providing for the future
Dear Flan,
Now that I'm (over) 30, I decided to take a page out of your book (OF GREAT ADVICE) and have a baby. I don't want to miss my chance at motherhood by getting TOO OLD.
The problem is, my partner always wants to talk about his day at work, and the WAY COOL guys in his band instead of making sweet love to me.
Is there anything I can do to attract his attention?
Signed,
Ticking in Topeka
(P.S. I already tried lingerie, pie and a strap-on.)
Dear Ticking,
You sound like my kind of girl! If there is one thing I am all for, other than reformed health care and immigration laws, it is having children! I have given my wife a recovery period before I knock her up again, but do you hear me, Katherine? TIME IS RUNNING OUT.
Anyway, the problem as I see it is that your partner has too much freedom! You need to buckle down and get to work if you really want to start having kids, so the first step is obviously to make him quit the band. After that, you should insinuate yourself into his workday so that when he comes home, he won't have to fill you in, since you'll have BEEN THERE! Awesome! He'll have no choice but to stop stalling and fertilize your womanly eggs. Plus, there's the bonus of having lots of sex, which is also awesome.
Good luck, friend! Let me know if you need any more help. I can come over and coach him if you have more trouble!
Stargreat,
Joe
Now that I'm (over) 30, I decided to take a page out of your book (OF GREAT ADVICE) and have a baby. I don't want to miss my chance at motherhood by getting TOO OLD.
The problem is, my partner always wants to talk about his day at work, and the WAY COOL guys in his band instead of making sweet love to me.
Is there anything I can do to attract his attention?
Signed,
Ticking in Topeka
(P.S. I already tried lingerie, pie and a strap-on.)
Dear Ticking,
You sound like my kind of girl! If there is one thing I am all for, other than reformed health care and immigration laws, it is having children! I have given my wife a recovery period before I knock her up again, but do you hear me, Katherine? TIME IS RUNNING OUT.
Anyway, the problem as I see it is that your partner has too much freedom! You need to buckle down and get to work if you really want to start having kids, so the first step is obviously to make him quit the band. After that, you should insinuate yourself into his workday so that when he comes home, he won't have to fill you in, since you'll have BEEN THERE! Awesome! He'll have no choice but to stop stalling and fertilize your womanly eggs. Plus, there's the bonus of having lots of sex, which is also awesome.
Good luck, friend! Let me know if you need any more help. I can come over and coach him if you have more trouble!
Stargreat,
Joe