate it the most; I always say thank you, and I never overspend. I’m not about to victimize myself, I’m just trying to understand why I’m so unacceptable to the only person who I need acceptance from.
I was so frustrated with my dad, that I wrote my resume and started my personal statement, because I want to apply to colleges as soon as possible, I figure once I know where I’m going and I can just get accepted, I’ll be free. That’s all I want really, to be free. I’m about as independent as they come and I am looking forward to the day when I get to live on my parents tab, but without my parents. I’ll never understand why kids get so scared of college, its going to be so liberating. I probably sound naive and a little overdramatic, but I’m ok with that, because my life is a learning process, one in which I’m open to being wrong sometimes.
Since he’s been away my phone stops ringing after a certain point in the night. I still check it though, even when it’s sitting by me and I haven’t left, as if maybe I missed the incredibly un-missable vibrating and extremely loud ringing. He texted me last night, “I’ll be home Thursday, and I want to see you.” I stopped worrying after that, I get really insecure about boys, I’m not even sure why. I guess I just need reassurance, all the time, in every aspect of my life, especially relationships. When he calls, I stop worrying, and when I see him, I’m happiest.