Relief
Wow, this is the first time I've cut - like this >>>
- in a long time. It felt good. I feel...relieved. Like, I don't need to cry or eat or anything. I'm actually happy. ::sigh:: Ahh, it feels good to have that back. I can't really explain it.
When I was trying to clear away some of the blood to see if I made some good lines, the blood dripped and splattered in the sink. That was cool. Although I need to make a few more lines because the bottom ones aren't deep enough. I'll do it after this so I can still type.
I've just been so stressed lately, no one even knows. College/scholarships, homework, friends, money, work...boy. Oh, and I suck, which is always a stress.
Sometimes I just wish people would understand. Like, I just don't get why some just don't get it.They don't get what it's like for someone to be so fat that they really can't wear anything in the morning without feeling like total and complete crap. Then, I got this ugly crap on my face called ACNE! Ugh, I mean it's not as bad as some people's, but I'd really like to not have anything, thank you. And then, you have to act happy, smile, upbeat ALL THE FUCKING TIME! If I don't smile, smile like people do in pictures, then I get yelled at for being pissed at everyone and everything. It pisses me off like no other. All this...I just can't take it. And everyone is so fake, so dumb, so worthless. No one could even begin to understand what I think or my thought process. It amazes me what I think sometimes and then I think, I am so weird. Why do I think things like that? Well...someone has to because everyone else is caught up in buying $70 jeans at Hollister or getting drunk every weekend. I just don't get people.