Who am I you ask???
Some would look at me and say not much has changed, some would look and say too much has
changed. I know I am not perfect and never will be. I did a lot of things in my past and talked
about the same things that hurt me over and over because the pain was sooo deep that I didnt know
how else to deal with it... I tried to keep purging it out of my system when talking to you guys
but all it did was overload you. Im sorry for that and thats just what I did to Chris when he hurt
me... I just kept overloading him with bad memories because I had an awful chemical imbalance. I
wasnt even on meds regularly the last time I saw all of you my friends this last summer. I have
been on meds strickly taking them everyday for the last three months. OMG I am a different person.
I didnt know this me exsisted... I dont feel like I need a man to live my life. In all reality if I
didnt think it would entirely crush Josh I would probably break up with him just because I kind of
dont feel like dating anyone just going to school and hanging with friends. He doesnt take up much
time and isnt picky so I am trying to give him a chance and all beacuse he deserves that and of
course I do care about him I just dont know if I am the one for him.
The house has changed, people are getting thier shit together... All of us are. I dont make
much and I am not trying to go farther into debt so I live sparsly. I do hand over a lot of my
checks to my family in a sense. I buy the things they need and times have not been easy either with
my car broken down. I do pay bills to my G'ma, yeah it's NOT enough and I know that but I am doing
my best living with leeches that I love... I even paid G'ma money when mom wanted to duck out on
her this month. I just put a new tire and rim on my dads are after he suffered a slide on the ice
into the curb... I dont smoke the green as often as you all think. I have slowed way down since I
do a lot of pick ups for people just because I dont want to because it slows me down here and there
and I know when I have to keep my crap together... Like finals are next week and Im not smoking
now.... Oh and PLUS the reason the room down here gets so smokey too was because the exhaust fan in
the wall wasnt working for the longest time and now david fixed it for me and it makes a big
difference.
But I shouldnt have to sit here and defend myself on a lot of things. I know that my job isnt
glamorous but I would rather do it to feed the kids instead of prostituting or working 50 hours a
week at a min wage job that wont work with me on my school hours. Its not an easy job and some days
it sucks ass but there are the days when I only get calls from lonely old guys that are not jerking
it they just want a friendly voice that will listen and talk back to them about how their day went.
Its all cool though. But I have to go to bed maybe I will write more later... Im just not the same girl I was... I think I am better now...
changed. I know I am not perfect and never will be. I did a lot of things in my past and talked
about the same things that hurt me over and over because the pain was sooo deep that I didnt know
how else to deal with it... I tried to keep purging it out of my system when talking to you guys
but all it did was overload you. Im sorry for that and thats just what I did to Chris when he hurt
me... I just kept overloading him with bad memories because I had an awful chemical imbalance. I
wasnt even on meds regularly the last time I saw all of you my friends this last summer. I have
been on meds strickly taking them everyday for the last three months. OMG I am a different person.
I didnt know this me exsisted... I dont feel like I need a man to live my life. In all reality if I
didnt think it would entirely crush Josh I would probably break up with him just because I kind of
dont feel like dating anyone just going to school and hanging with friends. He doesnt take up much
time and isnt picky so I am trying to give him a chance and all beacuse he deserves that and of
course I do care about him I just dont know if I am the one for him.
The house has changed, people are getting thier shit together... All of us are. I dont make
much and I am not trying to go farther into debt so I live sparsly. I do hand over a lot of my
checks to my family in a sense. I buy the things they need and times have not been easy either with
my car broken down. I do pay bills to my G'ma, yeah it's NOT enough and I know that but I am doing
my best living with leeches that I love... I even paid G'ma money when mom wanted to duck out on
her this month. I just put a new tire and rim on my dads are after he suffered a slide on the ice
into the curb... I dont smoke the green as often as you all think. I have slowed way down since I
do a lot of pick ups for people just because I dont want to because it slows me down here and there
and I know when I have to keep my crap together... Like finals are next week and Im not smoking
now.... Oh and PLUS the reason the room down here gets so smokey too was because the exhaust fan in
the wall wasnt working for the longest time and now david fixed it for me and it makes a big
difference.
But I shouldnt have to sit here and defend myself on a lot of things. I know that my job isnt
glamorous but I would rather do it to feed the kids instead of prostituting or working 50 hours a
week at a min wage job that wont work with me on my school hours. Its not an easy job and some days
it sucks ass but there are the days when I only get calls from lonely old guys that are not jerking
it they just want a friendly voice that will listen and talk back to them about how their day went.
Its all cool though. But I have to go to bed maybe I will write more later... Im just not the same girl I was... I think I am better now...