subconscious efforts revealed;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;such beauty.
what a great day today was - really. i had brunch with my mom and youngest sister this morning, then ran off to the city to catch jess' play of "The Laramie Project" [but there was so much emotionally enlightning things during the course of the evening] -
i was disgustingly 30 minutes late, but the nice boy at the box office let me in for free when i found that there were no more tickets being sold. i was seated in the last row until intermission, where i found & sat next to lesley. the play was really really outstanding, i caught myself nearly crying and coaxing myself not to cry plenty times during the play...the acting was really good, and real RAIN in a HIGHSCHOOL PLAY! they did splended job indeed. lesley & i chit`chatted with jess afterwards about the play and such. sadly fotini's faking sick didn't pull off and wasn't able to detach herself from her job to catch it.
jess had her cast party to go to, so lesley & i headed out for our sushi dining which i've been craving for weeks on end. oh the fine taste of gorgeously arranged sushi. | tuna | eel | california | = perfection! testing out lesley's...umm...[raw blocks of fish] was so fishy good. mmmm...sushi. it was nice to finally fulfill that craving. i mean the last time i actually ATE sushi was like...may?!
fotini met up with us as we finished our sushi; we sadly were not able to gross her out [as she is ultra squeamish about the idea of the consumption of "raw fish"] we then hit up Kim's so i could do a little bit more self-gratification...i was just going to buy a lemon jelly album, but since i couldn't find it in the electronica section i pulled out aphex twin's "richard d. james" - but still asked people at the counter about lemon jelly albums. and they lead me to the indie section [shock!] where they had both albums; the most recent one was import [boooo]. so i just pulled out the first album and after asking lesley & fotini if which or both to buy i walked out a happy girl with two new cds satisfing the curiosity of electronic music.
slinked over to veselka for fo to have some fotini-satisfactory food [half a grapefruit, order of bacon, & order of fries] while lesley & i indulged in some nice desserts. oh the sweet strongness of baked chocolate pudding! lots and lots of jokes & story telling; plans for making a celebration in a season not within sept-jan when all of our birthdays are so we could get/give more gifts! oh yes - looks like summer solstice is OUR ONE! hopefully the idea flying around about celebrating with a mini stone henge will be met.
did some book snooping nearby and went to attempt to find the bag my aunt left at some random store nearby. oh the talk of the meat packing district...the laughs - "that was meatpacking". hahahaaaaahehehe. turned up empty handed at the store, as the only clerk there had just gotten back from a month break. and then it was to the subway to our cozy homes of course. nice nice day.
it's difficult to write a journal entry mixing thoughts & feelings with one about your events of the day without having it take up SO MUCH SPAVE. so yeah, i'm splitting it up cause i have a lot to say...a lot to write...a lot to get out.
firstly, it was amazingly great to catch up with both lesley & fotini. i rarely see either of them and when it is, it's either for a social gatering of our whole group...or for some music event. never really one on one or two on two with me and either of those girls.
i've seen lesley oh, about 3 times since i've gotten back from spain...and just not many times in general this year with school before and then working when i got back. and of course she's been busy with school & work & relationship. so it was nice overall to see her, let alone catch up about various things with her. it was refreshing to talk to her about the whole josh thing, and she gave me some really good advice - that i will be taking. so yes, yay for lesley. but we do need to catch up further & more often i think.
on the train ride home fotini and i had a lot of straight forward talking, all of us always goof around and tell stories...but it was so great to just talk about things that have been up lately. inter-group conflict, more josh venting on my end [which made me realize a LOT], reassurence of the scares&evils of panic attacks[or the like?] - just good clean conversation with someone i don't get to see/have that sort of conversation with. a lot was said and it was cool that we're both on the same page as far as what a "friendship" means.
so i realized on the bus that friendships are like a pair of gloves - you use them too much/see+talk to your friends too much they are bound to wear & tear. you pull them out every so often[but often enough]/see them occasionally and do catch up - it's turns out for a perfect fit no matter what without much wear or tear, just a bit of dusting off/catching up.
now...what i realized with josh. i don't just want my hat back...i want closure almost as much as i want that hat. i have a horrific history of letting things like this just get off the hook...fall outs...which is why they occur so often. so my uncle's primary advice to talk to him about things is smart. i have a lot to say and i want to find some things out. i've always thought fall outs were natural; but fuck it - not as of now...i want things i've meant to say said & just a stamp of clearness.
i'm so happy i got all that out of one evening out with lesley & fotini. and i have so much to think about between that and jess' play...that it's going to be a long night of thinking. which isn't a bad thing for once. i LOVE this enlightened feeling, like breathing in air when chewing mint gum [as i am doing right now]. god, what relief this was all in today to help me get over yesterday. as that múm album title goes...yesterday was dramatic today is OK.
if you've read this all you're a star. and p.s. props to the person who is becoming the best "lj kid" i've come across. the act of being genuine is so fucking great. long live sincerity, authenticity, and just the act of being genuine.
i also realized that i don't do resolutions...but i plan on talking less and doing more in the right situations.
...
the clear night sky seemed to make everything even more clear tonight.
i was disgustingly 30 minutes late, but the nice boy at the box office let me in for free when i found that there were no more tickets being sold. i was seated in the last row until intermission, where i found & sat next to lesley. the play was really really outstanding, i caught myself nearly crying and coaxing myself not to cry plenty times during the play...the acting was really good, and real RAIN in a HIGHSCHOOL PLAY! they did splended job indeed. lesley & i chit`chatted with jess afterwards about the play and such. sadly fotini's faking sick didn't pull off and wasn't able to detach herself from her job to catch it.
jess had her cast party to go to, so lesley & i headed out for our sushi dining which i've been craving for weeks on end. oh the fine taste of gorgeously arranged sushi. | tuna | eel | california | = perfection! testing out lesley's...umm...[raw blocks of fish] was so fishy good. mmmm...sushi. it was nice to finally fulfill that craving. i mean the last time i actually ATE sushi was like...may?!
fotini met up with us as we finished our sushi; we sadly were not able to gross her out [as she is ultra squeamish about the idea of the consumption of "raw fish"] we then hit up Kim's so i could do a little bit more self-gratification...i was just going to buy a lemon jelly album, but since i couldn't find it in the electronica section i pulled out aphex twin's "richard d. james" - but still asked people at the counter about lemon jelly albums. and they lead me to the indie section [shock!] where they had both albums; the most recent one was import [boooo]. so i just pulled out the first album and after asking lesley & fotini if which or both to buy i walked out a happy girl with two new cds satisfing the curiosity of electronic music.
slinked over to veselka for fo to have some fotini-satisfactory food [half a grapefruit, order of bacon, & order of fries] while lesley & i indulged in some nice desserts. oh the sweet strongness of baked chocolate pudding! lots and lots of jokes & story telling; plans for making a celebration in a season not within sept-jan when all of our birthdays are so we could get/give more gifts! oh yes - looks like summer solstice is OUR ONE! hopefully the idea flying around about celebrating with a mini stone henge will be met.
did some book snooping nearby and went to attempt to find the bag my aunt left at some random store nearby. oh the talk of the meat packing district...the laughs - "that was meatpacking". hahahaaaaahehehe. turned up empty handed at the store, as the only clerk there had just gotten back from a month break. and then it was to the subway to our cozy homes of course. nice nice day.
it's difficult to write a journal entry mixing thoughts & feelings with one about your events of the day without having it take up SO MUCH SPAVE. so yeah, i'm splitting it up cause i have a lot to say...a lot to write...a lot to get out.
firstly, it was amazingly great to catch up with both lesley & fotini. i rarely see either of them and when it is, it's either for a social gatering of our whole group...or for some music event. never really one on one or two on two with me and either of those girls.
i've seen lesley oh, about 3 times since i've gotten back from spain...and just not many times in general this year with school before and then working when i got back. and of course she's been busy with school & work & relationship. so it was nice overall to see her, let alone catch up about various things with her. it was refreshing to talk to her about the whole josh thing, and she gave me some really good advice - that i will be taking. so yes, yay for lesley. but we do need to catch up further & more often i think.
on the train ride home fotini and i had a lot of straight forward talking, all of us always goof around and tell stories...but it was so great to just talk about things that have been up lately. inter-group conflict, more josh venting on my end [which made me realize a LOT], reassurence of the scares&evils of panic attacks[or the like?] - just good clean conversation with someone i don't get to see/have that sort of conversation with. a lot was said and it was cool that we're both on the same page as far as what a "friendship" means.
so i realized on the bus that friendships are like a pair of gloves - you use them too much/see+talk to your friends too much they are bound to wear & tear. you pull them out every so often[but often enough]/see them occasionally and do catch up - it's turns out for a perfect fit no matter what without much wear or tear, just a bit of dusting off/catching up.
now...what i realized with josh. i don't just want my hat back...i want closure almost as much as i want that hat. i have a horrific history of letting things like this just get off the hook...fall outs...which is why they occur so often. so my uncle's primary advice to talk to him about things is smart. i have a lot to say and i want to find some things out. i've always thought fall outs were natural; but fuck it - not as of now...i want things i've meant to say said & just a stamp of clearness.
i'm so happy i got all that out of one evening out with lesley & fotini. and i have so much to think about between that and jess' play...that it's going to be a long night of thinking. which isn't a bad thing for once. i LOVE this enlightened feeling, like breathing in air when chewing mint gum [as i am doing right now]. god, what relief this was all in today to help me get over yesterday. as that múm album title goes...yesterday was dramatic today is OK.
if you've read this all you're a star. and p.s. props to the person who is becoming the best "lj kid" i've come across. the act of being genuine is so fucking great. long live sincerity, authenticity, and just the act of being genuine.
i also realized that i don't do resolutions...but i plan on talking less and doing more in the right situations.
...
the clear night sky seemed to make everything even more clear tonight.