Aug 16, 2004 15:46
i'm not really sure why i'm updating...i'm not in the mood to come off with some soci-political commentary or any on-slaught of depression emo kid shit.
the main thing on my mind right now is THURSDAY OCTOBER 7. that will be the first day of my life, in my eyes anyway...i'm progressing towards making that day, as well as the 8th and 9th, among the best days of my life. this seems as though it could turn into an emo kid sentiment written off of the top of my heart, but what a lot of people don't realize about me is that when i say something pertaining to love, as the above is, i think about it a lot before...i don't just randomly think days seeing a girl will be my best days. but this girl...oh my god, if only you knew the things running through my head when we talk...i feel as though if everyone else disappeared and we were left alone that i would be truly happy, it was never this way with jen, it was always "we can be happy together forever...as long as everyone else is around to keep us company" i think the relationship i had with jen served as a guide for me, i found what i like the most in a relationship, as well as what i don't like, so now with this relationship, i'm better prepared to take it into serious stages. i have been in love before this, but it has never been to this extent. i've said i love you to 3 girls in my life....the first was just because she was the first girl in a long time to pay attention to me, i let my heart take over and my mind was left out of it...the second was jen, whom i was in love with, but it was contrived, too many compromises were made for it to be true love, although as i said before, a learned a lot from that relationship that will help me in my current relationship. there is something different about this girl, the third, it feels genuine and true everytime i say it....not to mention that i feel like giggling and going all googly-eyed everytime she says it. long distance relationships are hard but i feel as though the circumstances have dealy me a playable hand this time and things won't be so tough. getting the job i did enables me to go visit, the fact that we're both relatively altruistic allows for problems to be dealt with on both ends, so neither of us has to deal with internal problems as well as the other person's shit. it's like a "i'll scratch your back and you can scratch mine" type of thing i think. this relationship has so much potential to be something serious, but, being the cycnic i am, i'm going one step at a time and not diving head first into this girl....although even with caution i still feel myself falling into her more everytime we speak.
i know that the girl i am talking about will read this entry, so i want her to know this....i love you, i know that this is the beginning of something great for me and i hope i make it just as great for you, if you ever need me, i will be right here for you...together, nothing can destroy us, now let's create something beautiful. ♥♥♥