the aftermath of a day full of presents and sweets

[dear_urnamehere]

my mom's bed is so comfy.
the first night and day i was here, all i did was sleep.
like really heavy sleep that you can't pull yourself out of that i can't remember having in weeks.
and now last night and tonight i cannot sleep to save my life.
literally, to save my life.
i just can't stop crying and calling people and pushing them farther away than i already think they are.
and i just need to sleep.
and i don't want to go home.
and i don't want to be here.
thousands of miles away from home and still have to call it home too.
when i'm at home, all i want to do is be here.
and when i'm here, i just want to be home.
i just want to run away from everything.
i always try to feel fixed.
and then this happens.
and i realize i'm not.
and i just want my mom and she's in the very next room and she still feels a states length away.
everyone feels a state's length away all the time.