jensen and delilah.
okay so this is a story i am starting to write about a girl trying to find herself in a new town. her mother just died and she feel lost and alone. however she soon finds that the town she lives in isnt as normal and peaceful as it looks.
please read and tell me what you think. be honest. i can take it. this is just the beginning so far. i havent even gotten to much action. just tell me if you think i am wasting my time.
As I sat in the back of the limo, feeling out of place, I tried thinking of another time in my life where I ever felt so lost and alone. The only other time that came to mind was when I got lost at Sam’s Club, I was only eight. I remember scurrying around the store frantically, running into people, dodging in between their legs, knocking products over, but I kept on running. Even as the store employees cussed and yelled at me to calm down. When I got tired of running I stood behind a mini clothes rack. An old lady who worked there smiled at me with her yellow crooked teeth and her frizzy uncombed hair. She reminded me more of a caveman than a regular person. I let go a bloodcurdling scream as she took a step forward and reached for me. It echoed off the warehouse store walls and my mother was next to me within seconds, holding me in her protective embrace....
That’s what I felt like doing now, screaming until she came to save me. But she was never coming back, and I would never feel that secure comfort again.
Never.
I let my arms wrap around myself, trying to keep my breathing steady, trying to stay calm. I quickly glanced around at the limo, looking for anything to distract me from the painful memories. It had black leather seats and double tinted windows, making it look as if it were already dark outside. I felt like royalty or someone special, when I really wasn’t special at all. Just a normal girl who grew up in Phoenix, Arizona, nothing more or nothing less. Just a seventeen year old girl who had no one, who was all alone.
I felt my heart drop as I realized that my life was going to be like this all the time now. I would be living in some huge mansion with grandparents I had never met, in a little town with 537 snobby rich people - when I say little town, I mean little in population, because the town itself is probably roughly around 10,000 acres. Never again would I wake up in the morning in my small tattered house, painted light purple, with the smell of bacon on the pan and my mother humming a melody. Nope, all of that was long gone now.
I closed my eyes hard and hugged myself tighter. I had a nauseating feeling where I felt my stomach and all its intestines would fall out of me if I didn’t hang on tight enough. I sighed as the feeling slowly left me.
I felt the car stop.
We were there.
My heart began pounding in my chest. No I can’t do this! Not now, not ever!
The driver opened my door and held his hand out for assistance. I hesitated for a second then took a deep breath, and tried not to pass out on the spot. Luckily, he was a big man because without realizing it, he actually pulled me out. I stood in front of the car and there they were, standing side by side in front of me. My grandparents, Hektor Thompson and his wife Vivian Thompson. I waited all my life to set eyes on them. I had tried to visualize what they looked like since I had no pictures to go on, but I was way off. This wasn’t the moment I was dreading though. That moment was only too soon to come.
My grandmother was supposed to be 56, but she didn’t look a day older than 40. She probably could have looked younger if it wasn’t for her cold, hard, small brown eyes and the light wrinkles around them. She had blond hair pulled back in a tight bun and she didn’t even try to put on a friendly smile for the granddaughter she never met. She looked very intimidating and scary even though she was only about five feet tall, five inches shorter than me. Her light colored skin and her soft hands suggested she never worked with her hands a day in her life, let alone ever stood in the sun. Her demeanor was proper and “by the book” with her simple yet stylish expensive black skirt, shirt, and throw over jacket. I noticed she had my mother’s figure, as did I. An hour glass figure. She could have been called pretty if she only had softened up a bit.
And my grandfather, well, he seemed just the opposite. He stood to be about 6’4, towering over the two of us with tanned skin. He had jet black hair - like my mother’s - and the softest blue eyes I’d ever seen. He was in a black suit and held a friendly smile. I could understand completely why my mother was more of a daddy’s girl. Even though he was like a giant, he was very happy and outgoing; you could tell just by my looking at him.
He was the first to break the awkward silence, “Delilah, we are so very glad to finally meet you, even though the circumstances are terrible.”
With only one step he came over and hugged me, I felt like a bunny being held by a bear.
“Vivian?” he said stepping back, gesturing his hands toward me.
My grandmother grunted and took three small steps towards me and shook my hand, it was obvious she didn’t like any form of affection.
“Oh, don’t mind her, she’ll come around once she’s comfortable. As you can see she is not much of a people person,” he said, and then chuckled when my grandmother scowled.
I felt oddly unwelcome around her, but I guess it made sense since she didn’t really have much of a choice when it came to taking me in the first place. Besides, I would be an adult in just a year, and the first thing I was going to do was get as far away as possible from my new home in Hydden Palms.
I made a poor attempt to smile and act happy to see them, but it was impossible to do when I felt like turning around and running until I could find a car that would run me over. As we slowly began walking to the funeral house he continued rambling on in his warm voice, you could also tell he was the type who didn’t enjoy any type of silences. Although, I actually didn’t mind it, because otherwise it would have been an uncomfortable silence, forcing me to think about the moment I was dreading about confronting.
“Oh my god Vivian, isn’t it amazing how much she is like our Vikky? I swear your mother had the exact same face as you Delilah. Except your eyes, they are more of a hazel, a green-brown. Our Vikky had brown eyes though. So I guess you got a little of Michael’s eyes too ey?”
Out of the corner of my eye I saw my grandmother’s nose wrinkle up at the sound of his name, Michael, my father. When my mother was sixteen she was still living with my grandparents. My mother said that her parents, specifically her mother, were very strict and old-fashioned, so they expected her to marry someone who was also rich and he would take care of her. My mother was too much of a free spirit for any of the strict rules or expectations, and she didn’t plan to fall in love. She said she had just come back from shopping at Victoria Gardens and she drove into the driveway with her red convertible in her brown summer dress. It was about 80۫۫ out, considered hot for Hydden Palms, and there was the slightest breeze as the sun shown on their front yard. There were the usual gardeners waving “hi” to her but she noticed someone new who was on his knees in the dirt planting roses, her favorite flower. She says the sun was glistening off the sweat on his bare back until he suddenly turned to look at her. She immediately fell in love with him, his green eyes, and his light brown hair. My father’s mother was a maid in their house and she brought him over for help. Then, my mother says, before she knew it, she was pregnant and packing, getting ready to see the world with my father on her side. However, things didn’t turn out as they planned and my father, Michael Hudson, died on May 22, 1992, on my seventh birthday. It was a car accident, he died instantly. My mother was so devastated. I thought that after my father died, when we were scraping for money, she was going to go back to her parents for help, but she had too much pride to go back, when she knew her parents would have given her the money.
My thoughts were interrupted when I felt someone slightly shake my shoulder.
“Delilah? Are you alright?” I turned to focus on my grandfather’s very blue, very worrisome eyes.
I nodded, afraid if I tried to talk my voice would crack. But the truth was I was not fine at all.
The funeral men opened the doors for us and the cool air hit us as we walked in, but I was the only one who shivered. The enormous room was filled with people I had never seen before in my life. I was sure all of Hydden Palms was there. My mother was well known and well liked in the town, everyone was sad to see her go. But my instincts told me these people weren’t here for my mother, that they were here as a duty, not to show respect to my mother.
I saw many faces, but didn’t bother trying to remember them. Some were my age, some were older. As I sat down in the very front row I felt a strange surge of panic.
No, this isn’t right. These people, they hardly knew her. Some might have known her before, but they didn’t really care. Why am I the only one here who really knew her and loved her for who she was? No, this isn’t right. She deserves better. Why couldn’t she have been buried back home in Phoenix? That’s where her real friends were, that’s where the people who loved her were.
Before I let it all out at the top of my lungs, I felt my grandfather’s big hand over mine; I noticed my hand was clenched into a fist. He smiled encouragingly, but his face was a little scared and his eyes -which were watering- were full of pity and remorse. Was I so easy to read? I thought. My mother always claimed I had a horrible poker face but I just assumed that only she could read me. My face hardened up instantly, if I was going to break down on the inside I wasn’t going to let the whole world know. I was going to be strong, just like my mother. I was going to put on a face and act like everything was alright, when deep down I knew it wasn’t and I didn’t know if it would ever be okay again.
The rest of the funeral was a blur and I went through the motions in a zombie like trance. Then, as they were lowering the coffin into the ground, as they were lowering her into the ground, the wall that was keeping my feelings hidden crumbled down.
My mother, Victoria Hudson, the center of my life, my best friend, the one person I could always count on, was dead.
I felt my knees buckle down under me and I had a brief second in which I lost all consciousness. But before I could hit the ground I felt cold hands grab my shoulders and keep me up. I expected to see blue eyes from the man who saved me from going down, but I felt my mouth drop in surprise and my stomach tighten in fear when I saw pure black eyes locked on mine. I shivered unexpectedly, not from his cold hands but from looking into his eyes. I couldn’t get over the fact that they were black, coal black. I saw his lips curl, Was he smiling? If he was trying to be friendly I couldn’t tell. All I could do was gawk into the black abyss of his eyes. There was something else about him, something I couldn’t put my finger on that made him seem...dangerous. Something that made him look evil, but he was the most breathtakingly beautiful evil man I had ever seen. He was about 6’1 and couldn’t have been any older than twenty-five. His skin was very pale, almost like a sheet of paper, but it only made him that much more stunning in his black tux, and that much frightening with his black eyes. His hair was sandy brown and his face had soft, but masculine features. For a brief moment I forgot all about the pain I was feeling and just gaped at him. There was no sunlight under all the trees, but it almost seemed like it glowed around him.
I started hearing rustling and realized people were leaving, the funeral was over. He let go of me when he was sure I would be able to stand up on my own. I involuntarily took a step back and began breathing again. He was so beautiful, yet, so forbidding. He took a step back himself, keeping a distance. He looked embarrassed. I hoped I hadn’t offended him when he just saved me from making a fool of myself.
“Julius, I am so glad you could make it,” I heard from my grandfather behind me. They shook hands briefly as the man named Julius offered his greatest condolences. “I see you have met my granddaughter Delilah. She’ll be starting at the high school in a couple weeks.”
He nodded at me and hesitantly held out his hand, “Dr. Julius Winchester,” he said kindly. He wasn’t sure if I was going to take it until I finally held my own hand out and shook it; again, his hands were cold, almost freezing.
“Dr. Julius works over at the hospital,” my grandfather offered. “The family here?”
“Oh yes, they are actually already in the car. I am sorry we can’t stay longer but we have had this camping trip planned for weeks and we actually need to be going. Are uh, you going to be alright Miss. Hudson?” he asked.
I stood there dumbfounded, instantly memorized by his velvet smooth voice and the way the words flowed from his mouth. It took me a moment to answer.
“I’ll get by,” I croaked, my mouth dry.
“Friday?” my grandfather asked.
“Friday,” the voice answered back. He looked at me and smiled reassuringly, his teeth were perfectly straight and white. I didn’t feel like asking what Friday was. He turned and walked to his car, swiftly and gracefully, like a runway model.
“Good man, Julius. Only twenty-seven and he is the chief of surgery at the hospital.”
We both stood there for a moment, silent. Now that the man was gone the pain was back, and I felt it gnawing on my insides.
“Would you like a moment alone?” he whispered.
I snapped out of my daze for a moment and realized we were completely alone; everyone was already cleared out, even my grandmother. I sucked in a deep breath and nodded.
“I’ll be in the limo,” he said, pointing. He put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed lightly, then turned to walk away, kicking up fall leaves.
I sighed again and slightly trembled. With my sweaty palms I tried smoothing out my plain black dress. It wasn’t particularly warm outside but my hands always tended to sweat when I was nervous. A breeze came and sent the leaves whirling as my hair tickled my cheek. This was the moment I had been dreading.
Well, mother, I began in my head while playing with my hands, I guess this is it, where we part ways. You know how horrible I am with goodbyes so I will just try to keep this somewhat simple. I know you already know this but I love you so much and I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. I know you sacrificed a lot. This all just feels like a silly dream. Actually more of a nightmare. It’s….it’s just going to be so hard from now on….without you. Almost unbearable. But I am going to try mom, really try to make it all work. I am just going to have to grow up and become independent. I am going to have to be an adult now. Ugh, it sounds so scary, even in my head. But I really do promise to give it my all, but if it doesn’t work out and I go to join you a little early in heaven, please don’t get mad, because it’s unfair of you to ask me to live without you. Oh and I forgive you, for not telling me about the blood disease earlier, it was probably the right choice but I just can’t see it now. Well this is the next step. The step you always said I was going to have to take some day. I just didn’t know it was going to be this hard.
Out loud, I whispered, “Goodbye, I love you. Wish me luck.”
I turned and took my first step on my own, my first step into my completely new life with designer clothes, limos, private schools, and snobby teenagers. My eyes slightly began to water but I blinked them away. It was time to move on, I told myself, even though every part of me was clinging to my past.
I had to move on.
The limo ride from the reception was quiet and quick. I had spent the whole time at the reception emotionless. I looked at people but didn’t really see them, I heard people but I wasn’t really listening to them. I only answered when I was spoken to and I spent the rest of the time looking down, praying for it to end. I suppose my grandfather knew I wanted some silence for the way back, because I think he usually would have been talking the whole time.
When we arrived at the mansion that was now my home, my mouth dropped in amazement as I stared at the three story Victorian house. It was old, probably around 100 years or so, but it had been remodeled recently. The first story porch ran around the entire house and the driveway was a little less than a mile or so long before it encircled to the front of the house. There was a big black fence surrounding the 200 acre lot. The house itself was placed almost directly in the middle of the whole lot. The trees beside the driveway were extremely tall, until finally the trees part to see the marvelous garden in front of the house. The house was mainly white with blue shudders and a brown roof. It had two balconies, one at the south side and one at the east side of the house. The sun was hidden behind the house, but I knew it was one of the only places in town that had any sunlight at all.
In my head, I was able to picture the first day my parents met. My mother, young, beautiful, full of life, and my father, working hard, sweating over the garden’s roses, neither of them realizing that there life was going to change dramatically.
As we walked up the porch stairs to the house two men opened the door, greeted us, and took my grandparents coats. Once they were behind us I heard the two men then rush to the car to get my things, although I insisted to bring them in myself. The inside of the house was even grander with its master staircase to the right of us with the dark brown flooring and railing. It was again old-fashioned, but it had a modern and elegant touch to it. It was very light inside, there were some lights on and most of the curtains were drawn, letting whatever sunlight that was left shine through. Beside the staircase on our right was what I assumed to be the party dining room, because of the ridiculously enormous table and the beautiful chandelier above it. The table had enough chairs to seat forty people. To my left was purely the greeting room- where they would meet guests who could only stay a little while. It had a few white couches, a coffee table, and a beautiful gold colored harp.
I pulled my attention back to the elegant, huge, and beautiful house. It was so awkward coming from the small torn up house I lived in before and come to this. Yet, I knew if I had a chance I would choose my old shack -that probably took up one bathroom in this house- in a heart beat. My grandfather was watching my expressions the whole time, completely amused as they changed from awe, to shock, to gloomy, to craving, and then finally acceptance.
“What do you think?” he asked eagerly.
“Well… it’s absolutely incredible. I am… well I am just not used to anything like this,” I answered honestly.
He smiled, “I am glad you like it. Come on, I will show you around.”
I looked around for my grandmother, but she was already gone. I knew right then that it was going to be nearly impossible to bond with her. It took us nearly an hour to finish the first floor tour as he showed me the kitchen, Vivian’s office which she was slaving away in, the casual dining room and then the holiday dining room, all elegant and beautiful in their own way. He explained the stories and the meanings of all the expensive paintings and artwork.
We finally continued the never ending tour to the second story. This is where their master bedroom and bath was, my room, and the thirteen other guest rooms with their bathrooms.
“Do you really use all your guest rooms?” I asked in disbelief. When would anyone ever have thirteen people staying over at one time? I couldn’t swallow the idea.
“Actually, the most we ever used at one time was probably three guest rooms, but whenever Vivian’s four sisters come over they all prefer to have their own permanent rooms when they only come to visit on Christmas Day,” he chuckled lightly. “The rest are for show, and so that our guests may have a nice variety of room colors to choose from,” he smiled again, showing his Colgate teeth.
Whenever Hektor seemed to smile, really smiled, everything about him instantly lit up. His eyes turned lighter, his face turned softer, his voice became heartier, his body language became soft and he even seemed years younger. When he smiled I instantly forgot about everything else and just smiled too. It was so easy to be happy around him.
“Now,” he announced, his voice turning deeper in suspense, like a game show host, ”The moment we all’ve been waiting for.” He put his hand on the door handle and continued, “The moment of truth. Your room.” He animatedly threw the double doors open and stepped back. Once again today, I was shocked to see that my new room was nearly ten times the size of my old room, if not more. To my right centered against the wall was a king sized bed, with dark purple comforter sheets and throw pillows. It didn’t even take up one tenth of my mini-mansion room. The floor was a creamy peach colored carpet that matched perfectly with the light purple walls. There was a rug in the middle, with purple and white flowers decorated across it. The wall to my left was a full on dresser, half of the wall being full length mirror and the other half was a vanity table. There was what seemed to be a whole other area to the North West corner of the room, with a flat screen Plasma TV and white leather couches and chairs with a mini coffee table. The room was expertly decorated with rich taste and elegance, just like the rest of the house. But this one was a little bit different; it seemed to have a different style, more of a personal comfortable style. I knew this style; I lived with it for seventeen years. Without a doubt, I knew this was my mother’s room, and sure enough Hektor began talking by saying:
“This was our Vikky’s room. We haven’t really made much changes to it over the years, so if you want to change it that’s completely fine. We’ll-“
“No!” I interrupted, “I love it, it’s great, no reason to change anything.” I didn’t want anything changed, this room had my mother written all over it, and somehow I felt closer to her just by being in her old room.
“She designed it herself you know, when she was ten. Oh what a taste that girl had-“, I walked over to the bed, feeling the silky comforter with my hands. It felt so soft and comfortable-“Vivian didn’t want to let a ten year old child design the room so she was going to do it herself but-“, I walked over to the attached bathroom. It had two sinks, a shower, and a bath with jets. Oh boy was I going to get a good use out of that-“Before Vivian could do a thing Vikky came over with a sketch drew out of what she wanted to do. It was actually a very good so Vivian went along with it.”
I opened the door to my walk in closet and was suddenly surrounded by clothes; I would say my old room was the size of her closet. “Ah yes, we still have Vikky’s clothes. I know it’s is probably a little weird for you to think how we still have the clothes but we both hoped our Vikky would come back. So, well most of them will probably fit you but they have most likely gone out of style. Don’t worry we will get you a whole new up to date wardrobe.”
I put my nose to the fabric; I could have sworn I smelt strawberries, which my mother always smelt like. I honestly didn’t care whether or not I got a whole new wardrobe; I would have been just fine wearing my mother’s clothes. But I was afraid what it would sound like if I said it out loud, I didn’t think he would be able to understand exactly why I wanted to wear her clothes. Because, I didn’t really know either why I wanted to be around things that were hers, I just felt safer there.
“There is a city, about 40 miles from here, called Victoria Gardens. It’s the place where all the women here go shopping for designer clothes. Now I am sure you don’t have to be babysat while getting clothes so you could maybe go with a friend once you start making friends.”
I lingered out of the closet and realized there were other double doors leading somewhere else.
“Vivian sometimes gets picky when it comes to what people should wear but don’t worry about it, just buy what you like.”
I opened the doors and the sea breeze hit me hard. I walked out onto the balcony and saw the ocean. I couldn’t believe I had missed the salty air earlier. Everything looked so pretty and unreal; it could have been painted on with all the brilliant colors. The sun was beginning to set, throwing a variety of shades of purple, red, and orange. The sun rays bounced off the ocean, making each wave sparkle. Off to the side I could still see the trees; Hydden Palms was nearly a forest and where ever there weren’t trees, there were horse stables.
“Yes, the balcony. Beautiful ‘ey?” he asked leaning on the railing beside me. “Yep, best view in the house right here. She used to spend so much time out here, just listening to the waves crash. Melodic sound it is. After she left I came out here a lot. Hmmm….”she sighed, “I guess a part of me really thought, well hoped, that she would come back. Nothing but a silly old man.”
I looked over at him as he stared at the ocean, a pained expression on his tanned skin. He really loved her, my mother. And he is probably just as torn as I am.
“Well, no need to dwell on the past. Besides, I have you now,” he said, bouncing out of his daze, ”Shall we go for a walk on our beach?”
“Our beach?” I asked, puzzled.
“Why yes we have our own private beach,” my mouth dropped again. “Delilah, we own the biggest cruise ship company in the world, Thompson Cruise Ships. It would be a sin not to have a little bit of the ocean in return.”
We both laughed and he took me down to the beach, we decided to save the rest of the tour for later. The walk on the beach was surprisingly delightful. It got my mind off of things and for the first time in weeks I didn’t think about killing myself. He told me stories of my mother’s youth and how she had the whole world down on their knees, including himself, because everyone instantly fell in love with her. He had a hard time after she left and he always held a little grudge against Vivian, whom he felt, pushed her away.
“Vivian isn’t a terrible person, she is very distant and private, but she can be sincere and she really loved our Vikky, but she just wanted her to live life perfectly by her rules and that didn’t work out for our Vikky.”
I began to realize why he always called my mother “our Vikky”. It was because he didn’t know the person Vikky became, and he didn’t want to know her that way. He knew her as his little girl who sat on his lap and fell asleep as he hummed a song or read her a story. He wanted to remember her as his little girl, not the teenager who left and never came back. Not the teenager who ignored her father for seventeen years. Not the teenager who turned into a woman he never came to know, not the woman who lay dead in the ground at this very moment.
Also, I actually began to really understand my mother and why she left. I mean she told me the story over and over again but, I never got the why. She says she was just being rebellious and just ended up falling in love. I guess what made it so hard for me to believe that was because I didn’t believe in love. I believed in loving people like your family and your friends, but I didn’t believe there was love in any form of a romantic relationship. I believe in compatibility, you want to marry someone who you are likely to get along with, not someone you love. Because, in my opinion, love turns more into lust each day and the word love is used too loosely in relationships that last a week. And even if the people do love each other, at some point they get bored with one another and want to move on. The people who last forever in marriage are the people who are compatible with each other. I remember the first time I voiced my opinion to my mother, I was twelve, she said, “My oh my! I swear sometimes Lilah I think you have a thirty year old bitter woman somewhere in there!” I don’t exactly know where I got my “bitter spirit” from; it’s just what I believed.
Then he changed the subject to business. He was the richest of all the richest in Hydden Palms, so people automatically “kissed his butt”, as he put it. Hydden Palms was a place for the rich. It was almost in the middle of nowhere and nearly no one has heard of it, but it really is the most beautiful place anyone had ever seen. The only thing that was in the humongous city was a private elementary school, a private high school, a hotel, fire department, hospital, and then a police station.
“So is that what Dr. Julius was doing? Kissing your butt?” I asked, jokingly.
He got serious for a second, “Oh no, not Julius. He is a good man, not a butt kisser like the rest. He actually moved here a couple of years ago with his family. He’s got a wife, Isolde, who is the sweetest person you’ll ever meet and five adoptive children. They are a great asset to the community, I mean, all Isolde does is run Environmentalists groups. She really is the most unselfish giving person I know. The five adopted kids are great too. ”
“Sounds like a handful though,” I whispered. It’s hard enough for some famililes to adopt one child, they can’t be that lucky to have five extremely cooperative adopted children.
“Actually, they are the most well behaved children I have ever met. I mean perfect GPA, perfect behavior. It’s actually kind of weird in a way, I mean great, but…different. And all of them, they all look like Julius, well in a way, even though they are adopted. It must be because they camp a lot or something. But whatever he is using, I would sure want some. Ha-Ha. Anyways, he has two of them in your grade, Ruby and uh…Jensen, I think. There are two twins, Tristan and Josephine; they are seniors and the other one Jared, I think, is already done. He actually is engaged to Josephine.”
“What?”
“Yea, they are getting hitched after graduation.”
“Wow,” I said again, “That must be difficult to explain at dinner parties.”
“Yea, but they are good people, he’s probably the closest thing I have to a friend,” he elbowed me and laughed again.
We went back to talking about business and he admitted that Vivian is the brains of the operation. He wasn’t much of a business man, he felt too guilty about the little things. Like if someone had to lose their job, etc. This was very easy to believe because I couldn’t picture Hektor doing anything hurtful to anyone. We finally headed in once it got dark; we ate dinner, just the two of us because Vivian had already eaten earlier. Already I had felt a little emptier, it hasn’t even been twenty-four hours yet and I was being rejected by my only grandmother.
Before I headed up to sleep I stopped Hektor and hugged him, “I just want to thank you for taking me in and being so generous. You didn’t have to but you did and I really appreciate it. And since I don’t really know where she is can you thank Vivian for me too?”
“Of course, of course, whatever we could do to help. I know how hard this must be for you.”
I nodded, said thank you again and ran to my room to finally get some sleep. I was already out within the minute I laid down, black dress still on. I had taken a sleeping pill earlier because I knew I was going to need some help to sleep tonight, and the weeks to come. At least I think I only took one sleeping pill, maybe it was two, three, or maybe four? Who knows, but it was working….
I was dreaming a dreamless sleep when I suddenly smelt something funny under my nose. It was hard to open my eyes, they felt so heavy, and it took them a second to focus on the beautiful liquid gold eyes in front of me.
“Delilah?” the sweet voice whispered. “Delilah, how many pills did you take?”
Pills? How did this person know I took some sleeping pills? Was I still dreaming? I tried answering but my throat was too dry to speak, all that came out was a gurgling sound.
“Lilah darling, please tell us how many?” a worried voice asked, it sounded so familiar. But I couldn’t seem able to focus enough to realize who these people were, it was terribly frustrating. All colors blended with the color next to it and the only thing I was able to focus on was the mesmerizing gold eyes. All of my body parts felt so heavy, it took forever to move anything.
Was I paralyzed?
Oh no, this isn’t good, definitely not good…
“We need to get her to the hospital and get her stomach pumped,” the sweet voice said.
Yep, just as I thought, not good. Damn, I was dying, couldn’t even last a day without my mother. I was weak, mother will definitely be disappointed.
“Sure, sure. Is she going to be alright?”
“Yes, we just need her to get to the emergency room.”
I felt cold hands lift me up effortlessly. The hands were too cold though, and he picked me up too easily.
Wait…does cold hands mean heaven or hell?
I know hell is like fire, but these hands were like lifeless cold.
Oh no! I am going to go to hell! I am never going to see my mother again! No, this can’t be right. I know I screwed up sometimes and sometimes I let my anger get the best of me, but I have tried to be good.
My mind was panicking, I thought I had died and someone or something was taking my soul to hell. But I couldn’t understand what I had done to make God so mad at me. Then, it clicked; it was because he thought I was purposely trying to kill myself. The voice in my head started yelling again.
No, this is a mistake! It was an accident, I swear! I hadn’t realized how many I took, honest!
The voice kept yelling and screaming until it finally died down, and I was back in my happy dreamless sleep. The next time I woke up I saw all white.
Yes! Heaven, God forgave me, he believed me!
But my heart dropped when I saw I wasn’t in heaven, I was in a hospital bed. And I wasn’t dead; I was alive, at least barely alive. My body parts still felt as if there were weights on them, my head ached, my throat was dry and I felt I hadn’t eaten in days.
I tried sitting up, and I was able to do so on the fourth try. Just then I heard slow, heavy footsteps enter the room; I turned to see who it was. His eyes brightened.
“Lilah darling you are awake! How wonderful! You know you gave us quite a scare!” my grandfather said, unable to hide his relief.
He was too good of a person to be my grandfather, I didn’t deserve him. Before I could apologize, Dr. Julius Winchester walked in, and if it weren’t for the fact that I was already looking at the doorway I probably wouldn’t have heard him come in, he didn’t make a sound.
“Well, Miss. Hudson, how are we doing?” he asked. He looked different in his doctor’s uniform, less intimidating now that he was out of his black suit; but still beautiful nonetheless.
“Sti, sti…still a little groggy,” I croaked, my voice scratchy. I was surprised he was able to understand me.
“Lightheaded?” he asked.
I nodded.
“Yes, well Miss. Hudson you are going to be just fine, no permanent damage whatsoever. Just twenty-four hour bed rest and eating lightly will do the trick.”
“Thank you,” I managed to croak again.
“Miss. Hudson, I know it has been hard for you, but uh… well suicide is a-”
“I wa…wasn’t trying to commit sui… suicide,” I interrupted, stuttering mindlessly in my hoarse voice, “I…I just w…wanted to sleep.”
He looked at me suspiciously for a moment, and then he nodded his head in satisfaction. He believed me.
“Just be more careful next time, only take one, maybe two-but definitely not ten.”
Ten? I took ten sleeping pills? I hardly remember taking the one. Maybe a part of me actually wanted to commit suicide, the subconscious numb part of me. Maybe I wasn’t as innocent as I thought. Dr. Winchester smiled, winked at me, and walked out while saying goodbye to Hektor on the way. But something made my breath catch in my throat, stopping me from screaming. His eyes, they were the beautiful liquid gold eyes I had seen earlier when I was in and out of consciousness.
Gold.
Weren’t his eyes horribly black?
Great. I am going crazy too. Did I imagine it?
No. They were black before, I didn’t imagine it.
Then why were they gold just now?
The other voice was quiet for a second. How can someone’s eyes change to two completely different colors?
Contacts.
Who would wear black contacts?, the other voice countered.
Shut up, the voice answered back.
I hated when my mind decided to have a conversation with itself. I tried to swallow, it still hurt. The room was silent, and for once, I think Hektor was lost for words. I felt bad for the poor guy; I mean, what do you say to your granddaughter who just took ten sleeping pills?
“So wh…what happened?” I choked, it was getting a little easier to speak.
“Well, you probably know the story better than I. I was just about ready to go to bed at 11:30 PM when Julius was at the gates. I let him in, of course, curious to see what was so important that couldn’t wait till the morning or just couldn’t be said on the phone. Anyways, when I asked him why he was here he said he was just a little worried about you and just wanted to see how you were doing. I told him you were doing fine under the circumstances, but he insisted we see you. I always trusted his instincts more than my own, so, reluctantly, I let him into your room to see you and you seemed fine to me, but he said something was wrong. He walked into your bathroom and sure enough he walked back out with an almost empty bottle of sleeping pills that was prescribed a couple of days ago.”
That’s weird, I thought, I could have sworn it was in my purse on one of the chairs in the room. Wow, I really was out of it when I took them.
“The rest you know,” he finished.
How did Dr. Julius know that I was trying to hurt myself with sleeping pills? There must be something more to the story.
“Listen, Lilah…so you weren’t uh…trying to hurt yourself?”
I shook my head vigorously.
“Okay, because you could always come to me if you want to talk or anything, I am here for you.”
I felt horrible, how can I put such a good man through all of this? Hasn’t he had enough sadness in the last couple of days? Maybe I did deserve to go to hell. Then another thought entered my mind.
So was this how it’s going to be now?
Everyone waiting for me to explode like some time bomb, would they all think I was some type of suicidal freak? At this point, maybe I am, I don’t really know. It’s already bad enough having to see their faces, feeling sorry for me. Now, they will just be full of plain pity, they will probably just try to stay away from me, I guess I deserve that though.
Then again, who would know about this? I am sure it’s not every grandparent’s dream to brag about how their granddaughter OD last night. Hopefully, no one would find out about this.
I looked around the room again, “Is…Viv…”
“Oh no sweetie, I am sorry, she couldn’t make it. She has a meeting this morning.”
I nodded. I actually liked it better that she wasn’t here, one less person to feel embarrassed in front of.
“Okay, it’s 9:00 AM right now, and whenever you are ready to leave we will go. Just take your time though, whenever you are ready.”
I pathetically tried moving myself off the bed, but my muscles still weren’t cooperating. He finally asked for a wheelchair and sat me in it, I felt helpless. He took me home where I had to lay in bed twenty four hours straight. I wasn’t looking forward to this alone time, time to think. When my mind is left alone to think, it wanders. And I know it will inevitably start thinking about things that hurt. Like how both of my parents are dead and how it seems a part of me wants myself to die, I could go on and on.
please read and tell me what you think. be honest. i can take it. this is just the beginning so far. i havent even gotten to much action. just tell me if you think i am wasting my time.
As I sat in the back of the limo, feeling out of place, I tried thinking of another time in my life where I ever felt so lost and alone. The only other time that came to mind was when I got lost at Sam’s Club, I was only eight. I remember scurrying around the store frantically, running into people, dodging in between their legs, knocking products over, but I kept on running. Even as the store employees cussed and yelled at me to calm down. When I got tired of running I stood behind a mini clothes rack. An old lady who worked there smiled at me with her yellow crooked teeth and her frizzy uncombed hair. She reminded me more of a caveman than a regular person. I let go a bloodcurdling scream as she took a step forward and reached for me. It echoed off the warehouse store walls and my mother was next to me within seconds, holding me in her protective embrace....
That’s what I felt like doing now, screaming until she came to save me. But she was never coming back, and I would never feel that secure comfort again.
Never.
I let my arms wrap around myself, trying to keep my breathing steady, trying to stay calm. I quickly glanced around at the limo, looking for anything to distract me from the painful memories. It had black leather seats and double tinted windows, making it look as if it were already dark outside. I felt like royalty or someone special, when I really wasn’t special at all. Just a normal girl who grew up in Phoenix, Arizona, nothing more or nothing less. Just a seventeen year old girl who had no one, who was all alone.
I felt my heart drop as I realized that my life was going to be like this all the time now. I would be living in some huge mansion with grandparents I had never met, in a little town with 537 snobby rich people - when I say little town, I mean little in population, because the town itself is probably roughly around 10,000 acres. Never again would I wake up in the morning in my small tattered house, painted light purple, with the smell of bacon on the pan and my mother humming a melody. Nope, all of that was long gone now.
I closed my eyes hard and hugged myself tighter. I had a nauseating feeling where I felt my stomach and all its intestines would fall out of me if I didn’t hang on tight enough. I sighed as the feeling slowly left me.
I felt the car stop.
We were there.
My heart began pounding in my chest. No I can’t do this! Not now, not ever!
The driver opened my door and held his hand out for assistance. I hesitated for a second then took a deep breath, and tried not to pass out on the spot. Luckily, he was a big man because without realizing it, he actually pulled me out. I stood in front of the car and there they were, standing side by side in front of me. My grandparents, Hektor Thompson and his wife Vivian Thompson. I waited all my life to set eyes on them. I had tried to visualize what they looked like since I had no pictures to go on, but I was way off. This wasn’t the moment I was dreading though. That moment was only too soon to come.
My grandmother was supposed to be 56, but she didn’t look a day older than 40. She probably could have looked younger if it wasn’t for her cold, hard, small brown eyes and the light wrinkles around them. She had blond hair pulled back in a tight bun and she didn’t even try to put on a friendly smile for the granddaughter she never met. She looked very intimidating and scary even though she was only about five feet tall, five inches shorter than me. Her light colored skin and her soft hands suggested she never worked with her hands a day in her life, let alone ever stood in the sun. Her demeanor was proper and “by the book” with her simple yet stylish expensive black skirt, shirt, and throw over jacket. I noticed she had my mother’s figure, as did I. An hour glass figure. She could have been called pretty if she only had softened up a bit.
And my grandfather, well, he seemed just the opposite. He stood to be about 6’4, towering over the two of us with tanned skin. He had jet black hair - like my mother’s - and the softest blue eyes I’d ever seen. He was in a black suit and held a friendly smile. I could understand completely why my mother was more of a daddy’s girl. Even though he was like a giant, he was very happy and outgoing; you could tell just by my looking at him.
He was the first to break the awkward silence, “Delilah, we are so very glad to finally meet you, even though the circumstances are terrible.”
With only one step he came over and hugged me, I felt like a bunny being held by a bear.
“Vivian?” he said stepping back, gesturing his hands toward me.
My grandmother grunted and took three small steps towards me and shook my hand, it was obvious she didn’t like any form of affection.
“Oh, don’t mind her, she’ll come around once she’s comfortable. As you can see she is not much of a people person,” he said, and then chuckled when my grandmother scowled.
I felt oddly unwelcome around her, but I guess it made sense since she didn’t really have much of a choice when it came to taking me in the first place. Besides, I would be an adult in just a year, and the first thing I was going to do was get as far away as possible from my new home in Hydden Palms.
I made a poor attempt to smile and act happy to see them, but it was impossible to do when I felt like turning around and running until I could find a car that would run me over. As we slowly began walking to the funeral house he continued rambling on in his warm voice, you could also tell he was the type who didn’t enjoy any type of silences. Although, I actually didn’t mind it, because otherwise it would have been an uncomfortable silence, forcing me to think about the moment I was dreading about confronting.
“Oh my god Vivian, isn’t it amazing how much she is like our Vikky? I swear your mother had the exact same face as you Delilah. Except your eyes, they are more of a hazel, a green-brown. Our Vikky had brown eyes though. So I guess you got a little of Michael’s eyes too ey?”
Out of the corner of my eye I saw my grandmother’s nose wrinkle up at the sound of his name, Michael, my father. When my mother was sixteen she was still living with my grandparents. My mother said that her parents, specifically her mother, were very strict and old-fashioned, so they expected her to marry someone who was also rich and he would take care of her. My mother was too much of a free spirit for any of the strict rules or expectations, and she didn’t plan to fall in love. She said she had just come back from shopping at Victoria Gardens and she drove into the driveway with her red convertible in her brown summer dress. It was about 80۫۫ out, considered hot for Hydden Palms, and there was the slightest breeze as the sun shown on their front yard. There were the usual gardeners waving “hi” to her but she noticed someone new who was on his knees in the dirt planting roses, her favorite flower. She says the sun was glistening off the sweat on his bare back until he suddenly turned to look at her. She immediately fell in love with him, his green eyes, and his light brown hair. My father’s mother was a maid in their house and she brought him over for help. Then, my mother says, before she knew it, she was pregnant and packing, getting ready to see the world with my father on her side. However, things didn’t turn out as they planned and my father, Michael Hudson, died on May 22, 1992, on my seventh birthday. It was a car accident, he died instantly. My mother was so devastated. I thought that after my father died, when we were scraping for money, she was going to go back to her parents for help, but she had too much pride to go back, when she knew her parents would have given her the money.
My thoughts were interrupted when I felt someone slightly shake my shoulder.
“Delilah? Are you alright?” I turned to focus on my grandfather’s very blue, very worrisome eyes.
I nodded, afraid if I tried to talk my voice would crack. But the truth was I was not fine at all.
The funeral men opened the doors for us and the cool air hit us as we walked in, but I was the only one who shivered. The enormous room was filled with people I had never seen before in my life. I was sure all of Hydden Palms was there. My mother was well known and well liked in the town, everyone was sad to see her go. But my instincts told me these people weren’t here for my mother, that they were here as a duty, not to show respect to my mother.
I saw many faces, but didn’t bother trying to remember them. Some were my age, some were older. As I sat down in the very front row I felt a strange surge of panic.
No, this isn’t right. These people, they hardly knew her. Some might have known her before, but they didn’t really care. Why am I the only one here who really knew her and loved her for who she was? No, this isn’t right. She deserves better. Why couldn’t she have been buried back home in Phoenix? That’s where her real friends were, that’s where the people who loved her were.
Before I let it all out at the top of my lungs, I felt my grandfather’s big hand over mine; I noticed my hand was clenched into a fist. He smiled encouragingly, but his face was a little scared and his eyes -which were watering- were full of pity and remorse. Was I so easy to read? I thought. My mother always claimed I had a horrible poker face but I just assumed that only she could read me. My face hardened up instantly, if I was going to break down on the inside I wasn’t going to let the whole world know. I was going to be strong, just like my mother. I was going to put on a face and act like everything was alright, when deep down I knew it wasn’t and I didn’t know if it would ever be okay again.
The rest of the funeral was a blur and I went through the motions in a zombie like trance. Then, as they were lowering the coffin into the ground, as they were lowering her into the ground, the wall that was keeping my feelings hidden crumbled down.
My mother, Victoria Hudson, the center of my life, my best friend, the one person I could always count on, was dead.
I felt my knees buckle down under me and I had a brief second in which I lost all consciousness. But before I could hit the ground I felt cold hands grab my shoulders and keep me up. I expected to see blue eyes from the man who saved me from going down, but I felt my mouth drop in surprise and my stomach tighten in fear when I saw pure black eyes locked on mine. I shivered unexpectedly, not from his cold hands but from looking into his eyes. I couldn’t get over the fact that they were black, coal black. I saw his lips curl, Was he smiling? If he was trying to be friendly I couldn’t tell. All I could do was gawk into the black abyss of his eyes. There was something else about him, something I couldn’t put my finger on that made him seem...dangerous. Something that made him look evil, but he was the most breathtakingly beautiful evil man I had ever seen. He was about 6’1 and couldn’t have been any older than twenty-five. His skin was very pale, almost like a sheet of paper, but it only made him that much more stunning in his black tux, and that much frightening with his black eyes. His hair was sandy brown and his face had soft, but masculine features. For a brief moment I forgot all about the pain I was feeling and just gaped at him. There was no sunlight under all the trees, but it almost seemed like it glowed around him.
I started hearing rustling and realized people were leaving, the funeral was over. He let go of me when he was sure I would be able to stand up on my own. I involuntarily took a step back and began breathing again. He was so beautiful, yet, so forbidding. He took a step back himself, keeping a distance. He looked embarrassed. I hoped I hadn’t offended him when he just saved me from making a fool of myself.
“Julius, I am so glad you could make it,” I heard from my grandfather behind me. They shook hands briefly as the man named Julius offered his greatest condolences. “I see you have met my granddaughter Delilah. She’ll be starting at the high school in a couple weeks.”
He nodded at me and hesitantly held out his hand, “Dr. Julius Winchester,” he said kindly. He wasn’t sure if I was going to take it until I finally held my own hand out and shook it; again, his hands were cold, almost freezing.
“Dr. Julius works over at the hospital,” my grandfather offered. “The family here?”
“Oh yes, they are actually already in the car. I am sorry we can’t stay longer but we have had this camping trip planned for weeks and we actually need to be going. Are uh, you going to be alright Miss. Hudson?” he asked.
I stood there dumbfounded, instantly memorized by his velvet smooth voice and the way the words flowed from his mouth. It took me a moment to answer.
“I’ll get by,” I croaked, my mouth dry.
“Friday?” my grandfather asked.
“Friday,” the voice answered back. He looked at me and smiled reassuringly, his teeth were perfectly straight and white. I didn’t feel like asking what Friday was. He turned and walked to his car, swiftly and gracefully, like a runway model.
“Good man, Julius. Only twenty-seven and he is the chief of surgery at the hospital.”
We both stood there for a moment, silent. Now that the man was gone the pain was back, and I felt it gnawing on my insides.
“Would you like a moment alone?” he whispered.
I snapped out of my daze for a moment and realized we were completely alone; everyone was already cleared out, even my grandmother. I sucked in a deep breath and nodded.
“I’ll be in the limo,” he said, pointing. He put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed lightly, then turned to walk away, kicking up fall leaves.
I sighed again and slightly trembled. With my sweaty palms I tried smoothing out my plain black dress. It wasn’t particularly warm outside but my hands always tended to sweat when I was nervous. A breeze came and sent the leaves whirling as my hair tickled my cheek. This was the moment I had been dreading.
Well, mother, I began in my head while playing with my hands, I guess this is it, where we part ways. You know how horrible I am with goodbyes so I will just try to keep this somewhat simple. I know you already know this but I love you so much and I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. I know you sacrificed a lot. This all just feels like a silly dream. Actually more of a nightmare. It’s….it’s just going to be so hard from now on….without you. Almost unbearable. But I am going to try mom, really try to make it all work. I am just going to have to grow up and become independent. I am going to have to be an adult now. Ugh, it sounds so scary, even in my head. But I really do promise to give it my all, but if it doesn’t work out and I go to join you a little early in heaven, please don’t get mad, because it’s unfair of you to ask me to live without you. Oh and I forgive you, for not telling me about the blood disease earlier, it was probably the right choice but I just can’t see it now. Well this is the next step. The step you always said I was going to have to take some day. I just didn’t know it was going to be this hard.
Out loud, I whispered, “Goodbye, I love you. Wish me luck.”
I turned and took my first step on my own, my first step into my completely new life with designer clothes, limos, private schools, and snobby teenagers. My eyes slightly began to water but I blinked them away. It was time to move on, I told myself, even though every part of me was clinging to my past.
I had to move on.
The limo ride from the reception was quiet and quick. I had spent the whole time at the reception emotionless. I looked at people but didn’t really see them, I heard people but I wasn’t really listening to them. I only answered when I was spoken to and I spent the rest of the time looking down, praying for it to end. I suppose my grandfather knew I wanted some silence for the way back, because I think he usually would have been talking the whole time.
When we arrived at the mansion that was now my home, my mouth dropped in amazement as I stared at the three story Victorian house. It was old, probably around 100 years or so, but it had been remodeled recently. The first story porch ran around the entire house and the driveway was a little less than a mile or so long before it encircled to the front of the house. There was a big black fence surrounding the 200 acre lot. The house itself was placed almost directly in the middle of the whole lot. The trees beside the driveway were extremely tall, until finally the trees part to see the marvelous garden in front of the house. The house was mainly white with blue shudders and a brown roof. It had two balconies, one at the south side and one at the east side of the house. The sun was hidden behind the house, but I knew it was one of the only places in town that had any sunlight at all.
In my head, I was able to picture the first day my parents met. My mother, young, beautiful, full of life, and my father, working hard, sweating over the garden’s roses, neither of them realizing that there life was going to change dramatically.
As we walked up the porch stairs to the house two men opened the door, greeted us, and took my grandparents coats. Once they were behind us I heard the two men then rush to the car to get my things, although I insisted to bring them in myself. The inside of the house was even grander with its master staircase to the right of us with the dark brown flooring and railing. It was again old-fashioned, but it had a modern and elegant touch to it. It was very light inside, there were some lights on and most of the curtains were drawn, letting whatever sunlight that was left shine through. Beside the staircase on our right was what I assumed to be the party dining room, because of the ridiculously enormous table and the beautiful chandelier above it. The table had enough chairs to seat forty people. To my left was purely the greeting room- where they would meet guests who could only stay a little while. It had a few white couches, a coffee table, and a beautiful gold colored harp.
I pulled my attention back to the elegant, huge, and beautiful house. It was so awkward coming from the small torn up house I lived in before and come to this. Yet, I knew if I had a chance I would choose my old shack -that probably took up one bathroom in this house- in a heart beat. My grandfather was watching my expressions the whole time, completely amused as they changed from awe, to shock, to gloomy, to craving, and then finally acceptance.
“What do you think?” he asked eagerly.
“Well… it’s absolutely incredible. I am… well I am just not used to anything like this,” I answered honestly.
He smiled, “I am glad you like it. Come on, I will show you around.”
I looked around for my grandmother, but she was already gone. I knew right then that it was going to be nearly impossible to bond with her. It took us nearly an hour to finish the first floor tour as he showed me the kitchen, Vivian’s office which she was slaving away in, the casual dining room and then the holiday dining room, all elegant and beautiful in their own way. He explained the stories and the meanings of all the expensive paintings and artwork.
We finally continued the never ending tour to the second story. This is where their master bedroom and bath was, my room, and the thirteen other guest rooms with their bathrooms.
“Do you really use all your guest rooms?” I asked in disbelief. When would anyone ever have thirteen people staying over at one time? I couldn’t swallow the idea.
“Actually, the most we ever used at one time was probably three guest rooms, but whenever Vivian’s four sisters come over they all prefer to have their own permanent rooms when they only come to visit on Christmas Day,” he chuckled lightly. “The rest are for show, and so that our guests may have a nice variety of room colors to choose from,” he smiled again, showing his Colgate teeth.
Whenever Hektor seemed to smile, really smiled, everything about him instantly lit up. His eyes turned lighter, his face turned softer, his voice became heartier, his body language became soft and he even seemed years younger. When he smiled I instantly forgot about everything else and just smiled too. It was so easy to be happy around him.
“Now,” he announced, his voice turning deeper in suspense, like a game show host, ”The moment we all’ve been waiting for.” He put his hand on the door handle and continued, “The moment of truth. Your room.” He animatedly threw the double doors open and stepped back. Once again today, I was shocked to see that my new room was nearly ten times the size of my old room, if not more. To my right centered against the wall was a king sized bed, with dark purple comforter sheets and throw pillows. It didn’t even take up one tenth of my mini-mansion room. The floor was a creamy peach colored carpet that matched perfectly with the light purple walls. There was a rug in the middle, with purple and white flowers decorated across it. The wall to my left was a full on dresser, half of the wall being full length mirror and the other half was a vanity table. There was what seemed to be a whole other area to the North West corner of the room, with a flat screen Plasma TV and white leather couches and chairs with a mini coffee table. The room was expertly decorated with rich taste and elegance, just like the rest of the house. But this one was a little bit different; it seemed to have a different style, more of a personal comfortable style. I knew this style; I lived with it for seventeen years. Without a doubt, I knew this was my mother’s room, and sure enough Hektor began talking by saying:
“This was our Vikky’s room. We haven’t really made much changes to it over the years, so if you want to change it that’s completely fine. We’ll-“
“No!” I interrupted, “I love it, it’s great, no reason to change anything.” I didn’t want anything changed, this room had my mother written all over it, and somehow I felt closer to her just by being in her old room.
“She designed it herself you know, when she was ten. Oh what a taste that girl had-“, I walked over to the bed, feeling the silky comforter with my hands. It felt so soft and comfortable-“Vivian didn’t want to let a ten year old child design the room so she was going to do it herself but-“, I walked over to the attached bathroom. It had two sinks, a shower, and a bath with jets. Oh boy was I going to get a good use out of that-“Before Vivian could do a thing Vikky came over with a sketch drew out of what she wanted to do. It was actually a very good so Vivian went along with it.”
I opened the door to my walk in closet and was suddenly surrounded by clothes; I would say my old room was the size of her closet. “Ah yes, we still have Vikky’s clothes. I know it’s is probably a little weird for you to think how we still have the clothes but we both hoped our Vikky would come back. So, well most of them will probably fit you but they have most likely gone out of style. Don’t worry we will get you a whole new up to date wardrobe.”
I put my nose to the fabric; I could have sworn I smelt strawberries, which my mother always smelt like. I honestly didn’t care whether or not I got a whole new wardrobe; I would have been just fine wearing my mother’s clothes. But I was afraid what it would sound like if I said it out loud, I didn’t think he would be able to understand exactly why I wanted to wear her clothes. Because, I didn’t really know either why I wanted to be around things that were hers, I just felt safer there.
“There is a city, about 40 miles from here, called Victoria Gardens. It’s the place where all the women here go shopping for designer clothes. Now I am sure you don’t have to be babysat while getting clothes so you could maybe go with a friend once you start making friends.”
I lingered out of the closet and realized there were other double doors leading somewhere else.
“Vivian sometimes gets picky when it comes to what people should wear but don’t worry about it, just buy what you like.”
I opened the doors and the sea breeze hit me hard. I walked out onto the balcony and saw the ocean. I couldn’t believe I had missed the salty air earlier. Everything looked so pretty and unreal; it could have been painted on with all the brilliant colors. The sun was beginning to set, throwing a variety of shades of purple, red, and orange. The sun rays bounced off the ocean, making each wave sparkle. Off to the side I could still see the trees; Hydden Palms was nearly a forest and where ever there weren’t trees, there were horse stables.
“Yes, the balcony. Beautiful ‘ey?” he asked leaning on the railing beside me. “Yep, best view in the house right here. She used to spend so much time out here, just listening to the waves crash. Melodic sound it is. After she left I came out here a lot. Hmmm….”she sighed, “I guess a part of me really thought, well hoped, that she would come back. Nothing but a silly old man.”
I looked over at him as he stared at the ocean, a pained expression on his tanned skin. He really loved her, my mother. And he is probably just as torn as I am.
“Well, no need to dwell on the past. Besides, I have you now,” he said, bouncing out of his daze, ”Shall we go for a walk on our beach?”
“Our beach?” I asked, puzzled.
“Why yes we have our own private beach,” my mouth dropped again. “Delilah, we own the biggest cruise ship company in the world, Thompson Cruise Ships. It would be a sin not to have a little bit of the ocean in return.”
We both laughed and he took me down to the beach, we decided to save the rest of the tour for later. The walk on the beach was surprisingly delightful. It got my mind off of things and for the first time in weeks I didn’t think about killing myself. He told me stories of my mother’s youth and how she had the whole world down on their knees, including himself, because everyone instantly fell in love with her. He had a hard time after she left and he always held a little grudge against Vivian, whom he felt, pushed her away.
“Vivian isn’t a terrible person, she is very distant and private, but she can be sincere and she really loved our Vikky, but she just wanted her to live life perfectly by her rules and that didn’t work out for our Vikky.”
I began to realize why he always called my mother “our Vikky”. It was because he didn’t know the person Vikky became, and he didn’t want to know her that way. He knew her as his little girl who sat on his lap and fell asleep as he hummed a song or read her a story. He wanted to remember her as his little girl, not the teenager who left and never came back. Not the teenager who ignored her father for seventeen years. Not the teenager who turned into a woman he never came to know, not the woman who lay dead in the ground at this very moment.
Also, I actually began to really understand my mother and why she left. I mean she told me the story over and over again but, I never got the why. She says she was just being rebellious and just ended up falling in love. I guess what made it so hard for me to believe that was because I didn’t believe in love. I believed in loving people like your family and your friends, but I didn’t believe there was love in any form of a romantic relationship. I believe in compatibility, you want to marry someone who you are likely to get along with, not someone you love. Because, in my opinion, love turns more into lust each day and the word love is used too loosely in relationships that last a week. And even if the people do love each other, at some point they get bored with one another and want to move on. The people who last forever in marriage are the people who are compatible with each other. I remember the first time I voiced my opinion to my mother, I was twelve, she said, “My oh my! I swear sometimes Lilah I think you have a thirty year old bitter woman somewhere in there!” I don’t exactly know where I got my “bitter spirit” from; it’s just what I believed.
Then he changed the subject to business. He was the richest of all the richest in Hydden Palms, so people automatically “kissed his butt”, as he put it. Hydden Palms was a place for the rich. It was almost in the middle of nowhere and nearly no one has heard of it, but it really is the most beautiful place anyone had ever seen. The only thing that was in the humongous city was a private elementary school, a private high school, a hotel, fire department, hospital, and then a police station.
“So is that what Dr. Julius was doing? Kissing your butt?” I asked, jokingly.
He got serious for a second, “Oh no, not Julius. He is a good man, not a butt kisser like the rest. He actually moved here a couple of years ago with his family. He’s got a wife, Isolde, who is the sweetest person you’ll ever meet and five adoptive children. They are a great asset to the community, I mean, all Isolde does is run Environmentalists groups. She really is the most unselfish giving person I know. The five adopted kids are great too. ”
“Sounds like a handful though,” I whispered. It’s hard enough for some famililes to adopt one child, they can’t be that lucky to have five extremely cooperative adopted children.
“Actually, they are the most well behaved children I have ever met. I mean perfect GPA, perfect behavior. It’s actually kind of weird in a way, I mean great, but…different. And all of them, they all look like Julius, well in a way, even though they are adopted. It must be because they camp a lot or something. But whatever he is using, I would sure want some. Ha-Ha. Anyways, he has two of them in your grade, Ruby and uh…Jensen, I think. There are two twins, Tristan and Josephine; they are seniors and the other one Jared, I think, is already done. He actually is engaged to Josephine.”
“What?”
“Yea, they are getting hitched after graduation.”
“Wow,” I said again, “That must be difficult to explain at dinner parties.”
“Yea, but they are good people, he’s probably the closest thing I have to a friend,” he elbowed me and laughed again.
We went back to talking about business and he admitted that Vivian is the brains of the operation. He wasn’t much of a business man, he felt too guilty about the little things. Like if someone had to lose their job, etc. This was very easy to believe because I couldn’t picture Hektor doing anything hurtful to anyone. We finally headed in once it got dark; we ate dinner, just the two of us because Vivian had already eaten earlier. Already I had felt a little emptier, it hasn’t even been twenty-four hours yet and I was being rejected by my only grandmother.
Before I headed up to sleep I stopped Hektor and hugged him, “I just want to thank you for taking me in and being so generous. You didn’t have to but you did and I really appreciate it. And since I don’t really know where she is can you thank Vivian for me too?”
“Of course, of course, whatever we could do to help. I know how hard this must be for you.”
I nodded, said thank you again and ran to my room to finally get some sleep. I was already out within the minute I laid down, black dress still on. I had taken a sleeping pill earlier because I knew I was going to need some help to sleep tonight, and the weeks to come. At least I think I only took one sleeping pill, maybe it was two, three, or maybe four? Who knows, but it was working….
I was dreaming a dreamless sleep when I suddenly smelt something funny under my nose. It was hard to open my eyes, they felt so heavy, and it took them a second to focus on the beautiful liquid gold eyes in front of me.
“Delilah?” the sweet voice whispered. “Delilah, how many pills did you take?”
Pills? How did this person know I took some sleeping pills? Was I still dreaming? I tried answering but my throat was too dry to speak, all that came out was a gurgling sound.
“Lilah darling, please tell us how many?” a worried voice asked, it sounded so familiar. But I couldn’t seem able to focus enough to realize who these people were, it was terribly frustrating. All colors blended with the color next to it and the only thing I was able to focus on was the mesmerizing gold eyes. All of my body parts felt so heavy, it took forever to move anything.
Was I paralyzed?
Oh no, this isn’t good, definitely not good…
“We need to get her to the hospital and get her stomach pumped,” the sweet voice said.
Yep, just as I thought, not good. Damn, I was dying, couldn’t even last a day without my mother. I was weak, mother will definitely be disappointed.
“Sure, sure. Is she going to be alright?”
“Yes, we just need her to get to the emergency room.”
I felt cold hands lift me up effortlessly. The hands were too cold though, and he picked me up too easily.
Wait…does cold hands mean heaven or hell?
I know hell is like fire, but these hands were like lifeless cold.
Oh no! I am going to go to hell! I am never going to see my mother again! No, this can’t be right. I know I screwed up sometimes and sometimes I let my anger get the best of me, but I have tried to be good.
My mind was panicking, I thought I had died and someone or something was taking my soul to hell. But I couldn’t understand what I had done to make God so mad at me. Then, it clicked; it was because he thought I was purposely trying to kill myself. The voice in my head started yelling again.
No, this is a mistake! It was an accident, I swear! I hadn’t realized how many I took, honest!
The voice kept yelling and screaming until it finally died down, and I was back in my happy dreamless sleep. The next time I woke up I saw all white.
Yes! Heaven, God forgave me, he believed me!
But my heart dropped when I saw I wasn’t in heaven, I was in a hospital bed. And I wasn’t dead; I was alive, at least barely alive. My body parts still felt as if there were weights on them, my head ached, my throat was dry and I felt I hadn’t eaten in days.
I tried sitting up, and I was able to do so on the fourth try. Just then I heard slow, heavy footsteps enter the room; I turned to see who it was. His eyes brightened.
“Lilah darling you are awake! How wonderful! You know you gave us quite a scare!” my grandfather said, unable to hide his relief.
He was too good of a person to be my grandfather, I didn’t deserve him. Before I could apologize, Dr. Julius Winchester walked in, and if it weren’t for the fact that I was already looking at the doorway I probably wouldn’t have heard him come in, he didn’t make a sound.
“Well, Miss. Hudson, how are we doing?” he asked. He looked different in his doctor’s uniform, less intimidating now that he was out of his black suit; but still beautiful nonetheless.
“Sti, sti…still a little groggy,” I croaked, my voice scratchy. I was surprised he was able to understand me.
“Lightheaded?” he asked.
I nodded.
“Yes, well Miss. Hudson you are going to be just fine, no permanent damage whatsoever. Just twenty-four hour bed rest and eating lightly will do the trick.”
“Thank you,” I managed to croak again.
“Miss. Hudson, I know it has been hard for you, but uh… well suicide is a-”
“I wa…wasn’t trying to commit sui… suicide,” I interrupted, stuttering mindlessly in my hoarse voice, “I…I just w…wanted to sleep.”
He looked at me suspiciously for a moment, and then he nodded his head in satisfaction. He believed me.
“Just be more careful next time, only take one, maybe two-but definitely not ten.”
Ten? I took ten sleeping pills? I hardly remember taking the one. Maybe a part of me actually wanted to commit suicide, the subconscious numb part of me. Maybe I wasn’t as innocent as I thought. Dr. Winchester smiled, winked at me, and walked out while saying goodbye to Hektor on the way. But something made my breath catch in my throat, stopping me from screaming. His eyes, they were the beautiful liquid gold eyes I had seen earlier when I was in and out of consciousness.
Gold.
Weren’t his eyes horribly black?
Great. I am going crazy too. Did I imagine it?
No. They were black before, I didn’t imagine it.
Then why were they gold just now?
The other voice was quiet for a second. How can someone’s eyes change to two completely different colors?
Contacts.
Who would wear black contacts?, the other voice countered.
Shut up, the voice answered back.
I hated when my mind decided to have a conversation with itself. I tried to swallow, it still hurt. The room was silent, and for once, I think Hektor was lost for words. I felt bad for the poor guy; I mean, what do you say to your granddaughter who just took ten sleeping pills?
“So wh…what happened?” I choked, it was getting a little easier to speak.
“Well, you probably know the story better than I. I was just about ready to go to bed at 11:30 PM when Julius was at the gates. I let him in, of course, curious to see what was so important that couldn’t wait till the morning or just couldn’t be said on the phone. Anyways, when I asked him why he was here he said he was just a little worried about you and just wanted to see how you were doing. I told him you were doing fine under the circumstances, but he insisted we see you. I always trusted his instincts more than my own, so, reluctantly, I let him into your room to see you and you seemed fine to me, but he said something was wrong. He walked into your bathroom and sure enough he walked back out with an almost empty bottle of sleeping pills that was prescribed a couple of days ago.”
That’s weird, I thought, I could have sworn it was in my purse on one of the chairs in the room. Wow, I really was out of it when I took them.
“The rest you know,” he finished.
How did Dr. Julius know that I was trying to hurt myself with sleeping pills? There must be something more to the story.
“Listen, Lilah…so you weren’t uh…trying to hurt yourself?”
I shook my head vigorously.
“Okay, because you could always come to me if you want to talk or anything, I am here for you.”
I felt horrible, how can I put such a good man through all of this? Hasn’t he had enough sadness in the last couple of days? Maybe I did deserve to go to hell. Then another thought entered my mind.
So was this how it’s going to be now?
Everyone waiting for me to explode like some time bomb, would they all think I was some type of suicidal freak? At this point, maybe I am, I don’t really know. It’s already bad enough having to see their faces, feeling sorry for me. Now, they will just be full of plain pity, they will probably just try to stay away from me, I guess I deserve that though.
Then again, who would know about this? I am sure it’s not every grandparent’s dream to brag about how their granddaughter OD last night. Hopefully, no one would find out about this.
I looked around the room again, “Is…Viv…”
“Oh no sweetie, I am sorry, she couldn’t make it. She has a meeting this morning.”
I nodded. I actually liked it better that she wasn’t here, one less person to feel embarrassed in front of.
“Okay, it’s 9:00 AM right now, and whenever you are ready to leave we will go. Just take your time though, whenever you are ready.”
I pathetically tried moving myself off the bed, but my muscles still weren’t cooperating. He finally asked for a wheelchair and sat me in it, I felt helpless. He took me home where I had to lay in bed twenty four hours straight. I wasn’t looking forward to this alone time, time to think. When my mind is left alone to think, it wanders. And I know it will inevitably start thinking about things that hurt. Like how both of my parents are dead and how it seems a part of me wants myself to die, I could go on and on.