????
ok didn't really know what to call this one. feeling sort of off at the moment. i think i lost my escapism. i realize that those who actualyl read this are eitehr going to think i'm retarded or i'm making no sense, or possibly both. for the past 5 months i have been disappearing into a game to escape reality, i emmerged only long enough to study, got to class, go to work, and very rarely see my friends. but as work and school got harder and my friends became more depressing i just submerged myself further in my new reality, my final fantasy.
it really is another world. it has an economy that rises and falls, it has jobs that everyone ust do in order for others to continue. there are farmers and fishers, cloth makers and chefs. there were singers, shapers, dreamers, and makers. it was so complex it was almost real. hell it is real. hell you can even buy wedding clothes and get a marriage certificate. but it doesn't seem right anymore, something seems tainted in the world of fantasy. for a while i couldn't place why. i thought i was just stuck on a lvl or a quest. but that's not right. its not the game that has changed or the people who play it. its me
something just seems different with me. i moved back to SF and i really am glad i'm here. i missed a lot of people and it has been great seeing them again. i got a second interview at the hard rock and while i know its just another waiting tables gig, i really would like to get it. it would be the begining of starting up a real life in SF. a job, a place to live comes next, school will start in august and then i really will live here. i need to emerge from this world of fantasy, i need to get past living in a computer. i know i have friends there in the world of final fantasy, i know that we get along in the game, but i also know that is about as far as it will go.
so i am going to tone down my playing a bit, embrace the world of reality and so forth. i have a few books to catch up on, and the weather around here has been unusually nice, so i guess i should be heading out the door during the day to enjoy it. well tomorow i am going to a baseball game so at least that's something. starting with small steps.
i should also note that i am at a difficult place with one of my friends. i care a great deal about her. but i don't really know what to do. all i ever really can do is watch and hope she doesn't slowly destroy herself from the inside out. night night
it really is another world. it has an economy that rises and falls, it has jobs that everyone ust do in order for others to continue. there are farmers and fishers, cloth makers and chefs. there were singers, shapers, dreamers, and makers. it was so complex it was almost real. hell it is real. hell you can even buy wedding clothes and get a marriage certificate. but it doesn't seem right anymore, something seems tainted in the world of fantasy. for a while i couldn't place why. i thought i was just stuck on a lvl or a quest. but that's not right. its not the game that has changed or the people who play it. its me
something just seems different with me. i moved back to SF and i really am glad i'm here. i missed a lot of people and it has been great seeing them again. i got a second interview at the hard rock and while i know its just another waiting tables gig, i really would like to get it. it would be the begining of starting up a real life in SF. a job, a place to live comes next, school will start in august and then i really will live here. i need to emerge from this world of fantasy, i need to get past living in a computer. i know i have friends there in the world of final fantasy, i know that we get along in the game, but i also know that is about as far as it will go.
so i am going to tone down my playing a bit, embrace the world of reality and so forth. i have a few books to catch up on, and the weather around here has been unusually nice, so i guess i should be heading out the door during the day to enjoy it. well tomorow i am going to a baseball game so at least that's something. starting with small steps.
i should also note that i am at a difficult place with one of my friends. i care a great deal about her. but i don't really know what to do. all i ever really can do is watch and hope she doesn't slowly destroy herself from the inside out. night night