Okay so did she - you sound like a guy, I'm gonna assume 'she', unless y'all are into adoption, which I personally think is really cool, seriously - bring it up like "do you maybe want to put a baby in me at some point in the future" or more like "oh shit look at my pregnancy test"? Just F-my-I before I get my advice on.
Gotcha (p.s DNW, baby, that has got to be the most distressing thing this place has ever told me)!
Anyway: the most most most important thing is just to be honest. Be up front. If you're not like, interested at all - if you don't want kids now or ever, I mean, it might be a dealbreaker for her but it'll be a lot better if y'all get that cleared up ASAP.
And it's cool and all to be like "well, not right now, but maybe I will be interested down the track" but if you're saying it like, to appease her? Bad move. Dick move, actually, because she didn't bring up a serious topic with the guy she's involved with so he can be a condescending lying prick, you know?
Well the thing is, I just never really thought about it that hard, what with the line of work I used to be in and just my lifestyle in general, I mean, it's a miracle I've lived this long!
But recently I've been going on the straight and narrow, so to speak...so I dunno. You think I should go babysit some kids or something? It's just that I've never hung out with any kids before, I have no idea how to deal with them or anything!
I didn't think I'd ever have kids. In fact, the son I have now, we had a chance to adopt *first*, and I said no, because at the time, it was just unthinkable.
But then the twins came, and I didn't really have a choice, and after them I just couldn't imagine life without.
And then the opportunity to adopt the boy came up again, and this time I said yes.
Is someone... with child? Because if so, that changes things.
But yeah. I want kids. I'm not sure how I'd acquire them, because having them would be an issue, but I'm good with kids. I'd be a good mom, I think, in ten years or so. I'm way too young now.
If they're worried and unsure about whether they'd mess the kid up, they should wait. A kid is a big deal. Nervousness is expected, but... I mean, there's a limit. If your lifestyle can be detrimental to the mental or emotional development of a youth....
Although there's not as much deadly mayhem around me these days...
Frankly I'm kinda...on the fence with the whole kids issue, I've got nothing against them, per se, I just never saw myself as beeing involved with any.
Is there some place you can go for like training or something?
I love kids. I come from a big family and always figured I'd end up having one or two. The guy I'm with now doesn't want any, though, so that may not end up happening. It's something I can live without. Although, I'll admit, it's a fairly sizable disappointment.
And, yeah, I kinda do think there are people in the world who shouldn't have kids. I know a few of them. But, I've also noticed that those self same people seem to be the ones who are most sure and proud of their 'parenting skills'. So, I'm thinking that the ones who come at it doubting themselves are the ones who will end up the better parents. They're more open to hearing that they're doing something wrong and listening to advice on how to do it better.
But, most importantly? Don't have kids if you don't really want them. There's nothing sadder than unwanted children and they always seem to know it even if you try to hide it.
Thing is, I've never taken advice very well...I tend to forget it and I have NO idea how to take care of kids and I'm thinking it's one of those things you don't want to fuck up with.
I mean obviously I know not to drop them, but I'm PRETTY sure there's a lot more involved than that.
Sigh! I'm hoping this relationship is doomed, 'cause I really love her a lot. Hmpf figures I'd go for someone who's like the opposite of me!
Well, ideally you wouldn't be going at it alone. And there are lots of books and things on the subject. I think a lot of it comes from trial-and-error too. Most parental screw ups can be fixed, as long as you can recognize when you screw up and genuinely want to do better.
If you really love her, tell her you really love her but you're not comfortable raising children. That's pretty much where I am right now and I just had to decide that the man I love right now is worth more to me than the children I might love years down the road.
Reciprocially Untracable. At all. Don't even THINK it!cascielMarch 25 2009, 01:22:14 UTC
I notice you didn't specifically say you don't want children. Do you? No little annonymous persons running around, giving you big sloppy kisses and looking at you like you're the end all be all of their universe?
Children are precious. They deserve parents that love them and cherish them and will not, under any circumstances, hurt them.
My significant other thinks I don't want any, but the truth is, I'm scared. Terrified, really. I'm too selfish as I am. I think I am (and would be) a bad parent. (My SO has some from other relationships and they call me mommy.)
John's a bit too absorbed in his own worries to be doing any serious tracking!hart_on_sleeveMarch 25 2009, 01:44:13 UTC
Yeah...I had such good parents, I had a couple of pyschiatrists look me over and be all "Geeze, you're parents must have made some terrible mistakes" and I practically took their heads off!
Nope, definitely not my parents fault.
But what was I saying? Oh yeah, well I've never really thought about it, I've always figured if nothing else no-one would EVER want kids with ME!
And yeah when it comes to selfishness...I've made it a bit of an art form.
I'm still a bit curious though...I mean, I only think I don't like kids I've never really spent time with any. Do you think it'd help if I did that?
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Not sure what I'd do if the second one happened...
And yes I'm a guy (although where I come from that doesn't necessarily mean you can't get pregnant :Oo)
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Anyway: the most most most important thing is just to be honest. Be up front. If you're not like, interested at all - if you don't want kids now or ever, I mean, it might be a dealbreaker for her but it'll be a lot better if y'all get that cleared up ASAP.
And it's cool and all to be like "well, not right now, but maybe I will be interested down the track" but if you're saying it like, to appease her? Bad move. Dick move, actually, because she didn't bring up a serious topic with the guy she's involved with so he can be a condescending lying prick, you know?
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Well the thing is, I just never really thought about it that hard, what with the line of work I used to be in and just my lifestyle in general, I mean, it's a miracle I've lived this long!
But recently I've been going on the straight and narrow, so to speak...so I dunno. You think I should go babysit some kids or something? It's just that I've never hung out with any kids before, I have no idea how to deal with them or anything!
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But then the twins came, and I didn't really have a choice, and after them I just couldn't imagine life without.
And then the opportunity to adopt the boy came up again, and this time I said yes.
Now it's the wife who doesn't want anymore.
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But yeah. I want kids. I'm not sure how I'd acquire them, because having them would be an issue, but I'm good with kids. I'd be a good mom, I think, in ten years or so. I'm way too young now.
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No, I don't think so...in fact I'm quite certain so.
What do you suggest for someone who...ASSUMES they'd suck with kids (that's me), like they'd be a bad influence, stuff like that?
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If they're worried and unsure about whether they'd mess the kid up, they should wait. A kid is a big deal. Nervousness is expected, but... I mean, there's a limit. If your lifestyle can be detrimental to the mental or emotional development of a youth....
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Although there's not as much deadly mayhem around me these days...
Frankly I'm kinda...on the fence with the whole kids issue, I've got nothing against them, per se, I just never saw myself as beeing involved with any.
Is there some place you can go for like training or something?
Reply
And, yeah, I kinda do think there are people in the world who shouldn't have kids. I know a few of them. But, I've also noticed that those self same people seem to be the ones who are most sure and proud of their 'parenting skills'. So, I'm thinking that the ones who come at it doubting themselves are the ones who will end up the better parents. They're more open to hearing that they're doing something wrong and listening to advice on how to do it better.
But, most importantly? Don't have kids if you don't really want them. There's nothing sadder than unwanted children and they always seem to know it even if you try to hide it.
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I mean obviously I know not to drop them, but I'm PRETTY sure there's a lot more involved than that.
Sigh! I'm hoping this relationship is doomed, 'cause I really love her a lot. Hmpf figures I'd go for someone who's like the opposite of me!
What was that lyric? Oh yes "Love stinks!"
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If you really love her, tell her you really love her but you're not comfortable raising children. That's pretty much where I am right now and I just had to decide that the man I love right now is worth more to me than the children I might love years down the road.
'Love bites. Love bleeds.' :)
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I guess so...but it's so...uncomfortable I'll bet she'll cry, I hate it when she cries!
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I notice you didn't specifically say you don't want children. Do you? No little annonymous persons running around, giving you big sloppy kisses and looking at you like you're the end all be all of their universe?
Children are precious. They deserve parents that love them and cherish them and will not, under any circumstances, hurt them.
My significant other thinks I don't want any, but the truth is, I'm scared. Terrified, really. I'm too selfish as I am. I think I am (and would be) a bad parent. (My SO has some from other relationships and they call me mommy.)
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Nope, definitely not my parents fault.
But what was I saying? Oh yeah, well I've never really thought about it, I've always figured if nothing else no-one would EVER want kids with ME!
And yeah when it comes to selfishness...I've made it a bit of an art form.
I'm still a bit curious though...I mean, I only think I don't like kids I've never really spent time with any. Do you think it'd help if I did that?
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