this may hurt a little but it's something you'll get used to

[deadscream]

i just wanted a normal friendship.
really be friends.
...
i still want it.
but.. what can i do?
i'm backing off.
if you wanted to talk to me i guess you would.
even though i don't believe that.

and no, i'm not talking shit.
i'm sorry if i've been a bitch.
you know we don't communicate well with each other.
i just wish you could understand my words.
everything gets twisted out of proportion and i'm sorry.
i'll be here.

on another note.. alicia is pulling together this crazy living scheme.
well it's not crazy. it would be nice.
i just hope we can all be adults about certain things.

i'm really trying here. insssiiiidddeeee.
i wish i could show all of you.
i want to make you all understand how i am, ME, not just the things you see or hear.
you'd realize i'm not being stuck up, or bitchy, or jealous, or hateful... that's not how i am.
fucking shit.
i've gone into waters i don't want to tread in right now.
honestly. you don't understand.

but yeah.
i'm fixing to start school again.
i haven't registered yet though. lol
tomorrow for sure.
i was thinking about changing my program... but really i don't know.
i'm not going to fuck up this time, i know that much.
school will be my first focus.
fuck everything else.
things in my head are etching together in clearer form, finally.
priorities anyway. or maybe they're goals.
hhhmmmmmm...

anyway..
i probably shouldn't even be here now.
so.. i'm gone.