(no subject)
alright so i wasnt mad at jimmy about anything until yesterday. i knew that breaking up had no effect on him whatsoever and that made me feel like shit all on its own, knowing how much it effected me..but yesterday he was ballsy enough to go to kalyns register to buy condoms. thats fucked up. like, if i were him, i would be steering clear of the family of the girl whos heart he just shattered, but no. and my sister was nice to him. wtf. she wanted me to break up with him like 2 weeks ago, but shes nice to him? if joe broke up with her and he did that to me, id fucking slap bitches right there. i still dont like steve because of everything she went through because of him, how depressed she was, and he didnt even do anything like that to piss me off... i guess im just protective of her. but ya, she wasnt even going to tell me about that cause she knew it would piss me off..buut its been said before 'myspace ruins lives'. jackass left dan a comment saying he went to kalyns line. i was on the phone with lindsay when i read it too, i was fucking pissed. okay, i know hes fucking around with other people, whatever ill get over it.. i have to, but he didnt need to go to her line. thats pretty much being like 'i want kelsey to know that im fucking other people' i meann lets not waste any time getting over me huh?? i feel like i meant nothing to him. i wonder if he ever thinks about me and how i feel. i wonder if he knows that i feel like killing myself. doubt it.
everyday i have this feeling in my gut like im going to puke. its constant. i dont know how to make it go away. all i ever think about is him. how i love everything about him. how i dont want to be with anyone else. how he doesnt care. how hes with other girls. how i feel like i was holding him back now. how i want everything to be the way it was in the beginning. how much i miss him still. how i wish he would miss me.
i hate how if i ever treated him bad i would feel like shit afterwards and id apologize..and how he treated me like he did for a month and didnt care.
my moms definately starting to worry about the no-eating thing. before work on sunday shes told me to eat something and i said no and shes like 'you cant starve yourself to death you know' and i was like 'actually i could, but that would be a far too boring way to go out mom.' i think that made her a little mad..
me and marissa slept over courtney baileys on sunday night. it was a lot of fun, shes so nice to her company and me and marissa were like the first girls to be at her house all summer and her mom was like in love with us..well she always liked me, but whatever. i ate. alot. and was pissed about it. happy now? her mom brought us to blockbuster and we rented to exorcism of emily rose because courtney wanted to watch it. marissa kept jumping..it was humorous. friggen mike calls courtney like every hour. i dont know if hes obsessed, over protective, or if he is just nice and wants to talk to her cause he loves her, but its really annoying. i mean, im sure i would like it if my boyfriend called me alot, but wait, i dont have one. we talked about going to the beach sometime this week cause her parents are on vacation and well, her mom loves us. so we might do that. also, courtneys birthday is on the 2nd. oo does anyone remember what the 2nd is?? i do. and no courtney, im not talking about warped tour.
me and marissa left around 430 and i drove her home..was on the phone with linds for a little bit, called 1800papagino to try to get justin out of work for her. then lauren called cause she was supposed to sleep over last week but couldnt so she was like 'how about monday' and at the time i told her i was gunna see what jimmy was doing to see if he wanted to hang out cause yah, i missed him..but then he dumped me. i was supposed to call lauren on saturday to see when shed come over..but i was kinda distressed on saturday so i forgot. so she ended up coming over last night, we swam for a while and talked about life..aka jimmy and markie. lol and then we came in and watch pooh's heffalump movie, which was honestly the cutest movie ever. the heffalumps name was lumpy and he had a british accent. he was fucking adorable. haha okay im done talking about pooh.
ive been really busy now..not on purpose but i guess its better cause i hate being alone. being alone gives me a chance to think..it still happens at night though. even if im sleeping at someones house, when they go to sleep i stay up and think. i cant sleep. it sucks.
ugh i have that pukey feeling really bad right now.
look in my eyes.
you're killing me, killing me.
everyday i have this feeling in my gut like im going to puke. its constant. i dont know how to make it go away. all i ever think about is him. how i love everything about him. how i dont want to be with anyone else. how he doesnt care. how hes with other girls. how i feel like i was holding him back now. how i want everything to be the way it was in the beginning. how much i miss him still. how i wish he would miss me.
i hate how if i ever treated him bad i would feel like shit afterwards and id apologize..and how he treated me like he did for a month and didnt care.
my moms definately starting to worry about the no-eating thing. before work on sunday shes told me to eat something and i said no and shes like 'you cant starve yourself to death you know' and i was like 'actually i could, but that would be a far too boring way to go out mom.' i think that made her a little mad..
me and marissa slept over courtney baileys on sunday night. it was a lot of fun, shes so nice to her company and me and marissa were like the first girls to be at her house all summer and her mom was like in love with us..well she always liked me, but whatever. i ate. alot. and was pissed about it. happy now? her mom brought us to blockbuster and we rented to exorcism of emily rose because courtney wanted to watch it. marissa kept jumping..it was humorous. friggen mike calls courtney like every hour. i dont know if hes obsessed, over protective, or if he is just nice and wants to talk to her cause he loves her, but its really annoying. i mean, im sure i would like it if my boyfriend called me alot, but wait, i dont have one. we talked about going to the beach sometime this week cause her parents are on vacation and well, her mom loves us. so we might do that. also, courtneys birthday is on the 2nd. oo does anyone remember what the 2nd is?? i do. and no courtney, im not talking about warped tour.
me and marissa left around 430 and i drove her home..was on the phone with linds for a little bit, called 1800papagino to try to get justin out of work for her. then lauren called cause she was supposed to sleep over last week but couldnt so she was like 'how about monday' and at the time i told her i was gunna see what jimmy was doing to see if he wanted to hang out cause yah, i missed him..but then he dumped me. i was supposed to call lauren on saturday to see when shed come over..but i was kinda distressed on saturday so i forgot. so she ended up coming over last night, we swam for a while and talked about life..aka jimmy and markie. lol and then we came in and watch pooh's heffalump movie, which was honestly the cutest movie ever. the heffalumps name was lumpy and he had a british accent. he was fucking adorable. haha okay im done talking about pooh.
ive been really busy now..not on purpose but i guess its better cause i hate being alone. being alone gives me a chance to think..it still happens at night though. even if im sleeping at someones house, when they go to sleep i stay up and think. i cant sleep. it sucks.
ugh i have that pukey feeling really bad right now.
look in my eyes.
you're killing me, killing me.