Stuck on Jesus: Religous Struggles
So I've had religion on my mind a lot more than usual, mainly because I had talked to my minister friend, Kris. We've been discussing Jesus which has been a topic for a long time. It seems that for some reason we really get stuck on the topic. I know why we do. It's because I don't believe that he is the savior. It's weird because I know Kris really cares about our friendship, but I do wonder that the reason he's so willing to talk is because he wants me to believe in Jesus. We can talk about god, about 'the holy spirit,' but it's not until we talk about Jesus that we get stuck on our different viewpoints.
Here's my background beliefs.
God:
I know I see god as being in everything, being the driving force behind life, being what keeps life able to exist, and having a lot to do with love. The god I believe in is not a man nor does it have strictly a human personality. I think that there is a human aspect only because, god can't be separated from anything. It is a force, a collective power and energy. It is the big picture behind the universe. I know that there is no way to know, but I think that we people have clues and are connected enough to know more than we think we can. What I have stated is what I personally believe, and in no way am I saying that it should be what others believe. On another personal note, I will say that, to me, it seems a bit hard to believe in a god that has a human-like identity with super human abilities that governs the world from a far and yet knows everything in great detail while being separate from it. To me, it makes more sense to believe in a god that resides in life, connected to it, and by being so connected it has a residual memory and understanding of the present and possible future. Through deep connection this god like force influences everything, has a spirit in everything, and can be felt stronger when beings and other living things join in though, praise, and prayer. It's been here since life started. How life started, I do not know, nor can I assume I know how much influence, if any, what I call god had on it. This is what I see god to be. Kris and I do differ on this point, but I can see to some degree what he sees God to be. However, it's still super hard for me to see god as humanly because humans are flawed and we corrupt the most beautiful aspects of life into something unnatural perverse. I would think god to be above this.
And then there's Jesus:
I can believe that a Nazarene man named Jesus lived and did miraculous things. I can believe that he is a pretty damn close to perfect example of love and how to live. I can see how he could be the human example of and embodiment of my idea of god. Jesus spread the message of love, of brotherhood, of being responsible for your actions, of connecting to others and nature, and of service to humanity. The actions he is recorded as supposedly doing are great examples of his message. What he is recorded as supposedly saying though...well that's a bit of a struggle for me. How can I believe that a man is god? How can the unfathomable be contained in a body? How can everything be contained in one thing? How am I expected to worship a person? Jesus set an example that is a great example. I think that he does show a way to connecting to god. By embodying love and compassion, Jesus showed many people a way to salvation. There's others who have done the same, and the message is the same. So how can I see him as the only one? He's not. This is where I'm at in my reasoning.
And what about the Holy Spirit and Trinity:
First of all I have to throw this out there... How often is the holy spirit mentioned? If a person where to never go to church and never have a teacher, would they come to the idea of the trinity by themselves? How important would it seem? But if I'm going to look at the holy spirit, I would see how this would complete the circle of spirituality. Through the spirit of life, god comes in contact with humanity. It is when people feel this presence, they come to get to know the force behind life or god or whatever one could call it. The spirit enters into us in a moment and we feel full. It's kind of weird for me to talk about a trinity and have it not be the Christian one per-say. How I see it we do have god, the spirit, and the child. When we feel the spirit, we get a glimpse of god, and understand our full potential. I think for animals it's not the same because they have not lost their natural way of living. And tribal communities often understand how to live with god and nature because they are connected to them through their way of living. Modernized and Western humanity has lost site of the natural world. We have lost our ties to god and are now confused about our roles in the world. This though is because we do not belong in this world.
In Conclusion:
I think this is why I struggle with how my friend thinks, because I do not think that I could ever think this way. He has brought up points that have changed how I think, and I would not want to stop talking to him because I really do treasure his friendship. However, I just don't understand Jesus as god. I do believe that he was awesome, kind, loving, that he died and could have come back in spirit, but he is gone even though his life lives on through his deeds to the world. I could believe in the bible but not how most Christians do.
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So this is my thoughts and my mind on paper. I'm tired though now because I know this is what I believe, but defining it makes me rethink things even though I always agree that I still do believe this. I just now need to live in agreeance with what I believe, which is hard when I don't have my own land to live off of. I really need to make a plan to escape for modern society because saying that I don't belong here is becoming hollow and is like beating a dead horse over and over again until your desensitized to the sound of it.