unfinished c&c excerpt: jason's concepts of intimacy
Once he had a dream about hugging Danny, which is about the gayest thing he's ever been embarrassed about, but which was also only a little actually gay, because they'd been pressed together and he doesn't get to have that ever so his body wanted (wants) to make more of it than what it was. This is unlike the legitimately gay dream he once had about Dick that he's not at all self-conscious about, because A) it's Dick and B) it's Dick. It's never bothered him or maybe he's just never let it bother him but in the end, there's not a lot of difference.
It's more common to have a certain tension pervade the entirety of a dream, which could be about digging up dog bodies in the garden or re-fighting one of the thousands of fights he's had in his two decades of life; it's a sexual feeling, but the feeling isn't I want to fuck this person or even a desire for intimacy, it's something about himself that he can just barely recognize. That he's looking for it the way a child touches a mirror. That perfection is pointless. Even with Talia, the woman who might as well have dug Jason up herself and healed him and taught him and honed him the emptiness was fine with him. It was truthful emptiness, the kind of coexistence that kept him going back in those days because that's all he believed in, post Bruce. To believe otherwise would have required parts of him that had still been stunned as a rabbit by the one two of awakening in the coffin and awakening in the pit.
He's not sure what he believes right now, because Miho doesn't talk, and when she does communicate, she calls him a boy.
It's more common to have a certain tension pervade the entirety of a dream, which could be about digging up dog bodies in the garden or re-fighting one of the thousands of fights he's had in his two decades of life; it's a sexual feeling, but the feeling isn't I want to fuck this person or even a desire for intimacy, it's something about himself that he can just barely recognize. That he's looking for it the way a child touches a mirror. That perfection is pointless. Even with Talia, the woman who might as well have dug Jason up herself and healed him and taught him and honed him the emptiness was fine with him. It was truthful emptiness, the kind of coexistence that kept him going back in those days because that's all he believed in, post Bruce. To believe otherwise would have required parts of him that had still been stunned as a rabbit by the one two of awakening in the coffin and awakening in the pit.
He's not sure what he believes right now, because Miho doesn't talk, and when she does communicate, she calls him a boy.