the skeleton key
I couldn't sleep. I got it stuck in my head again. But to try and explain is probably just going to make me sound crazy and come nowhere near actually being able to communicate it.
As i've said before, to a large degree, I don't think in English. I have this voice in my head that breaks through and translates things into English and maybe ponders superficial things like,"Don't I have to pay some bill?" or "what should I eat later?", but that's not the voice I really think in. I use this other language to actually ponder, judge, and create things, which is what I spend most my mental space on. It's a sort of tactile language since the way something feels to the touch is probably the closest thing I have to describing it. "Textures" are the units of measure that populate the language...a concept or idea will be interpretted through it's series of inter-woven textures like a sort of architecture. Where in English it could take pages on pages to gather a basic understanding of some abstraction, using the "texture" language it can appear almost instant. When speaking with people it can be a real pain in the ass when I begin translating something that to me is a concise and clear point, that in English just happen to be minutes of constant talking.
A lot of my writing is frustrating because it does feel like most the time I can point to something in my head and just completely sum it up in a sort of "oh, it's this ::points::", but when I go to write it I go on for pages and pages and I still feel like I have only begun to express the basic idea of it, let alone how it moves and interacts with the others. Which is another advantage...I can take bundles of textures and smash them together to see what happens, or just generally what there basic "movement" is beyond their structure. What is elegant and profound in my head is so often delapitated and near non-sense in regular language.
The language itself is more than a language, though. It's like math...each texture is like a formula. Textures have applications and things you can do to get information from them, but getting to their secrets takes patience, diligence, and experimenting with them. A texture will initally be near useless and a mystery, but once mastered you can analyze and build with it. With time, you start seeing the nature of the textures.
When I was 15 or so, I stumbled upon what i've come to know as a sort of "master" texture, though I had no idea of at the time. To say it's extremely difficult to describe is to put it mildly...i've spent most of my life picking and tinkering at it and I still feel like a complete amateur attempting to understand it, let alone weild it. But I do try. I realized the other day, as I was breaking down my work and theories at their core, it was almost frighteningly inter-woven into all of them on multiple level. The same pattern repeating over and over again in all my signature work. "Signature" is probably the right word...that texture has become a sort of my creative and critical calling card, which is freakishly bizarre to me as it just sort of happened.
I need to explain, though, that is the case because of what the master texture does. It only produces results...it only works because the inherant truth of it. Truth is practical...truth is functional. The more basic the truth, the more useful it is. Just like math. I call it the "master" texture because how profound the usefulness of it is, and that's why I end up spraying it all over anything i'm working on. The master texture is the skeleton key...the most fundamental dynamic, which conforming to yields the best analysis and buildings. Sometimes other textures are called for for specific jobs and functions, but none come close to the power of the master one.
A profound mathematical formula can be used to devastate entire nations, such as turning E=mc2 into a hydrogen bomb, if one knows how to wield it. The same is true of the master texture...what a person could do with full mastery of it I can only imagine. It's one of my dreams to one day be able to crack through the layer with it i'm stuck at right now and be able to weave and break apart with it at that next level. I feel i'm close sometimes, but other times I feel like a five year old trying to fly a 747. But it does fill me up sometimes with this sense that I imagine religous people sometimes feel of being in the presence of something nearly god-like, except not bullshit. Something truly transcendent...and it only makes coming back to this other world of celebrity news, paychecks, traffic, and relationship bullshit that much harder.
As i've said before, to a large degree, I don't think in English. I have this voice in my head that breaks through and translates things into English and maybe ponders superficial things like,"Don't I have to pay some bill?" or "what should I eat later?", but that's not the voice I really think in. I use this other language to actually ponder, judge, and create things, which is what I spend most my mental space on. It's a sort of tactile language since the way something feels to the touch is probably the closest thing I have to describing it. "Textures" are the units of measure that populate the language...a concept or idea will be interpretted through it's series of inter-woven textures like a sort of architecture. Where in English it could take pages on pages to gather a basic understanding of some abstraction, using the "texture" language it can appear almost instant. When speaking with people it can be a real pain in the ass when I begin translating something that to me is a concise and clear point, that in English just happen to be minutes of constant talking.
A lot of my writing is frustrating because it does feel like most the time I can point to something in my head and just completely sum it up in a sort of "oh, it's this ::points::", but when I go to write it I go on for pages and pages and I still feel like I have only begun to express the basic idea of it, let alone how it moves and interacts with the others. Which is another advantage...I can take bundles of textures and smash them together to see what happens, or just generally what there basic "movement" is beyond their structure. What is elegant and profound in my head is so often delapitated and near non-sense in regular language.
The language itself is more than a language, though. It's like math...each texture is like a formula. Textures have applications and things you can do to get information from them, but getting to their secrets takes patience, diligence, and experimenting with them. A texture will initally be near useless and a mystery, but once mastered you can analyze and build with it. With time, you start seeing the nature of the textures.
When I was 15 or so, I stumbled upon what i've come to know as a sort of "master" texture, though I had no idea of at the time. To say it's extremely difficult to describe is to put it mildly...i've spent most of my life picking and tinkering at it and I still feel like a complete amateur attempting to understand it, let alone weild it. But I do try. I realized the other day, as I was breaking down my work and theories at their core, it was almost frighteningly inter-woven into all of them on multiple level. The same pattern repeating over and over again in all my signature work. "Signature" is probably the right word...that texture has become a sort of my creative and critical calling card, which is freakishly bizarre to me as it just sort of happened.
I need to explain, though, that is the case because of what the master texture does. It only produces results...it only works because the inherant truth of it. Truth is practical...truth is functional. The more basic the truth, the more useful it is. Just like math. I call it the "master" texture because how profound the usefulness of it is, and that's why I end up spraying it all over anything i'm working on. The master texture is the skeleton key...the most fundamental dynamic, which conforming to yields the best analysis and buildings. Sometimes other textures are called for for specific jobs and functions, but none come close to the power of the master one.
A profound mathematical formula can be used to devastate entire nations, such as turning E=mc2 into a hydrogen bomb, if one knows how to wield it. The same is true of the master texture...what a person could do with full mastery of it I can only imagine. It's one of my dreams to one day be able to crack through the layer with it i'm stuck at right now and be able to weave and break apart with it at that next level. I feel i'm close sometimes, but other times I feel like a five year old trying to fly a 747. But it does fill me up sometimes with this sense that I imagine religous people sometimes feel of being in the presence of something nearly god-like, except not bullshit. Something truly transcendent...and it only makes coming back to this other world of celebrity news, paychecks, traffic, and relationship bullshit that much harder.