(no subject)
Note to readers: Dean's received a number of queries on how to solve money problems, so this one actually goes out to all you penny-pinchers in need of some quick cash.
Dear Dean,
so right. I have this problem.
I had a friend over the other day and we sort of road-tripped the country. As a result I'm broke now. And with broke I mean totally broke. There is no money in my bank account, I even overdrew it. This hardly happened to me before and I'm totally worried.
I don't want to ask my parents for more money since I always pretend to be grown up and stuff. So I figured I'd write to you (since you drive a lot too and probably know that fueling costs so much) to ask for advice.
So Dean, what do I do? It's close to graduating and I don't have the time to get a proper job and I need a solution that's fast and effective.
Thanks in advance.
Much love,
Petra
Dear Petra,
In times of need, I always turn to credit card fraud.
Now, credit card fraud isn't an easy fix - no matter what some people might say about it, it's actually an art form. Here are a few tips from a pro. Just start by digging through somebody's recycling until you find a credit card application - or better yet, a pre-approved card. If people are dumb enough to throw that shit out without shredding it, they deserve to suffer from identity theft.
Seriously. Fucking idiots.
From my own experience, I've learned that the easiest franchise to hit up is Mastercard, but American Express will do in a pinch. You may have to go back on the road for a while if shit hits the fan, but you've already got some experience with that so I think you'll be OK. If you're careful and do me proud, you might even sail through the end of college debt-free (why you're going there anyway beats me, but I hope you're enjoying all the fine parties, unlike some people who spend way too much time in the library and refuse to cut their hair).
Other ways to get fast cash: playing pool and card sharking. Sam says temp work's a good way to go, but hell, who wants to be stuck in some windowless office all day? Just wander into a bar and sucker some back-woods dumbfucks out of their "hard-earned" cash. You need it more than they do.
LOVE Dean