(no subject)
i remember when she bought that 1984 chevy cavalier. it was already 1987 and she had probably used the last of the money (this would later be a recurring theme in her life) from the house she sold in arizona or maybe it was the restaurant. i dont remember. but that car was gray and it had a sunroof and on cloudy days if you looked up just right you could see your reflection. of course that would just be bitter foreshadowing for the events that were about to come.
we lived in medford, oregon then. why she chose that place to move one will never know. she had a fascination with interstates and highways. medford was right off the five. relatively quick access to california and back then she still missed it. i think we both did. she bought a small house (from a magazine) she had never seen before. it was older and had a huge front yard. lots of looming trees covering the porch and the roof and well, most of the house.later we found out it was structurally decomposing and was just waiting to get bought. i guess alot of things went wrong those days because one weekend we went to portland and when we came back my school had burned to the ground. electrical problems they said. sacred heart academy. they moved us to temporary buildings, but things weren't the same (except i still couldn't write in cursive) and she would yell alot about everything, mostly money and about how my father had left us in debt and if only things had gone differently we would be ________. at that point i was too young to know that things would never really go differently. her temper only elevated over the years. her tongue sharper than any knife. the bruises are much easier to forget.
we only lived in oregon for about 4 months. she couldn't stand it much longer and i guess neither could i. we drove cross country to florida in that same chevy cavalier. we took alot of pictures along the way. when we crossed over the donner pass she told me stories about the unexpected blizzard and how the donners ate their children to survive and i kept thinking i was born too late. she lost some money in reno and we spent my 8th birthday in nebraska. once again, bitter foreshadowing.
by the time we reached the florida border, she popped the sunroof and rolled down the power windows. it was april and i was already sweating. i looked over and she was smiling. her blonde hair blowing in the wind. she knew this was only temporary.
we lived in medford, oregon then. why she chose that place to move one will never know. she had a fascination with interstates and highways. medford was right off the five. relatively quick access to california and back then she still missed it. i think we both did. she bought a small house (from a magazine) she had never seen before. it was older and had a huge front yard. lots of looming trees covering the porch and the roof and well, most of the house.later we found out it was structurally decomposing and was just waiting to get bought. i guess alot of things went wrong those days because one weekend we went to portland and when we came back my school had burned to the ground. electrical problems they said. sacred heart academy. they moved us to temporary buildings, but things weren't the same (except i still couldn't write in cursive) and she would yell alot about everything, mostly money and about how my father had left us in debt and if only things had gone differently we would be ________. at that point i was too young to know that things would never really go differently. her temper only elevated over the years. her tongue sharper than any knife. the bruises are much easier to forget.
we only lived in oregon for about 4 months. she couldn't stand it much longer and i guess neither could i. we drove cross country to florida in that same chevy cavalier. we took alot of pictures along the way. when we crossed over the donner pass she told me stories about the unexpected blizzard and how the donners ate their children to survive and i kept thinking i was born too late. she lost some money in reno and we spent my 8th birthday in nebraska. once again, bitter foreshadowing.
by the time we reached the florida border, she popped the sunroof and rolled down the power windows. it was april and i was already sweating. i looked over and she was smiling. her blonde hair blowing in the wind. she knew this was only temporary.