{SPN J2 Big Bang} Gunmetal Dawn - Chapter 10
Fic Title: Gunmetal Dawn
Author name: deannawol
Artist name: grayscaled
Genre: RPS AU
Pairing: Jensen/Jared
Rating: NC-17 / R
Word count: 66,666
Warnings: Slash (M/M) relationship, oral sex, violence, language, angst .
Summary: J2 Cyberpunk AU; Three years ago, Christian Kane betrayed Jared Padalecki and killed most of his family. Mercenary Jensen Ackles saved him and his younger sister Megan and brought them to live with them out in the wilds of Texas. Jared's been training and is finally ready to take Kane on to win back his family's corporate empire. However, the course of true love never runs smoothly and in regaining what he's lost, he's put everything he loves in jeopardy, including his partner and lover, Jensen. A J2 Romance in a Cyberpunk AU setting.
Link to Fic Masterpost: Link
Link to Art Masterpost: Link
Previous Chapter
Jensen was pissed. No that was wrong. Jensen was so far beyond pissed that he’d have to calm down by an entire fucking order of magnitude to get back down to merely pissed. The past twenty-four hours had been hell. He'd fucking had it. He wasn’t going to stand in the background any more. He wasn’t furniture, dammit and he was done letting anyone treat him that way. He was a fucking high class mercenary able to name his own damn pay check on any job he chose to take. It was time he dumped the high fashion suits and pulled back on his street armour, got back to the streets. Quit fucking around in the CorpSec world and get back to where he belonged. Back to where he was more than just someone’s shadow. He was good, damned good and it was about time that the world remembered that.
Pulling his cell out of his pocket, he opened it and bent the cover back until it snapped and shattered. Tossing it in a garbage can, he ducked down a side street, then another and another, choosing left or right on a whim. He needed to disappear back into the underground and soon as possible. He ducked into a call-shop and tossed a credchip at the girl behind the counter, slotting himself into a booth. He dialled from memory and waited for an answer.
“You got Mac. You know the drill.”
Jensen wiped at his eyes, and forced calmness into his voice, “Three thirty seven, two hours.”
With the message left, he hung up. He just hoped that she’d pick it up soon. He might be walking away but he wasn’t selfish enough to make her do the same, especially if she was still happy there, if there was still a chance at happiness there for her. That didn’t mean he was just gonna walk and leave her to guess after him, she was his sister and just for that she deserved more than that. Besides, if he didn’t...well, best case, she’d worry and call Momma who’d get the rest of the damned family into Dallas looking for him; worst case, she’d come looking for him herself and find herself hip deep in shit she didn’t know how to deal with. He had to let her know he was safe and that if she needed him, he’d be there but damned if he was going to be a fucking rug any more. Jared had taken his last walk over him.
He trusted Mackenzie completely. No way was she going to let slip to Jared where he was or what he was doing but it wasn’t fair to put that on her. Up until now, he’d kept everything carefully tucked away from her. All she got was the caring big brother who was there to listen to her bitch about the hours, the staff and Megan’s witch of a PA. He hadn’t dumped his crap on her but even so, he knew that she suspected that everything wasn’t entirely rosy. Even if he did tell her all the sordid details, throwing her in the middle of it when she was dating Jared’s little sister was just cruel. No, he’d let her know that he was safe, let her see for herself and then put some space between himself and the whole series of problems that was Jared Padalecki.
Dumping another credchip on the counter, Jensen picked up a pre-paid cell and left, dumping the packaging as he went. He thumbed through the settings, turning on the anonymous option and dialled the phone message box Josh kept an ear on.
“I’m fine. Gonna go stay with friends for a couple of days. Call you when I get my head together.”
He waited for the send confirmation and then switched off the phone. He wasn’t ready to have that conversation yet. Everything was still a little too raw, his anger just a little too high and if he didn’t get his head together, he was gonna dive straight into a bottle or a gunfight and at the moment, he wasn’t sure he cared if he’d came back out. A dangerous prospect in his line of work.
There were too many graves in the city, too many bloodstains left on the pavement from guys who couldn’t get their head in the game, couldn’t leave their shit behind them. And damn, his reputation was golden, even with this recent stint in CorpSec threatening to tarnish it. Problem was that he was going to have to dump the Winchester name. Start fresh. Jared knew too many of his hideaways, too many of his tricks and that was a world of pain he didn’t want to get into right now. Not when it was still so fresh. He knew that he had to run, hard and fast, to get away from Jared. His ex - fuck, that sounded wrong - was a huge chink in his defences. And he knew deep down that if Jared looked at him with those big puppy dog eyes and said he was sorry that he’d find himself wrapping himself straight back up in those arms and walk straight back into the dragons mouth. He’d been so wrapped up in making sure that Jared was safe, so sure that Jared was happy that he’d forgotten himself and he owed himself more than that.
He made his way through the streets, heading towards the bus station. Jensen fished out a small wad of old-style paper wrapped around a locker key. Memory took him to the locker and unlocking the door, he pulled out his emergency kit. A backpack with armour, guns, ammo and enough cred to set himself up anywhere he wanted in the city. It had seemed like a good idea when he was running high and he was grateful now for the foresight. He checked the contents quickly, not pulling anything out in the middle of the crowded station but just making sure that no one had tampered with it since he’d locked it in there about four years before. Everything was there, just as he’d left it. Yeah, his best stuff was still sitting in that too fucking perfect room he’d shared with Jared, but here was enough of what he needed to get his feet on the ground again. He smiled to himself, just a quirk of lip. Can’t keep a good merc down. Hefting the duffle bag over his shoulder, he made his way to the bus station’s grubby bathrooms and ducked into the disabled stall. It was a bare fraction bigger than the others but would give him a little more room to work in.
Stripping off the tailored jacket, he hung it up on the rusty hook on the back of the cubicle door. The tie went with it, then the pants. It was a struggle to pull them off over his own combat boots but there was no way that he was standing on the floor in just his socks. Who knew what gunk covered the floor? It was enough that his boots were sticking to the residue without exposing other parts of him to it. Especially parts of him that couldn’t just be pulled off and thrown in the nearest dumpster.
He pulled the rolled up leather armour pants and flapped them out, holding them up to the fluorescent light to check for damage. He pulled them on over the boots, sucking in his breath a little as he closed the fastenings. Corporate living wasn’t great for the waistline, no matter how many hours he spent in the gym. The coat was three quarter length and unrolled easily. He shrugged into it and dug through the pockets. Receipts and notes to remind him of things he’d put behind him long ago were stuffed back into the duffle. He rolled his shoulders as he readjusted to the weight. Kevlar wasn’t lightweight, even without the heavy ceramic plates. It didn’t hang like the bespoke tailoring that Jared had gotten him used to. It was heavy, reassuring, solid, and had your back in a fight.
The knives, creds and extra ammo were tucked into their specially designed compartments, his wallet went into his pocket and he closed the catches on the jacket. Wouldn’t do to scare the few ‘normals’ who actually used the bus station for making their way through the metropolis. He zipped the duffel closed and hefted it over his shoulder before pulling the suit down from the hook on the back of the door and draping it over his arm. With a quick glance around to make sure that he wasn’t leaving something behind, he left. The suit was stuffed into the charity bin on his way out. There were just too many memories wrapped up it for him to keep it with him but his Momma didn’t raise her boy to waste good clothes. Maybe someone else would have a better time with it than he had.
He’d left his own car, the fucking perfect black Impala his brother had given him, back at the Padalecki building, with the keys upstairs in his room and it galled him not to have it with him now. But given that it was a classic, it would have been far too easily tracked down even if he had spared the time to grab the keys. Maybe he could ask Mackenzie to make sure it made its way back to the camp. Least there it’d be looked after. But for now, he had three options: cab, bus or walk.
He hopped a bus heading out, sitting about half way back, the duffle taking up the seat beside him. His eyes followed people as they used the bus station as a shortcut hurrying from place to place, using them as distractions against the thoughts that were crowding his mind.
There were three other people on the bus who weren’t crew. ‘Bout average, he guessed, given the time of day and the route. The Metrodome Rambler was just like its name, making a long, winding route through most of the city, picking up gangers and grandmothers alike. Wasn’t cheap, but you were guaranteed safe on board. Four massive .50 cal miniguns manned by the meanest ex-mercs alive made sure no one crossed the line. The bus was slow, weighed down with heavy duty armour plates on every surface and comfort was a luxury not included in the ticket price, but it got him where he was going and with a lot less conversation than a cab.
The place where he’d hopefully meet Mackenzie was an old coffee bar, run down and dilapidated to a point where ya tested the seats before you sat down. The coffee was instant and served in chipped mugs but there were no cameras or electronic bugs in the place. The owners did a sweep every couple of hours. It was the only reason people still went there. It certainly wasn’t for the sparkling company; street rats, mercs and the other undesirables that made their living off the streets. He ordered a coffee and sat, cupping the mug in his hands. His back was to the wall, with a clear view of the door.
He sipped the awful coffee as he tried to work out where to go from here. There were some guys working out of the rougher sections of the city that he could probably crash with. Given the reputation of the places they hung out, Jared wouldn’t even dare brave it. Not even with all his CorpSec guards holding his hand. Get a couple of jobs under his belt and he’d be able to replace most of what he’d lost.
Just under two hours from his message, Mackenzie pulled up outside, propping her bike on its stand and setting the security lock. She was decked out in biker leathers which just made her look even more dangerous and already Jensen was starting to wonder if it was a good idea to hold the meeting in person. Phone calls were underrated. He waited until she sat down and turned his attention to the window, watching for any suspicious characters, anyone who looked to be taking too close a look. Couldn’t be too careful and well, it wasn’t that he didn’t trust Mackenzie to notice if someone was following her, but there were certain people in Padalecki Microcybernetics who were paid an impressive amount of money to be impressively good at knowing other people's business. Jensen’s sister sneaking out just hours after her brother walked? That would definitely raise a few flags. He watched for another few moments before he turned back to face his sister’s grim gaze and folded arms.
“I suppose there’s a good reason that you’re sitting here having coffee when half of the fucking corp is out looking for you?” she asked, eyes flashing with fire.
“Half the...” Jensen frowned, taken by surprise, “Why are they...?”
“Why the hell d'you think? You just walked out, left all your shit there with no clue as to where you were going or how long you’d be. What’d you think was going to happen? We'd sit there and wave as you walk away?” she rolled her eyes. “You could have left a note or something. Ya know, something more than a fucking cred chip with his name on it. And this...” she thumped him on the arm, hard enough to give him pins and needles in his hand, “is for making Megan think that she’s split the two of you up. She made a mistake, Jen, it’s not the end of the world. She’s sorry. She wasn’t thinking and I’ve already had words with her, loud words, about it. Now, off your ass and I’ll give you a ride back.”
“No.”
Just one simple word and he stopped her dead. She sank back into the chair, eyes narrowing as she looked at him. Really looked at him. Jensen looked down, not meeting her gaze and watched the heat treated milk separate from the coffee as it swirled around his mug.
“This isn’t about Meg and her bad idea of a gift, is it?” her voice was quiet now, barely above a whisper.
“Gift?” Jensen frowned. “What?”
“She wanted to do something special for you both and her idiotic staff convinced her that paying you would be the way to express how valued you are. Anyway, she wanted to do something for you both and for Josh and Inez. But yeah, turns out she’s still getting a handle on this whole corporate thing and when to be official and when to just be Meg. So, I guess, happy anniversary, Jen, three years. Check the dates. Longest damned relationship you’ve ever had.”
He flicked his eye over the internal chronometer, the calendar flicking up to sit in the middle of his vision, and cursed. She was right. Fuck. He hadn’t even thought of that and the way Meg had put it... it hadn’t exactly clicked into place for him. But it didn’t matter. It was just the catalyst, the kick in the ass that he’d needed to walk.
“But I’m guessing that since you’re not rushing back to drag your boy out for a nice big steak dinner that there’s more to it than Meg’s lack of tact?”
“I didn’t... I had no idea but no,” he admitted, “it wasn’t just that. It was part of it, but no, it wasn’t Meg. That just... It was just the last of a very long line of shit that’s happened. And I’m done. But that’s not why I wanted to meet up with you.”
Mackenzie took a deep breath and let it out slowly, “Okay, I’m listening. Talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong.”
Jensen closed his eyes and bit back the need to let it all out. He wouldn’t dump this on her shoulders. That wasn’t what a big brother did, even if it was really tempting.
“Look, this is for me to deal with, not you, Mac, you don’t need to worry about it. Just wanted you to know that I’m good ‘fore I headed out. I need some time to get my head on straight, get things sorted out and I’m not going be just down the hall from you anymore.”
“So where you going?” she asked.
“Gonna stay with a few guys I know for a couple of days. Friends from way back,” he answered, trying to keep it vague.
“The ones we stayed with last night?” she pushed.
“No, different ones,” Jensen took a sip of his coffee, grimacing at the taste. “I’ll... I’ll call you when I get there, yeah? Let you know.”
“Uh huh. Call me when you get there. Right...” she looked at him sceptically.
Jensen scrubbed a hand through his hair, rubbing it hard, “You know, you’re starting to sound like Mom there, Mac. Might wanna watch that.”
“So, you’re done? Just walked out. You know, he’s not even sure you’ve broken up with him,” she asked. “Three years, Jen, there’s gotta be something worth fighting for. Even if he has done something stupid, that’s a long time to just walk out on. Meg said that he was frantic to find you and apologise. It can’t be that bad, can it?”
Jensen pushed back his chair and stood, “Mac, I just wanted to let you know everything was okay. I’ve done that. I need to get going.”
“Shit, no, Jensen...” Mac stood up too, blocking his way, “Fine, you won’t want to talk about it, we won’t talk about it. I’m sorry, just... Sit back down, Jen. Please,” her voice was low now, “I have to tell him something. Meg too. Otherwise he’s going to keep looking for you. So what do you want it to be?” she asked.
Jensen shook his head, but took a seat, using the time to think, “I... Tell him I’ve gone back where I belong and not to bother looking.”
She sat down again, “Okay, but mood he was in, I don't think that’s going to cut it.”
“It’ll have to.”
She drummed her nails on the table, “We’re going to have a problem then, big brother.”
Jensen frowned, “Oh?”
“He’s not going to stop searching, Jen. You should have seen him. I haven’t seen him this cut up since you dragged him back to camp that first time. Even Morgan couldn’t talk him outta trying to find you.”
Jensen barely bit back the sneer, “I’m sure he’ll talk Jay round soon enough.”
She looked at him oddly but continued, “I come back with word from the great love of his life, he’s not going to believe that I don’t know where you are. And if he thinks you’re still in the city he’s gonna keep searching. We gotta work out a system, let you know where not to be and give you your space.”
“I’m heading deep city, Mac, not even Jared is gonna search there. Day, two days tops and he’s gonna get the message,” he assured his sister.
“I wouldn’t count on it.”
Jensen sighed, “Okay, so what’re you thinking?”
She thought for a second, “Only one thing for it. We go to the one guy who’s got an eye on everything. Talk to Chad. Or let me talk to him.”
“Chad?” Jensen shook his head, “No, that’s not going to work. He’s Jared’s guy. Has been since the start. He’ll run straight back to Jay, tell him everything.”
She smirked, “I don’t think so. I’ve spent a little time with him, people watching. I think there’s a bit of a kindred spirit there. Let me talk to him, see what I can work out,” she held up a hand before Jensen could say anything. “I won’t tell him anything until I’m sure that he won’t rat you out. Trust me.”
Jensen rubbed his eyes and sighed again, “Okay fine, play it your way.”
“So when are you calling Josh?” she asked
Jensen shrugged, “Not yet. I need to think things through, get it all straight in my head.”
“You need to call him, Jen, I already know he’s worried. I had him on the phone to me asking what was up before I came out to meet you,” she shook her head, “I know you sent him a message but he’s likely to just head into the city and hunt you down, you know.”
“Yeah,” Jensen admits, “I know, but... I just need time. Tell him I’ll call him when I’m ready to talk about it yeah? Tell him I’m okay. Just... I have to figure out what’s next.”
“He’s not gonna like it.”
“I’ll call him, Mac, I will,” he ran a hand through his hair, “Just not now.”
He knew it wouldn’t hold Josh off indefinitely but he just wasn’t ready to handle this. Not yet.
“Tell him...” he paused, “Tell him it won’t be like last time.”
She looked him in the eye, searching for the truth in his words, “Okay Jensen, but make it soon, yeah?”
He nodded and pulled her into a hug.
“Take care of yourself, Mac.”
“The hell you think you’re going without giving me your new number?” she asked, not letting him go, “You don’t tell me what’s wrong between the two of you and you won’t even tell me where the fuck you’re going or when you’ll be back. Do you seriously think that I’m going to let you out of here without having some way to contact you? I was back at camp last time you disappeared. The hell I’m doing that again, boy, now gimme.”
“New number?” Jensen asked innocently, as he pulled himself free.
“You trying to tell me you haven’t ditched your old phone already?” she asked, “Don’t even try lying to me.”
“I don’t know what you’re...”
Mackenzie interrupted, “We can do this the easy way or the hard way. I am not above kicking your ass, big brother.”
Jensen looked around the cafe and saw that people were looking their way. “Mac, keep your voice down.”
Her voice actually rose and more people started staring at them, “What's the matter? Afraid of a girl, Winchester? Come on, just you and me.”
“Fine, jeez, gimme your phone,” he held out a hand.
She pulled out her cell and handed it over. He typed in the number and checked it before handing the phone back. She smiled and tucked the phone back into her pocket.
“I don’t hear from you in a week, I’m tracking you down,” she warned.
Jensen watched as she pulled on her helmet and threw a leg over her bike. Kicking the stand, she turned the key and revved the engine. The wheels spun in place as she looked at him. Then with a burst of speed, she was gone.
He flicked a glance at his internal chronometer and cursed. It was getting late and he had to get going. He wasn’t exactly suicidal enough to chance some parts of the city at night. Not with the compliment of weapons he had with him. Hell, a tank and a full load of LAWs wouldn’t be enough to keep him safe after dark in those areas. Not unless he had a gang at his back, which was exactly what he was aiming to have. The Campfire, home to the nomads who came to the city and got a little too far from their own families, got to feeling homesick or wound up down on their luck. He’d stayed with them before and he knew they’d welcome him back. A hundred strong and vicious enough to keep whatever turf they claimed. And the Ackles had good cred throughout the state. He’d run with them for a while, get his feet damp again before breaking off. Hopefully by that stage, Jared would have called off the hunt.
He left the cafe and headed towards the dark side of the city. He tracked his way by watching the gang tags, vivid graphics against peeling plaster walls. Burned out cars and boarded up windows, this was not the side of the city that anyone really wanted to see. But during daylight, there was nowhere more peaceful. No one woke before the sun went down, so sneaking through the zone was as easy as walking.
The Campfire was an old housing development, easily found when you knew where you were going. He was stopped three times on his way, sentries a block or two out all wanting to know who he was and what he wanted. They stripped him of his guns, his knives, everything but his armour and only gave them back when he’d been given the nod from Miskar, the leader of the gang. Something about recognising the look in his eye. He was given crash space, beer, food and enough room to get his head together. He wasn’t home but it would do.
~#~#~
Time passed slowly there, but it wasn’t long until he got back to it, picking jobs he could do in his sleep and getting some needed cred in his pocket. Took him a while to replace what he’d lost. Mackenzie had sent it back to the family even without him telling her to, but if he wanted it back, needed it back, he wasn’t ready to go out there and face them. He didn’t want to hear the platitudes or the cold comfort that they’d trot out. He knew they were there for him but he couldn’t bear to see the looks in their eyes, the pity. Best to let it blow over for a while longer. He answered his phone to three people and ignored everyone else. His fixer, who lined up his jobs, ‘cause ignoring her would be stupid. His sister ‘cause he wasn’t sure that she wouldn’t just hunt his ass down and pin him to a wall. And...
“Dude, just saw that shit you did last night on the vidstream. Man, that was slick!”
Chad. Who’d apparently quizzed Mackenzie up, down and backwards over Jensen’s mysterious disappearance, then put together his own idea of what must have happened and gone in and thumped Jared upside the head a couple of times. He'd had to get Jay to bend down, of course, but he’d cussed him out in front of the entire damned office for losing the best damned thing to happen to him. Even Jensen had to admit to smiling when he’d heard. Chad’d ordered Mirabel a subscription of every dirty-wrong-awful pornographic magazine out there to be delivered to her at home, at whatever shitty new job she managed to land, anywhere he could pin her down. But it was his revenge on Morgan that Jensen particularly savoured. Who knew that it took more than just turning up in the City Hall records office to overturn your own death. Cred cards, bank accounts, even his company credentials had all been suspended thanks to a click of a button. Mastery at work.
There was just one problem with having Chad as a friend, the weekly, daily updates on just how torn up Jared was. Live in high def video and surround sound audio. And he honestly wasn’t sure if it was Chad’s way of siding with him or a not so subtle attempt to get him to come back - just to put an end to “Jay’s pathetic whimpering”. It was exhausting, leaving Jensen wrung out and hollow. He started dodging Chad's calls, letting them roll over to voicemail more often than not. He should have known it wouldn’t be that easy.
The banging on the door woke Jensen at too fucking early in the morning. He groaned and flicked a glance at his internal chronometer. It was half past ten and Jensen cursed. He’d crawled in about twenty minutes ago, crashing hard when the adrenaline finally cleared his system. Three fucking months of a purely nocturnal existence and he just wasn’t built to cope with the sunlight creeping through the almost totally blacked out windows. He pushed himself off the couch where he’d sat down, just for a minute, and made his way to the door. He scratched himself through the armour pants he still wore and brushed a hand over his face.
It took him three attempts to get the door unlocked and opened and when he swung it open, he really wasn’t prepared for what he saw there. Holding council on his doorstep was Chad, with a group of nomads around him all listening as he spoke.
"... not like it’s a problem, man. And I'm serious, ditch Scarecrow. He's running a death wish at the minute. Likely to get skragged if he keeps running ICE the way he is.”
The group of hardened runners nodded and rumbled thanks for the advice. Jensen didn’t have a fucking clue who Scarecrow was or what the hell they all were talking about. He just leaned back against the doorframe, thankful for the support. He’d been running a little too hot lately, a little too close to the edge and he could already start to feel it catching up with him.
Chad pulled a card from inside his jacket, and handed it over, smiling up at his entourage, “Gimme a shout if you want some names. I got a few buddies looking for work. Mining data, background checks, straight forward hacking. Anything you want long as it's illegal."
"'preciate it, kid,” Chief said, smiling.
In all his time there, Jensen had never seen even the beginning of a smile on the man’s face. Six foot tall and built like the proverbial shithouse, the guy was one of the hardcore enforcers for the urban camp and one of the few nomads here that Jensen was genuinely scared of.
"No problem. Catch you later, Grizzly,” Chad winked, actually fucking winked at the walking mountain, before turning to face Jensen. “Gotta talk to a man about a man, ya know how it is!"
Chief high fived him and headed off, dragging the rest of the men with him and all Jensen could do was look at Chad. Not all cylinders were firing and it took Chad almost rolling over his foot to get him moving.
"So, Doctor Ackles, what's the prognosis? Will I ever walk again?" Chad caught the wheel and spun to face Jensen.
"Dude? The hell?"
It was too early for this shit.
"Never heard of an alibi?” Chad rolled over to the kitchen, such that it was and started opening cupboards and closing them again. There was nothing in there. “We got about an hour, maybe a little more before I have to head back.”
"Chad,” Jensen sat down heavily on the couch, “unless you got an epic amount of coffee with you, it is too goddamn early for riddles. And how the fuck’d you find me?"
Chad raised an eyebrow, "Like I haven’t known where you were all along. Please! I’m not some two bit hacker with a T1 modem. This is what I do. Jay thinks I'm visiting my useless, overcharging specialist. Some fantasy operation that's gonna miraculously reverse all the damage from the fucking free floating bullet in my spine."
Jensen gaped at him, "If he can... Dude, the fuck are you here for? If there's a chance..."
Chad’s head dropped and he tapped his finger against the wheel of his chair, smiling. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. After a long pause, he finally spoke, looking up at Jensen, "Ya know, this is why I like you. You look like hell and you still do shit like this.,” He paused, “It’s a line. The doc, it’s a line. You have any idea how many times I've heard that story? I'll give him a call later, do so research and reschedule it if I need to. Anyway, this is more important."
"Oh?" Jensen frowned, letting himself relax back against the cushions.
Chad rolled over until he was in front of Jensen and gave him a long look. “You look like shit, man. Don’t smell much better either. When was the last time you washed that shirt?”
Jensen frowned and raised an arm until he could smell his t-shirt and yeah, it could definitely do with a wash. He shrugged, “I dunno. Two days, maybe more?”
Chad shook his head, “You’re gross, man. Did you even shower since you came back from last night’s run? You do have running water here, yeah?”
“You come here just to give me shit? Cause if you did, then door’s over there,” Jensen pointed.
“You wanna grab one? I’ll wait. Seriously, you’re offending my delicate constitution here.”
“Yeah, I’m really gonna leave you alone in my apartment,” Jensen rolled his eyes.
“I’m sure whatever’s been growing in those takeout containers can keep me company. So, takeout trash and beer? That’s all you got here?” Chad asked, “Not exactly what I pictured.”
Jensen grabbed his backpack from where it sat beside his sofa and dug through it for his spare t-shirt. Pulling the hem out of his armoured pants, he pulled the dirty t-shirt over his head and flung it towards the kitchen.
“Jesus, Jen, what the fuck happened you?”
Jensen looked down at the puckered red welts that peppered his torso and shrugged, “Got a little too close to a frag grenade a couple of nights ago.”
“And the rest? You actually planning on dodging the bullets coming at you or just catching them with your chest, dude? And eat something beside takeout will ya? I can count your ribs under all the scars.”
Jensen pulled on the clean shirt and glared at Chad, “You got something worth my time? Cause if not, I’m gonna go back to sleep.”
"Got some video for you to watch. Think you'll find it interesting.” Chad pushed himself back towards Jensen, “You got a screen 'round here I can plug into?"
Jensen sighed, “I’m not in the mood for movie night, Chad. Leave the chip if you have to. I’ll watch it when I have time.”
“Yeah, cause if I just leave it here, it won’t get covered in junk,” Chad said sarcastically, “And I was born yesterday. Get off your ass and get me a screen.”
“You mean you didn’t bring one with you?” Jensen’s tone was equally dry.
“Oh gee, let me just check my pants,” he padded himself, “Damn must have forgotten. Do I gotta go ask Chief if I can borrow his? Cause I reckon he’d be only too pleased to help me out given he owes me a couple of favours.”
Jensen cursed, but reached out and pulled away some of the take away boxes and other accumulated crap that had gotten piled in front of his small crappy screen. Chad checked the connections quickly and turned it on. He dug in his pockets for a battered leather case. He flipped through the various wires and connectors until he found one that worked and plugged it in to the old set. He hooked in a small chip reader and slotted a black chip. Jensen watched the grainy picture resolve into a sharper image and there in the middle of it was Jared. Jared getting dragged out of their - no, not their apartment - his apartment. Jared getting manhandled down the stairs. Jared getting put into a beat up van. Jared speeding off into the city and not a fucking finger lifted to help him. No security. No nothing. Just a clear run down to the front door. Jensen cursed, sitting up straighter as he watched.
The timestamp skipped forward and this time, Jensen’s breath caught at the image on the screen. Sure, he was still pissed at Jared but this... this was way beyond any payback he could have wished on his ex-boyfriend. Bruises, cuts, one side of his face swollen so badly that he couldn’t even open his eye. His arm was plastered, the same one he’d broken before, back before they made the run against Kane, back when the most complicated thing in their lives was remembering to lock the trailer door just in case someone walked in. Jensen ached to reach out to Jared, pull him close and tell him that it was all okay, that it would never happen again. But that wasn’t who they were any more. That wasn’t his place.
Chad cut across his thoughts, "That happened about a week ago. A break in, some fucking organised mercs managed to breach during the night. Dunno what the fuck happened with security. JD’s hauled them over the coals for it but found nothing,” Chad’s voice was a little unsteady now. “They had him out of the building and half way to the edge of the city before we managed to get him back, beaten to shit but he's okay. Even walking under his own steam again, mostly fixed but still bruised to hell."
"Shit," Jensen whispered.
"Don’t worry, we got the guys. But - as much as I hate to say it - it wouldn't have happened if you were there."
Anger flared and Jensen hated Chad in that moment. He’d walked for good and valid reasons. Damned good. And if they couldn’t keep him safe, then this was on them. Not him. Maybe if he kept telling himself that, he’d actually believe it. Either way, he didn’t need someone walking in here and telling him that this was his fault. And damned if he was going to let anyone away with it. Even Chad.
"So this is a guilt trip? Well, fuck you. He doesn't need me. He's got Morgan, he's got you, he's got... One more guard wouldn't have made the difference."
"The hell it wouldn't,” Chad rolled over, poking Jensen sharply in the chest. “You telling me you'd have let someone just walk into your bedroom and grab your boy?” Chad stared him right in the eye, pushing him back against the cushions, “Go on, tell me yes and I'll tell you that you're a liar."
Jensen’s voice dropped to a growl, "He's not my boy anymore."
"Bullshit!” Chad cursed, “Don't try to con a conman. I saw your face when you looked at him all broken. You still love him."
It was a statement and one that Jensen couldn’t deny. So he went for evasion.
"You think you can read me so well, Doc?"
Chad pushed himself back a little and looked at Jensen. His thumb tapped against the wheel of his chair as he considered. "I think you want people to think you're a cold unfeeling bastard. Better for the street cred that way. I get it. Really, I do. But first thing you did was reach out. Don't need some bullshit degree to know that you still got feelings for him. Shit, you'd have to be blind not to notice that you've barely looked away from that picture. So how long you gonna keep this up, Jensen?"
"Keep what up?"
Chad shrugged, "You made your point to Jay, you know? He knows he fucked up. But I swear, he's gone to the other extreme now. He doesn't care about the company. Doesn't care about much of anything unless he thinks it's gonna get you back."
"I'm not going back," Jensen said with a finality he didn’t feel.
"We told him that,” Chad shrugged. “But he's got this notion, if he does things just right, you'll come running back. He's scoured the city for you and turned up nothing. He's hit some jobs soon as he found out that you were the one who did them, trying to get some clue of where you disappeared to.” He shook his head, “Fuck man, he's got it bad and just wants to get a chance to talk to you. Apologise."
Jensen pushed himself to his feet, "And he sent you here to ask me what?"
"Nothing,” Chad voice rose in frustration, “He didn't send me. I'm here on my own. He doesn't know where you are. Thinks you're somewhere uptown. I can't watch him unravel like this. It's...” he ran a hand through his hair, pushing it back from his face, “Fuck, man, it's pathetic. He's a wreck. He's my friend and I can't just sit by and let him fall apart. Please. Just talk to him."
Jensen shook his head, pointing at the other man as he spoke, "I did nothing but stand there behind him, make sure he was safe. I did nothing but love him and he didn't even see me. And you want me to go back to that. Fuck that. Fuck you. You guys dropped this one. Not me,” Jensen accused, “And if all you’re gonna do is try to get me back there, you can get out right now. Just get the hell out. And do me a favour, lose the address. No, screw it... No need, I'll be gone from here by the end of the day."
Jensen pulled open the front door. He was done with this. There was an entire city out there and a world beyond it. Damn if it didn't look like time to find a different stone to crawl under.
"Shit, no,” Chad protested, “Jensen, you don't have to...” He held up his hands, “I'm not going to tell him. I wouldn't do that.”
Jensen didn’t move, just stared into the middle distance and Chad folded.
“You want me out? Fine.” He rolled over to the door, to where Jensen stood and stopped, looking up, “Just watch the rest of the files on the chip.” He paused, shaking his head, “That's all I'm asking, Jen. Please. I'm not saying you should just walk back in there and sweep him up,” he smiled, shrugging. “Well, okay maybe I am, but only ‘cause I think that he's back to who he was. He was an asshole, no denying that, but I swear, he’s better now. He’s back to the Jay he was before all this started. Just... Just watch it, Jen. Don't give up on him just yet. Not without all the facts. You two were good together. You could be again."
“Get out.”
“I’m going. Just...” Chad paused, looking up at Jensen, “Answer one question for me, yeah? Is this where you wanna be? Surrounded by a month’s worth of old Chinese takeout and empty beer bottles? Sleeping the day away and working every night until you fall over? How long you think you can do this? How long until someone doesn’t miss? Is this” he gestured around the room, “really what you want? Think about it, Jen. How long are you gonna live like this?”
“Rest of my life, if I have to.”
“Wow, that long? So what’s that going to be? Next Tuesday? Sooner?” Chad wasn’t letting up, “Think about it Jensen. How long can you go on like this?”
Jensen barely waited until Chad was out the door before slamming it closed. He took a deep breath then spun and punching the wall. Pain blossomed through his hand. His mind was a whirlwind. He looked back at the screen, seeing Jared’s face filling the screen, beaten and bruised and cursed Chad. The bastard had been right on more than one count. No one would have snuck past him if he’d been there. He wouldn’t have let them. They would have had to get through him before they even got to lay eyes on Jared. He shook his head, sighing heavily. Morgan had screwed this one up big time. Getting into the building was bad enough, but for them to get out unchallenged, that was... he didn’t even have words for how bad that was. If Morgan had been a street merc instead of some high paid CorpSec suit, his career would have been shot. Not because his mark was captured, failure in the face of better odds was completely understandable, but because they’d done it without any resistance. His reputation would be mud after that. If he was working the streets, he’d be lucky to be hired on as a car park attendant. What he needed to do now was...
Jensen stopped himself sharply. No. No, this wasn’t his concern anymore, that wasn’t his life. Morgan had screwed up but it wasn’t Jensen’s job to fix it. Damn Chad for bringing him back to this. Damn him. Of course he still loved Jared. He’d loved his first boyfriend too, even after he’d caught him making out with a girl behind one of the trailers. It took time and the hell of Army Boot to get over him but he’d done it. Jared was no different. Jensen just needed some space to think and a couple more hard runs and it would be behind him.
He grabbed a beer and twisted off the cap. With a thumbnail he picked at the label as he watched the screen flash to static. He moved to switch it off but another scene sparked to life. Standing there in one of the offices were JD and Mirabel, Mirabel wearing a badge with a large ‘V’ pinned to her lapel. Jensen watched the scene unfold. The timestamp was a couple of days ago, just after the kidnapping.
Pacing back and forth across the carpet, Mirabel raged, “How dare he fire me! Twenty five years of hard work and he has the audacity to fire me for protecting the company image. If his father was alive...”
JD pushed himself away from the desk he was resting against and reached out an arm to still her, “He’s not his father, Bel. Took me a while to figure that out, but I gotta admit that the shot to the chin kinda helped with that,” he rubbed his chin absently. There was a faint hint of a bruise, nothing too bad.
“Ungrateful little brat,” Mirabel shook her head, “He should be kissing the ground you walk on, thanking you for your hard work.” She turned to face him, “I was talking to Marcy on reception who was talking to that high-schooler that’s replaced me and she says that he spends more time out and chasing after that excuse of a bodyguard. It’s disgusting.”
“Bel...” JD shook his head, “You know what? I should never have let you talk me into the whole find-a-date plan.” He stepped away, turning his back on her, “I should have known it would blow up like this.”
“Yeah, you should have,” Jared appeared in the doorway, still bruised and with his arm in a cast.
“Jared...” JD started but Jared wasn’t done speaking.
“I heard a rumour that you had someone here. You know, I expected you to keep better company,” he sneered, “And I know you got the memo that said she wasn’t allowed back in the building. You have an explanation or should I just fire you too?”
“Jay, it’s not what you think,” JD held up his hands.
“How do you know what I think? We haven’t exactly been on the same wavelength lately, have we?” Jared asked. He was cutting his words off to a crisp edge, his face closed down. This wasn’t Jared Padalecki, CEO of Padalecki Microcybernetics. This was Colt.
“You should be grateful that JD deigned to put you back in power, boy,” Mirabel snapped at him. “If your father could see you now, he’d be ashamed to call you a son of his. Deviant to the core.”
Jared spun to face her, his face expressionless, a hard edge in his voice, “Don’t you ever mention my father again. You knew nothing about him.”
“I knew him better than you, boy,” she was chest to chest with him, well as much as she could be given that she was about a foot shorter than him. But it didn’t seem to stop her from trying.
Jared rolled his eyes and looked over at JD. There was anger in his eyes, but only if you knew where to look, “You’ve got five minutes to get her out of the building or you can join her.”
“He was disappointed by you, you know?” she continued, “Always in the news, fucking anything that moved. Was it any wonder he didn’t want you anywhere near the business? Always explaining your actions to the Board. Do you have any idea how close he came to losing the company because of you?”
“Bel, that’s enough,” JD tried to pull her back and shut her up.
Jared looked down at her, hatred slipping past the careful mask, “And I suppose he decided to just confide in you because you’re such a sweetheart? Give me a break. Shut your mouth, Mirabel. I’m tired of your lies.”
“Not lies, Jared,” she smiled, “All those long evenings, late nights and weekends away. Let’s just say that we were close.”
“You bitch!” Jared cursed and the mask slipped a little more, his hands clenching into fists, “Don’t you even...”
“Don’t like hearing the truth, Jared?” she pushed harder, “He’s probably rolling in his grave knowing you took up with street scum like that. And as if that’s not bad enough, you’re actually blowing off your commitments to search for him. Just face it, boy, he’s gone. You’ve driven him away.”
“You and your schemes drove him away,” Jared accused.
“You weren’t protesting, if I remember correctly. Surely you would have put up a little more fight if you actually had feelings for him, wouldn’t you?”
Jared was all coiled muscle and anger, just looking for a target and there was one not two feet away from him. The sheer effort it took not to let fly at her was showing on his face as he forced his fists to uncoil. He turned away from her.
“JD,” his voice was tight, escaping through clenched teeth, “Get her out of my building now. Or I swear I’ll do something I won’t regret.”
JD took Mirabel by the shoulder, forcibly hustling her from the room. Just visible outside the door, JD handed her off to security. JD watched her go and then walked back over to where Jared stood, head bowed and leaning heavily on the desk.
Dropping a hand on his back, JD spoke, “I’m sorry, Jay. I really am. I didn’t... Aw hell, I didn’t mean things to get this out of hand. But with the company and trying to get everything right, I didn’t exactly stop to talk to you ‘bout where you wanted to go, what you wanted to do. So I guess, well, if you got time, how ‘bout we sit down and see if we can figure things out, yeah?”
Jared looked over his shoulder, eyes still narrowed and shrugged off the hand, “Only reason I came down here was to see if you’d managed to replace my armour. I’m heading out again. Heard a rumour he was spotted down by the docks.”
“Jay, you can’t... you can’t keep doing this. It’s not healthy,” JD stepped away, his voice soft, pleading, “Let me talk to some guys, see if we can track him down properly. It’s not safe out there.”
“Save it,” Jared pushed himself up, “I wouldn’t have to go out there if I hadn’t screwed this up, if I hadn’t listened to you. And I told you, I’m not stopping until I find him. There are things I need to say to him, things I need to apologise for. Best damned thing in my life and I didn’t even notice I was breaking it. I’m not letting him go without a fight.”
JD sighed heavily, “And what happens if you do find him? If you do say what you need to. What happens if he says ‘that’s it’? What you going to do then?”
“What do you care?” Jared asked. He sighed and shook his head, “If he doesn’t want to hear, then, I back off. Leave him to live his life, but I gotta know.”
JD looked at him for a whole minute, not saying a word. Just watching him. Then finally, he nodded, “Okay, but take some of my guys with you. You’re still pretty beat up. They’ll watch your back for you. Keep you safe.”
Jared shook his head, “No. No, JD. I’m doing this alone. Only person I want watching my back is Jensen.”
JD pulled him into a hug and held him tightly. The microphones just barely picked up the whispered “Good luck” he wished him before Jared left. JD watched him go then pushed closed his office door and moved to sit behind his desk. He pulled open the bottom drawer of his desk and picked up the bottle of bourbon. He poured himself a large glass and replaced the bottle. He made no move to pick up the glass, just looked at it. Eventually, he dropped his head into his hands and the recording fizzled out.
Jensen stared at the screen not quite knowing what to think. He'd known that Jared was still looking for him. He’d enough contacts on the streets that if he put out a couple of phonecalls, he could get a minute by minute breakdown of Jared’s day. The only reason he hadn’t done that was that he'd been waiting for Jared to get tired of traipsing around the city following cold trails and bad rumours. Now, that was getting less and less likely and this video clip in particular drove that point home.
The more he saw of his ex-boyfriend, the more it was becoming clear that Jared was fairly close to the end of his rope. The kidnapping had been one thing but walking out on the streets without backup? That was as close to suicide as make no difference. Jensen had taught him better than that; even he tagged onto teams, and he had a hell of a lot more experience doing this than Jared did. Sure he didn’t know them, but if something went down, then at least he was covered. It wasn't as good as having Jared behind him but that wasn’t an option for him anymore. One sorrowful apology, one look at those puppy dog eyes and he’d go running back. He knew it.
He was still as head over heels for Jared as he was before he walked out. His anger had faded now to cold guilt and sat at the bottom of his stomach just waiting for people like Chad to stir it back up. He still had to catch himself every time he turned to share something with Jared. He still woke in the middle of the night and started when he felt the cold sheets beside him. He still reached out for Jared in his sleep. Yes, he was still in love with Jared. There! He’d admitted it. But just knowing that was doing him no good.
Damn Chad for invading his home and showing him this shit. Why’d he have to come down here? Why couldn’t he just have done what he normally did and mail him shit to watch? Least that way he could have deleted them without looking.
He flicked off the screen, killing the static. Anger, hurt, and guilt fought inside him, dragging his head every which way and he didn’t know what to do. He started to raise the beer bottle to his lips but stopped before he could take a sip. With a savage hurl, Jensen watched the bottle smash against the wall in an explosion of glass and liquid.
Screw this. He was done with this shit. Just... Done. Dallas was too filled with memories and people. He needed to get out, needed to think. Somewhere away from the genius fucking hackers and people who thought they knew what was best for him. San Antonio was good this time of year, or maybe Austin. He could go there, maybe. Clear his head and get everything straight. He ran a hand over his face and was surprised to feel the wetness on his cheeks. He brushed savagely at the tears with the back of his hand and in that instant, he knew that running wouldn’t help. He could hit the end of the world and he’d still have a hole where Jared used to be and no way to fill it.
He needed help. He was drowning here and there was only one person left he could turn to. He pulled out his phone and started dialling the number. He was an idiot; every bit as big and idiot as Jared had been and he was standing at rock bottom and had hocked the ladder he needed to get out of here. His finger hovered over the send button as he tried to work out what to say. It probably wouldn’t matter. Josh’d get right to the heart of it in two sentences no matter what he said. He took a deep breath and-
-Almost had a damned heart attack when his phone chirped in his hand. He checked the display, half-expecting to see Josh’s name there but it was Charlie, his fixer. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down before he answered it.
“Charlie, now’s not a good...” Jensen started.
“Remington-baby, you know I wouldn’t call unless it was urgent,” the voice on the other end of the phone was saccharin sweet, “I’m down a gunner. Need someone good. It’s a 10K payoff, but they’re heading out in thirty. It’s a cakewalk, Rem, gonna take about two hours. Mission’s already planned, everything’s good. Just need an extra gunner, just in case. Can I count you in?”
Jensen’s eyes flicked to the screen and the spreading puddle on the floor. He really wanted to call Josh, talk things out but he’d waited this long... He could wait another two hours.
“Sure, Charlie,” he replied, “Let me grab my stuff. Where’s the meeting?”
She gave him an address and hung up. Jensen closed his phone and stared at it. Two hours. Two hours and maybe then he’d have worked out how to ask for help without sounding like the fuck-up little brother that he was.
Next Chapter
Author name: deannawol
Artist name: grayscaled
Genre: RPS AU
Pairing: Jensen/Jared
Rating: NC-17 / R
Word count: 66,666
Warnings: Slash (M/M) relationship, oral sex, violence, language, angst .
Summary: J2 Cyberpunk AU; Three years ago, Christian Kane betrayed Jared Padalecki and killed most of his family. Mercenary Jensen Ackles saved him and his younger sister Megan and brought them to live with them out in the wilds of Texas. Jared's been training and is finally ready to take Kane on to win back his family's corporate empire. However, the course of true love never runs smoothly and in regaining what he's lost, he's put everything he loves in jeopardy, including his partner and lover, Jensen. A J2 Romance in a Cyberpunk AU setting.
Link to Fic Masterpost: Link
Link to Art Masterpost: Link
Previous Chapter
Jensen was pissed. No that was wrong. Jensen was so far beyond pissed that he’d have to calm down by an entire fucking order of magnitude to get back down to merely pissed. The past twenty-four hours had been hell. He'd fucking had it. He wasn’t going to stand in the background any more. He wasn’t furniture, dammit and he was done letting anyone treat him that way. He was a fucking high class mercenary able to name his own damn pay check on any job he chose to take. It was time he dumped the high fashion suits and pulled back on his street armour, got back to the streets. Quit fucking around in the CorpSec world and get back to where he belonged. Back to where he was more than just someone’s shadow. He was good, damned good and it was about time that the world remembered that.
Pulling his cell out of his pocket, he opened it and bent the cover back until it snapped and shattered. Tossing it in a garbage can, he ducked down a side street, then another and another, choosing left or right on a whim. He needed to disappear back into the underground and soon as possible. He ducked into a call-shop and tossed a credchip at the girl behind the counter, slotting himself into a booth. He dialled from memory and waited for an answer.
“You got Mac. You know the drill.”
Jensen wiped at his eyes, and forced calmness into his voice, “Three thirty seven, two hours.”
With the message left, he hung up. He just hoped that she’d pick it up soon. He might be walking away but he wasn’t selfish enough to make her do the same, especially if she was still happy there, if there was still a chance at happiness there for her. That didn’t mean he was just gonna walk and leave her to guess after him, she was his sister and just for that she deserved more than that. Besides, if he didn’t...well, best case, she’d worry and call Momma who’d get the rest of the damned family into Dallas looking for him; worst case, she’d come looking for him herself and find herself hip deep in shit she didn’t know how to deal with. He had to let her know he was safe and that if she needed him, he’d be there but damned if he was going to be a fucking rug any more. Jared had taken his last walk over him.
He trusted Mackenzie completely. No way was she going to let slip to Jared where he was or what he was doing but it wasn’t fair to put that on her. Up until now, he’d kept everything carefully tucked away from her. All she got was the caring big brother who was there to listen to her bitch about the hours, the staff and Megan’s witch of a PA. He hadn’t dumped his crap on her but even so, he knew that she suspected that everything wasn’t entirely rosy. Even if he did tell her all the sordid details, throwing her in the middle of it when she was dating Jared’s little sister was just cruel. No, he’d let her know that he was safe, let her see for herself and then put some space between himself and the whole series of problems that was Jared Padalecki.
Dumping another credchip on the counter, Jensen picked up a pre-paid cell and left, dumping the packaging as he went. He thumbed through the settings, turning on the anonymous option and dialled the phone message box Josh kept an ear on.
“I’m fine. Gonna go stay with friends for a couple of days. Call you when I get my head together.”
He waited for the send confirmation and then switched off the phone. He wasn’t ready to have that conversation yet. Everything was still a little too raw, his anger just a little too high and if he didn’t get his head together, he was gonna dive straight into a bottle or a gunfight and at the moment, he wasn’t sure he cared if he’d came back out. A dangerous prospect in his line of work.
There were too many graves in the city, too many bloodstains left on the pavement from guys who couldn’t get their head in the game, couldn’t leave their shit behind them. And damn, his reputation was golden, even with this recent stint in CorpSec threatening to tarnish it. Problem was that he was going to have to dump the Winchester name. Start fresh. Jared knew too many of his hideaways, too many of his tricks and that was a world of pain he didn’t want to get into right now. Not when it was still so fresh. He knew that he had to run, hard and fast, to get away from Jared. His ex - fuck, that sounded wrong - was a huge chink in his defences. And he knew deep down that if Jared looked at him with those big puppy dog eyes and said he was sorry that he’d find himself wrapping himself straight back up in those arms and walk straight back into the dragons mouth. He’d been so wrapped up in making sure that Jared was safe, so sure that Jared was happy that he’d forgotten himself and he owed himself more than that.
He made his way through the streets, heading towards the bus station. Jensen fished out a small wad of old-style paper wrapped around a locker key. Memory took him to the locker and unlocking the door, he pulled out his emergency kit. A backpack with armour, guns, ammo and enough cred to set himself up anywhere he wanted in the city. It had seemed like a good idea when he was running high and he was grateful now for the foresight. He checked the contents quickly, not pulling anything out in the middle of the crowded station but just making sure that no one had tampered with it since he’d locked it in there about four years before. Everything was there, just as he’d left it. Yeah, his best stuff was still sitting in that too fucking perfect room he’d shared with Jared, but here was enough of what he needed to get his feet on the ground again. He smiled to himself, just a quirk of lip. Can’t keep a good merc down. Hefting the duffle bag over his shoulder, he made his way to the bus station’s grubby bathrooms and ducked into the disabled stall. It was a bare fraction bigger than the others but would give him a little more room to work in.
Stripping off the tailored jacket, he hung it up on the rusty hook on the back of the cubicle door. The tie went with it, then the pants. It was a struggle to pull them off over his own combat boots but there was no way that he was standing on the floor in just his socks. Who knew what gunk covered the floor? It was enough that his boots were sticking to the residue without exposing other parts of him to it. Especially parts of him that couldn’t just be pulled off and thrown in the nearest dumpster.
He pulled the rolled up leather armour pants and flapped them out, holding them up to the fluorescent light to check for damage. He pulled them on over the boots, sucking in his breath a little as he closed the fastenings. Corporate living wasn’t great for the waistline, no matter how many hours he spent in the gym. The coat was three quarter length and unrolled easily. He shrugged into it and dug through the pockets. Receipts and notes to remind him of things he’d put behind him long ago were stuffed back into the duffle. He rolled his shoulders as he readjusted to the weight. Kevlar wasn’t lightweight, even without the heavy ceramic plates. It didn’t hang like the bespoke tailoring that Jared had gotten him used to. It was heavy, reassuring, solid, and had your back in a fight.
The knives, creds and extra ammo were tucked into their specially designed compartments, his wallet went into his pocket and he closed the catches on the jacket. Wouldn’t do to scare the few ‘normals’ who actually used the bus station for making their way through the metropolis. He zipped the duffel closed and hefted it over his shoulder before pulling the suit down from the hook on the back of the door and draping it over his arm. With a quick glance around to make sure that he wasn’t leaving something behind, he left. The suit was stuffed into the charity bin on his way out. There were just too many memories wrapped up it for him to keep it with him but his Momma didn’t raise her boy to waste good clothes. Maybe someone else would have a better time with it than he had.
He’d left his own car, the fucking perfect black Impala his brother had given him, back at the Padalecki building, with the keys upstairs in his room and it galled him not to have it with him now. But given that it was a classic, it would have been far too easily tracked down even if he had spared the time to grab the keys. Maybe he could ask Mackenzie to make sure it made its way back to the camp. Least there it’d be looked after. But for now, he had three options: cab, bus or walk.
He hopped a bus heading out, sitting about half way back, the duffle taking up the seat beside him. His eyes followed people as they used the bus station as a shortcut hurrying from place to place, using them as distractions against the thoughts that were crowding his mind.
There were three other people on the bus who weren’t crew. ‘Bout average, he guessed, given the time of day and the route. The Metrodome Rambler was just like its name, making a long, winding route through most of the city, picking up gangers and grandmothers alike. Wasn’t cheap, but you were guaranteed safe on board. Four massive .50 cal miniguns manned by the meanest ex-mercs alive made sure no one crossed the line. The bus was slow, weighed down with heavy duty armour plates on every surface and comfort was a luxury not included in the ticket price, but it got him where he was going and with a lot less conversation than a cab.
The place where he’d hopefully meet Mackenzie was an old coffee bar, run down and dilapidated to a point where ya tested the seats before you sat down. The coffee was instant and served in chipped mugs but there were no cameras or electronic bugs in the place. The owners did a sweep every couple of hours. It was the only reason people still went there. It certainly wasn’t for the sparkling company; street rats, mercs and the other undesirables that made their living off the streets. He ordered a coffee and sat, cupping the mug in his hands. His back was to the wall, with a clear view of the door.
He sipped the awful coffee as he tried to work out where to go from here. There were some guys working out of the rougher sections of the city that he could probably crash with. Given the reputation of the places they hung out, Jared wouldn’t even dare brave it. Not even with all his CorpSec guards holding his hand. Get a couple of jobs under his belt and he’d be able to replace most of what he’d lost.
Just under two hours from his message, Mackenzie pulled up outside, propping her bike on its stand and setting the security lock. She was decked out in biker leathers which just made her look even more dangerous and already Jensen was starting to wonder if it was a good idea to hold the meeting in person. Phone calls were underrated. He waited until she sat down and turned his attention to the window, watching for any suspicious characters, anyone who looked to be taking too close a look. Couldn’t be too careful and well, it wasn’t that he didn’t trust Mackenzie to notice if someone was following her, but there were certain people in Padalecki Microcybernetics who were paid an impressive amount of money to be impressively good at knowing other people's business. Jensen’s sister sneaking out just hours after her brother walked? That would definitely raise a few flags. He watched for another few moments before he turned back to face his sister’s grim gaze and folded arms.
“I suppose there’s a good reason that you’re sitting here having coffee when half of the fucking corp is out looking for you?” she asked, eyes flashing with fire.
“Half the...” Jensen frowned, taken by surprise, “Why are they...?”
“Why the hell d'you think? You just walked out, left all your shit there with no clue as to where you were going or how long you’d be. What’d you think was going to happen? We'd sit there and wave as you walk away?” she rolled her eyes. “You could have left a note or something. Ya know, something more than a fucking cred chip with his name on it. And this...” she thumped him on the arm, hard enough to give him pins and needles in his hand, “is for making Megan think that she’s split the two of you up. She made a mistake, Jen, it’s not the end of the world. She’s sorry. She wasn’t thinking and I’ve already had words with her, loud words, about it. Now, off your ass and I’ll give you a ride back.”
“No.”
Just one simple word and he stopped her dead. She sank back into the chair, eyes narrowing as she looked at him. Really looked at him. Jensen looked down, not meeting her gaze and watched the heat treated milk separate from the coffee as it swirled around his mug.
“This isn’t about Meg and her bad idea of a gift, is it?” her voice was quiet now, barely above a whisper.
“Gift?” Jensen frowned. “What?”
“She wanted to do something special for you both and her idiotic staff convinced her that paying you would be the way to express how valued you are. Anyway, she wanted to do something for you both and for Josh and Inez. But yeah, turns out she’s still getting a handle on this whole corporate thing and when to be official and when to just be Meg. So, I guess, happy anniversary, Jen, three years. Check the dates. Longest damned relationship you’ve ever had.”
He flicked his eye over the internal chronometer, the calendar flicking up to sit in the middle of his vision, and cursed. She was right. Fuck. He hadn’t even thought of that and the way Meg had put it... it hadn’t exactly clicked into place for him. But it didn’t matter. It was just the catalyst, the kick in the ass that he’d needed to walk.
“But I’m guessing that since you’re not rushing back to drag your boy out for a nice big steak dinner that there’s more to it than Meg’s lack of tact?”
“I didn’t... I had no idea but no,” he admitted, “it wasn’t just that. It was part of it, but no, it wasn’t Meg. That just... It was just the last of a very long line of shit that’s happened. And I’m done. But that’s not why I wanted to meet up with you.”
Mackenzie took a deep breath and let it out slowly, “Okay, I’m listening. Talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong.”
Jensen closed his eyes and bit back the need to let it all out. He wouldn’t dump this on her shoulders. That wasn’t what a big brother did, even if it was really tempting.
“Look, this is for me to deal with, not you, Mac, you don’t need to worry about it. Just wanted you to know that I’m good ‘fore I headed out. I need some time to get my head on straight, get things sorted out and I’m not going be just down the hall from you anymore.”
“So where you going?” she asked.
“Gonna stay with a few guys I know for a couple of days. Friends from way back,” he answered, trying to keep it vague.
“The ones we stayed with last night?” she pushed.
“No, different ones,” Jensen took a sip of his coffee, grimacing at the taste. “I’ll... I’ll call you when I get there, yeah? Let you know.”
“Uh huh. Call me when you get there. Right...” she looked at him sceptically.
Jensen scrubbed a hand through his hair, rubbing it hard, “You know, you’re starting to sound like Mom there, Mac. Might wanna watch that.”
“So, you’re done? Just walked out. You know, he’s not even sure you’ve broken up with him,” she asked. “Three years, Jen, there’s gotta be something worth fighting for. Even if he has done something stupid, that’s a long time to just walk out on. Meg said that he was frantic to find you and apologise. It can’t be that bad, can it?”
Jensen pushed back his chair and stood, “Mac, I just wanted to let you know everything was okay. I’ve done that. I need to get going.”
“Shit, no, Jensen...” Mac stood up too, blocking his way, “Fine, you won’t want to talk about it, we won’t talk about it. I’m sorry, just... Sit back down, Jen. Please,” her voice was low now, “I have to tell him something. Meg too. Otherwise he’s going to keep looking for you. So what do you want it to be?” she asked.
Jensen shook his head, but took a seat, using the time to think, “I... Tell him I’ve gone back where I belong and not to bother looking.”
She sat down again, “Okay, but mood he was in, I don't think that’s going to cut it.”
“It’ll have to.”
She drummed her nails on the table, “We’re going to have a problem then, big brother.”
Jensen frowned, “Oh?”
“He’s not going to stop searching, Jen. You should have seen him. I haven’t seen him this cut up since you dragged him back to camp that first time. Even Morgan couldn’t talk him outta trying to find you.”
Jensen barely bit back the sneer, “I’m sure he’ll talk Jay round soon enough.”
She looked at him oddly but continued, “I come back with word from the great love of his life, he’s not going to believe that I don’t know where you are. And if he thinks you’re still in the city he’s gonna keep searching. We gotta work out a system, let you know where not to be and give you your space.”
“I’m heading deep city, Mac, not even Jared is gonna search there. Day, two days tops and he’s gonna get the message,” he assured his sister.
“I wouldn’t count on it.”
Jensen sighed, “Okay, so what’re you thinking?”
She thought for a second, “Only one thing for it. We go to the one guy who’s got an eye on everything. Talk to Chad. Or let me talk to him.”
“Chad?” Jensen shook his head, “No, that’s not going to work. He’s Jared’s guy. Has been since the start. He’ll run straight back to Jay, tell him everything.”
She smirked, “I don’t think so. I’ve spent a little time with him, people watching. I think there’s a bit of a kindred spirit there. Let me talk to him, see what I can work out,” she held up a hand before Jensen could say anything. “I won’t tell him anything until I’m sure that he won’t rat you out. Trust me.”
Jensen rubbed his eyes and sighed again, “Okay fine, play it your way.”
“So when are you calling Josh?” she asked
Jensen shrugged, “Not yet. I need to think things through, get it all straight in my head.”
“You need to call him, Jen, I already know he’s worried. I had him on the phone to me asking what was up before I came out to meet you,” she shook her head, “I know you sent him a message but he’s likely to just head into the city and hunt you down, you know.”
“Yeah,” Jensen admits, “I know, but... I just need time. Tell him I’ll call him when I’m ready to talk about it yeah? Tell him I’m okay. Just... I have to figure out what’s next.”
“He’s not gonna like it.”
“I’ll call him, Mac, I will,” he ran a hand through his hair, “Just not now.”
He knew it wouldn’t hold Josh off indefinitely but he just wasn’t ready to handle this. Not yet.
“Tell him...” he paused, “Tell him it won’t be like last time.”
She looked him in the eye, searching for the truth in his words, “Okay Jensen, but make it soon, yeah?”
He nodded and pulled her into a hug.
“Take care of yourself, Mac.”
“The hell you think you’re going without giving me your new number?” she asked, not letting him go, “You don’t tell me what’s wrong between the two of you and you won’t even tell me where the fuck you’re going or when you’ll be back. Do you seriously think that I’m going to let you out of here without having some way to contact you? I was back at camp last time you disappeared. The hell I’m doing that again, boy, now gimme.”
“New number?” Jensen asked innocently, as he pulled himself free.
“You trying to tell me you haven’t ditched your old phone already?” she asked, “Don’t even try lying to me.”
“I don’t know what you’re...”
Mackenzie interrupted, “We can do this the easy way or the hard way. I am not above kicking your ass, big brother.”
Jensen looked around the cafe and saw that people were looking their way. “Mac, keep your voice down.”
Her voice actually rose and more people started staring at them, “What's the matter? Afraid of a girl, Winchester? Come on, just you and me.”
“Fine, jeez, gimme your phone,” he held out a hand.
She pulled out her cell and handed it over. He typed in the number and checked it before handing the phone back. She smiled and tucked the phone back into her pocket.
“I don’t hear from you in a week, I’m tracking you down,” she warned.
Jensen watched as she pulled on her helmet and threw a leg over her bike. Kicking the stand, she turned the key and revved the engine. The wheels spun in place as she looked at him. Then with a burst of speed, she was gone.
He flicked a glance at his internal chronometer and cursed. It was getting late and he had to get going. He wasn’t exactly suicidal enough to chance some parts of the city at night. Not with the compliment of weapons he had with him. Hell, a tank and a full load of LAWs wouldn’t be enough to keep him safe after dark in those areas. Not unless he had a gang at his back, which was exactly what he was aiming to have. The Campfire, home to the nomads who came to the city and got a little too far from their own families, got to feeling homesick or wound up down on their luck. He’d stayed with them before and he knew they’d welcome him back. A hundred strong and vicious enough to keep whatever turf they claimed. And the Ackles had good cred throughout the state. He’d run with them for a while, get his feet damp again before breaking off. Hopefully by that stage, Jared would have called off the hunt.
He left the cafe and headed towards the dark side of the city. He tracked his way by watching the gang tags, vivid graphics against peeling plaster walls. Burned out cars and boarded up windows, this was not the side of the city that anyone really wanted to see. But during daylight, there was nowhere more peaceful. No one woke before the sun went down, so sneaking through the zone was as easy as walking.
The Campfire was an old housing development, easily found when you knew where you were going. He was stopped three times on his way, sentries a block or two out all wanting to know who he was and what he wanted. They stripped him of his guns, his knives, everything but his armour and only gave them back when he’d been given the nod from Miskar, the leader of the gang. Something about recognising the look in his eye. He was given crash space, beer, food and enough room to get his head together. He wasn’t home but it would do.
~#~#~
Time passed slowly there, but it wasn’t long until he got back to it, picking jobs he could do in his sleep and getting some needed cred in his pocket. Took him a while to replace what he’d lost. Mackenzie had sent it back to the family even without him telling her to, but if he wanted it back, needed it back, he wasn’t ready to go out there and face them. He didn’t want to hear the platitudes or the cold comfort that they’d trot out. He knew they were there for him but he couldn’t bear to see the looks in their eyes, the pity. Best to let it blow over for a while longer. He answered his phone to three people and ignored everyone else. His fixer, who lined up his jobs, ‘cause ignoring her would be stupid. His sister ‘cause he wasn’t sure that she wouldn’t just hunt his ass down and pin him to a wall. And...
“Dude, just saw that shit you did last night on the vidstream. Man, that was slick!”
Chad. Who’d apparently quizzed Mackenzie up, down and backwards over Jensen’s mysterious disappearance, then put together his own idea of what must have happened and gone in and thumped Jared upside the head a couple of times. He'd had to get Jay to bend down, of course, but he’d cussed him out in front of the entire damned office for losing the best damned thing to happen to him. Even Jensen had to admit to smiling when he’d heard. Chad’d ordered Mirabel a subscription of every dirty-wrong-awful pornographic magazine out there to be delivered to her at home, at whatever shitty new job she managed to land, anywhere he could pin her down. But it was his revenge on Morgan that Jensen particularly savoured. Who knew that it took more than just turning up in the City Hall records office to overturn your own death. Cred cards, bank accounts, even his company credentials had all been suspended thanks to a click of a button. Mastery at work.
There was just one problem with having Chad as a friend, the weekly, daily updates on just how torn up Jared was. Live in high def video and surround sound audio. And he honestly wasn’t sure if it was Chad’s way of siding with him or a not so subtle attempt to get him to come back - just to put an end to “Jay’s pathetic whimpering”. It was exhausting, leaving Jensen wrung out and hollow. He started dodging Chad's calls, letting them roll over to voicemail more often than not. He should have known it wouldn’t be that easy.
The banging on the door woke Jensen at too fucking early in the morning. He groaned and flicked a glance at his internal chronometer. It was half past ten and Jensen cursed. He’d crawled in about twenty minutes ago, crashing hard when the adrenaline finally cleared his system. Three fucking months of a purely nocturnal existence and he just wasn’t built to cope with the sunlight creeping through the almost totally blacked out windows. He pushed himself off the couch where he’d sat down, just for a minute, and made his way to the door. He scratched himself through the armour pants he still wore and brushed a hand over his face.
It took him three attempts to get the door unlocked and opened and when he swung it open, he really wasn’t prepared for what he saw there. Holding council on his doorstep was Chad, with a group of nomads around him all listening as he spoke.
"... not like it’s a problem, man. And I'm serious, ditch Scarecrow. He's running a death wish at the minute. Likely to get skragged if he keeps running ICE the way he is.”
The group of hardened runners nodded and rumbled thanks for the advice. Jensen didn’t have a fucking clue who Scarecrow was or what the hell they all were talking about. He just leaned back against the doorframe, thankful for the support. He’d been running a little too hot lately, a little too close to the edge and he could already start to feel it catching up with him.
Chad pulled a card from inside his jacket, and handed it over, smiling up at his entourage, “Gimme a shout if you want some names. I got a few buddies looking for work. Mining data, background checks, straight forward hacking. Anything you want long as it's illegal."
"'preciate it, kid,” Chief said, smiling.
In all his time there, Jensen had never seen even the beginning of a smile on the man’s face. Six foot tall and built like the proverbial shithouse, the guy was one of the hardcore enforcers for the urban camp and one of the few nomads here that Jensen was genuinely scared of.
"No problem. Catch you later, Grizzly,” Chad winked, actually fucking winked at the walking mountain, before turning to face Jensen. “Gotta talk to a man about a man, ya know how it is!"
Chief high fived him and headed off, dragging the rest of the men with him and all Jensen could do was look at Chad. Not all cylinders were firing and it took Chad almost rolling over his foot to get him moving.
"So, Doctor Ackles, what's the prognosis? Will I ever walk again?" Chad caught the wheel and spun to face Jensen.
"Dude? The hell?"
It was too early for this shit.
"Never heard of an alibi?” Chad rolled over to the kitchen, such that it was and started opening cupboards and closing them again. There was nothing in there. “We got about an hour, maybe a little more before I have to head back.”
"Chad,” Jensen sat down heavily on the couch, “unless you got an epic amount of coffee with you, it is too goddamn early for riddles. And how the fuck’d you find me?"
Chad raised an eyebrow, "Like I haven’t known where you were all along. Please! I’m not some two bit hacker with a T1 modem. This is what I do. Jay thinks I'm visiting my useless, overcharging specialist. Some fantasy operation that's gonna miraculously reverse all the damage from the fucking free floating bullet in my spine."
Jensen gaped at him, "If he can... Dude, the fuck are you here for? If there's a chance..."
Chad’s head dropped and he tapped his finger against the wheel of his chair, smiling. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. After a long pause, he finally spoke, looking up at Jensen, "Ya know, this is why I like you. You look like hell and you still do shit like this.,” He paused, “It’s a line. The doc, it’s a line. You have any idea how many times I've heard that story? I'll give him a call later, do so research and reschedule it if I need to. Anyway, this is more important."
"Oh?" Jensen frowned, letting himself relax back against the cushions.
Chad rolled over until he was in front of Jensen and gave him a long look. “You look like shit, man. Don’t smell much better either. When was the last time you washed that shirt?”
Jensen frowned and raised an arm until he could smell his t-shirt and yeah, it could definitely do with a wash. He shrugged, “I dunno. Two days, maybe more?”
Chad shook his head, “You’re gross, man. Did you even shower since you came back from last night’s run? You do have running water here, yeah?”
“You come here just to give me shit? Cause if you did, then door’s over there,” Jensen pointed.
“You wanna grab one? I’ll wait. Seriously, you’re offending my delicate constitution here.”
“Yeah, I’m really gonna leave you alone in my apartment,” Jensen rolled his eyes.
“I’m sure whatever’s been growing in those takeout containers can keep me company. So, takeout trash and beer? That’s all you got here?” Chad asked, “Not exactly what I pictured.”
Jensen grabbed his backpack from where it sat beside his sofa and dug through it for his spare t-shirt. Pulling the hem out of his armoured pants, he pulled the dirty t-shirt over his head and flung it towards the kitchen.
“Jesus, Jen, what the fuck happened you?”
Jensen looked down at the puckered red welts that peppered his torso and shrugged, “Got a little too close to a frag grenade a couple of nights ago.”
“And the rest? You actually planning on dodging the bullets coming at you or just catching them with your chest, dude? And eat something beside takeout will ya? I can count your ribs under all the scars.”
Jensen pulled on the clean shirt and glared at Chad, “You got something worth my time? Cause if not, I’m gonna go back to sleep.”
"Got some video for you to watch. Think you'll find it interesting.” Chad pushed himself back towards Jensen, “You got a screen 'round here I can plug into?"
Jensen sighed, “I’m not in the mood for movie night, Chad. Leave the chip if you have to. I’ll watch it when I have time.”
“Yeah, cause if I just leave it here, it won’t get covered in junk,” Chad said sarcastically, “And I was born yesterday. Get off your ass and get me a screen.”
“You mean you didn’t bring one with you?” Jensen’s tone was equally dry.
“Oh gee, let me just check my pants,” he padded himself, “Damn must have forgotten. Do I gotta go ask Chief if I can borrow his? Cause I reckon he’d be only too pleased to help me out given he owes me a couple of favours.”
Jensen cursed, but reached out and pulled away some of the take away boxes and other accumulated crap that had gotten piled in front of his small crappy screen. Chad checked the connections quickly and turned it on. He dug in his pockets for a battered leather case. He flipped through the various wires and connectors until he found one that worked and plugged it in to the old set. He hooked in a small chip reader and slotted a black chip. Jensen watched the grainy picture resolve into a sharper image and there in the middle of it was Jared. Jared getting dragged out of their - no, not their apartment - his apartment. Jared getting manhandled down the stairs. Jared getting put into a beat up van. Jared speeding off into the city and not a fucking finger lifted to help him. No security. No nothing. Just a clear run down to the front door. Jensen cursed, sitting up straighter as he watched.
The timestamp skipped forward and this time, Jensen’s breath caught at the image on the screen. Sure, he was still pissed at Jared but this... this was way beyond any payback he could have wished on his ex-boyfriend. Bruises, cuts, one side of his face swollen so badly that he couldn’t even open his eye. His arm was plastered, the same one he’d broken before, back before they made the run against Kane, back when the most complicated thing in their lives was remembering to lock the trailer door just in case someone walked in. Jensen ached to reach out to Jared, pull him close and tell him that it was all okay, that it would never happen again. But that wasn’t who they were any more. That wasn’t his place.
Chad cut across his thoughts, "That happened about a week ago. A break in, some fucking organised mercs managed to breach during the night. Dunno what the fuck happened with security. JD’s hauled them over the coals for it but found nothing,” Chad’s voice was a little unsteady now. “They had him out of the building and half way to the edge of the city before we managed to get him back, beaten to shit but he's okay. Even walking under his own steam again, mostly fixed but still bruised to hell."
"Shit," Jensen whispered.
"Don’t worry, we got the guys. But - as much as I hate to say it - it wouldn't have happened if you were there."
Anger flared and Jensen hated Chad in that moment. He’d walked for good and valid reasons. Damned good. And if they couldn’t keep him safe, then this was on them. Not him. Maybe if he kept telling himself that, he’d actually believe it. Either way, he didn’t need someone walking in here and telling him that this was his fault. And damned if he was going to let anyone away with it. Even Chad.
"So this is a guilt trip? Well, fuck you. He doesn't need me. He's got Morgan, he's got you, he's got... One more guard wouldn't have made the difference."
"The hell it wouldn't,” Chad rolled over, poking Jensen sharply in the chest. “You telling me you'd have let someone just walk into your bedroom and grab your boy?” Chad stared him right in the eye, pushing him back against the cushions, “Go on, tell me yes and I'll tell you that you're a liar."
Jensen’s voice dropped to a growl, "He's not my boy anymore."
"Bullshit!” Chad cursed, “Don't try to con a conman. I saw your face when you looked at him all broken. You still love him."
It was a statement and one that Jensen couldn’t deny. So he went for evasion.
"You think you can read me so well, Doc?"
Chad pushed himself back a little and looked at Jensen. His thumb tapped against the wheel of his chair as he considered. "I think you want people to think you're a cold unfeeling bastard. Better for the street cred that way. I get it. Really, I do. But first thing you did was reach out. Don't need some bullshit degree to know that you still got feelings for him. Shit, you'd have to be blind not to notice that you've barely looked away from that picture. So how long you gonna keep this up, Jensen?"
"Keep what up?"
Chad shrugged, "You made your point to Jay, you know? He knows he fucked up. But I swear, he's gone to the other extreme now. He doesn't care about the company. Doesn't care about much of anything unless he thinks it's gonna get you back."
"I'm not going back," Jensen said with a finality he didn’t feel.
"We told him that,” Chad shrugged. “But he's got this notion, if he does things just right, you'll come running back. He's scoured the city for you and turned up nothing. He's hit some jobs soon as he found out that you were the one who did them, trying to get some clue of where you disappeared to.” He shook his head, “Fuck man, he's got it bad and just wants to get a chance to talk to you. Apologise."
Jensen pushed himself to his feet, "And he sent you here to ask me what?"
"Nothing,” Chad voice rose in frustration, “He didn't send me. I'm here on my own. He doesn't know where you are. Thinks you're somewhere uptown. I can't watch him unravel like this. It's...” he ran a hand through his hair, pushing it back from his face, “Fuck, man, it's pathetic. He's a wreck. He's my friend and I can't just sit by and let him fall apart. Please. Just talk to him."
Jensen shook his head, pointing at the other man as he spoke, "I did nothing but stand there behind him, make sure he was safe. I did nothing but love him and he didn't even see me. And you want me to go back to that. Fuck that. Fuck you. You guys dropped this one. Not me,” Jensen accused, “And if all you’re gonna do is try to get me back there, you can get out right now. Just get the hell out. And do me a favour, lose the address. No, screw it... No need, I'll be gone from here by the end of the day."
Jensen pulled open the front door. He was done with this. There was an entire city out there and a world beyond it. Damn if it didn't look like time to find a different stone to crawl under.
"Shit, no,” Chad protested, “Jensen, you don't have to...” He held up his hands, “I'm not going to tell him. I wouldn't do that.”
Jensen didn’t move, just stared into the middle distance and Chad folded.
“You want me out? Fine.” He rolled over to the door, to where Jensen stood and stopped, looking up, “Just watch the rest of the files on the chip.” He paused, shaking his head, “That's all I'm asking, Jen. Please. I'm not saying you should just walk back in there and sweep him up,” he smiled, shrugging. “Well, okay maybe I am, but only ‘cause I think that he's back to who he was. He was an asshole, no denying that, but I swear, he’s better now. He’s back to the Jay he was before all this started. Just... Just watch it, Jen. Don't give up on him just yet. Not without all the facts. You two were good together. You could be again."
“Get out.”
“I’m going. Just...” Chad paused, looking up at Jensen, “Answer one question for me, yeah? Is this where you wanna be? Surrounded by a month’s worth of old Chinese takeout and empty beer bottles? Sleeping the day away and working every night until you fall over? How long you think you can do this? How long until someone doesn’t miss? Is this” he gestured around the room, “really what you want? Think about it, Jen. How long are you gonna live like this?”
“Rest of my life, if I have to.”
“Wow, that long? So what’s that going to be? Next Tuesday? Sooner?” Chad wasn’t letting up, “Think about it Jensen. How long can you go on like this?”
Jensen barely waited until Chad was out the door before slamming it closed. He took a deep breath then spun and punching the wall. Pain blossomed through his hand. His mind was a whirlwind. He looked back at the screen, seeing Jared’s face filling the screen, beaten and bruised and cursed Chad. The bastard had been right on more than one count. No one would have snuck past him if he’d been there. He wouldn’t have let them. They would have had to get through him before they even got to lay eyes on Jared. He shook his head, sighing heavily. Morgan had screwed this one up big time. Getting into the building was bad enough, but for them to get out unchallenged, that was... he didn’t even have words for how bad that was. If Morgan had been a street merc instead of some high paid CorpSec suit, his career would have been shot. Not because his mark was captured, failure in the face of better odds was completely understandable, but because they’d done it without any resistance. His reputation would be mud after that. If he was working the streets, he’d be lucky to be hired on as a car park attendant. What he needed to do now was...
Jensen stopped himself sharply. No. No, this wasn’t his concern anymore, that wasn’t his life. Morgan had screwed up but it wasn’t Jensen’s job to fix it. Damn Chad for bringing him back to this. Damn him. Of course he still loved Jared. He’d loved his first boyfriend too, even after he’d caught him making out with a girl behind one of the trailers. It took time and the hell of Army Boot to get over him but he’d done it. Jared was no different. Jensen just needed some space to think and a couple more hard runs and it would be behind him.
He grabbed a beer and twisted off the cap. With a thumbnail he picked at the label as he watched the screen flash to static. He moved to switch it off but another scene sparked to life. Standing there in one of the offices were JD and Mirabel, Mirabel wearing a badge with a large ‘V’ pinned to her lapel. Jensen watched the scene unfold. The timestamp was a couple of days ago, just after the kidnapping.
Pacing back and forth across the carpet, Mirabel raged, “How dare he fire me! Twenty five years of hard work and he has the audacity to fire me for protecting the company image. If his father was alive...”
JD pushed himself away from the desk he was resting against and reached out an arm to still her, “He’s not his father, Bel. Took me a while to figure that out, but I gotta admit that the shot to the chin kinda helped with that,” he rubbed his chin absently. There was a faint hint of a bruise, nothing too bad.
“Ungrateful little brat,” Mirabel shook her head, “He should be kissing the ground you walk on, thanking you for your hard work.” She turned to face him, “I was talking to Marcy on reception who was talking to that high-schooler that’s replaced me and she says that he spends more time out and chasing after that excuse of a bodyguard. It’s disgusting.”
“Bel...” JD shook his head, “You know what? I should never have let you talk me into the whole find-a-date plan.” He stepped away, turning his back on her, “I should have known it would blow up like this.”
“Yeah, you should have,” Jared appeared in the doorway, still bruised and with his arm in a cast.
“Jared...” JD started but Jared wasn’t done speaking.
“I heard a rumour that you had someone here. You know, I expected you to keep better company,” he sneered, “And I know you got the memo that said she wasn’t allowed back in the building. You have an explanation or should I just fire you too?”
“Jay, it’s not what you think,” JD held up his hands.
“How do you know what I think? We haven’t exactly been on the same wavelength lately, have we?” Jared asked. He was cutting his words off to a crisp edge, his face closed down. This wasn’t Jared Padalecki, CEO of Padalecki Microcybernetics. This was Colt.
“You should be grateful that JD deigned to put you back in power, boy,” Mirabel snapped at him. “If your father could see you now, he’d be ashamed to call you a son of his. Deviant to the core.”
Jared spun to face her, his face expressionless, a hard edge in his voice, “Don’t you ever mention my father again. You knew nothing about him.”
“I knew him better than you, boy,” she was chest to chest with him, well as much as she could be given that she was about a foot shorter than him. But it didn’t seem to stop her from trying.
Jared rolled his eyes and looked over at JD. There was anger in his eyes, but only if you knew where to look, “You’ve got five minutes to get her out of the building or you can join her.”
“He was disappointed by you, you know?” she continued, “Always in the news, fucking anything that moved. Was it any wonder he didn’t want you anywhere near the business? Always explaining your actions to the Board. Do you have any idea how close he came to losing the company because of you?”
“Bel, that’s enough,” JD tried to pull her back and shut her up.
Jared looked down at her, hatred slipping past the careful mask, “And I suppose he decided to just confide in you because you’re such a sweetheart? Give me a break. Shut your mouth, Mirabel. I’m tired of your lies.”
“Not lies, Jared,” she smiled, “All those long evenings, late nights and weekends away. Let’s just say that we were close.”
“You bitch!” Jared cursed and the mask slipped a little more, his hands clenching into fists, “Don’t you even...”
“Don’t like hearing the truth, Jared?” she pushed harder, “He’s probably rolling in his grave knowing you took up with street scum like that. And as if that’s not bad enough, you’re actually blowing off your commitments to search for him. Just face it, boy, he’s gone. You’ve driven him away.”
“You and your schemes drove him away,” Jared accused.
“You weren’t protesting, if I remember correctly. Surely you would have put up a little more fight if you actually had feelings for him, wouldn’t you?”
Jared was all coiled muscle and anger, just looking for a target and there was one not two feet away from him. The sheer effort it took not to let fly at her was showing on his face as he forced his fists to uncoil. He turned away from her.
“JD,” his voice was tight, escaping through clenched teeth, “Get her out of my building now. Or I swear I’ll do something I won’t regret.”
JD took Mirabel by the shoulder, forcibly hustling her from the room. Just visible outside the door, JD handed her off to security. JD watched her go and then walked back over to where Jared stood, head bowed and leaning heavily on the desk.
Dropping a hand on his back, JD spoke, “I’m sorry, Jay. I really am. I didn’t... Aw hell, I didn’t mean things to get this out of hand. But with the company and trying to get everything right, I didn’t exactly stop to talk to you ‘bout where you wanted to go, what you wanted to do. So I guess, well, if you got time, how ‘bout we sit down and see if we can figure things out, yeah?”
Jared looked over his shoulder, eyes still narrowed and shrugged off the hand, “Only reason I came down here was to see if you’d managed to replace my armour. I’m heading out again. Heard a rumour he was spotted down by the docks.”
“Jay, you can’t... you can’t keep doing this. It’s not healthy,” JD stepped away, his voice soft, pleading, “Let me talk to some guys, see if we can track him down properly. It’s not safe out there.”
“Save it,” Jared pushed himself up, “I wouldn’t have to go out there if I hadn’t screwed this up, if I hadn’t listened to you. And I told you, I’m not stopping until I find him. There are things I need to say to him, things I need to apologise for. Best damned thing in my life and I didn’t even notice I was breaking it. I’m not letting him go without a fight.”
JD sighed heavily, “And what happens if you do find him? If you do say what you need to. What happens if he says ‘that’s it’? What you going to do then?”
“What do you care?” Jared asked. He sighed and shook his head, “If he doesn’t want to hear, then, I back off. Leave him to live his life, but I gotta know.”
JD looked at him for a whole minute, not saying a word. Just watching him. Then finally, he nodded, “Okay, but take some of my guys with you. You’re still pretty beat up. They’ll watch your back for you. Keep you safe.”
Jared shook his head, “No. No, JD. I’m doing this alone. Only person I want watching my back is Jensen.”
JD pulled him into a hug and held him tightly. The microphones just barely picked up the whispered “Good luck” he wished him before Jared left. JD watched him go then pushed closed his office door and moved to sit behind his desk. He pulled open the bottom drawer of his desk and picked up the bottle of bourbon. He poured himself a large glass and replaced the bottle. He made no move to pick up the glass, just looked at it. Eventually, he dropped his head into his hands and the recording fizzled out.
Jensen stared at the screen not quite knowing what to think. He'd known that Jared was still looking for him. He’d enough contacts on the streets that if he put out a couple of phonecalls, he could get a minute by minute breakdown of Jared’s day. The only reason he hadn’t done that was that he'd been waiting for Jared to get tired of traipsing around the city following cold trails and bad rumours. Now, that was getting less and less likely and this video clip in particular drove that point home.
The more he saw of his ex-boyfriend, the more it was becoming clear that Jared was fairly close to the end of his rope. The kidnapping had been one thing but walking out on the streets without backup? That was as close to suicide as make no difference. Jensen had taught him better than that; even he tagged onto teams, and he had a hell of a lot more experience doing this than Jared did. Sure he didn’t know them, but if something went down, then at least he was covered. It wasn't as good as having Jared behind him but that wasn’t an option for him anymore. One sorrowful apology, one look at those puppy dog eyes and he’d go running back. He knew it.
He was still as head over heels for Jared as he was before he walked out. His anger had faded now to cold guilt and sat at the bottom of his stomach just waiting for people like Chad to stir it back up. He still had to catch himself every time he turned to share something with Jared. He still woke in the middle of the night and started when he felt the cold sheets beside him. He still reached out for Jared in his sleep. Yes, he was still in love with Jared. There! He’d admitted it. But just knowing that was doing him no good.
Damn Chad for invading his home and showing him this shit. Why’d he have to come down here? Why couldn’t he just have done what he normally did and mail him shit to watch? Least that way he could have deleted them without looking.
He flicked off the screen, killing the static. Anger, hurt, and guilt fought inside him, dragging his head every which way and he didn’t know what to do. He started to raise the beer bottle to his lips but stopped before he could take a sip. With a savage hurl, Jensen watched the bottle smash against the wall in an explosion of glass and liquid.
Screw this. He was done with this shit. Just... Done. Dallas was too filled with memories and people. He needed to get out, needed to think. Somewhere away from the genius fucking hackers and people who thought they knew what was best for him. San Antonio was good this time of year, or maybe Austin. He could go there, maybe. Clear his head and get everything straight. He ran a hand over his face and was surprised to feel the wetness on his cheeks. He brushed savagely at the tears with the back of his hand and in that instant, he knew that running wouldn’t help. He could hit the end of the world and he’d still have a hole where Jared used to be and no way to fill it.
He needed help. He was drowning here and there was only one person left he could turn to. He pulled out his phone and started dialling the number. He was an idiot; every bit as big and idiot as Jared had been and he was standing at rock bottom and had hocked the ladder he needed to get out of here. His finger hovered over the send button as he tried to work out what to say. It probably wouldn’t matter. Josh’d get right to the heart of it in two sentences no matter what he said. He took a deep breath and-
-Almost had a damned heart attack when his phone chirped in his hand. He checked the display, half-expecting to see Josh’s name there but it was Charlie, his fixer. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down before he answered it.
“Charlie, now’s not a good...” Jensen started.
“Remington-baby, you know I wouldn’t call unless it was urgent,” the voice on the other end of the phone was saccharin sweet, “I’m down a gunner. Need someone good. It’s a 10K payoff, but they’re heading out in thirty. It’s a cakewalk, Rem, gonna take about two hours. Mission’s already planned, everything’s good. Just need an extra gunner, just in case. Can I count you in?”
Jensen’s eyes flicked to the screen and the spreading puddle on the floor. He really wanted to call Josh, talk things out but he’d waited this long... He could wait another two hours.
“Sure, Charlie,” he replied, “Let me grab my stuff. Where’s the meeting?”
She gave him an address and hung up. Jensen closed his phone and stared at it. Two hours. Two hours and maybe then he’d have worked out how to ask for help without sounding like the fuck-up little brother that he was.
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