You are always on my mind....
This is the first real day without him. I left Michael because I felt in my heart that it was my only choice to save our family. Ever since I let God back in and am trying to change my life and myself, he's shown me that sometimes we have to make the choices that are hard to make. I really feel like I needed to come back to this page cuz my feelings are driving me insane.
I am physically sick because I keep feeling like I made the wrong choice, but then again He'd never take me seriously if I would have just stayed and put up with the disrespect. I know in his heart of hearts he knows I've always been trying to make the best out of our lives and only wanted him to make the right choices for us and himself. I love him so much, it hurts to know that I wont see his face for awhile. I feel like im dying inside...i just keep thinking about the way he feels next to me, what his voice sounds like...even if I wanted to turn back now its all been done. I quit my job, i left my life in hopes that he would repair his own. I cant stand the thought of loosing him and thats always been my greatest fear for leaving. It all sounds bad but well right now. But as time passes and distance keeps us apart, who knows what will become of us. I never want to give up and I never want to be without him, he's such a huge part of my life. I can never let go, I know I have the strength and the courage to carry out my love for him...I could hold out for him til I die. I'm okay with being alone if I know that he'll be back with me again one day. I just dont know if that strength is mutual. People can say whatever they want, but only time can tell. The sad part is if I knew that me leaving meant I would loose him forever as my love, I would go back and suffer every second. Regardless of his wrongs, underneath everything is one of the greatest men I will ever know. I know him inside and out, so deeply. I have such a strong faith that things will work out for the better and our hearts will lead us back together, but theres always going to be that feeling in the pit of my stomach that tells me I'll never hold him again. Its a feeling that almost makes me stop breathing. I wish I had a phone right now, so I could pick it up and call him and just hear him.
Its so hard to watch my son cry out to go bye bye to see Daddy and I know we cant. He resents me right now because he doesnt understand. He doesnt get to see the side that i see, luckily...but doesnt mean its not there. Michael please dont fail us, dont fail yourself. Please, just please know that I love you more than i will ever be able to show you! We'll be together again soon, just please dont say goodbye, because i swear i never will. To loose you is to loose myself. God is with us now, and thats why we are stronger than ever, no matter what is going on. Just please open your heart, open your mind, never give up....just dont give up!
I am physically sick because I keep feeling like I made the wrong choice, but then again He'd never take me seriously if I would have just stayed and put up with the disrespect. I know in his heart of hearts he knows I've always been trying to make the best out of our lives and only wanted him to make the right choices for us and himself. I love him so much, it hurts to know that I wont see his face for awhile. I feel like im dying inside...i just keep thinking about the way he feels next to me, what his voice sounds like...even if I wanted to turn back now its all been done. I quit my job, i left my life in hopes that he would repair his own. I cant stand the thought of loosing him and thats always been my greatest fear for leaving. It all sounds bad but well right now. But as time passes and distance keeps us apart, who knows what will become of us. I never want to give up and I never want to be without him, he's such a huge part of my life. I can never let go, I know I have the strength and the courage to carry out my love for him...I could hold out for him til I die. I'm okay with being alone if I know that he'll be back with me again one day. I just dont know if that strength is mutual. People can say whatever they want, but only time can tell. The sad part is if I knew that me leaving meant I would loose him forever as my love, I would go back and suffer every second. Regardless of his wrongs, underneath everything is one of the greatest men I will ever know. I know him inside and out, so deeply. I have such a strong faith that things will work out for the better and our hearts will lead us back together, but theres always going to be that feeling in the pit of my stomach that tells me I'll never hold him again. Its a feeling that almost makes me stop breathing. I wish I had a phone right now, so I could pick it up and call him and just hear him.
Its so hard to watch my son cry out to go bye bye to see Daddy and I know we cant. He resents me right now because he doesnt understand. He doesnt get to see the side that i see, luckily...but doesnt mean its not there. Michael please dont fail us, dont fail yourself. Please, just please know that I love you more than i will ever be able to show you! We'll be together again soon, just please dont say goodbye, because i swear i never will. To loose you is to loose myself. God is with us now, and thats why we are stronger than ever, no matter what is going on. Just please open your heart, open your mind, never give up....just dont give up!