Blurred weeks
So it's been a very weird week or two. I feel like I've just started to wake up from weird alternate reality. I started out by going to a nearby city to look for jobs. Never did I think that things would get so crazy. I was staying at an old friend's apartment. On the second day things went bad between her husband and me. He got mad and upset me, but of course he was fine in 5 minutes, and a few hours later I was still upset. It was clear how much I was bothered by not having my own place to stay. I was counting on the kindness of a friend whom I've know for 11 years, only to find out that, to me, her husband saw me as an unwanted inconvenience. So I stayed there surrounded by anger, feeling out of place, hunting for jobs, driving to other cities, and feeling as if I was failing at everything. I found a job, but so much drama came with trying to get it; rushed decisions, hope, disappointment, frustration, and I got so consumed with trying to control my surroundings that I got lost. Two days ago I crashed. You can only try to control so much before you realize you have no control over anything beside yourself. I only have this wekend to find a place to live, or I will have to turn down this job. My mind's worn out, tired, and so preoccupied. So my life might be changing suddenly or it might be back to square one. Who knows. So for now, I'm in a blur and who knows how long I'll be there. Whatever happens though, I'll just keep on trecking. Even though I sometimes doubt it all, luckily I still believe in me and in the world. I just can't forget to breathe.