Supposedly, day two...
Yeah, today was bad. Actually...good, in a way. I got this sudden ana rush over me and I started to stress about food and everything, so by stressing, my hunger was supressed enough until...well, until after school when I was home alone. Then I failed, but at least I got to that point.
So here's a poem I wrote in English today. Usually I have such a hard time writing and trying to explain what I'm thinking, because really, there is no way to truly explain what I'm feeling or whatnot. So I wrote about my mind's blankness. I think it helped me because then I was able to understand why I was so blank. So, here it is...
Blank
I have no words, no thoughts, nor ideas.
My mind has disinigrated.
Stop laughing!
There is nothing to laugh about.
You can't, but you must.
In the process, I am blank.
My words do not make sense.
I think I can, but I just can't.
They are not yours to understand.
Leaving me with no solutions.
I am blank.
Wishes, dreams, hopes and desires.
They're all the same -
over and over again.
They'll never change,
because you'll never change.
The same thoughts run through
my mind leaving me blank.
I have to move away from...you?
No - If I do, then who am I?
This is me.
Where I stand.
Without me, I am blank.
The end of the beginning, or
the beginning of the end?
None shall know.
So how much more is there?
I still have this life, I suppose.
This leaves me blank.
Ok, I was way excited when I read what I wrote because I came across something way deep. "They'll never change, because you'll never change." I think I'm trying to tell myself that I have to get over this, or go through it all together, to the end. If I don't, then I'll be stuck here FOREVER. And I'll keep wishing and hoping that I could just get over it. I don't know, but I think writing about how/why I can't explain myself helped me to explain myself...ha! Also, because I have to know things, things have to have solutions and reasons, so when I don't understand people it makes me frustrated. And we really only know ourselves from how we know others (I got that from my research paper!). So if I can't figure out someone, then I can't figure out myself....
Well, that's it. I have homework. Hopefully Ana will be with me tomorrow.
So here's a poem I wrote in English today. Usually I have such a hard time writing and trying to explain what I'm thinking, because really, there is no way to truly explain what I'm feeling or whatnot. So I wrote about my mind's blankness. I think it helped me because then I was able to understand why I was so blank. So, here it is...
Blank
I have no words, no thoughts, nor ideas.
My mind has disinigrated.
Stop laughing!
There is nothing to laugh about.
You can't, but you must.
In the process, I am blank.
My words do not make sense.
I think I can, but I just can't.
They are not yours to understand.
Leaving me with no solutions.
I am blank.
Wishes, dreams, hopes and desires.
They're all the same -
over and over again.
They'll never change,
because you'll never change.
The same thoughts run through
my mind leaving me blank.
I have to move away from...you?
No - If I do, then who am I?
This is me.
Where I stand.
Without me, I am blank.
The end of the beginning, or
the beginning of the end?
None shall know.
So how much more is there?
I still have this life, I suppose.
This leaves me blank.
Ok, I was way excited when I read what I wrote because I came across something way deep. "They'll never change, because you'll never change." I think I'm trying to tell myself that I have to get over this, or go through it all together, to the end. If I don't, then I'll be stuck here FOREVER. And I'll keep wishing and hoping that I could just get over it. I don't know, but I think writing about how/why I can't explain myself helped me to explain myself...ha! Also, because I have to know things, things have to have solutions and reasons, so when I don't understand people it makes me frustrated. And we really only know ourselves from how we know others (I got that from my research paper!). So if I can't figure out someone, then I can't figure out myself....
Well, that's it. I have homework. Hopefully Ana will be with me tomorrow.