A new icon, and it was quite a journey to get there.
It's weird because it wasn't what I had in mind. You know, this stupid and insignificant icon decision I went through seems to concisely depict how I should handle most situations in my life.
I was going to use half my face. Then tiresias2 mentioned those body photos on my user info(particularly the GEB one). I liked them as well, but thought it was kind of dark and hard to see once resized. So I tried to recreate the scene with a lighter jacket on and got this:
nice, but wanted to try out more, so I changed positions and background:
eh...maybe a completely lighter outfit:
did not like my pose, and my arm looks amputated, but eventually settled on this:
There were actually more poses and outfits that I didn't save, but I wanted to say something about it. I have a way of organizing my thoughts to prepare myself for what I should do. Though soon, I slowly drift off from this foundation, unaware, until I am far away from my original intentions. Regardless, I realize that none of the previous steps to reach the particular outcome was a disappointment. Of course I needed to mess up! ...or to try out new ideas until I can find the one that satisfies me best. It's a learning process achieved through experimentation. And that's exactly how I'm afraid to act in the overall scheme of my life.
Now I was thinking about that..and was reminded of how I asked this question several days earlier.(btw, I read all the comments and each was insightful. So thanks to those who replied..those several of you who are also on my list).
My problem is, I worry to much. I think of all the ways a given situation can possibly go wrong and then live as if those negative scenarios were a prediction of what's definately going to happen. So I live in fear, expecting the worse to come, while constantly trying to play safe so I don't get disappointed later. But I end up losing the opportunity to experience the sense of fulfillment gained from accomplishing a difficult task. Challenges are good, I need to develop myself. Otherwise, I risk living in my comfortable yet depressing, timid and meek little life until it ends. It'll be no different than what I'm like while I am here. I will be unnoticed and unimpactful in life when I'm gone, as I am invisible and unengaged in life now.
Well, the outcome for my demise seems like an inevitable one for most other people as well...but then most people also do better in their alive state, and I'm quietly sitting backstage watching the action. I feel there is no difference with how I live my current life and my influences, as there is to my death. I am like scenery that blends into the background.
I can't hide all the time, but I want to. I don't feel capable of changing or acting. I shouldn't stay behind constant preoccupations and insecurities, but I am -
- Ok, this is starting to turn into a desperation rant. Interesting how my thoughts can digress so quickly, and it all started with that new icon. heh. =]
I was going to use half my face. Then tiresias2 mentioned those body photos on my user info(particularly the GEB one). I liked them as well, but thought it was kind of dark and hard to see once resized. So I tried to recreate the scene with a lighter jacket on and got this:
nice, but wanted to try out more, so I changed positions and background:
eh...maybe a completely lighter outfit:
did not like my pose, and my arm looks amputated, but eventually settled on this:
There were actually more poses and outfits that I didn't save, but I wanted to say something about it. I have a way of organizing my thoughts to prepare myself for what I should do. Though soon, I slowly drift off from this foundation, unaware, until I am far away from my original intentions. Regardless, I realize that none of the previous steps to reach the particular outcome was a disappointment. Of course I needed to mess up! ...or to try out new ideas until I can find the one that satisfies me best. It's a learning process achieved through experimentation. And that's exactly how I'm afraid to act in the overall scheme of my life.
Now I was thinking about that..and was reminded of how I asked this question several days earlier.(btw, I read all the comments and each was insightful. So thanks to those who replied..those several of you who are also on my list).
My problem is, I worry to much. I think of all the ways a given situation can possibly go wrong and then live as if those negative scenarios were a prediction of what's definately going to happen. So I live in fear, expecting the worse to come, while constantly trying to play safe so I don't get disappointed later. But I end up losing the opportunity to experience the sense of fulfillment gained from accomplishing a difficult task. Challenges are good, I need to develop myself. Otherwise, I risk living in my comfortable yet depressing, timid and meek little life until it ends. It'll be no different than what I'm like while I am here. I will be unnoticed and unimpactful in life when I'm gone, as I am invisible and unengaged in life now.
Well, the outcome for my demise seems like an inevitable one for most other people as well...but then most people also do better in their alive state, and I'm quietly sitting backstage watching the action. I feel there is no difference with how I live my current life and my influences, as there is to my death. I am like scenery that blends into the background.
I can't hide all the time, but I want to. I don't feel capable of changing or acting. I shouldn't stay behind constant preoccupations and insecurities, but I am -
- Ok, this is starting to turn into a desperation rant. Interesting how my thoughts can digress so quickly, and it all started with that new icon. heh. =]