gohhd, frikkin ihdiot
what it is bitches. its me, i guess im guilty of never fucking updating...but there is a reason for that....livejournal=lame...at least thats how i see it now..im tired of online...shit...like myspace and lj, aim is ok every now and then...but just...i dunno...anyways. its 5:35am and i cant fucking sleep so i figured id be lame and update. i got a job (after being fired from the truck wash) at pizza hut(t?). its an ok job i guess but there are two major problems, 1st of all...i get paid shit (6.00) second of all...i get shit hours (5 hours a day at most)...this leads to a skimpy paycheck...and i feel really poor right now. i need a lot of new things and i want a lot of new things and i dont have the money for any of it...so im quite frustrated at my financial situation...(or lack thereof). my car needs 2 new tires, my car needs to be replaced with something thats not a total pile of shit, i have a court date coming up in which case i will need at least $475 to even attempt to keep my license, i need new clothes, i turn 18 soon and id like to get my first tattoo(s)...etc. etc. so yeah...im kinda fucked on things i need and want right now. i want a better job..if there are any managers/store owners reading this...ill do anything for money...except for suck yo dick...jk...but not really...i thougt i was progressing toward mental health...but i still have anxiety and it doesnt seem to be wanting to leave anytime soon...i dont know what the fuck i want out of life anymore..im just so frustrated with everything. i hate the fact that im only almost 18...and im supposed to be making life changing decisions...like further schooling and all of this shit. im supposed to get up at 7am this morning and take a scholarship eligability test...but ive decided against it. reason being, i have no confidence that I, out of all of the other people, will recieve any financial support in going to a technical school. also, even if i was eligable, im only 18, and i am REALLY in no position to move to california by myself...i havent even lived on my own yet where i can still get help if i need it...much less on the opposite side of the country..its kind of scary. im ready to leave nc...but not alone..the thought of being somewhere where i dont know ANYONE scares me...=\, and given then fact im not the most outgoing person in the world..it would make it that much more complicated for me to adapt. so ive decided to postpone any further education (that involves me moving far away) until i have overcome some of my problems. in the mean time im gonna get educated through personal hands on experience so i will be better prepared for the school im going to (in which i will become a certified mechanic). id really like a job where i drove and worked on cars...like drag racing cars that are street legal or track racing GT cars or some shit...but to my knowledge, you either get lucky and get that kind of job, are filthy rich and have that as your hobby, or know people that know people that know people...i dont qualify for any of that just yet...but i can cross my fingers for 18 more years =X. now comes the time where im tired of livejournal again, so im probably gonna have this update hold me over for a few weeks. holla.