Jigoku Gakuen 22
Title Jigoku Gakuen
Author: deadoralive0013
Pairing: Ryden, a bit of Joncer, a bit of Gabilliam (yes… it’s official now)
Rating: PG13
POV: 3rd
Summary: (High school AU) Ryan just wanted to finish high school and make it to college so he worked (sometimes even odd jobs) to save up. When he transferred to Vegas for his final year, he found out that sometimes, money is the least of one’s worries. Like in his case, it was his face.
Excerpt for this chapter:
If he had known that falling in love was a fucked up business, he would have ran at the opposite direction when he first met Ryan. He saw the movies and heard stories about it but fucking shit, they’re all nothing compared to the real thing. There were no words to describe the hurt he was feeling; it was the most complicated thing. He wanted to rip Helen in half. He wanted to beat Ryan up into a pulp or ask Zack to do it so he could stand by the sideline and watch. Yet, he wanted beat himself up too, for being stupid and helpless and for still feeling fucking in love with Ryan despite everything.
Warnings: Beware. Overused plot. Beware. Straight guy turning gay. Beware! UNBETA-ED!
Beta: roboticeyes
Disclaimer: I own the plot but nothing else...
Notes: At the end of each chapter
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22
He was soaked.
Brendon couldn’t remember exactly how long he had been walking. Thirty minutes? An hour? Two? He didn’t really care because where he was and the path he was walking was full of nothing but trees, dirt, rocks, and darkness, and he really felt like escaping and the darkness ahead seemed really inviting. He had focused on his steps, making them quick and careful not to step on uneven surfaces and trip. He didn’t even realize when this rain started falling until he felt the fingers holding on the flashlight started to go numb.
He took out his map and illuminated it with his flashlight. Right. He turned it sideways and then turned it around. The rain drops were hitting the thin material like little bullets that Brendon was so sure the paper will rip any moment. He sighed before folding the map again and putting it inside the pocket of his hoodie.
He really ought to be panicking right now. He had no idea where he was or where the stupid campsite should be. The task seemed so much easier when he was looking at the map earlier but he didn’t realize that Vegas rich boys who didn’t hike mountains wouldn’t be able to recognize the landmarks if they screamed to his face. Basically, he walked in having a mental image of cubes and straight lines only to realize that the forest didn’t have any kind of geometric conformity. He flashed the light around and realized that he didn’t remember where he came from either.
“It always has to be me,” he muttered laughing softly as though everything was a joke.
If he had known that falling in love was a fucked up business, he would have ran at the opposite direction when he first met Ryan. He saw the movies and heard stories about it but fucking shit, they’re all nothing compared to the real thing. There were no words to describe the hurt he was feeling; it was the most complicated thing. He wanted to rip Helen in half. Yet he wanted to beat Ryan up into a pulp or ask Zack to do it so he could stand by the sideline and watch. He wanted beat himself up too, for being stupid and helpless and for still feeling fucking in love with Ryan despite everything.
He wanted to hate him. He really did and yet it was the most difficult thing to do in the entire world. Brendon closed his eyes and felt something warm slide down his cheeks, mixing with the coldness of the rain. He could never hate Ryan and it was killing him.
He knew he looked pathetic, standing in the middle of nowhere and crying his eyes out but he even felt more stupid because of what he was feeling. Above anything else, Brendon wanted Ryan to love him.
He walked to a tree and found himself slumping his back against it. He’s an idiot. He’ll die here, alone and cold as a lovesick fool who kept on hoping for something that will never happen. Ryan and Helen will probably marry or something while his pathetic corpse was being autopsied, if they ever found him.
There was suddenly pain on his knuckles as he realized he had punched the innocent tree. He stared at the back of his fingers, watched it as the rain washed away the blood. He hugged himself tightly and sat down on the forest floor. A bright thread of light cut across the darkness above him followed by the roaring sound of thunder and the rain poured down even more, drowning his cries and masking his tears.
No, he thought. Even if he did know that falling in love was a fucked up business and that it will utterly destroy him, he wouldn’t have change a thing. He would still gladly fall for Ryan.
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Spencer was silently and arguably indiscreetly vaporizing Mr. Evans with his blue eyes.
“Nothing you say or do will make me change my mind,” he told Spencer sternly.
William, Jon, Gabe, and Patrick were all seated at the uncomfortable wooden bench of the teacher’s room, watching at the sidelines as Spencer argued with the teacher about following his cousin. They felt exactly the same way but Spencer was voicing their sentiment quite well for all of them so they let him talk.
“He’s my cousin! I can’t just sit here and do nothing while he’s somewhere up there, possibly getting himself killed right at this moment!”
Mr. Evans flinched and Jon was amazed at Spencer’s ability to make himself intimidating to almost anyone when he’s angry. For a moment, it looked like the teacher had caved in, wiping the sweat on the balding spot on his head before adjusting the glasses up the bridge of his nose before he suddenly realized that, oh yeah, he was the teacher.
“It is too dangerous! I understand the concern you’re feeling but I simply must refuse. We’ll send a rescue unit tomorrow as soon as the sky clears up a bit,” he said only to anger Spencer more.
“Tomorrow?! I can’t wait for fucking tomorrow! If you won’t let me go out there to find Ryan myself, then send someone now!” Spencer spat angrily and William couldn’t believe this was the same person who told him not to bring his consoles because they were not allowed.
“I already talked to the ranger but he said to wait for the sky to clear up!” the teacher answered. “There might be mudslides up there or wild animals. It’s too dangerous to send anyone now.”
Spencer looked like he was ready to commit murder and Jon finally decided to step in, putting his hands on the other’s shoulders to him from lunging at the teacher.
“Please understand sir,” Jon said before Spencer could interfere. “Brendon too is missing and we have a very good reason to believe he’s up in the mountain. Ryan went to look for him.”
Mr. Evan’s face went from sour to pained. “Urie?!”
“Yes, sir,” Jon answered.
“Oh God,” he said holding his head. “Oh no... I’m going to lose my job.”
“You got two kids up there in the storm and all you could think of is your job?” Patrick asked disbelievingly.
Mr. Evans glared at them but said nothing. He closed his eyes, thinking hard about something before getting up and leaving the room.
“Well I hope he’s out to do something,” William said glaring at the door where Mr. Evans just stepped out of.
“If you want something done, you have to do it yourself,” Gabe said. “If he went out just to get coffee or something, we can always find Brendon and Ryan ourselves.”
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Ryan shivered as the rain continued to soak through his clothes and directly touch his skin. He cursed the wind that blew, making his him cold. He forced his fingers to lay out the map again and shine the flashlight on it with a shaking hand. It was difficult to do when the wind kept blowing at the paper and the rain clouding his vision. There was no way he’ll find Brendon.
“Bren!” he shouted but the pounding of the rain and the sound of thunder was louder than his voice.
Ryan breathed deeply and put the map away. He walked aimlessly, directing his flashlight everywhere in the hopes of seeing a glimpse of dark brown hair. Nothing.
“Brendon!” he called again as he continued walking.
He didn’t know where he was anymore. This is great, he thought. He was supposed to be the rescuer but it looked like he too became lost. Brendon will probably laugh at him when he finds him but right now, he had to find him first. He’ll figure out going back later.
Then again, will Brendon even talk to him if Ryan found him? He had done a horrible thing that made him feel ashamed og himself. He wished he didn’t do it. If only he could turn back time and undo everything, he would have ran after Brendon. No, Ryan would have gone back to day one. He would have gone back to when Brendon and him were at Palo Verde, when the other would always get him angry and laugh, and then flirt with him. He would have gone back to one of those moments when Brendon explicitly told him that he loved him. Ryan would have said he loved him too.
He had faced too much confusion for too long and now he had hurt Brendon because of his stupidity. Looking back, he couldn’t understand what made him hurt the other like that. Maybe it was suddenly seeing Helen again. It was being confronted by his past at the worst of times and maybe Ryan wasn’t ready. But he won’t make any excuses and blame it on the circumstances because he knew he had a choice and he made the wrong one. It was the biggest mistake of his life.
Another bolt of lightning tore the night sky, illuminating the surrounding for a fraction of a moment just to disappear and leave Ryan alone in the darkness. Somewhere in this darkness was Brendon and he was desperate to find him. His mind was suddenly field with images of Brendon walking in this very rain, crying because of him and cursing him at the same time.
“Fucking cold,” he muttered as another shiver ran down his spine. He was reminded of that time when Brendon’s fans sent out a fake request to get Ryan into a freeze pool. Brendon had saved him, dove in the freezing water for him and he never even properly thanked him.
“I’m sorry!”
Ryan could feel the corners of his eyes warm as tears slowly pour out to join the rain. He hastily wiped them with the back of his hands and continued walking, feeling his clothes weigh heavily on him.
“I’m sorry, okay?” he called again. “Brendon!”
There was nothing but the endless procession of trees and darkness. His ears hear nothing but the sound of rain, thunder, and the slight squeaking inside his flooded sneakers whenever he took a step. He desperately wished at that moment that he would hear Brendon’s voice. He didn’t care if the voice would curse him or insult him or say hurtful words.
“Where are you?”
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Several minutes later, Mr. Evans came back to them wearing a grave expression. He solemnly sat down on his previous seat and looked around them like he was about to announce something really bad.
“I’m sorry but it’s too dangerous. We have to wait till morning or when the sky clears up.”
Spencer, Patrick, William, and Jon glared at him while Gabe interjected, “Surprise, surprise.”
The teacher then tried to settle down the sudden outburst of violent reactions from the young ones, saying that the rangers will be patrolling the vicinity and search the rest of the area as soon as it is safe but that wasn’t good enough, especially to Spencer.
But of course, no matter how much they argue, it’s all in vain. They had gotten their hopes up a little when they saw the look of panic on Mr. Evan’s face at the mention of Brendon’s name only to be disappointed. It seemed like no matter how ugly and unreliable Mr. Evans looked at that moment, he was apparently telling them the truth.
They walked out of his mountain office/bedroom feeling helpless and proceeded to Ryan and Brendon’s room, half expecting to see the two already in there killing each other or having a killer make-out session. No such luck. They entered the empty room silently albeit everyone of them knew what the others were thinking. They spent a good hour planning and packing up, ready to hike up the stormy mountain themselves.
“Now remember,” Jon said looking around the faces that were huddled together in a circle around him wearing determined expressions. “We’re going to sneak out after everyone is asleep. We’ll meet at the back of the lodge. Bring your maps, flashlights, and raincoats if you have one.”
“Understood,” William said nodding and looking a bit excited. “It’s about ten minutes before the bed check. We can go after that.”
“I have a first aid kit. I’ll bring it as well,” Patrick told them.
Jon nodded approvingly. “That’s going to be useful.”
“Okay, I agree but what are the chocolate bars for?” Gabe asked motioning towards the three or four packs of candy bars.
“It’s been almost four hours. Ryan and Brendon might be feeling a little hungry and tired by now so we’ll have to give them something to eat immediately. The packaging is convenient because they won’t get wet,” Spencer explained.
“Right,” Gabe said nodding deciding not to point out that they could have packed real food. He had a feeling that he’ll be the one to be asked to sneak food from the now closed kitchen.
Jon looked around Ryan and Brendon’s room looking for something else that they may bring. It was a hard task considering the weather outside. Anything that wasn’t plastic or wasn’t in a plastic bag would certainly get wet. Bringing bulky umbrellas would be useless and inconvenient; snorkels and goggles would do much better though.
“It’s almost time. I think we need to go back to our rooms before the bed check,” Patrick said after checking his watch.
They nodded and quietly exited the room.
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Okay. He was feeling depressed and maybe a little suicidal but the cold was getting too fucking annoying.
Brendon had lost track of how many hours he had been walking (and sulking) and how many turns he had made since he decided to leave that tree and continue to go on deeper into the woods. A few minutes ago, he had thought of just going back after seeing a very promising body of some dead animal, decaying in the middle of a clearing. He turned around and walked in the opposite direction, mind set on going back but then he remembered Ryan and that... girl, and Brendon decided whatever was there behind the trees was better than seeing those two together. Just thinking about them made him feel sick.
So he walked aimlessly again, not bothering to consult the map anymore. It would be pointless to do so seeing as he was lost, whether he wanted to be or not. It just so happened that he didn’t want to be found so this being lost things was kind of a good thing. Except maybe if accidentally crossed paths with whatever it was that killed that animal he saw earlier.
Brendon could feel the water putting pressure in the spaces within the insides of his chucks with each step while his clothes clung to him like a second skin. His flashlight did almost nothing to illuminate his dark surroundings but it was all good. He never had this kind of opportunity before, to walk on unpaved grounds and lightless paths filled with trees. He just didn’t imagine that he would do it in the pouring rain in the middle of the night to forget a certain someone.
Zack was probably going nuts by now if he knew. Brendon laughed a little while imagining the tough face of his security guy contort in worry while frantically looking for him. Let’s see him find me here, Brendon thought slyly.
He was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard a sudden noise somewhere behind the bushes. Brendon quickly looked around, shining the light among the bushes. He saw nothing so he nervously turned to the other side to look there instead. Nothing. There were only trees and leaves lightly vibrating as the raindrops fell on them, and the darkness beyond the space that his flashlight was unable to reach.
He didn’t know which direction he heard the noise from anymore and he was beginning to think he had just imagined it. The image of the dead body was on his mind again and Brendon decided that it was time he moved.
His breathing was suddenly fast and labored as he swiftly ran to nowhere in particular, feeling the need to be moving than be a stationary target. If he was going to be hunted, he didn’t want to be easy. He didn’t dare to look back, keeping his eyes set on the path ahead. His arms were raised a little to shield his face from the thin branches hanging lowly from trees. He could feel them scratching the arms of his hoodie as he went.
He reached a clearing and he took a moment to pause and catch his breath. He closed eyes trying to in as much oxygen as he can and noticed that the air had become thinner. He shivered a little from the cold. He chanced a glance back and was relieved that nothing was following him. Maybe this whole get lost idea wasn’t that good after all.
Too late. Brendon sharply turned his attention to a loud brushing noise to his right. His feet automatically moved, running towards his left and not even sparing a second to see what made the noise.
“Oh great,” he muttered while running and realized that he was climbing a slope. His legs ached with every step while his lungs scream in pain with every breath. He contemplated whether he should just turn his flash light off. Maybe the thing was being attracted by the light?
Brendon mentally kicked himself. He was getting paranoid and weird ideas were popping out of his head. He was slowly becoming tired and whether or not there was something following him, he knew that there was a definite possibility that he’ll meet another one along the way.
The rain continued pouring and the lightning gave him brief seconds of light. He stopped and walked towards the nearest tree and immediately leaned against it. He was catching his breath while keeping his eyes and ears open for any signs of anything coming.
“This is all your fault, Ross!” he muttered under his breath.
He scanned the area again, hoping to find a nice dry place for a change but there was nothing. He turned to the direction of the slope that was going upward. Maybe he would see something if he reached the top.
He took a deep breath and slowly made his way up again. Brendon was sure that if he had enough light to see it, he’ll see smoke coming out of his nose. It was really cold but he couldn’t hug himself. He needed his arms to maintain his balance.
When he finally did reach the top, Brendon’s face fell at seeing the familiar sight of trees and darkness, only the ground was at a less steeper angle. Right then, his knees decided they had enough hiking for tonight and gave, landing Brendon gracefully on his ass with a spatter of muddy water.
Just fucking fantastic, he thought sarcastically. Maybe this was why he never bothered to play the good guy. The good guy who gives up his own happiness for the happiness of the one he loves never gets anything in return. He always ends up alone and miserable, spending the rest of his life thinking of what if’s and dreaming his life away. he would watch his loved one live his days with the evil bitch from hell from the sidelines and cry himself to sleep at night feeling monstrously jealous and yet oddly satisfied at the same time because the one he loves is happy. Pathetic.
Brendon gazed upward, letting his face get hit by the rain. Would he be able to do that? Can he play the good guy and make himself believe for the rest of his life that he was happy as long as Ryan was happy? All of a sudden, the idea of dying here on the mountain was looking good. There was no way he could let that girl take Ryan away from him, at least not now but maybe, he’ll learn to do it soon enough.
“Fuck,” he muttered. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck...”
A bright light that Brendon was sure didn’t come from the lightning was suddenly blinding his vision. He raised his arms up in reflex to shield his eyes.
“Brendon?”
Oh God. He had gone crazy.
“It is you!”
The figure who was holding the flashlight ran slowly towards him and Brendon decided he should turn on his too. He pressed the small button and his heart almost fell off when he saw Ryan’s thin frame coming towards him. He watched mesmerized by the scene before him, thinking if it was real or an extremely realistic product of his imagination.
“Oh fuck,” Ryan muttered breathily when he reached him, relief crawling over his features.
“Ryan,” he managed to say. “What are you doing here?”
Even at this light, Brendon didn’t miss the eye-roll. His gaze traveled downward from Ryan’s face to his feet. Like him, Ryan was soaked all over. There were huge patches of mud on his shirt, hoodie, and jeans mingled with holes and rips. There were scratches on his cheeks too.
“I’m sightseeing.”
“What happened to your face?” Brendon asked.
Ryan’s hands automatically went up to touch the scratches on the side of his face. “Nothing. You should see your face too. You look worse.”
Brendon watched him stare at the mud of his shoes looking like he wanted to say something and hesitating. He felt himself wanting to smile but he stopped himself. “I’m on my way to the campsite. You can tell the others that,” he said before standing up and starting to walk.
“Wait!” Ryan said.
The anger and hurt that he had felt earlier when Ryan hit him was suddenly back. “What?” he asked dangerously.
Ryan flinched at his voice. “There’s a storm coming. We should go back.”
Brendon huffed. “Leave me the fuck alone, Ross. Go back to your girlfriend and just get married or something. I’ll send you roses.”
“What? No!” Ryan muttered trailing behind him. “Can you just stop and listen to me?”
Brendon ignored him and continued walking. “Fuck off.”
“Brendon wait!”
As if. Brendon pretended not to hear. He went on farther and farther in the quickest pace he could. He could hear Ryan’s voice straining over the sound of the rain to make himself heard. The more he walked, the farther Ryan’s voice sounded. He was trying to make himself the good guy dammit and Ryan wasn’t making it easy!
Brendon chanced a glance back. It was only then that he noticed that Ryan wasn’t walking but limping. He didn’t need to think twice before he was walking back.
“You idiot!” he shouted at Ryan as he approached him.
Ryan was taken aback by his statement but only for a moment. He breathed deeply and faced him as if readying himself for the hurtful words to be thrown at his face.
“Brendon, listen I’m-s”
“What the fuck have you done with your self?” Brendon cut in pointing a finger at his foot.
Ryan looked a bit confused and followed Brendon’s finger. “Oh. I slipped but... yeah. Don’t mind that. I could barely feel it really.”
“Really?” Brendon asked disbelievingly.
“Yes,” Ryan answered confidently before his features softened again and Brendon’s heart leaped with hope. “I’m sorry.”
Ryan was staring at him and he had to look away to stop himself from putting his arms around him. “Go on,” he said instead.
“I’m sorry I hit you earlier. You didn’t deserve that. I’m sorry for bringing Helen to our table. I’m sorry for hurting you and being inconsiderate. I was a jerk, stupid, and...” Ryan went on, thinking of more insults to throw at himself.
“And a douche,” Brendon supplied helpfully.
Surprisingly, Ryan didn’t argue. He just nodded. “Yeah, and a douche.”
They were both silent, just the endless sound of the rain filling it. Ryan adjusted his position and Brendon suspected that he was in pain. If he was, he was hiding it really well.
“You’ve said what you want,” Brendon told him.
“I... sort of made a speech,” Ryan muttered uncertainly, avoiding his eyes. “You know, to tell you, but I... can’t remember it right now.”
“Too bad,” Brendon said indifferently. “You can go back now.”
Ryan stared at him but didn’t move. “You know I won’t.”
“Yeah, so?”
“Hit me.”
Brendon stared at Ryan like he had lost it. “I’m not going to hit you.”
“Yes, you will,” he said and took his hand. Ryan raised it to the level of his face before letting go and closing his eyes.
“I’m not going to hit you!” Brendon repeated putting his hand down.
“Then what can I do to for you to forgive me?” Ryan asked desperately with a pleading voice that broke Brendon’s heart.
“You can go back to the lodge and leave me the fuck alone!” he forced himself to say. “It’s okay. I get it now. I don’t care anymore... I, uh, I’ll deal with it.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Ryan asked confused.
“You feel sorry for me but you don’t have to. Go away,” Brendon said. He will not cry again.
“I don’t feel sorry for you!” Ryan said limping a step closer.
“You don’t have to feel obligated,” Brendon said stubbornly. “I am still your employer and right now, I’m ordering you to get back to wherever the hell you came from and leave me alone!”
“I am not leaving,” Ryan told him simply. “I have pushed you away for too long.”
Brendon’s eyes widened. “What do you mean?”
“Well, aside from the contract saying that I have to come to you during life-threatening situations,” Ryan began and Brendon rolled his eyes, “I... I think I might have fallen for you.”
“Do you know what you’re saying?” Brendon asked him while trying to contain the happiness that was threatening to explode inside him.
“I’m ready,” Ryan told him seriously. “If you’ll still have me then I’m ready to be with you.”
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There, he said it.
Ryan watched Brendon nervously as he stared at him with wide eyes. He held his breath waiting for a response.
“You don’t what you’re saying,” Brendon said sadly.
What? “Of course I do!” Ryan argued.
“No, you don’t,” Brendon told him again. “You’re confused. You just saw Helen and now you want to know whether you like her still. I don’t know, but I’m sure you’re not ready.”
How can Brendon say that? It took every fiber of courage for Ryan to say how he felt and Brendon was waving it aside like he was delusional. “This is not about her. I know that now.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t know Ry. It’s kind of hard to believe after you’ve just fucking hit me for her,” Brendon said.
Ryan closed his eyes and tears fell. “That was a mistake! I wasn’t thinking clearly but I-”
“Exactly my point,” Brendon cut in.
“No!” Ryan protested. “Brendon, I admit that I’ve been confused, so confused in fact that I thought I was going to lose my head! But things have never been any clearer than they are now. What do you want me to do to prove to you that I’m saying the truth?”
Brendon bit his lip. “You’ll do anything?”
“Anything,” Ryan said firmly.
Brendon stared at the determined expression of Ryan’s face then at the limping foot. “Jump,” he told him pointing towards the direction of the slope they’ve just climbed.
Ryan followed his finger and flashed his light at the descending trees. He turned to him again. “You want me to jump in there.”
“Yes,” Brendon said almost cruelly.
Ryan nodded. He turned towards the direction of the slope and then made his way towards it. He winced as pain shot up his leg everytime his weight got briefly placed on his right foot but he ignored it.
Brendon watched astounded. Ryan didn’t even question him. He just fucking limped his way over there without a word! He wanted to stop him but Brendon topped himself. He wanted to know how far Ryan would go.
Ryan reached the edge of the slope. He took one last glance at Brendon before closing his eyes.
“Oh no,” Brendon muttered before breaking into a run towards Ryan. “Ryan wait! No!”
It was too late. Ryan had already leapt. Brendon didn’t know what to do so he did the only thing he could think of. He jumped too.
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“I cannot go back.”
Helen stared at him confused. “What?”
They were standing outside Helen’s room. Ryan had walked her back from the cafeteria after Brendon’s outburst.
“I can’t go back to you,” Ryan said.
She stared at him stunned, not even realizing that tears were already running down her face. “You don’t want to us to get back together?”
“I’m sorry.”
“No,” she told him shaking her head. “Don’t say that.”
“I have to,” he said sadly. He hated being the one to have to make her cry but he needed to be fair with her, especially to Brendon.
She sobbed, her shoulders shaking and Ryan went to her and embraced her. Even with his embrace, she could tell that it wasn’t the same anymore. He changed.
“Why?”
Helen waited but Ryan didn’t answer. She pulled away from him to stare into his eyes. “You met someone, didn’t you?”
“I did.”
She cried harder. It was really painful but she found herself nodding. “Does she know?”
The smile that crept in Ryan’s face told her that he indeed belonged to another now. “I don’t know. I haven’t said anything yet but I’m planning to set things straight soon.”
She hugged him again and they stayed like that for a long time. She could do nothing now. She regretted ever letting him go but maybe it was what’s supposed to happen. She could only go revisit the memories they had together in her mind knowing that soon, Ryan would be making more of them but with another. This was the end.
“You’re breaking my heart, Ry.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“I hope you become happy,” she said.
“Goodbye, Helen.”
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He met Ryan’s body in midair and he tightly wrapped his arms around him. Brendon closed his eyes waiting for the impact. It didn’t come. Ryan hit the ground first and he heard the other groan in pain before they roll down the slope like a log. He felt Ryan’s hands tightly holding on to him.
The mud was all over their body now as they quickly go down, their backs alternately hitting the uneven surface of the slope. Brendon felt dizzy and when he tried to open his eyes, he immediately regretted it when he saw the lightning-torn sky mixed with the muddy ground in hazy blurs. Before he knew it, a sharp pain shot the side of his back and he was facing the sky. He had hit a tree.
It took them several minutes to recollect their bearings. Ryan detached himself from Brendon slowly, groaning in pain. He managed to stand on all fours and looked at Brendon.
“Oh fuck, Brendon!” Ryan said crawling closer to him and ignoring the angry pain on his leg. He tried to move him but stopped as soon as Brendon hissed in pain. “Holy shit, are you okay?”
“Gabe was right,” Brendon told him. “You really are going to be the death of me someday. Why the fuck did you jump?!”
“You told me to jump!” Ryan muttered.
“What the hell?” Brendon said. “So if I told you to suck me off in public, you will?”
“Don’t get your hopes up too much.”
“But I thought we’re-”
“You’ve hurt your back,” Ryan interrupted him. “Don’t move. I’m going to check if you broke something.”
“Right,” Brendon muttered ignoring the bluntness in Ryan’s statement.
He kept his body still as possible as Ryan leaned towards his back. Brendon felt a light touch on his lower back inside his shirt then it went up, carefully treading a line on his spine.
“It seems like your spine is intact,” Ryan told him.
“What? You’re a doctor now?”
“I’ve trained a little on first aid. It was given for free at a hospital in Chicago,” he said. “I think it’s your ribs that hit the tree. I’m going to roll your shirt up to see.”
“Pervert,” Brendon joked. He was suddenly in pain as he felt Ryan touch his side.
“Sorry,” Ryan muttered.
“You did that on purpose!”
“Shut up,” Ryan told him and this time, the shirt was moved without pain.
“You seriously have to work on your people skills, Ross.”
Ryan rolled his eyes but ignored the comment. He groped around searching for the flashlight on the ground and directed it on Brendon’s back. There was a huge dark bluish mark the size of his palm on the pale skin. “You’ve hit it pretty hard.”
“You think?” Brendon asked sarcastically.
Ryan felt the skin around the bruise. “I don’t think anything’s broken but I can’t be sure. You have to go through x-ray. In any case, I don’t there’s any more concern if you could still make those remarks.”
Brendon laughed lightly. He just rolled down a slope full of mud and hit a tree and now his side hurt like hell but he never felt happier. He wrapped his free arm around Ryan’s waist. “I believe you now.”
The smile on his face was such an understatement for what Ryan felt. He settled beside Brendon in a sitting position and held the arm around his waist. “You better.”
The warmth of Ryan’s body felt really nice against the still pouring rain. Brendon felt tired and drained but right now, he was certain there was no one in this world that was happier than him. “Can you say it?”
“Hnm?”
“I want to hear it,” Brendon said.
“I told Helen I love someone else,” Ryan said.
He huffed. “As if I care about her. Stop fooling around. I’m serious.”
Ryan laughed. “Sorry.”
Brendon nodded. “Okay, now say it.”
Ryan smiled down at him. Brendon wished they were somewhere else that had enough light so that he could see every inch of Ryan’s face and preserve this moment in his memory forever.
“I love you.”
Brendon smiled widely. “I love you more.”
Ryan leaned down on his face and put their foreheads together. “That’s not possible.”
In one swift motion, Brendon had freed Ryan’s waist only to put his hand at his nape and pull him down for their first real kiss.
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NOTES:
You see? Things are starting fall into place and you know what that means: the end is near. I still have a few surprises in store for you though so... yeah, hope you stick around.
So there you have it folks. It took twenty-two chapters, two requests, a circus party, a contract, a few make-out sessions, a trip to the mountain, a lot of fighting, and lots of other things I don’t remember but now, it’s here. I hope it was worth the wait. I’ll try my hardest to update this asap. You know... exams. Thanks to those who wished me luck. I think I did okay... XD
Fact clear-ups... I have studied the human spine and rib cage but I’m nowhere qualified to say whether or not yours is broken (though it’s quite easy to feel). As Ryan said in this fic, an x-ray would confirm that or maybe a physical therapist. What else... UNbeta-ed, un-reread, you know the drill... That’s all for now.
Oh... and random fact. Get a mirror and a flashlight and open your mouth. Try to see the oval thing that is hanging right above the posterior-most part of your tongue (called uvula). If it is pointing to the right or the left, then you have unilateral weakness/paralysis of a certain muscle (called tensor veli palatini). It points to the normal side so if yours is pointing to the right, the left one is weak/paralyzed. Mine points to the right. XD
Author: deadoralive0013
Pairing: Ryden, a bit of Joncer, a bit of Gabilliam (yes… it’s official now)
Rating: PG13
POV: 3rd
Summary: (High school AU) Ryan just wanted to finish high school and make it to college so he worked (sometimes even odd jobs) to save up. When he transferred to Vegas for his final year, he found out that sometimes, money is the least of one’s worries. Like in his case, it was his face.
Excerpt for this chapter:
If he had known that falling in love was a fucked up business, he would have ran at the opposite direction when he first met Ryan. He saw the movies and heard stories about it but fucking shit, they’re all nothing compared to the real thing. There were no words to describe the hurt he was feeling; it was the most complicated thing. He wanted to rip Helen in half. He wanted to beat Ryan up into a pulp or ask Zack to do it so he could stand by the sideline and watch. Yet, he wanted beat himself up too, for being stupid and helpless and for still feeling fucking in love with Ryan despite everything.
Warnings: Beware. Overused plot. Beware. Straight guy turning gay. Beware! UNBETA-ED!
Beta: roboticeyes
Disclaimer: I own the plot but nothing else...
Notes: At the end of each chapter
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21
22
He was soaked.
Brendon couldn’t remember exactly how long he had been walking. Thirty minutes? An hour? Two? He didn’t really care because where he was and the path he was walking was full of nothing but trees, dirt, rocks, and darkness, and he really felt like escaping and the darkness ahead seemed really inviting. He had focused on his steps, making them quick and careful not to step on uneven surfaces and trip. He didn’t even realize when this rain started falling until he felt the fingers holding on the flashlight started to go numb.
He took out his map and illuminated it with his flashlight. Right. He turned it sideways and then turned it around. The rain drops were hitting the thin material like little bullets that Brendon was so sure the paper will rip any moment. He sighed before folding the map again and putting it inside the pocket of his hoodie.
He really ought to be panicking right now. He had no idea where he was or where the stupid campsite should be. The task seemed so much easier when he was looking at the map earlier but he didn’t realize that Vegas rich boys who didn’t hike mountains wouldn’t be able to recognize the landmarks if they screamed to his face. Basically, he walked in having a mental image of cubes and straight lines only to realize that the forest didn’t have any kind of geometric conformity. He flashed the light around and realized that he didn’t remember where he came from either.
“It always has to be me,” he muttered laughing softly as though everything was a joke.
If he had known that falling in love was a fucked up business, he would have ran at the opposite direction when he first met Ryan. He saw the movies and heard stories about it but fucking shit, they’re all nothing compared to the real thing. There were no words to describe the hurt he was feeling; it was the most complicated thing. He wanted to rip Helen in half. Yet he wanted to beat Ryan up into a pulp or ask Zack to do it so he could stand by the sideline and watch. He wanted beat himself up too, for being stupid and helpless and for still feeling fucking in love with Ryan despite everything.
He wanted to hate him. He really did and yet it was the most difficult thing to do in the entire world. Brendon closed his eyes and felt something warm slide down his cheeks, mixing with the coldness of the rain. He could never hate Ryan and it was killing him.
He knew he looked pathetic, standing in the middle of nowhere and crying his eyes out but he even felt more stupid because of what he was feeling. Above anything else, Brendon wanted Ryan to love him.
He walked to a tree and found himself slumping his back against it. He’s an idiot. He’ll die here, alone and cold as a lovesick fool who kept on hoping for something that will never happen. Ryan and Helen will probably marry or something while his pathetic corpse was being autopsied, if they ever found him.
There was suddenly pain on his knuckles as he realized he had punched the innocent tree. He stared at the back of his fingers, watched it as the rain washed away the blood. He hugged himself tightly and sat down on the forest floor. A bright thread of light cut across the darkness above him followed by the roaring sound of thunder and the rain poured down even more, drowning his cries and masking his tears.
No, he thought. Even if he did know that falling in love was a fucked up business and that it will utterly destroy him, he wouldn’t have change a thing. He would still gladly fall for Ryan.
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Spencer was silently and arguably indiscreetly vaporizing Mr. Evans with his blue eyes.
“Nothing you say or do will make me change my mind,” he told Spencer sternly.
William, Jon, Gabe, and Patrick were all seated at the uncomfortable wooden bench of the teacher’s room, watching at the sidelines as Spencer argued with the teacher about following his cousin. They felt exactly the same way but Spencer was voicing their sentiment quite well for all of them so they let him talk.
“He’s my cousin! I can’t just sit here and do nothing while he’s somewhere up there, possibly getting himself killed right at this moment!”
Mr. Evans flinched and Jon was amazed at Spencer’s ability to make himself intimidating to almost anyone when he’s angry. For a moment, it looked like the teacher had caved in, wiping the sweat on the balding spot on his head before adjusting the glasses up the bridge of his nose before he suddenly realized that, oh yeah, he was the teacher.
“It is too dangerous! I understand the concern you’re feeling but I simply must refuse. We’ll send a rescue unit tomorrow as soon as the sky clears up a bit,” he said only to anger Spencer more.
“Tomorrow?! I can’t wait for fucking tomorrow! If you won’t let me go out there to find Ryan myself, then send someone now!” Spencer spat angrily and William couldn’t believe this was the same person who told him not to bring his consoles because they were not allowed.
“I already talked to the ranger but he said to wait for the sky to clear up!” the teacher answered. “There might be mudslides up there or wild animals. It’s too dangerous to send anyone now.”
Spencer looked like he was ready to commit murder and Jon finally decided to step in, putting his hands on the other’s shoulders to him from lunging at the teacher.
“Please understand sir,” Jon said before Spencer could interfere. “Brendon too is missing and we have a very good reason to believe he’s up in the mountain. Ryan went to look for him.”
Mr. Evan’s face went from sour to pained. “Urie?!”
“Yes, sir,” Jon answered.
“Oh God,” he said holding his head. “Oh no... I’m going to lose my job.”
“You got two kids up there in the storm and all you could think of is your job?” Patrick asked disbelievingly.
Mr. Evans glared at them but said nothing. He closed his eyes, thinking hard about something before getting up and leaving the room.
“Well I hope he’s out to do something,” William said glaring at the door where Mr. Evans just stepped out of.
“If you want something done, you have to do it yourself,” Gabe said. “If he went out just to get coffee or something, we can always find Brendon and Ryan ourselves.”
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Ryan shivered as the rain continued to soak through his clothes and directly touch his skin. He cursed the wind that blew, making his him cold. He forced his fingers to lay out the map again and shine the flashlight on it with a shaking hand. It was difficult to do when the wind kept blowing at the paper and the rain clouding his vision. There was no way he’ll find Brendon.
“Bren!” he shouted but the pounding of the rain and the sound of thunder was louder than his voice.
Ryan breathed deeply and put the map away. He walked aimlessly, directing his flashlight everywhere in the hopes of seeing a glimpse of dark brown hair. Nothing.
“Brendon!” he called again as he continued walking.
He didn’t know where he was anymore. This is great, he thought. He was supposed to be the rescuer but it looked like he too became lost. Brendon will probably laugh at him when he finds him but right now, he had to find him first. He’ll figure out going back later.
Then again, will Brendon even talk to him if Ryan found him? He had done a horrible thing that made him feel ashamed og himself. He wished he didn’t do it. If only he could turn back time and undo everything, he would have ran after Brendon. No, Ryan would have gone back to day one. He would have gone back to when Brendon and him were at Palo Verde, when the other would always get him angry and laugh, and then flirt with him. He would have gone back to one of those moments when Brendon explicitly told him that he loved him. Ryan would have said he loved him too.
He had faced too much confusion for too long and now he had hurt Brendon because of his stupidity. Looking back, he couldn’t understand what made him hurt the other like that. Maybe it was suddenly seeing Helen again. It was being confronted by his past at the worst of times and maybe Ryan wasn’t ready. But he won’t make any excuses and blame it on the circumstances because he knew he had a choice and he made the wrong one. It was the biggest mistake of his life.
Another bolt of lightning tore the night sky, illuminating the surrounding for a fraction of a moment just to disappear and leave Ryan alone in the darkness. Somewhere in this darkness was Brendon and he was desperate to find him. His mind was suddenly field with images of Brendon walking in this very rain, crying because of him and cursing him at the same time.
“Fucking cold,” he muttered as another shiver ran down his spine. He was reminded of that time when Brendon’s fans sent out a fake request to get Ryan into a freeze pool. Brendon had saved him, dove in the freezing water for him and he never even properly thanked him.
“I’m sorry!”
Ryan could feel the corners of his eyes warm as tears slowly pour out to join the rain. He hastily wiped them with the back of his hands and continued walking, feeling his clothes weigh heavily on him.
“I’m sorry, okay?” he called again. “Brendon!”
There was nothing but the endless procession of trees and darkness. His ears hear nothing but the sound of rain, thunder, and the slight squeaking inside his flooded sneakers whenever he took a step. He desperately wished at that moment that he would hear Brendon’s voice. He didn’t care if the voice would curse him or insult him or say hurtful words.
“Where are you?”
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Several minutes later, Mr. Evans came back to them wearing a grave expression. He solemnly sat down on his previous seat and looked around them like he was about to announce something really bad.
“I’m sorry but it’s too dangerous. We have to wait till morning or when the sky clears up.”
Spencer, Patrick, William, and Jon glared at him while Gabe interjected, “Surprise, surprise.”
The teacher then tried to settle down the sudden outburst of violent reactions from the young ones, saying that the rangers will be patrolling the vicinity and search the rest of the area as soon as it is safe but that wasn’t good enough, especially to Spencer.
But of course, no matter how much they argue, it’s all in vain. They had gotten their hopes up a little when they saw the look of panic on Mr. Evan’s face at the mention of Brendon’s name only to be disappointed. It seemed like no matter how ugly and unreliable Mr. Evans looked at that moment, he was apparently telling them the truth.
They walked out of his mountain office/bedroom feeling helpless and proceeded to Ryan and Brendon’s room, half expecting to see the two already in there killing each other or having a killer make-out session. No such luck. They entered the empty room silently albeit everyone of them knew what the others were thinking. They spent a good hour planning and packing up, ready to hike up the stormy mountain themselves.
“Now remember,” Jon said looking around the faces that were huddled together in a circle around him wearing determined expressions. “We’re going to sneak out after everyone is asleep. We’ll meet at the back of the lodge. Bring your maps, flashlights, and raincoats if you have one.”
“Understood,” William said nodding and looking a bit excited. “It’s about ten minutes before the bed check. We can go after that.”
“I have a first aid kit. I’ll bring it as well,” Patrick told them.
Jon nodded approvingly. “That’s going to be useful.”
“Okay, I agree but what are the chocolate bars for?” Gabe asked motioning towards the three or four packs of candy bars.
“It’s been almost four hours. Ryan and Brendon might be feeling a little hungry and tired by now so we’ll have to give them something to eat immediately. The packaging is convenient because they won’t get wet,” Spencer explained.
“Right,” Gabe said nodding deciding not to point out that they could have packed real food. He had a feeling that he’ll be the one to be asked to sneak food from the now closed kitchen.
Jon looked around Ryan and Brendon’s room looking for something else that they may bring. It was a hard task considering the weather outside. Anything that wasn’t plastic or wasn’t in a plastic bag would certainly get wet. Bringing bulky umbrellas would be useless and inconvenient; snorkels and goggles would do much better though.
“It’s almost time. I think we need to go back to our rooms before the bed check,” Patrick said after checking his watch.
They nodded and quietly exited the room.
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Okay. He was feeling depressed and maybe a little suicidal but the cold was getting too fucking annoying.
Brendon had lost track of how many hours he had been walking (and sulking) and how many turns he had made since he decided to leave that tree and continue to go on deeper into the woods. A few minutes ago, he had thought of just going back after seeing a very promising body of some dead animal, decaying in the middle of a clearing. He turned around and walked in the opposite direction, mind set on going back but then he remembered Ryan and that... girl, and Brendon decided whatever was there behind the trees was better than seeing those two together. Just thinking about them made him feel sick.
So he walked aimlessly again, not bothering to consult the map anymore. It would be pointless to do so seeing as he was lost, whether he wanted to be or not. It just so happened that he didn’t want to be found so this being lost things was kind of a good thing. Except maybe if accidentally crossed paths with whatever it was that killed that animal he saw earlier.
Brendon could feel the water putting pressure in the spaces within the insides of his chucks with each step while his clothes clung to him like a second skin. His flashlight did almost nothing to illuminate his dark surroundings but it was all good. He never had this kind of opportunity before, to walk on unpaved grounds and lightless paths filled with trees. He just didn’t imagine that he would do it in the pouring rain in the middle of the night to forget a certain someone.
Zack was probably going nuts by now if he knew. Brendon laughed a little while imagining the tough face of his security guy contort in worry while frantically looking for him. Let’s see him find me here, Brendon thought slyly.
He was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard a sudden noise somewhere behind the bushes. Brendon quickly looked around, shining the light among the bushes. He saw nothing so he nervously turned to the other side to look there instead. Nothing. There were only trees and leaves lightly vibrating as the raindrops fell on them, and the darkness beyond the space that his flashlight was unable to reach.
He didn’t know which direction he heard the noise from anymore and he was beginning to think he had just imagined it. The image of the dead body was on his mind again and Brendon decided that it was time he moved.
His breathing was suddenly fast and labored as he swiftly ran to nowhere in particular, feeling the need to be moving than be a stationary target. If he was going to be hunted, he didn’t want to be easy. He didn’t dare to look back, keeping his eyes set on the path ahead. His arms were raised a little to shield his face from the thin branches hanging lowly from trees. He could feel them scratching the arms of his hoodie as he went.
He reached a clearing and he took a moment to pause and catch his breath. He closed eyes trying to in as much oxygen as he can and noticed that the air had become thinner. He shivered a little from the cold. He chanced a glance back and was relieved that nothing was following him. Maybe this whole get lost idea wasn’t that good after all.
Too late. Brendon sharply turned his attention to a loud brushing noise to his right. His feet automatically moved, running towards his left and not even sparing a second to see what made the noise.
“Oh great,” he muttered while running and realized that he was climbing a slope. His legs ached with every step while his lungs scream in pain with every breath. He contemplated whether he should just turn his flash light off. Maybe the thing was being attracted by the light?
Brendon mentally kicked himself. He was getting paranoid and weird ideas were popping out of his head. He was slowly becoming tired and whether or not there was something following him, he knew that there was a definite possibility that he’ll meet another one along the way.
The rain continued pouring and the lightning gave him brief seconds of light. He stopped and walked towards the nearest tree and immediately leaned against it. He was catching his breath while keeping his eyes and ears open for any signs of anything coming.
“This is all your fault, Ross!” he muttered under his breath.
He scanned the area again, hoping to find a nice dry place for a change but there was nothing. He turned to the direction of the slope that was going upward. Maybe he would see something if he reached the top.
He took a deep breath and slowly made his way up again. Brendon was sure that if he had enough light to see it, he’ll see smoke coming out of his nose. It was really cold but he couldn’t hug himself. He needed his arms to maintain his balance.
When he finally did reach the top, Brendon’s face fell at seeing the familiar sight of trees and darkness, only the ground was at a less steeper angle. Right then, his knees decided they had enough hiking for tonight and gave, landing Brendon gracefully on his ass with a spatter of muddy water.
Just fucking fantastic, he thought sarcastically. Maybe this was why he never bothered to play the good guy. The good guy who gives up his own happiness for the happiness of the one he loves never gets anything in return. He always ends up alone and miserable, spending the rest of his life thinking of what if’s and dreaming his life away. he would watch his loved one live his days with the evil bitch from hell from the sidelines and cry himself to sleep at night feeling monstrously jealous and yet oddly satisfied at the same time because the one he loves is happy. Pathetic.
Brendon gazed upward, letting his face get hit by the rain. Would he be able to do that? Can he play the good guy and make himself believe for the rest of his life that he was happy as long as Ryan was happy? All of a sudden, the idea of dying here on the mountain was looking good. There was no way he could let that girl take Ryan away from him, at least not now but maybe, he’ll learn to do it soon enough.
“Fuck,” he muttered. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck...”
A bright light that Brendon was sure didn’t come from the lightning was suddenly blinding his vision. He raised his arms up in reflex to shield his eyes.
“Brendon?”
Oh God. He had gone crazy.
“It is you!”
The figure who was holding the flashlight ran slowly towards him and Brendon decided he should turn on his too. He pressed the small button and his heart almost fell off when he saw Ryan’s thin frame coming towards him. He watched mesmerized by the scene before him, thinking if it was real or an extremely realistic product of his imagination.
“Oh fuck,” Ryan muttered breathily when he reached him, relief crawling over his features.
“Ryan,” he managed to say. “What are you doing here?”
Even at this light, Brendon didn’t miss the eye-roll. His gaze traveled downward from Ryan’s face to his feet. Like him, Ryan was soaked all over. There were huge patches of mud on his shirt, hoodie, and jeans mingled with holes and rips. There were scratches on his cheeks too.
“I’m sightseeing.”
“What happened to your face?” Brendon asked.
Ryan’s hands automatically went up to touch the scratches on the side of his face. “Nothing. You should see your face too. You look worse.”
Brendon watched him stare at the mud of his shoes looking like he wanted to say something and hesitating. He felt himself wanting to smile but he stopped himself. “I’m on my way to the campsite. You can tell the others that,” he said before standing up and starting to walk.
“Wait!” Ryan said.
The anger and hurt that he had felt earlier when Ryan hit him was suddenly back. “What?” he asked dangerously.
Ryan flinched at his voice. “There’s a storm coming. We should go back.”
Brendon huffed. “Leave me the fuck alone, Ross. Go back to your girlfriend and just get married or something. I’ll send you roses.”
“What? No!” Ryan muttered trailing behind him. “Can you just stop and listen to me?”
Brendon ignored him and continued walking. “Fuck off.”
“Brendon wait!”
As if. Brendon pretended not to hear. He went on farther and farther in the quickest pace he could. He could hear Ryan’s voice straining over the sound of the rain to make himself heard. The more he walked, the farther Ryan’s voice sounded. He was trying to make himself the good guy dammit and Ryan wasn’t making it easy!
Brendon chanced a glance back. It was only then that he noticed that Ryan wasn’t walking but limping. He didn’t need to think twice before he was walking back.
“You idiot!” he shouted at Ryan as he approached him.
Ryan was taken aback by his statement but only for a moment. He breathed deeply and faced him as if readying himself for the hurtful words to be thrown at his face.
“Brendon, listen I’m-s”
“What the fuck have you done with your self?” Brendon cut in pointing a finger at his foot.
Ryan looked a bit confused and followed Brendon’s finger. “Oh. I slipped but... yeah. Don’t mind that. I could barely feel it really.”
“Really?” Brendon asked disbelievingly.
“Yes,” Ryan answered confidently before his features softened again and Brendon’s heart leaped with hope. “I’m sorry.”
Ryan was staring at him and he had to look away to stop himself from putting his arms around him. “Go on,” he said instead.
“I’m sorry I hit you earlier. You didn’t deserve that. I’m sorry for bringing Helen to our table. I’m sorry for hurting you and being inconsiderate. I was a jerk, stupid, and...” Ryan went on, thinking of more insults to throw at himself.
“And a douche,” Brendon supplied helpfully.
Surprisingly, Ryan didn’t argue. He just nodded. “Yeah, and a douche.”
They were both silent, just the endless sound of the rain filling it. Ryan adjusted his position and Brendon suspected that he was in pain. If he was, he was hiding it really well.
“You’ve said what you want,” Brendon told him.
“I... sort of made a speech,” Ryan muttered uncertainly, avoiding his eyes. “You know, to tell you, but I... can’t remember it right now.”
“Too bad,” Brendon said indifferently. “You can go back now.”
Ryan stared at him but didn’t move. “You know I won’t.”
“Yeah, so?”
“Hit me.”
Brendon stared at Ryan like he had lost it. “I’m not going to hit you.”
“Yes, you will,” he said and took his hand. Ryan raised it to the level of his face before letting go and closing his eyes.
“I’m not going to hit you!” Brendon repeated putting his hand down.
“Then what can I do to for you to forgive me?” Ryan asked desperately with a pleading voice that broke Brendon’s heart.
“You can go back to the lodge and leave me the fuck alone!” he forced himself to say. “It’s okay. I get it now. I don’t care anymore... I, uh, I’ll deal with it.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Ryan asked confused.
“You feel sorry for me but you don’t have to. Go away,” Brendon said. He will not cry again.
“I don’t feel sorry for you!” Ryan said limping a step closer.
“You don’t have to feel obligated,” Brendon said stubbornly. “I am still your employer and right now, I’m ordering you to get back to wherever the hell you came from and leave me alone!”
“I am not leaving,” Ryan told him simply. “I have pushed you away for too long.”
Brendon’s eyes widened. “What do you mean?”
“Well, aside from the contract saying that I have to come to you during life-threatening situations,” Ryan began and Brendon rolled his eyes, “I... I think I might have fallen for you.”
“Do you know what you’re saying?” Brendon asked him while trying to contain the happiness that was threatening to explode inside him.
“I’m ready,” Ryan told him seriously. “If you’ll still have me then I’m ready to be with you.”
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There, he said it.
Ryan watched Brendon nervously as he stared at him with wide eyes. He held his breath waiting for a response.
“You don’t what you’re saying,” Brendon said sadly.
What? “Of course I do!” Ryan argued.
“No, you don’t,” Brendon told him again. “You’re confused. You just saw Helen and now you want to know whether you like her still. I don’t know, but I’m sure you’re not ready.”
How can Brendon say that? It took every fiber of courage for Ryan to say how he felt and Brendon was waving it aside like he was delusional. “This is not about her. I know that now.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t know Ry. It’s kind of hard to believe after you’ve just fucking hit me for her,” Brendon said.
Ryan closed his eyes and tears fell. “That was a mistake! I wasn’t thinking clearly but I-”
“Exactly my point,” Brendon cut in.
“No!” Ryan protested. “Brendon, I admit that I’ve been confused, so confused in fact that I thought I was going to lose my head! But things have never been any clearer than they are now. What do you want me to do to prove to you that I’m saying the truth?”
Brendon bit his lip. “You’ll do anything?”
“Anything,” Ryan said firmly.
Brendon stared at the determined expression of Ryan’s face then at the limping foot. “Jump,” he told him pointing towards the direction of the slope they’ve just climbed.
Ryan followed his finger and flashed his light at the descending trees. He turned to him again. “You want me to jump in there.”
“Yes,” Brendon said almost cruelly.
Ryan nodded. He turned towards the direction of the slope and then made his way towards it. He winced as pain shot up his leg everytime his weight got briefly placed on his right foot but he ignored it.
Brendon watched astounded. Ryan didn’t even question him. He just fucking limped his way over there without a word! He wanted to stop him but Brendon topped himself. He wanted to know how far Ryan would go.
Ryan reached the edge of the slope. He took one last glance at Brendon before closing his eyes.
“Oh no,” Brendon muttered before breaking into a run towards Ryan. “Ryan wait! No!”
It was too late. Ryan had already leapt. Brendon didn’t know what to do so he did the only thing he could think of. He jumped too.
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“I cannot go back.”
Helen stared at him confused. “What?”
They were standing outside Helen’s room. Ryan had walked her back from the cafeteria after Brendon’s outburst.
“I can’t go back to you,” Ryan said.
She stared at him stunned, not even realizing that tears were already running down her face. “You don’t want to us to get back together?”
“I’m sorry.”
“No,” she told him shaking her head. “Don’t say that.”
“I have to,” he said sadly. He hated being the one to have to make her cry but he needed to be fair with her, especially to Brendon.
She sobbed, her shoulders shaking and Ryan went to her and embraced her. Even with his embrace, she could tell that it wasn’t the same anymore. He changed.
“Why?”
Helen waited but Ryan didn’t answer. She pulled away from him to stare into his eyes. “You met someone, didn’t you?”
“I did.”
She cried harder. It was really painful but she found herself nodding. “Does she know?”
The smile that crept in Ryan’s face told her that he indeed belonged to another now. “I don’t know. I haven’t said anything yet but I’m planning to set things straight soon.”
She hugged him again and they stayed like that for a long time. She could do nothing now. She regretted ever letting him go but maybe it was what’s supposed to happen. She could only go revisit the memories they had together in her mind knowing that soon, Ryan would be making more of them but with another. This was the end.
“You’re breaking my heart, Ry.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“I hope you become happy,” she said.
“Goodbye, Helen.”
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He met Ryan’s body in midair and he tightly wrapped his arms around him. Brendon closed his eyes waiting for the impact. It didn’t come. Ryan hit the ground first and he heard the other groan in pain before they roll down the slope like a log. He felt Ryan’s hands tightly holding on to him.
The mud was all over their body now as they quickly go down, their backs alternately hitting the uneven surface of the slope. Brendon felt dizzy and when he tried to open his eyes, he immediately regretted it when he saw the lightning-torn sky mixed with the muddy ground in hazy blurs. Before he knew it, a sharp pain shot the side of his back and he was facing the sky. He had hit a tree.
It took them several minutes to recollect their bearings. Ryan detached himself from Brendon slowly, groaning in pain. He managed to stand on all fours and looked at Brendon.
“Oh fuck, Brendon!” Ryan said crawling closer to him and ignoring the angry pain on his leg. He tried to move him but stopped as soon as Brendon hissed in pain. “Holy shit, are you okay?”
“Gabe was right,” Brendon told him. “You really are going to be the death of me someday. Why the fuck did you jump?!”
“You told me to jump!” Ryan muttered.
“What the hell?” Brendon said. “So if I told you to suck me off in public, you will?”
“Don’t get your hopes up too much.”
“But I thought we’re-”
“You’ve hurt your back,” Ryan interrupted him. “Don’t move. I’m going to check if you broke something.”
“Right,” Brendon muttered ignoring the bluntness in Ryan’s statement.
He kept his body still as possible as Ryan leaned towards his back. Brendon felt a light touch on his lower back inside his shirt then it went up, carefully treading a line on his spine.
“It seems like your spine is intact,” Ryan told him.
“What? You’re a doctor now?”
“I’ve trained a little on first aid. It was given for free at a hospital in Chicago,” he said. “I think it’s your ribs that hit the tree. I’m going to roll your shirt up to see.”
“Pervert,” Brendon joked. He was suddenly in pain as he felt Ryan touch his side.
“Sorry,” Ryan muttered.
“You did that on purpose!”
“Shut up,” Ryan told him and this time, the shirt was moved without pain.
“You seriously have to work on your people skills, Ross.”
Ryan rolled his eyes but ignored the comment. He groped around searching for the flashlight on the ground and directed it on Brendon’s back. There was a huge dark bluish mark the size of his palm on the pale skin. “You’ve hit it pretty hard.”
“You think?” Brendon asked sarcastically.
Ryan felt the skin around the bruise. “I don’t think anything’s broken but I can’t be sure. You have to go through x-ray. In any case, I don’t there’s any more concern if you could still make those remarks.”
Brendon laughed lightly. He just rolled down a slope full of mud and hit a tree and now his side hurt like hell but he never felt happier. He wrapped his free arm around Ryan’s waist. “I believe you now.”
The smile on his face was such an understatement for what Ryan felt. He settled beside Brendon in a sitting position and held the arm around his waist. “You better.”
The warmth of Ryan’s body felt really nice against the still pouring rain. Brendon felt tired and drained but right now, he was certain there was no one in this world that was happier than him. “Can you say it?”
“Hnm?”
“I want to hear it,” Brendon said.
“I told Helen I love someone else,” Ryan said.
He huffed. “As if I care about her. Stop fooling around. I’m serious.”
Ryan laughed. “Sorry.”
Brendon nodded. “Okay, now say it.”
Ryan smiled down at him. Brendon wished they were somewhere else that had enough light so that he could see every inch of Ryan’s face and preserve this moment in his memory forever.
“I love you.”
Brendon smiled widely. “I love you more.”
Ryan leaned down on his face and put their foreheads together. “That’s not possible.”
In one swift motion, Brendon had freed Ryan’s waist only to put his hand at his nape and pull him down for their first real kiss.
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NOTES:
You see? Things are starting fall into place and you know what that means: the end is near. I still have a few surprises in store for you though so... yeah, hope you stick around.
So there you have it folks. It took twenty-two chapters, two requests, a circus party, a contract, a few make-out sessions, a trip to the mountain, a lot of fighting, and lots of other things I don’t remember but now, it’s here. I hope it was worth the wait. I’ll try my hardest to update this asap. You know... exams. Thanks to those who wished me luck. I think I did okay... XD
Fact clear-ups... I have studied the human spine and rib cage but I’m nowhere qualified to say whether or not yours is broken (though it’s quite easy to feel). As Ryan said in this fic, an x-ray would confirm that or maybe a physical therapist. What else... UNbeta-ed, un-reread, you know the drill... That’s all for now.
Oh... and random fact. Get a mirror and a flashlight and open your mouth. Try to see the oval thing that is hanging right above the posterior-most part of your tongue (called uvula). If it is pointing to the right or the left, then you have unilateral weakness/paralysis of a certain muscle (called tensor veli palatini). It points to the normal side so if yours is pointing to the right, the left one is weak/paralyzed. Mine points to the right. XD