i'm FINE...
which really means "fucked up, insecure, neurotic, and emotional(ly unstable)."
i'm not sure what it is. i'm having a general feeling of malaise even though my foot is on the mend and i should be getting back to work in 1.5 weeks. they initially thought there was a growth in there, but the MRI didn't show anything, so they stabbed me with some cortisone yesterday and taped it all up. i can't shower until monday. maybe i'm just dirty. showers have always been a nice way to escape...i kind of miss them now that i think about it. and it's only been a day.
casey mentioned to me that my incessant picking is really a bother to him. i've been picking my skin since i was 12, so it's been really difficult to not do it, but i'm already noticing results. my chest, face, and arms are actually clearing up. i don't obsess over doing it as much, but if there's a huge zit in the middle of my face, i still go for it. i just don't dig for what MIGHT be there. i was spending almost an hour a day in the bathroom/in front of the mirror, and i wouldn't even notice it had been that long. that was after spending hours at work on my feet...the pain didn't phase me at all. this isn't the worst habit i have, but it's been the hardest to work on recently. i'm doing well, though.
i've been losing weight as well, and i've had a couple of people comment on it. i'm really just cutting back on the big meals and eating smaller ones throughout the day. the little ones usually are some special k fruit and yogurt mixed with dannon's light and fit vanilla yogurt. it is SO tasty. i almost don't want ice cream anymore. that's a big almost. i'm still trying to figure out where the diet dark chocolate hides at wal-mart.
as soon as my foot is completely ready for work, i'll be doing a lot more walking. i might even invest in some decent shoes. sketcher's has this shoe that avon has had for a long time that promotes muscle tone when you walk. but the sketcher's are wayyy cuter. we'll see what we can do. i've been out of work almost a month, and i was earning about $350 a week. i had no savings when i had to take my medical leave either. BLEGH.
but this too shall pass.
i feel better already getting some of this out. casey hasn't wanted to talk much lately. i can't figure out what's going on in his head. there's a lot of stress going on around here. i can't make his shit my shit, but i want to help. there doesn't seem to be much i can do at the moment. this is the first time i've been worried about him in a while. they say there's a point in your recovery where you're really seeing the future and it's a bit daunting. when life catches up with you and your pink cloud, it's something serious. i'm experiencing small bits of that, but casey's got it bad right now. he's about to start school having never been in college before. he's got an apartment to pay rent on (with my help, of course), a relationship to maintain, and a recovery program to stick with. we're also having to look at a bigger place since we're rapidly out-growing this tiny one bedroom apartment. i'm looking to start my certification program for medical coding in january, and i'm really wanting to have evan with me by may. that will give casey and i some time to work through things, maybe i'll have a decent job after i finish that program, and casey will be settled into mixing all his responsibilities.
*sigh*
there's a lot going on. a lot of unknowns. but still a lot to be grateful for. i'm going to a convention in tallahassee next weekend. i love those things. i heard the most amazing story at fun in the sun. i'll probably meet a bunch more cool people, and get to spend some time with my sponsor, her partner, and casey. after that it's back to work and business as usual. i think i'm going to go do some stepwork. i love that i have a computer to journal on now. i love writing out my stepwork though. whatevs. and there's a new picture of evan for ya. mmm...grass is yummy?
i'm not sure what it is. i'm having a general feeling of malaise even though my foot is on the mend and i should be getting back to work in 1.5 weeks. they initially thought there was a growth in there, but the MRI didn't show anything, so they stabbed me with some cortisone yesterday and taped it all up. i can't shower until monday. maybe i'm just dirty. showers have always been a nice way to escape...i kind of miss them now that i think about it. and it's only been a day.
casey mentioned to me that my incessant picking is really a bother to him. i've been picking my skin since i was 12, so it's been really difficult to not do it, but i'm already noticing results. my chest, face, and arms are actually clearing up. i don't obsess over doing it as much, but if there's a huge zit in the middle of my face, i still go for it. i just don't dig for what MIGHT be there. i was spending almost an hour a day in the bathroom/in front of the mirror, and i wouldn't even notice it had been that long. that was after spending hours at work on my feet...the pain didn't phase me at all. this isn't the worst habit i have, but it's been the hardest to work on recently. i'm doing well, though.
i've been losing weight as well, and i've had a couple of people comment on it. i'm really just cutting back on the big meals and eating smaller ones throughout the day. the little ones usually are some special k fruit and yogurt mixed with dannon's light and fit vanilla yogurt. it is SO tasty. i almost don't want ice cream anymore. that's a big almost. i'm still trying to figure out where the diet dark chocolate hides at wal-mart.
as soon as my foot is completely ready for work, i'll be doing a lot more walking. i might even invest in some decent shoes. sketcher's has this shoe that avon has had for a long time that promotes muscle tone when you walk. but the sketcher's are wayyy cuter. we'll see what we can do. i've been out of work almost a month, and i was earning about $350 a week. i had no savings when i had to take my medical leave either. BLEGH.
but this too shall pass.
i feel better already getting some of this out. casey hasn't wanted to talk much lately. i can't figure out what's going on in his head. there's a lot of stress going on around here. i can't make his shit my shit, but i want to help. there doesn't seem to be much i can do at the moment. this is the first time i've been worried about him in a while. they say there's a point in your recovery where you're really seeing the future and it's a bit daunting. when life catches up with you and your pink cloud, it's something serious. i'm experiencing small bits of that, but casey's got it bad right now. he's about to start school having never been in college before. he's got an apartment to pay rent on (with my help, of course), a relationship to maintain, and a recovery program to stick with. we're also having to look at a bigger place since we're rapidly out-growing this tiny one bedroom apartment. i'm looking to start my certification program for medical coding in january, and i'm really wanting to have evan with me by may. that will give casey and i some time to work through things, maybe i'll have a decent job after i finish that program, and casey will be settled into mixing all his responsibilities.
*sigh*
there's a lot going on. a lot of unknowns. but still a lot to be grateful for. i'm going to a convention in tallahassee next weekend. i love those things. i heard the most amazing story at fun in the sun. i'll probably meet a bunch more cool people, and get to spend some time with my sponsor, her partner, and casey. after that it's back to work and business as usual. i think i'm going to go do some stepwork. i love that i have a computer to journal on now. i love writing out my stepwork though. whatevs. and there's a new picture of evan for ya. mmm...grass is yummy?