Forbidden Love Chapter 19
Title: Forbidden Love
Author: dean_itoh
Pairing/Subject: Takaki Yuya/Yamada Ryosuke
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: You know that the boys aren't mine~
Summary: Sometimes love is just to let go
Clumps of smoke rose in the air. Again and again. He felt suffocated with the smoke, yet, he found it as the only way so he could blow all the suffocating feeling that tightens his chest. Along with the smoke he wanted to throw the feeling out of his heart. Together with the smoke he wanted to throw away all the unspoken words.
He closed his eyes and ducked.
It’s been three days and no one can reach you. Where are you?
“And this is the result of you being too kind to the world by sacrificing your own feeling and the most important person in your life. I knew that you’re stupid but I don’t know that you’re this dumb, Yamada Ryosuke.”
Yamada turned to the familiar voice and gaped when he saw the figure that walked slowly to his side. “What are you doing here?”
“What’s this?” Aside of answering the question, he took the cigarette from Yamada’s hand. “Since when you do this stupid thing?”
Yamada looked away and didn’t give any word.
The figure looked at him intently and shook his head. “You really are stupid, don’t you know that? Why should you give up that easy? After those years fighting? You let him go now? Why now?”
“We are crossing the line. The group will be doomed if we insist to keep going.”
“That’s! The statement that made you sounded dumb.”
“Ryu! I’m serious!”
Ryutaro smiled wickedly. “Are you playing to be a God now? I know that you’re good in acting, but playing to be a God? I don’t think so, Ryosuke.”
“What do you mean?”
“No one knows what will happen tomorrow, and you have concluded about the future of JUMP. Wow! You sounded like you’re the one who decides fate.”
“I’m just trying to be realistic, and how do you know about ... “
“I believe all of the members knew it too. The way you look at him is different. The way he looks at you is different. There’s something that cannot be explained and we just knew it.”
Yamada looked away. “See. Everyone knew it. We didn’t say anything and everyone knew it. It won’t be long before everybody else found it, and we will definitely be doomed.”
Ryutaro shook his head in disbelief. “And here you are playing to be a God again. Would you stop it and just think about anything you can do now, before you regret it later?”
Yamada looked at him in silent for a moment. He tried to reach for another cigarette, but Ryutaro took it away from him.
“Listen to me, very carefully, because I won’t say it twice.” He grabbed Yamada’s arm and forced him to stay facing him. “There’s no one know what will happen tomorrow. Not you, not Takaki, or everyone else. You love him, he loves you, that’s it. It happened since when I don’t know and I don’t care, and it is still happening now. You loved him, he loved you, and you are still loving him now. It is the most important thing.”
For a while Yamada stoned in his place. Ryutaro looked so matured. He wasn’t the one he knew for a long time.
“Surprised? That I can say the words?”
Yamada blinked many times before looked away. He chuckled and shook his head. “Yes. I’m surprised.”
Ryutaro called the waiter and ordered before turned back to Yamada. “Experience had taught me. If Johnny kept me in JE, I won’t know what life is actually. So, thanks to Johnny to kick me out of his company.”
“He’s in the hospital now.”
“I know. Yesterday I went there.”
Yamada turned to him and almost gaped.
Ryutaro smiled widely and wiggled his brows. “I know you will be surprised about this, but yes, I went there. I met Tackey in front of the room, and he helped me to meet Johnny. He’s good. Very good. No wonder Johnny trusted him very much.”
Yamada shook is head and chuckled lightly. “You’ve heard everything.”
Ryutaro waved his fingers in front of Yamada. “No. I don’t hear, but I have my eyes everywhere. I knew exactly what do you do after you get up from the bed every morning everyday, and all the members. No, please, don’t ask!” He raised his hands when Yamada tried to interrupt.” I can even tell you what is Hikaru doing now.”
Yamada looked at him in horor.
Ryutaro smiled wickedly. “You really don’t want to know, but really, I know everyone of you, until I’m not sure whether I really know you or not.”
“Not only you, but I’m also surprised when he suddenly popped up in the airport on the day of my departure”
Yamada bulged his eyes and could only gape at the figure who just sat down beside him. The figure smiled and patted his back gently.
“Why are you here?”
The figure leaned on his hand and stared at Yamada gently. “Because someone here needs a help to open his eyes and be honest to himself. Because someone here needs a light to bring him out of the darkness. Because someone here is so helpless even to say I do love you and want to stay all my life beside you to the person he loves the most.”
Yamada blinked many times but couldn’t find any word to say.
The figure looked at Ryutaro and shook his head. “As you had said to me. He turned into someone strange.”
“Dumb to be exact.” Ryutaro snorted.
“Keito, first, why are you here?
Ryutaro laughed out loudly.
“Guys, please. I mean it. What are you two doing here?” Yamada almost yelled to them as the result of their ignorance to him.
Ryutaro raised his hands as a sign of surrender, while Keito caressed Yamada’s back gently and smiled.
“Because we want to help you to disentangle your feelings that are entangled by your narrow thoughts. You look so miserable, Ryosuke. Please,” Keito signaled Yamada not to say anything when he was about to interrupt, “you may say you’re okay. You may say you’re fine, but the fact you look very depressed. Your eyes tell that you badly want to meet him. You miss him, but your ego forbids you from going to see him.”
“He’s nowhere to be found.”
Keito smiled again.
“Then find him. You can go around the world easily to find him, then why are you just staying here and lamenting your fate that you can’t find him? Nobody forbids you to go looking for him. You forbid yourself to go looking for him.”
“We are crossing the line, Keito.”
“Those are just stupid words that you use to defend yourself who don’t want to feel burdened by your guilt for having decided to prefer not to listen to your heart.”
Yamada was silent. He wanted to deny but not even a word he was able to say.
Keito smiled lightly. He knew he was right now. He knew he was still could read Yamada, even after long time.
“Tell me honestly, do you still love him? I mean love him until you can’t live without him?”
Yamada looked at Keito and Keito didn’t need any word as a prove. He smiled again.
“Then what are you doing here? Go find him.”
Yamada closed his eyes, then covered his face with his hands. He weakly shook his head.
“I’ve tried to look for him everywhere but couldn’t find him. It’s been three days, and none of us managed to contact him. He just disappears. He seemed lost in the earth. No one can contact him. His phone is off, and all of his friends don’t know where he is.”
“Think seriously, about the place he will visit when he feels depressed. Think about the places he will most likely go to when he feels very uncomfortable with his surroundings. He must have told you one or two places, right? The place where he can release all the attributes of his life. A place where he can be himself, do as he pleases, do everything without anyone else going to reprimand him. Everyone has that place, right?”
Yamada was silent. He kept shaking his head a few times, but then he suddenly stopped and remained motionless for a while. He turned to Keito and stared at him without blinking.
Keito smiled and tapped his shoulder. “Show him that you really love him.”
Yamada stood up and quickly ran out.
“He’s really stupid, isn’t he?”
Keito smiled again. “Love can change someone, Ryu. You do know that very well. He is not stupid, but just cannot express his feelings properly.”
“That’s what we call stupid. He’s too concerned about what people say rather than listening to his heart. He’s indeed an idol, but he’s also a human. Just a plain human being. There are times when we have to listen to our hearts to be able to survive in the harshness of this world.”
Keito just smiled, but deep inside his heart he agreed to Ryutaro’s statement.
Author: dean_itoh
Pairing/Subject: Takaki Yuya/Yamada Ryosuke
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: You know that the boys aren't mine~
Summary: Sometimes love is just to let go
Clumps of smoke rose in the air. Again and again. He felt suffocated with the smoke, yet, he found it as the only way so he could blow all the suffocating feeling that tightens his chest. Along with the smoke he wanted to throw the feeling out of his heart. Together with the smoke he wanted to throw away all the unspoken words.
He closed his eyes and ducked.
It’s been three days and no one can reach you. Where are you?
“And this is the result of you being too kind to the world by sacrificing your own feeling and the most important person in your life. I knew that you’re stupid but I don’t know that you’re this dumb, Yamada Ryosuke.”
Yamada turned to the familiar voice and gaped when he saw the figure that walked slowly to his side. “What are you doing here?”
“What’s this?” Aside of answering the question, he took the cigarette from Yamada’s hand. “Since when you do this stupid thing?”
Yamada looked away and didn’t give any word.
The figure looked at him intently and shook his head. “You really are stupid, don’t you know that? Why should you give up that easy? After those years fighting? You let him go now? Why now?”
“We are crossing the line. The group will be doomed if we insist to keep going.”
“That’s! The statement that made you sounded dumb.”
“Ryu! I’m serious!”
Ryutaro smiled wickedly. “Are you playing to be a God now? I know that you’re good in acting, but playing to be a God? I don’t think so, Ryosuke.”
“What do you mean?”
“No one knows what will happen tomorrow, and you have concluded about the future of JUMP. Wow! You sounded like you’re the one who decides fate.”
“I’m just trying to be realistic, and how do you know about ... “
“I believe all of the members knew it too. The way you look at him is different. The way he looks at you is different. There’s something that cannot be explained and we just knew it.”
Yamada looked away. “See. Everyone knew it. We didn’t say anything and everyone knew it. It won’t be long before everybody else found it, and we will definitely be doomed.”
Ryutaro shook his head in disbelief. “And here you are playing to be a God again. Would you stop it and just think about anything you can do now, before you regret it later?”
Yamada looked at him in silent for a moment. He tried to reach for another cigarette, but Ryutaro took it away from him.
“Listen to me, very carefully, because I won’t say it twice.” He grabbed Yamada’s arm and forced him to stay facing him. “There’s no one know what will happen tomorrow. Not you, not Takaki, or everyone else. You love him, he loves you, that’s it. It happened since when I don’t know and I don’t care, and it is still happening now. You loved him, he loved you, and you are still loving him now. It is the most important thing.”
For a while Yamada stoned in his place. Ryutaro looked so matured. He wasn’t the one he knew for a long time.
“Surprised? That I can say the words?”
Yamada blinked many times before looked away. He chuckled and shook his head. “Yes. I’m surprised.”
Ryutaro called the waiter and ordered before turned back to Yamada. “Experience had taught me. If Johnny kept me in JE, I won’t know what life is actually. So, thanks to Johnny to kick me out of his company.”
“He’s in the hospital now.”
“I know. Yesterday I went there.”
Yamada turned to him and almost gaped.
Ryutaro smiled widely and wiggled his brows. “I know you will be surprised about this, but yes, I went there. I met Tackey in front of the room, and he helped me to meet Johnny. He’s good. Very good. No wonder Johnny trusted him very much.”
Yamada shook is head and chuckled lightly. “You’ve heard everything.”
Ryutaro waved his fingers in front of Yamada. “No. I don’t hear, but I have my eyes everywhere. I knew exactly what do you do after you get up from the bed every morning everyday, and all the members. No, please, don’t ask!” He raised his hands when Yamada tried to interrupt.” I can even tell you what is Hikaru doing now.”
Yamada looked at him in horor.
Ryutaro smiled wickedly. “You really don’t want to know, but really, I know everyone of you, until I’m not sure whether I really know you or not.”
“Not only you, but I’m also surprised when he suddenly popped up in the airport on the day of my departure”
Yamada bulged his eyes and could only gape at the figure who just sat down beside him. The figure smiled and patted his back gently.
“Why are you here?”
The figure leaned on his hand and stared at Yamada gently. “Because someone here needs a help to open his eyes and be honest to himself. Because someone here needs a light to bring him out of the darkness. Because someone here is so helpless even to say I do love you and want to stay all my life beside you to the person he loves the most.”
Yamada blinked many times but couldn’t find any word to say.
The figure looked at Ryutaro and shook his head. “As you had said to me. He turned into someone strange.”
“Dumb to be exact.” Ryutaro snorted.
“Keito, first, why are you here?
Ryutaro laughed out loudly.
“Guys, please. I mean it. What are you two doing here?” Yamada almost yelled to them as the result of their ignorance to him.
Ryutaro raised his hands as a sign of surrender, while Keito caressed Yamada’s back gently and smiled.
“Because we want to help you to disentangle your feelings that are entangled by your narrow thoughts. You look so miserable, Ryosuke. Please,” Keito signaled Yamada not to say anything when he was about to interrupt, “you may say you’re okay. You may say you’re fine, but the fact you look very depressed. Your eyes tell that you badly want to meet him. You miss him, but your ego forbids you from going to see him.”
“He’s nowhere to be found.”
Keito smiled again.
“Then find him. You can go around the world easily to find him, then why are you just staying here and lamenting your fate that you can’t find him? Nobody forbids you to go looking for him. You forbid yourself to go looking for him.”
“We are crossing the line, Keito.”
“Those are just stupid words that you use to defend yourself who don’t want to feel burdened by your guilt for having decided to prefer not to listen to your heart.”
Yamada was silent. He wanted to deny but not even a word he was able to say.
Keito smiled lightly. He knew he was right now. He knew he was still could read Yamada, even after long time.
“Tell me honestly, do you still love him? I mean love him until you can’t live without him?”
Yamada looked at Keito and Keito didn’t need any word as a prove. He smiled again.
“Then what are you doing here? Go find him.”
Yamada closed his eyes, then covered his face with his hands. He weakly shook his head.
“I’ve tried to look for him everywhere but couldn’t find him. It’s been three days, and none of us managed to contact him. He just disappears. He seemed lost in the earth. No one can contact him. His phone is off, and all of his friends don’t know where he is.”
“Think seriously, about the place he will visit when he feels depressed. Think about the places he will most likely go to when he feels very uncomfortable with his surroundings. He must have told you one or two places, right? The place where he can release all the attributes of his life. A place where he can be himself, do as he pleases, do everything without anyone else going to reprimand him. Everyone has that place, right?”
Yamada was silent. He kept shaking his head a few times, but then he suddenly stopped and remained motionless for a while. He turned to Keito and stared at him without blinking.
Keito smiled and tapped his shoulder. “Show him that you really love him.”
Yamada stood up and quickly ran out.
“He’s really stupid, isn’t he?”
Keito smiled again. “Love can change someone, Ryu. You do know that very well. He is not stupid, but just cannot express his feelings properly.”
“That’s what we call stupid. He’s too concerned about what people say rather than listening to his heart. He’s indeed an idol, but he’s also a human. Just a plain human being. There are times when we have to listen to our hearts to be able to survive in the harshness of this world.”
Keito just smiled, but deep inside his heart he agreed to Ryutaro’s statement.