'Cause there are some nights I hold you close, pushing you to hold me Or begging you to lock me up,

[deadsirenred]

So I'm determined not to return to work this week. However next week I may be I the lion's den. I legitimately did not get to sleep last night until six and I got a call from HR direct about returning to work and FMLA and the girl was bitchy and unhelpful (surprise) and totally uninterested in my discrimination case. So I had to call HR direct back

Comments

[ohheyitsash]

I live in Washington, and before I started dating my boyfriend I was seeing some guy all the way from the UK. Within two months we were planning moving with a year, having a house, being happy, and other more intimate things. I simply adored him and loved him, but I kept my depressing side hidden for the most part.

He told me not to hide it, so I opened up when I was feeling bad, and everything seemed alright with doing that. One day though- he disappeared for a few weeks. Totally off the grid. I panicked, I didn't talk to him for two whole days and I was in a frantic mess, and then a week goes by and my only thought is, 'Great he is dead!'

Then... a message pops up and I'm told by his parents he wants to break up with me. I found out later he thought I was crazy, only cared about myself and was a gigantic mess of a girlfriend. Which, to me was a lie- because I was the one that saw him cut himself on camera being a drunk walking hazard.

Anyway, the point is- if he thinks you're crazy for sending that and way off your rocker then he's a moron. I don't mean to bad mouth the guy you like, but if he does care about you then he will know these issues, feelings, and insecurities are part of your brain and not who you are. That it is something you guys can work through and he can help. If he takes it negatively, then you probably shouldn't have him around because he'll just make you feel worse.

I was torn apart when I lost my ex-boyfriend. Literally, would stalk and check up on him all the time until finally I thought about what I was doing... now I am happy and in love with someone else.

All I'm saying is I know that feeling that you think something is wrong with you, that you tell the truth so much, you let people in, and then they lie to you, pull you in with those pretty lies, and then drop you so fast and ignore you. It leaves you stumped and feeling wretched.

I'm just sorry you have to go through that. It is a sucky feeling. I know though that you will find yourself, a be happier- you still have that hope. You've been living this long, so there is a reason you keep going. I know you'll be happy- I know I will be too. Just got to keep fighting, yeah?

[deadsirenred]

Thank you for the lovely message. I'm sorry you had to go through all that too-although I wish you did not have to through that either I do feel better hearing that I'm not alone here. You are entirely right he is sort of a jerk sometimes and if he doesn't want to be around me or respect me I shouldn't be around him. He has a lot of emotional problems too so we prob shouldnt be around each other to begin with.He can be incredibly sweet and wonderful and then totally cold and mean and I never know which one of him I'm going to get. If he doesn't want to be around me his loss. I'm really glad you are happy now. Its good to hear that someone else found happiness who sounds so much like myself. And hell yeah I'm going to keep trying.Today (and most days lately) seem like a constant struggle I just keep trying to tell myself that its gonna end sometimes and end in something good. Its got to right? It will make me stronger in the end but the growing part always seems so painful to me. Thank you too for reading my drunk ramblings. You are awesome. Take care of yourself !!!!!