Inner Colapse
It happened yesterday. I do not know what the trigger was or even if I could figure out what the trigger factor was but I just snapped yesterday. I forgot about class and that kind of upset me and added to the immeasurable stress levels I have been feeling. I was fine in class and I drove home fine but the moment I reached my room I just dropped onto the bed and could not stop crying. I am sure I scared J.C who was visiting me half to death. I cried and sat in shear panic for about two hours. I cannot explain to you why it happened it just was like a last straw had fallen an undetermined time before then and my over stressed brain just then caught on. It was bad I felt bad for doing it while J.C was there and I just kept apologizing for it. Needless to say it was a very long night.
While I feel a touch better I am still nauseous and uneasy. I can in and had a meeting with my internship advocate and set that all up and got back on track with that. But there is still that menacing database class. Which I have yet to attend but have kept in touch with the professor, my plan is to go in the last two days with all the work done and take all of the tests and say F it all. I only need and require a D+ at this moment I know that sounds bad. Just thinking about having to be in that class at the moments makes me feel like I am going to go into hysterics again, which would not be productive.
I have decided that tomorrow I am going to call my mothers friend Brenda and see if she can get me a job at the Manor. It would be a long drive but I need a job. And even thought I have Training at a different place the job is not guaranteed there are about ten other people going through training not all of us will be hired in
I have also been thinking that I need to investigate the big possibility that I need to talk to my doctor about my anxiety levels getting much worse. I have to go get some blood work done I am thinking that I will do that on Thursday morning. I am also scheduled for a physical which sucks because I haven’t had one of those in years. But I have decided to take a more proactive role in health care. I am going to become my doctor’s worst nightmare until I have answers. And any of you who know me I have LOTS of questions.
With all this stress I have just not been able to take my pills to get rid of this hellish sinus infection. I have the pills I want to take them I do but it is really hard to take the four different pills plus the inhaler when they nock you out for about five hours each time you take a round of them and I am supposed to be taking them twice a day. Well as soon as today is over with I am going to do it anyway. Because I feel like my brain is rotting away.
Well that’s about the longest update/ramble I can give you at the moment I believe.
While I feel a touch better I am still nauseous and uneasy. I can in and had a meeting with my internship advocate and set that all up and got back on track with that. But there is still that menacing database class. Which I have yet to attend but have kept in touch with the professor, my plan is to go in the last two days with all the work done and take all of the tests and say F it all. I only need and require a D+ at this moment I know that sounds bad. Just thinking about having to be in that class at the moments makes me feel like I am going to go into hysterics again, which would not be productive.
I have decided that tomorrow I am going to call my mothers friend Brenda and see if she can get me a job at the Manor. It would be a long drive but I need a job. And even thought I have Training at a different place the job is not guaranteed there are about ten other people going through training not all of us will be hired in
I have also been thinking that I need to investigate the big possibility that I need to talk to my doctor about my anxiety levels getting much worse. I have to go get some blood work done I am thinking that I will do that on Thursday morning. I am also scheduled for a physical which sucks because I haven’t had one of those in years. But I have decided to take a more proactive role in health care. I am going to become my doctor’s worst nightmare until I have answers. And any of you who know me I have LOTS of questions.
With all this stress I have just not been able to take my pills to get rid of this hellish sinus infection. I have the pills I want to take them I do but it is really hard to take the four different pills plus the inhaler when they nock you out for about five hours each time you take a round of them and I am supposed to be taking them twice a day. Well as soon as today is over with I am going to do it anyway. Because I feel like my brain is rotting away.
Well that’s about the longest update/ramble I can give you at the moment I believe.