(no subject)

[deadtapewrm]

no lies, just love.

bright eyes is making me feel like i'm leaning against a chain link fence on an overpass. my head pressed against the metal while it's raining and the traffic goes splashing on by below. stare at a spot just beyond the passing cars, so it's all unfocused and doubled. the brake lights make me dizzy and i watch until i feel nauseous. then i sigh and walk off and think about things on the way home. the sick feeling in my stomach is still there when i lay down to sleep.

my new job is cool. my new apartment will be cool, as well.

i'm watching people's lives fall apart... at some points, i feel so horrible. i wish i could change places with them, if only to absorb some of what is hurting them. i hate seeing my friends hurt.
but then, some times... with some friends.... it's like each time i hit 'decline' on my cell phone, i get further and further from feeling anything. anything at all.
she wont leave a message. she is telling other people to call me and tell me to call her. text message her. anything.

its not working.
at all.