The Privilege Meme and a Parenting Rant
1. Father went to college
2. Father finished college
3. Mother went to college
4. Mother finished college
5. Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor.
6. Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers.
7. Had more than 50 books in your childhood home.
8. Had more than 500 books in your childhood home.
9. Were read children's books by a parent.
10. Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18
11. Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18
12. The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively
13. Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18.
14. Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs.
15. Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs
16. Went to a private high school
17. Went to summer camp
18. Had a private tutor before you turned 18.
19. Family vacations involved staying at hotels.
20. Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18.
21. Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them.
22. There was original art in your house when you were a child.
23. You and your family lived in a single-family house.
24. Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home.
25. You had your own room as a child
26. You had a phone in your room before you turned 18.
27. Participated in a SAT/ACT prep course.
28. Had your own TV in your room in high school.
29. Owned a mutual fund or IRA in high school or college.
30. Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16.
31. Went on a cruise with your family.
32. Went on more than one cruise with your family.
33. Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up.
34. You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family.
As I was working on this meme, I got to thinking... the word "privilege" has very negative connotations, as though those who had any of these things on their side were coddled, or shouldn't need them growing up. While I agree that giving new cards and credit cards to your children is completely ridiculous, and I'm grateful that my parents could afford airplane tickets so we could visit our relatives around the US, and that we had many books in our house for me to devour... but why should my (currently nonexistant) toddler have to understand how much money it costs to heat the house? Why would I force two teenagers, especially of the same gender, to share a room in the most awkward times of their lives, when they start coming into their gender and sexuality? Why should I not take my children to museums if they want to see interesting things and learn? Is it wrong to want the best for your children and try to give it to them?
I've noticed a disturbing trend in some cultures of pride in parents... "I didn't go to college, so my kids shouldn't go because I did FINE without a degree!" Shouldn't we want our children to do better than us? Or are we going to be so arrogant and filled with low self-esteem and afraid of competition that our children can't do better than us? That we feel GOOD when they fail, because it means we're better than SOMEone, even our own youths? This sort of attitude disgusts me.
I admit, however, that I've had my share of those feelings. I have felt that I don't want my children going to any other schools besides public ones because I felt that no child should be coddled by private schools, or specialized education (Waldorf and Montessori, homeschooling, etc). My thinking was that if you didn't go to a public school, you wouldn't understand how shitty real life was, and how horrible people could be. But when I thought of it again, didn't I spend most of my youth being teased and bullied? Didn't I cry every morning I had to get up to go to middle school and even high school? Every year I begged my parents to homeschool me, they'd say they would "once [I] finished this year..." and never once was I homeschooled.
I don't want my children to cry every morning when they wake up. I don't want them to sob desperately in a school bathroom. I don't want them to come home directly after school, do their homework, and read until dinner, then read until bedtime, never having the phone ring with eager children wanting to spend time with her, never wanting to stay at school because nobody kept her there, but everyone drove her away. I don't want my eleven-year-old contemplating suicide.
I want the best for my children. And I hope anyone reading this who has children, or is planning on having children, isn't ashamed to give them "privileges". Give them books, keep them warm, and listen when they speak.
Love them and care for them, or don't have them.
Meme (c)From What Privileges Do You Have?,
based on an exercise about class and privilege
developed by Will Barratt, Meagan Cahill, Angie Carlen,
Minnette Huck, Drew Lurker, Stacy Ploskonka at Illinois State University.
If you participate in this blog game, they ask that you PLEASE acknowledge their copyright.