(no subject)
So this week has just sort of happened. I'm getting through my classes despite the fact that I have absolutely no desire to work on the research paper I told myself I would work on tonight. I have six more pages left to write, which shouldn't be too bad, but it's still going to be pretty bad. Nor do I have any desire to start working on the huge group projects that are due in about two weeks.
I just want these classes to be over. I hate all of my classes this semester, so there isn't much incentive to keep me here. I'm just hoping that things will improve once I get to take some actual writing courses. If not...I don't know.
And I really am trying so hard to do this all without meds. When I've started feeling badly, I try to force my brain to change its thought pattern. It really is helping, as much as I hate to admit that I might be using DBT (Dialectic Behavioral Therapy) techniques. I don't even have Borderline, but I guess the bitch who taught me the techniques was right about it working for a lot of things. Too bad. I wish she could have been bitchy and wrong to justify my hatred for her.
I hate that I want someone to love and be loved by. (I mean this in the romantic sense; I have no doubt that my family has love for me.) I shouldn't need that, but I feel as if I really do. I want to be whole, but I wouldn't mind that whole being half of something else. If that makes any sense. I was accused today of being vulnerable. Is this why?
This weekend I head home to work with Steve on filming and sell tickets at Dean's Christmas village. I would rather stay here, but I guess that can't be helped.
I just want these classes to be over. I hate all of my classes this semester, so there isn't much incentive to keep me here. I'm just hoping that things will improve once I get to take some actual writing courses. If not...I don't know.
And I really am trying so hard to do this all without meds. When I've started feeling badly, I try to force my brain to change its thought pattern. It really is helping, as much as I hate to admit that I might be using DBT (Dialectic Behavioral Therapy) techniques. I don't even have Borderline, but I guess the bitch who taught me the techniques was right about it working for a lot of things. Too bad. I wish she could have been bitchy and wrong to justify my hatred for her.
I hate that I want someone to love and be loved by. (I mean this in the romantic sense; I have no doubt that my family has love for me.) I shouldn't need that, but I feel as if I really do. I want to be whole, but I wouldn't mind that whole being half of something else. If that makes any sense. I was accused today of being vulnerable. Is this why?
This weekend I head home to work with Steve on filming and sell tickets at Dean's Christmas village. I would rather stay here, but I guess that can't be helped.