DEAREST - 2(C)/?
Title: Dearest
Chapter: 2(C)/?
Author(s): xadowangel & deadlyscarlet
Beta: veroxion
Genre: AU/ Romance/ Angst/ Smut(in later chapters)
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Language, Incest, Rape, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Post-traumatic stress, Amnesia, Violence, Delinquency, Bullying, Religion, Mentions of Yakuza, Use of real names
Characters: Kouyou, Yuu, Takanori, Akira, Yutaka, and various OCs [more additions may be made in the future]
Pairings: Yuu/Kouyou [Aoi/Uruha], Akira/Takanori [Reita/Ruki], Yuu/OC [Aoi/OC], Kouyou/OC [Uruha/OC], Yutaka/OC [Kai/OC]
Bands: the GazettE [for now]
Synopsis: Star-Crossed Lovers who commit suicide are reborn as twins.
Takashima Kouyou and Shiroyama Yuu are fraternal twins, who don’t look anything alike. Ever since he was born, Kouyou has always been protected and shadowed by Yuu’s strong and protective behavior. Seventeen years have passed since their birth. The same older brother who had once loved him now hates him with immense passion. What went wrong between these two twins? The events that unfold inside a Catholic Boarding School decide the fate for the two boys.
It took Kouyou quite a while to compose himself after the initial shock of knowing the truth. He was oblivious to the fact that he was holding Hikari in a death grip until she finally squirmed out of his hold and got on her knees in front of him. The raven-haired girl gasped when she saw her best friend’s face. She’d never seen Kouyou look so pale before.
Kouyou stared at something unknown, his eyes unfocused before those aureate orbs fluttered closed and his bow-shaped lips contorted in pure agony. Physical abuse and Kouyou were almost synonyms, but never before had he felt such an immense amount of pain shoot directly to his heart, except for that one fateful day that had occurred nine years ago.
Kouyou had never known that it was Yuu who had been protecting him behind closed doors all this time, and he sure hadn’t expected that he would be getting this information from someone he was meeting for the first time. Again, the younger twin was forced into a corner due to the dilemma he was facing regarding his brother. Yuu was just too mysterious for Kouyou to comprehend. He couldn’t understand why Yuu was hell-bent on pushing him away if he was the one always watching over him.
Kouyou’s eyes widened in anguish as everything came rushing back to him. He felt so small and insignificant compared to his older twin. He wanted to adore Yuu all over again, as the younger brother he was. The blond finally realized how special Yuu really was to him and he wanted to kill himself for even thinking of hating his beloved brother. It wasn’t possible, it never was possible. Yuu was his lifeline, take it away and he would be reduced into nothing but a lifeless doll. The realization of this painful truth only pressed on the bruises in his heart.
He felt like he was in the middle of a trance as he couldn’t even think straight until he felt a warm palm on his heated cheek and a pair of unsteady, timid footsteps clicking closer to him. Kouyou raised his face to meet a pair of soft, black eyes filled to the brim with love and adoration. He wanted to bury his face in Hikari’s jasmine-scented hair and never look up.
“Kouyou.” Takanori whispered making Kouyou look up. He hated being so broken and vulnerable before someone he’d met just today, but he couldn’t hide this side of himself forever. Takanori would eventually know what a pathetic little loser he really was.
“I’m sorry.” The smaller boy mumbled out, as he didn’t know how to apologize to the blond for being there, for stumbling into his moment of weakness. Takanori didn’t have any idea about what was really going on. He didn’t know who Yuu was or why Kouyou’s face morphed into a look of heartbreaking sadness when this Yuu’s name was mentioned. But he could clearly see that the honey blond was dying inside and Takanori didn’t like it. Kouyou was the first person to show him some sort of kindness in this horrid place.
Takanori, whose father was the leader of the Yakuza was hardly at home, their house was always guarded by hooligans and whenever he went to school, he was escorted by bodyguards. No one from the time he had been little tried to get anywhere close to him, let alone start a conversation. The only person who had ever showered him with love was his mother and now she was no more. The one or two friends he had were just the children of his father’s underlings, wanting to be in the good books of the boss’ son. The poor brunet had convinced himself that he would never find anyone who would ever be kind or friendly to him.
When he had almost given up on hoping, Kouyou had appeared out of nowhere and had taken such good care of him, even without knowing who he was. The honey blond’s kindness and his heart-warming smile reminded Takanori of the beauty of being loved. That was why when he saw Kouyou’s aureate orbs turn glossy, he felt something tug painfully at his heartstrings. He wanted to do something to erase at least a little bit of the pain his new friend felt.
The first person to recompose themselves was Hikari. She’d removed her palm from Kouyou’s tear stained cheek, making the honey blond release a soft sigh of yearning. He needed the warmth of another person on his skin right now. But then, Hikari was standing up, pulling him along with her.
“Hey! You must be the new student!” Hikari chimed in, a smile appearing on her lips as if nothing had happened. But Kouyou knew better, he knew she was hurting inside because her eyes were damp and cold, almost empty despite the friendly smile on her lips.
Takanori faltered a bit at the sudden change in attitude regarding the situation they were in, but then he thought maybe it was the right thing to do, to forget.
“Yeah. Yeah, I am.” Takanori tried to return the warm smile, but he wasn’t too good with hiding his emotions, so his lips just formed a lopsided frown instead of the sweet gesture he was originally going for.
“Ahh, nice to meet you, new kid! I’m Hikari!” The raven haired girl supplied with a slight flip of her hair.
“Takanori. Matsumoto Takanori.”
The introduction was sealed with a firm handshake as Hikari led the brunet to the counter. She didn’t miss the paleness in Takanori’s features and immediately summed it up to an empty stomach. Kouyou on the other hand seemed too distracted to care about anything. She released a sigh and gently pushed the honey blond to one of the cafeteria chairs.
“Kou-kun, wait here. I’ll get Taka-chan some food.”
“Hikari.” Kouyou murmured, his broken, raspy voice enough to make tears materialize in her ebony eyes.
“Yeah?” She reached out for her best friend and placed her warm hand on his head to show she was listening and to offer what comfort she could with the soothing gesture.
“I.. I wanna be alone for a while, please? I need to think.” The honey blond confessed. Hikari stared at her best friend for a while, wondering if it really was okay to leave him alone like he wanted. But she knew she couldn’t stop him if he had his mind set on something, and Hikari was a girl known to respect other people’s wishes.
“Why don’t you go back to your dorm then? Yuu-kun will be in class now, you’ll have some time for yourself. I don’t want anyone to find you alone in here, you know what I mean?”
He understood what she meant. Kouyou was well aware about what Hikari’s words meant, and he knew there was no malice in her voice, only true concern for his wellbeing. But the insecurity that hit him due to her protective nature snapped the blond, feeling that even she was mocking him for being a child who couldn’t do a task as simple as protecting himself from bullies.
“I can take care of myself, Hikari. You don’t have to baby me all the time!” Kouyou barked out sharply, but immediately regretted the action when Hikari’s dark eyes widened in surprise, a look of panic on her face because she had done something wrong. It wasn’t like Kouyou to burst out with anger, and this was the first time she’d seen him losing control of his emotions like this, and so quickly as well.
“Kouyou...” she mumbled out, but she didn’t back away. She had known him too long and pretty well too, and she knew understood perfectly that he didn’t mean a single word he was saying.
“Go back to your room.” Hikari stated firmly, her hand grasping his colder ones to reassure him that she wasn’t angry with him, but merely suggesting something she knew he needed. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
And Kouyou knew he’d lost the game. He pulled himself up off the seat and mumbled a quick apology before breaking into a sprint. He didn’t want to let anyone see his broken self.
“I’m so sorry you had to see that, Taka-chan.” Hikari tried to coax the younger as they walked side by side to the counter.
“It’s okay.” Takanori said bluntly.“I’ve seen worse.”
“Oh, that’s a lot coming out from someone as chibi as you!” Hikari laughed, and seeing her carefree smile, Takanori didn’t have the heart to point out that she was at least three inches shorter than himself.
-X-
Yuu entered his dormitory room, yawning slightly. It had been a really long day. There had been a physical education class, the class where he allowed himself to go loose, his barriers relaxed while he played soccer like a maniac, releasing all his pent up stress, stress which was normally caused due to his precious blond-haired twin brother, his beloved Kouyou. Yuu had already come to terms with the fact that he could never have his twin in this life or the next, but he still wasn’t able to prevent those obscene thoughts which only resulted in him breaking down.
The raven was a bit worried though. Kouyou had been absent throughout the entire afternoon. The Matsumoto kid had informed the teacher that his twin brother had suddenly fallen sick in the cafeteria and returned back to the dorm. Yuu had felt something clench painfully in his stomach as he kept contemplating over what could have possibly happened to Kouyou. Was he still sick? If the punch that Daijiro had landed on Kouyou’s stomach was still causing him pain, then he would never be able to forgive himself.
When he entered the room though, he nearly released a startled scream. Kouyou was sitting on the window ledge, one of his thighs hanging precariously out of the glass. Yuu ran all the way to where his twin was seated in a frantic rush, grabbing him with his lithe arms, immediately lifting him off the dangerous ledge, while hauling him all the way to their beds. He carefully placed Kouyou on the honey blond’s bed before starting to bellow angrily. “What the fuck were you doing, you stupid bastard? Were you trying to kill yourself?!”
Kouyou had been lying on his bed the whole afternoon, letting the warm glow of the setting sun play over his uniform clad body. He didn’t even have any desire to change or clean up. All of a sudden, his whole world was crumbling down into miniscule pieces, even though he knew that he had no reason to feel that way, but he felt devastated. He’d always taken Yuu for granted, never knowing that his older twin was always watching over him.
The realization made him feel small and pathetic, once again realizing that he didn’t deserve Yuu’s attention. When the sun set and the chilling breeze almost became unbearable, he got off the bed to close the window. He let his apathetic gaze hover over the horizon where a pale gold and crimson still played, indicating that the blazing sun had been there only a while ago, and he sighed.
Yuu had been like a ball of fire in his life, just like the sun. Bright, strong, unyielding. But the amorous presence of his brother had now diminished to that of an utter coldness, which Kouyou couldn’t handle anymore. He’d allowed his lithe body climb over the window ledge, his legs dangling carelessly and somehow, he didn’t care about his existence anymore. It was pure mockery to him, his life, and he suddenly started to believe that he had no reason to stay alive any longer.
Kouyou’s blond head had ended up resting against the windowsill behind him, eyes fluttering to a close in exhaustion. He had no idea when Yuu would be back, and he realized that all the hours spent by himself didn’t really help him, rather his chest was now filled with unrequited emotions; emotions he couldn’t let out, yet, they corroded him from the inside repeatedly.
A few silver drops of tears hung from his closed eyelashes, tears that didn’t quite fall, rather collected at the corner of his eyes without him realizing. He relished the feeling though. The fresh scent of nature tickling his nostrils and the wind that ruffled his honey tinted hair made him take a deep calming breath, despite the invading chill that made him shiver through his thin uniform shirt.
Kouyou didn’t know how long he had been sitting on the window sill, until he was grasped by a pair of familiar arms and musky scent, the warmness of his brother’s body swathing him completely before hauling him off the open window and throwing him on one of the awaiting beds. The blond squinted his eyes, his brain becoming dysfunctional form the sudden invasion of Yuu’s presence, the expression on his face was quite comical, but none of the brothers had enough wit to notice that.
Yuu’s frustrated scream rang through Kouyou’s body like static and before he knew what he was doing, he’d sprung off the bed and latched himself on Yuu’s body, arms encircling the older twin’s neck, chests flushed against each other. Kouyou’s soft hair brushed against Yuu’s cheek as the raven-haired boy staggered a few steps backwards to regain his lost balance.
Yuu’s hands unconsciously wrapped around Kouyou’s waist as he stood there slightly shocked. He didn’t know what to do. He was confused. The raven could feel his uniform shirt turning damp as the rivulet of tears that escaped his twin’s pretty aureate eyes seeped through the coarse material. But still, all that he could feel was the heat running through his veins as he felt Kouyou’s arms around his neck, his frail chest rubbing against his own broad one, the feeling of Kouyou’s waist between his hands. The sweet scent of strawberries, the smell of the blond’s shampoo wafted towards his sensitive nostrils.
“I’m sorry!” Kouyou whimpered out, not really knowing what he was apologizing for. But he figured it would be good way to start, because his chest felt as heavy as lead and he just needed someone to carry the burden a bit for him. He knew it was a lot to ask for, because he couldn’t expect his brother to hold his burdens for him anymore, but he still hoped Yuu would understand how wrecked he was inside and take him in just like before.
Yuu started sweating slightly as Kouyou’s grip around his neck became more tighter, and his pretty blond head snuggled deeper into the space between the raven’s chin and collar bone. Blood rushed to his head as he heard Kouyou’s tiny pleadings and whimpers. His ears registered a few incoherent ‘sorry's’ but he couldn’t understand why Kouyou was apologizing to him. Even if he wanted to try thinking for the reason as to why his twin was apologizing to him, he just couldn’t as Kouyou’s scent alone was making him crazy. He could feel goose bumps erupting on his flesh as Kouyou kept rubbing his body against his own.
For the honey blond, the close proximity of their bodies was something that he’d wanted for such a long time, something he’d dreamt about on restless nights when his brother had abandoned him because he wanted to enjoy his ‘life’ with his fellow gang members. He almost couldn’t believe that he had Yuu in his embrace like this, even though Yuu wasn’t reacting, rather standing stiff like a porcelain sculpture, but it didn’t matter. It was Yuu, it was Yuu he was holding and that’s all that mattered.
Kouyou felt his throat constrict as a painful lump formed, causing his breath to hitch as he snuggled into the warmness that Yuu’s body offered. His twin had always been the stronger one, bold and muscular. Just by having his face buried in his brother’s neck gave him a sense of relief, a security that he’d never felt before.
The immense love for his twin brother that he held inside of him, almost blinded him because all of a sudden, he couldn’t see anything but Yuu, he can’t feel anything but Yuu. His world revolved around the single raven-haired male, and he doesn’t want this moment to stop. He desperately wanted to stay like this forever if it meant that his brother would be within his reach again.
“I’m so sorry, Yuu! I missed you so much, I didn’t know that you...” Kouyou wasn’t able to continue speaking, as his tears were clogging his throat. His body wracked with violent tremors as he tried to steady his trembling fingers on the rough fabric of Yuu’s uniform shirt, exerting as much strength as his weakened frame could allow, as if that was the only way to keep the raven in place.
He couldn’t see the darkening glint of lust in Yuu’s fathomless eyes, because he was just too busy trying to get himself together to say what he wanted. Kouyou knew how Yuu hated when he behaved like a weakling and acted like a helpless child, but no matter how hard he tried, his emotions just came back to him with such intensity that his feelings escalated tenfold.
“God! Yuu! I miss you so much...why...why can’t you see it?” The honey blond whimpered against his brother’s broad chest, sniffling a little. “Why can’t you see that I love you!”
Something snapped within the raven as his eyes flew open wide. It felt as if his entire body was thrown onto shudders. Kouyou’s previous words had fallen so jumbled into his ears due to the arousal he had felt within him. But when the ‘I love you’ had escaped Kouyou’s bow-shaped lips, the words of confession clanged in his ear drums loud and clear, like a bell. Those three words continued to echo in the narrow compartment of Yuu’s ears. The raven knew that Kouyou’s words only meant the brotherly love he had towards his older twin, but his stupid, delusional brain wouldn’t accept it.
Yuu clasped his hands onto Kouyou’s shoulders and pulled him backward, peeling him away from his chest. Kouyou’s aureate orbs looked at him slightly confused as he continued to let his hands rest around Yuu’s neck, refusing to let go as he longed for the warmth and comfort his brother unconsciously gave him. Yuu sultrily stared into those pretty orbs, which reflected his own pleasure-ridden face. The raven’s own obsidian eyes moved downwards towards Kouyou’s chest. The top buttons of his brother’s uniform shirt was open, exposing the blond’s pale chest. Yuu greedily looked at the porcelain skin as he licked his beautifully pierced lips.
“Yuu,” Kouyou’s confused whisper reached the raven’s ear, making him move his gaze up to those luscious, pink lips. Kouyou’s soft, sweet breath, brushed against Yuu’s nose making his nostrils flare. Heat lustfully scorched the insides of his body painfully as he looked at his blond-haired twin’s lips move lightly. Beads of sweat and saliva glistened on those beautiful, pouty lips, which glistened slightly in the dorms fluorescent light. Not being able to hold back any longer, Yuu swept forward, nearly lunging like an animal towards his brother.
Kouyou stared at his brother in silent shock as Yuu grabbed his face between his warm, calloused palms. The honey blond felt like he would just disappear into those fathomless eyes, because he’d never known a person’s gaze could be so fierce, so intense and predatory. He shivered involuntarily as Yuu rubbed his thumb against the baby soft skin of his younger brother’s flushed cheeks, wiping away the wetness of his tears that stained his flawless skin.
Yuu’s lip ring glistened as it caught the light, the same lips that had planted wet, sloppy kisses on his brother’s cheeks and lips years ago were now pursed into a thin line, sharp jawline highlighted as Yuu clenched his teeth. His adam’s apple bobbed as the raven took in Kouyou’s pretty features, almost feeling proud of the fact that this creature was his own brother.
His Kouyou.
“What are you doing?” Kouyou whispered as Yuu brought their faces closer, noses almost touching, their hot breaths mingling with each other. A thin shroud of uncompensated emotions fluttered between them as Yuu furrowed his eyebrows. Suddenly, a rivulet of pearly-white tears streamed down the raven’s eyes as he bit his cherry-red lips in frustration. Terrible pain was reflected in those dark, alurring obsidian orbs, making Kouyou’s heart twist. He didn’t understand why his brother was crying. It had been ages since he had last seen Yuu cry like that.
Kouyou reached forward to touch Yuu’s cheek with his palm. Something inside of him tore apart as he watched the droplets of crystalline liquid escape the corner of his brother’s eyes. To him, Yuu was the epitome of strength, the personification of confidence. It wasn’t right for his big brother to shed tears, to show such weakness. And Kouyou could clearly knew that it was his fault. He was the only person who had always made his brother cry ever since they were kids.
Kouyou’s cupid-bow lips trembled slightly as he tried to control his own emotions and keep them in check, trying his best not to break down. He wanted to wipe away the tears and make Yuu smile. The blond reached forward for his brother’s face, trying to coax him to relax a bit, but before he could reach up, he was shoved away violently.
“Yuu...” Kouyou called out and this time, Yuu snapped.
“I’m going out.” The raven barked out sharply, staring down at his feet. Yuu wanted to be anywhere but here with his own flesh and blood. He wanted to kick himself to death for taking advantage of his innocent brother. If he didn’t leave the goddamn room now, then he might...
Without even thinking what he was doing, Kouyou lurched forward and grabbed Yuu’s wrist in a harsh, unrelenting grip, because the only thing he could register was the fact that he needed to stop Yuu from leaving. He’d gotten so close to his brother after such a long time, he wasn’t about to give it away for anything. The blond needed Yuu beside him now, to hold him close like he used to. He knew once his brother stepped out of that door, he wouldn’t come back, and the Kouyou couldn't let that happen.
“No! Wait, Yuu!” Kouyou blurted out, ignoring the snarl that left Yuu’s lips. He only strengthened the hold on Yuu’s wrist, planting his feet on the ground.
“What?” The raven sneered, thoroughly confused and angry with a whirlwind of emotions that were slowly dragging him down to sin..
Kouyou wracked his brain to find a good enough excuse, something that’d make the raven stay here with him and now leave him alone, but he is unable to think of anything.
“I... I need you to help me with Math, for the test tomorrow. Please, Yuu...”
The blond knew that it was the lamest thing that he could come up with, but once the words were out, there was no way he could take them back. He lowered his head in shame, releasing his grip on Yuu’s hand simultaneously, as his own arms lay limp on his sides.Kouyou felt so ashamed all of a sudden and he wanted to run away from the piercing gaze of his older twin.
“Ask someone else.” Yuu was getting really irritated. Why did Kouyou have to be so selfish? Here he was, trying his best to protect Kouyou from damnation, yet he was intent on ruining what Yuu was trying so hard to protect. If he could just spit it out, that he wanted his own brother, that he wanted to fuck his own brother and love him until the ends of the world, then maybe Kouyou would stop trying to be with him. But no. He couldn’t. He just couldn’t. Yuu was selfish too because he wanted his fair-haired twin to continue trying to win him back. Whenever he tried pushing Kouyou away, he desperately wanted Kouyou to reach out for him. That was what which allowed him to still keep his sanity.
“I... I can’t.” Kouyou mumbled out. How was he supposed to tell Yuu that this wasn’t about stupid school work or tests, rather about staying close to his own brother? How could he tell him that he didn’t want anybody else, he only craved Yuu’s company? He couldn’t, and that’s why he felt so helpless. Kouyou felt like blurting out everything that was tearing him apart and then face Yuu’s wrath, but the more rational part of him wanted to keep the raven close for as long as he possibly could.
“Hell you can’t! Then go fuck yourself!”
Kouyou wanted to press his palms against his ears, to block out all those cruel words, so that he didn’t have to hear what Yuu had just said. But then, his brother must have had his reasons to behave like this. If Yuu wanted to feel better by pointing all his rage towards his younger twin, then that’s the least the honey blond could do for his precious brother. Kouyou hoped he’d find out someday and then put an end to the misery that the person he loved the most felt. No matter how confident Yuu sounded, Kouyou could see he was hurting, could almost feel it.
“Please Yuu.” he tried again, not willing to give up when his brother was still in front of him. There was still a chance to be had, and he was going to take it. “I wasn’t feeling very good today, I couldn’t study. I’m gonna fail tomorrow if you don’t help me out.”
Yuu released an annoyed sigh. The last thing he wanted was Kouyou to fail, as it would only add to detention and he knew his brother was weak. If he was forced into detention, it would only make him lose energy. And there was no one who would help Kouyou either, as he had no friends at all in this academy. Yuu knew it was partly his fault because nobody in this damned school wanted want to talk to delinquent Shiroyama’s twin brother.
“Fine, go get your books.” he rasped before settling on his own bed.
A small smile appeared on Kouyou’s lips after the sudden surprise wore off. He didn’t really expect for Yuu to actually agree to help him out, but since he did, the honey blond felt like he would just explode from the happiness that made his heart flutter madly. But he didn’t dare show his eagerness though, rather let a grateful smile linger on his lips as he went to retrieve the required materials from his desk.
Kouyou then realized that he was still in his uniform clothes and so was Yuu.
“Shouldn’t we change first?” Kouyou asked timidly, gathering the books and copies in his lithe arms.
“Just get back here! I’ll be leaving after I’m done with that shitty brain of yours!” Yuu retorted, but Kouyou had long ago decided not to let his brother’s anger hurt him in any way. Not that he didn’t feel pierced cruelly as Yuu talked so rudely to him, but he’d taken it for granted and he only let out a sigh as he nodded his head in confirmation. The time when he could keep his brother to himself was long gone. Yuu belonged to a world he wouldn’t let Kouyou know about and the younger twin had to bear with that.
“Okay.” Kouyou uttered as he carried everything over to Yuu’s bed, settling in front of him. He wordlessly flipped through the pages of his text book and opened up the lectures that he was supposed to study.
“I always have problems with partial integration.” Kouyou mumbled out as he pointed to a particular problem marked red on the paper before him.
“What’s so difficult with this problem?” Yuu couldn’t help but roll his eyes in annoyance. Sometimes he just couldn’t understand why Kouyou found even the easiest things difficult. “It’s a really basic problem. You just have to differentiate partially with respect to ‘x’ while ‘y’ is assumed to be constant.” Yuu proceeded to explain as fast as possible. His body was reacting again due to the warmth that radiated from Kouyou’s body, and the last thing he ever wanted was to push Kouyou to the bed and have his way with him.
The blond scrunched up his eyebrows in concentration as he carefully tried to take in everything Yuu was explaining. It was really important that he got these things sorted out by tonight, and he already regretted wasting his time sulking because of his brother’s cold behavior. But then again, as he shifted a bit to lay his eyes on his brother’s face, something churned in his stomach. It was almost like Yuu had something else in mind that he wasn’t letting out and Kouyou felt he was the cause of it all.
As he tried to take the pen out of Yuu’s hand so that he could solve the problem himself after the raven had explained it to him, their fingers touched. Yuu jolted on the spot as if he had been struck by a bolt of electricity, leaving his twin staring at him with confusion written all over his face.
“D-Don’t touch me!” Yuu snapped. “Keep your fucking hands to yourself.” The raven was nearing a break down. “I’m leaving now.” he said curtly, immediately getting off the bed.
“Wait! Yuu! Where are you going?” Kouyou almost screamed, his voice breaking as he reached out to get a hold of his brother’s retreating figure.
Yuu felt his brother’s hand circle around his wrist, making him jump again. “I told you not to touch me!” he screamed, pushing Kouyou ruthlessly, almost making his brother fall to the floor. “Leave me alone, just fucking leave me alone.” The raven could already feel the tears collecting at the contours of his eyes. Not wanting to cry again, he sucked in his breath, forcing the tears back.
“Yuu, please,” Kouyou pleaded, ignoring his brother’s cruelty in favour of begging him to stay. “Don’t leave me behind. I don’t want to be alone.” he begged selfishly. Unlike his brother, he wasn’t as strong as to hold in his tears and let them stream down freely. The honey blond wasn’t actually using this against his twin in order to gain sympathy, he just didn’t have the emotional strength to hold them back. He loved his brother so damn much, enough to kill him due to the overflowing feelings, yet why was he being rejected?
“Selfish bastard, aren’t you?” Yuu laughed softly under his breath, his purple-streaked hair hiding his obsidian orbs, making his brother flinch. Kouyou was severely confused, he didn’t know what selfish act he had committed, but continued to listen to his twin’s cruel words. “You are no different from that man who called himself our father. Selfish to the core, blaming everything on others, trying his best to gain sympathy. That’s exactly what you’re doing now.”
For everything that could happen, for everything Yuu could blame him for, he hadn’t seen this coming. All his life he’d tried to make Yuu happy. He’d tried to be everything his twin wanted him to be. He wanted to be a perfect brother so that the raven would look back at him. Which part of wanting to be loved again by his dear brother was considered selfish, wasn’t really clear to Kouyou. But then again, Yuu had to endure so much for him didn’t he? His beloved brother had protected him, but he could never give anything in return.
Kouyou didn’t ever think that it was important to be able to give something back to Yuu, since they were brothers, twin brothers with the same blood flowing through their veins. He never thought that it was supposed to be a deal, that it was supposed to be like some kind of business to give something in return to your own brother. And that simple thought itself was selfish enough. Kouyou could see, as Yuu’s face contorted in agony and anger, what a selfish bastard he’d really been, how he never even thought about Yuu’s life, his happiness, how he always clung to the raven just for the warmth Yuu had to offer.
Yuu was right, and Kouyou knew he was losing his brother all over again.
“Yuu!” he whimpered, not even knowing what was he supposed to say. “Yuu, I’m sorry. I’ll... I’ll try to be good from now on, I won’t be selfish. Just don’t hate me, please!”
Yuu couldn’t take it anymore and finally, he came undone. He grabbed one of his notebooks from his study desk and flung hard, hitting Kouyou square in his face. “Study from that you brainless shit, hopefully you can pass by leeching off from my notes.” Without another word, Yuu opened the door, leaving a stunned Kouyou behind and slamming the door behind him which such force that the door ricocheted off its hinges.
Kouyou flinched on his spot as his brother stepped out of the room and closed the door with a loud bang, the noise reverberating throughout the small room. The honey blond stood motionless for a while, his eyes coming to a fluttering close. He felt so tired that he thought he wouldn’t be able to stand on his own two feet anymore. Kouyou didn’t care that he was still in his uniform, that he had a test to take the following morning. He didn’t care that he was hungry and needed to eat something. All of a sudden, the single bed on his side of the room seemed so appealing that he wanted nothing more but to drop down onto the soft surface, close his eyes and forget everything.
Dragging his feet across the small expanse of the dorm room, the honey blond pulled away the covers and slid underneath. He pulled out one of the pillows and held it against his chest, clutching at the soft material almost desperately between his frail arms, wishing that there was someone with him right now to hold on to.
He didn’t realize that he was crying until he felt something wet and warm trail down his soft cheeks. Kouyou drifted into a restless sleep with tears in his eyes as the image of Yuu’s beautiful face refused to get erased.
-X-
In the last room down the hallway on the third floor of the western wing, Suzuki Akira was having a hard time concentrating on his text book. He’d never been one of the brightest students, but he was practical and open-minded than most of the students in the school. So he never really bothered with grades. When he couldn’t find his textbook the least bit appealing, he just discarded it, the poor object landing on the godforsaken corner of the room as the blond boy grabbed one of the magazines from the floor, glad that his overly protective roommate, Yutaka, wasn’t there. He’d have annoyed the shit out of Akira to try and get him to study a bit more.
With a content sigh, the strongly built boy with dirty blond hair plopped down onto the bed on his chest, tucking a pillow under his stomach and spread the magazine before him, scanning the numerous pictures of different music gears. He always liked music, and he did play during the times he felt depressed. He never got proper training, but he liked to think he was a good musician.
Akira hovered in his own world for a while, until his concentration broke with a loud, impatient bang on the door.
Oh, he was very familiar with that noise. That could be none other than Yuu, most likely frustrated beyond his wits again to be venting off on the wooden door like that.
Akira got off the bed and with an annoyed ‘I’m coming for fuck’s sake’, and wrenched the door open to reveal the other boy. The completely disheveled Yuu that waited behind the door, however, took his breath away. He’d seen Yuu bad, but this was way beyond bad.
“What’s wrong?” he spluttered out, his fawn eyes widening in horror as Yuu staggered inside the room on wobbly legs and dropped like a dead man onto the bed.
“Can I have some water?” Yuu muttered as he grabbed his raven hair between his fingers and supported his elbows on his thighs, lowering his head.
“Calm down, man!” Akira threw the devastated male a water bottle from across the room which he gratefully received and chugged the liquid down like he hadn’t drunk anything in days. Akira narrowed his eyes as he scrutinized his friend, and with a sigh sat down beside him, letting his hand gently rub his back in an awkward attempt to comfort him.
“It’s Takashima again, isn’t it?” Akira asked softly, his brown eyes melting as he comprehended the amount of pain Yuu must be in. He didn’t know why Yuu decided to talk to him about the unhealthy obsession he harbored for his brother many months ago, but now every time Yuu came back to him like this, he felt almost the same weight pulling him down with the raven.
“Aki!” Yuu whimpered, his voice cracking with the strength of his emotions. “What am I supposed to do?”
And Akira sat there quietly, letting the other boy talk to him about everything he needed to, from Kouyou being there trying to protect Takanori, from him losing control and demanding that that his brother stopped seeing Hikari, for feeling so aroused and excited whenever Kouyou touched him. Akira found it quite surprising. This Yuu, shedding crystal tears on his shoulder and talking about his own twin brother like a love-struck fool was nothing near the violent gang leader everyone in the school feared.
“I want to kiss him, Akira. I want to... want to... fuck him and make him scream my name! Am I going to hell, Akira? Am I Satan’s son? What do I do?”
Akira let him say all the obscene, yet heart-breaking things he wanted to say about his brother while he inwardly flinched. The level of Yuu’s obsession, it was nowhere near normal. Had it been another person, he would have felt disgusted towards them for having such blasphemous feelings for their own brother. But seeing Yuu’s visage, his tear stained face and leaking eyes, his helplessness was enough to convince Akira that, for Yuu and Kouyou to be together as lovers was the only right thing that could happen in the world.
Does it really hurt this much to be in love?
“I WANT TO DIE!” Yuu screamed finally, breaking down completely in Akira’s arms.
deadlyscarletAnd finally we are done posting the entire chapter *phew* Like I said this was a very very very long chapter and we had loads fun as well as loads of heartbreak while writing it. A huge thank to our beta-reader veroxion . Even though she was still sick, she mustered up the energy to beta-read for us and we love her a lot for that ^^
I read all your comments and thank you. I’m so proud of this story. It has brought me lot of happy treasures, one of them being dear xadowangel . I seriously love her and love working with her. We’ve already started writing chapter 3 and hope to post it as soon as we r done. We hope to get your continued support.
Love you all,
Scarlet.
xadowangel Hey guys, here we are again with the final installment of Chapter-2 of mine and Scarlet’s fic “Dearest”. I feel so empty now, I mean it’s almost like giving something away after nurturing it for so long. Me and Scarlet worked for such a long time on this single chapter...I almost have tears coz it feels like such an accomplishment!
I wanted to let Scarlet and Vero know how amazing they are. I tried so many times, and I’m sure they know it very well by now. Thanks to these amazing girls I’m never gonna get tired of writing ^_^
I really really hope you enjoyed this chapter. I read all your comments, and trust me those comments made me cry so bad! Thank you so much for your support, for your love.
I love you all so much!
Forever,
Xadow.
Chapter: 2(C)/?
Author(s): xadowangel & deadlyscarlet
Beta: veroxion
Genre: AU/ Romance/ Angst/ Smut(in later chapters)
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Language, Incest, Rape, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Post-traumatic stress, Amnesia, Violence, Delinquency, Bullying, Religion, Mentions of Yakuza, Use of real names
Characters: Kouyou, Yuu, Takanori, Akira, Yutaka, and various OCs [more additions may be made in the future]
Pairings: Yuu/Kouyou [Aoi/Uruha], Akira/Takanori [Reita/Ruki], Yuu/OC [Aoi/OC], Kouyou/OC [Uruha/OC], Yutaka/OC [Kai/OC]
Bands: the GazettE [for now]
Synopsis: Star-Crossed Lovers who commit suicide are reborn as twins.
Takashima Kouyou and Shiroyama Yuu are fraternal twins, who don’t look anything alike. Ever since he was born, Kouyou has always been protected and shadowed by Yuu’s strong and protective behavior. Seventeen years have passed since their birth. The same older brother who had once loved him now hates him with immense passion. What went wrong between these two twins? The events that unfold inside a Catholic Boarding School decide the fate for the two boys.
It took Kouyou quite a while to compose himself after the initial shock of knowing the truth. He was oblivious to the fact that he was holding Hikari in a death grip until she finally squirmed out of his hold and got on her knees in front of him. The raven-haired girl gasped when she saw her best friend’s face. She’d never seen Kouyou look so pale before.
Kouyou stared at something unknown, his eyes unfocused before those aureate orbs fluttered closed and his bow-shaped lips contorted in pure agony. Physical abuse and Kouyou were almost synonyms, but never before had he felt such an immense amount of pain shoot directly to his heart, except for that one fateful day that had occurred nine years ago.
Kouyou had never known that it was Yuu who had been protecting him behind closed doors all this time, and he sure hadn’t expected that he would be getting this information from someone he was meeting for the first time. Again, the younger twin was forced into a corner due to the dilemma he was facing regarding his brother. Yuu was just too mysterious for Kouyou to comprehend. He couldn’t understand why Yuu was hell-bent on pushing him away if he was the one always watching over him.
Kouyou’s eyes widened in anguish as everything came rushing back to him. He felt so small and insignificant compared to his older twin. He wanted to adore Yuu all over again, as the younger brother he was. The blond finally realized how special Yuu really was to him and he wanted to kill himself for even thinking of hating his beloved brother. It wasn’t possible, it never was possible. Yuu was his lifeline, take it away and he would be reduced into nothing but a lifeless doll. The realization of this painful truth only pressed on the bruises in his heart.
He felt like he was in the middle of a trance as he couldn’t even think straight until he felt a warm palm on his heated cheek and a pair of unsteady, timid footsteps clicking closer to him. Kouyou raised his face to meet a pair of soft, black eyes filled to the brim with love and adoration. He wanted to bury his face in Hikari’s jasmine-scented hair and never look up.
“Kouyou.” Takanori whispered making Kouyou look up. He hated being so broken and vulnerable before someone he’d met just today, but he couldn’t hide this side of himself forever. Takanori would eventually know what a pathetic little loser he really was.
“I’m sorry.” The smaller boy mumbled out, as he didn’t know how to apologize to the blond for being there, for stumbling into his moment of weakness. Takanori didn’t have any idea about what was really going on. He didn’t know who Yuu was or why Kouyou’s face morphed into a look of heartbreaking sadness when this Yuu’s name was mentioned. But he could clearly see that the honey blond was dying inside and Takanori didn’t like it. Kouyou was the first person to show him some sort of kindness in this horrid place.
Takanori, whose father was the leader of the Yakuza was hardly at home, their house was always guarded by hooligans and whenever he went to school, he was escorted by bodyguards. No one from the time he had been little tried to get anywhere close to him, let alone start a conversation. The only person who had ever showered him with love was his mother and now she was no more. The one or two friends he had were just the children of his father’s underlings, wanting to be in the good books of the boss’ son. The poor brunet had convinced himself that he would never find anyone who would ever be kind or friendly to him.
When he had almost given up on hoping, Kouyou had appeared out of nowhere and had taken such good care of him, even without knowing who he was. The honey blond’s kindness and his heart-warming smile reminded Takanori of the beauty of being loved. That was why when he saw Kouyou’s aureate orbs turn glossy, he felt something tug painfully at his heartstrings. He wanted to do something to erase at least a little bit of the pain his new friend felt.
The first person to recompose themselves was Hikari. She’d removed her palm from Kouyou’s tear stained cheek, making the honey blond release a soft sigh of yearning. He needed the warmth of another person on his skin right now. But then, Hikari was standing up, pulling him along with her.
“Hey! You must be the new student!” Hikari chimed in, a smile appearing on her lips as if nothing had happened. But Kouyou knew better, he knew she was hurting inside because her eyes were damp and cold, almost empty despite the friendly smile on her lips.
Takanori faltered a bit at the sudden change in attitude regarding the situation they were in, but then he thought maybe it was the right thing to do, to forget.
“Yeah. Yeah, I am.” Takanori tried to return the warm smile, but he wasn’t too good with hiding his emotions, so his lips just formed a lopsided frown instead of the sweet gesture he was originally going for.
“Ahh, nice to meet you, new kid! I’m Hikari!” The raven haired girl supplied with a slight flip of her hair.
“Takanori. Matsumoto Takanori.”
The introduction was sealed with a firm handshake as Hikari led the brunet to the counter. She didn’t miss the paleness in Takanori’s features and immediately summed it up to an empty stomach. Kouyou on the other hand seemed too distracted to care about anything. She released a sigh and gently pushed the honey blond to one of the cafeteria chairs.
“Kou-kun, wait here. I’ll get Taka-chan some food.”
“Hikari.” Kouyou murmured, his broken, raspy voice enough to make tears materialize in her ebony eyes.
“Yeah?” She reached out for her best friend and placed her warm hand on his head to show she was listening and to offer what comfort she could with the soothing gesture.
“I.. I wanna be alone for a while, please? I need to think.” The honey blond confessed. Hikari stared at her best friend for a while, wondering if it really was okay to leave him alone like he wanted. But she knew she couldn’t stop him if he had his mind set on something, and Hikari was a girl known to respect other people’s wishes.
“Why don’t you go back to your dorm then? Yuu-kun will be in class now, you’ll have some time for yourself. I don’t want anyone to find you alone in here, you know what I mean?”
He understood what she meant. Kouyou was well aware about what Hikari’s words meant, and he knew there was no malice in her voice, only true concern for his wellbeing. But the insecurity that hit him due to her protective nature snapped the blond, feeling that even she was mocking him for being a child who couldn’t do a task as simple as protecting himself from bullies.
“I can take care of myself, Hikari. You don’t have to baby me all the time!” Kouyou barked out sharply, but immediately regretted the action when Hikari’s dark eyes widened in surprise, a look of panic on her face because she had done something wrong. It wasn’t like Kouyou to burst out with anger, and this was the first time she’d seen him losing control of his emotions like this, and so quickly as well.
“Kouyou...” she mumbled out, but she didn’t back away. She had known him too long and pretty well too, and she knew understood perfectly that he didn’t mean a single word he was saying.
“Go back to your room.” Hikari stated firmly, her hand grasping his colder ones to reassure him that she wasn’t angry with him, but merely suggesting something she knew he needed. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
And Kouyou knew he’d lost the game. He pulled himself up off the seat and mumbled a quick apology before breaking into a sprint. He didn’t want to let anyone see his broken self.
“I’m so sorry you had to see that, Taka-chan.” Hikari tried to coax the younger as they walked side by side to the counter.
“It’s okay.” Takanori said bluntly.“I’ve seen worse.”
“Oh, that’s a lot coming out from someone as chibi as you!” Hikari laughed, and seeing her carefree smile, Takanori didn’t have the heart to point out that she was at least three inches shorter than himself.
-X-
Yuu entered his dormitory room, yawning slightly. It had been a really long day. There had been a physical education class, the class where he allowed himself to go loose, his barriers relaxed while he played soccer like a maniac, releasing all his pent up stress, stress which was normally caused due to his precious blond-haired twin brother, his beloved Kouyou. Yuu had already come to terms with the fact that he could never have his twin in this life or the next, but he still wasn’t able to prevent those obscene thoughts which only resulted in him breaking down.
The raven was a bit worried though. Kouyou had been absent throughout the entire afternoon. The Matsumoto kid had informed the teacher that his twin brother had suddenly fallen sick in the cafeteria and returned back to the dorm. Yuu had felt something clench painfully in his stomach as he kept contemplating over what could have possibly happened to Kouyou. Was he still sick? If the punch that Daijiro had landed on Kouyou’s stomach was still causing him pain, then he would never be able to forgive himself.
When he entered the room though, he nearly released a startled scream. Kouyou was sitting on the window ledge, one of his thighs hanging precariously out of the glass. Yuu ran all the way to where his twin was seated in a frantic rush, grabbing him with his lithe arms, immediately lifting him off the dangerous ledge, while hauling him all the way to their beds. He carefully placed Kouyou on the honey blond’s bed before starting to bellow angrily. “What the fuck were you doing, you stupid bastard? Were you trying to kill yourself?!”
Kouyou had been lying on his bed the whole afternoon, letting the warm glow of the setting sun play over his uniform clad body. He didn’t even have any desire to change or clean up. All of a sudden, his whole world was crumbling down into miniscule pieces, even though he knew that he had no reason to feel that way, but he felt devastated. He’d always taken Yuu for granted, never knowing that his older twin was always watching over him.
The realization made him feel small and pathetic, once again realizing that he didn’t deserve Yuu’s attention. When the sun set and the chilling breeze almost became unbearable, he got off the bed to close the window. He let his apathetic gaze hover over the horizon where a pale gold and crimson still played, indicating that the blazing sun had been there only a while ago, and he sighed.
Yuu had been like a ball of fire in his life, just like the sun. Bright, strong, unyielding. But the amorous presence of his brother had now diminished to that of an utter coldness, which Kouyou couldn’t handle anymore. He’d allowed his lithe body climb over the window ledge, his legs dangling carelessly and somehow, he didn’t care about his existence anymore. It was pure mockery to him, his life, and he suddenly started to believe that he had no reason to stay alive any longer.
Kouyou’s blond head had ended up resting against the windowsill behind him, eyes fluttering to a close in exhaustion. He had no idea when Yuu would be back, and he realized that all the hours spent by himself didn’t really help him, rather his chest was now filled with unrequited emotions; emotions he couldn’t let out, yet, they corroded him from the inside repeatedly.
A few silver drops of tears hung from his closed eyelashes, tears that didn’t quite fall, rather collected at the corner of his eyes without him realizing. He relished the feeling though. The fresh scent of nature tickling his nostrils and the wind that ruffled his honey tinted hair made him take a deep calming breath, despite the invading chill that made him shiver through his thin uniform shirt.
Kouyou didn’t know how long he had been sitting on the window sill, until he was grasped by a pair of familiar arms and musky scent, the warmness of his brother’s body swathing him completely before hauling him off the open window and throwing him on one of the awaiting beds. The blond squinted his eyes, his brain becoming dysfunctional form the sudden invasion of Yuu’s presence, the expression on his face was quite comical, but none of the brothers had enough wit to notice that.
Yuu’s frustrated scream rang through Kouyou’s body like static and before he knew what he was doing, he’d sprung off the bed and latched himself on Yuu’s body, arms encircling the older twin’s neck, chests flushed against each other. Kouyou’s soft hair brushed against Yuu’s cheek as the raven-haired boy staggered a few steps backwards to regain his lost balance.
Yuu’s hands unconsciously wrapped around Kouyou’s waist as he stood there slightly shocked. He didn’t know what to do. He was confused. The raven could feel his uniform shirt turning damp as the rivulet of tears that escaped his twin’s pretty aureate eyes seeped through the coarse material. But still, all that he could feel was the heat running through his veins as he felt Kouyou’s arms around his neck, his frail chest rubbing against his own broad one, the feeling of Kouyou’s waist between his hands. The sweet scent of strawberries, the smell of the blond’s shampoo wafted towards his sensitive nostrils.
“I’m sorry!” Kouyou whimpered out, not really knowing what he was apologizing for. But he figured it would be good way to start, because his chest felt as heavy as lead and he just needed someone to carry the burden a bit for him. He knew it was a lot to ask for, because he couldn’t expect his brother to hold his burdens for him anymore, but he still hoped Yuu would understand how wrecked he was inside and take him in just like before.
Yuu started sweating slightly as Kouyou’s grip around his neck became more tighter, and his pretty blond head snuggled deeper into the space between the raven’s chin and collar bone. Blood rushed to his head as he heard Kouyou’s tiny pleadings and whimpers. His ears registered a few incoherent ‘sorry's’ but he couldn’t understand why Kouyou was apologizing to him. Even if he wanted to try thinking for the reason as to why his twin was apologizing to him, he just couldn’t as Kouyou’s scent alone was making him crazy. He could feel goose bumps erupting on his flesh as Kouyou kept rubbing his body against his own.
For the honey blond, the close proximity of their bodies was something that he’d wanted for such a long time, something he’d dreamt about on restless nights when his brother had abandoned him because he wanted to enjoy his ‘life’ with his fellow gang members. He almost couldn’t believe that he had Yuu in his embrace like this, even though Yuu wasn’t reacting, rather standing stiff like a porcelain sculpture, but it didn’t matter. It was Yuu, it was Yuu he was holding and that’s all that mattered.
Kouyou felt his throat constrict as a painful lump formed, causing his breath to hitch as he snuggled into the warmness that Yuu’s body offered. His twin had always been the stronger one, bold and muscular. Just by having his face buried in his brother’s neck gave him a sense of relief, a security that he’d never felt before.
The immense love for his twin brother that he held inside of him, almost blinded him because all of a sudden, he couldn’t see anything but Yuu, he can’t feel anything but Yuu. His world revolved around the single raven-haired male, and he doesn’t want this moment to stop. He desperately wanted to stay like this forever if it meant that his brother would be within his reach again.
“I’m so sorry, Yuu! I missed you so much, I didn’t know that you...” Kouyou wasn’t able to continue speaking, as his tears were clogging his throat. His body wracked with violent tremors as he tried to steady his trembling fingers on the rough fabric of Yuu’s uniform shirt, exerting as much strength as his weakened frame could allow, as if that was the only way to keep the raven in place.
He couldn’t see the darkening glint of lust in Yuu’s fathomless eyes, because he was just too busy trying to get himself together to say what he wanted. Kouyou knew how Yuu hated when he behaved like a weakling and acted like a helpless child, but no matter how hard he tried, his emotions just came back to him with such intensity that his feelings escalated tenfold.
“God! Yuu! I miss you so much...why...why can’t you see it?” The honey blond whimpered against his brother’s broad chest, sniffling a little. “Why can’t you see that I love you!”
Something snapped within the raven as his eyes flew open wide. It felt as if his entire body was thrown onto shudders. Kouyou’s previous words had fallen so jumbled into his ears due to the arousal he had felt within him. But when the ‘I love you’ had escaped Kouyou’s bow-shaped lips, the words of confession clanged in his ear drums loud and clear, like a bell. Those three words continued to echo in the narrow compartment of Yuu’s ears. The raven knew that Kouyou’s words only meant the brotherly love he had towards his older twin, but his stupid, delusional brain wouldn’t accept it.
Yuu clasped his hands onto Kouyou’s shoulders and pulled him backward, peeling him away from his chest. Kouyou’s aureate orbs looked at him slightly confused as he continued to let his hands rest around Yuu’s neck, refusing to let go as he longed for the warmth and comfort his brother unconsciously gave him. Yuu sultrily stared into those pretty orbs, which reflected his own pleasure-ridden face. The raven’s own obsidian eyes moved downwards towards Kouyou’s chest. The top buttons of his brother’s uniform shirt was open, exposing the blond’s pale chest. Yuu greedily looked at the porcelain skin as he licked his beautifully pierced lips.
“Yuu,” Kouyou’s confused whisper reached the raven’s ear, making him move his gaze up to those luscious, pink lips. Kouyou’s soft, sweet breath, brushed against Yuu’s nose making his nostrils flare. Heat lustfully scorched the insides of his body painfully as he looked at his blond-haired twin’s lips move lightly. Beads of sweat and saliva glistened on those beautiful, pouty lips, which glistened slightly in the dorms fluorescent light. Not being able to hold back any longer, Yuu swept forward, nearly lunging like an animal towards his brother.
Kouyou stared at his brother in silent shock as Yuu grabbed his face between his warm, calloused palms. The honey blond felt like he would just disappear into those fathomless eyes, because he’d never known a person’s gaze could be so fierce, so intense and predatory. He shivered involuntarily as Yuu rubbed his thumb against the baby soft skin of his younger brother’s flushed cheeks, wiping away the wetness of his tears that stained his flawless skin.
Yuu’s lip ring glistened as it caught the light, the same lips that had planted wet, sloppy kisses on his brother’s cheeks and lips years ago were now pursed into a thin line, sharp jawline highlighted as Yuu clenched his teeth. His adam’s apple bobbed as the raven took in Kouyou’s pretty features, almost feeling proud of the fact that this creature was his own brother.
His Kouyou.
“What are you doing?” Kouyou whispered as Yuu brought their faces closer, noses almost touching, their hot breaths mingling with each other. A thin shroud of uncompensated emotions fluttered between them as Yuu furrowed his eyebrows. Suddenly, a rivulet of pearly-white tears streamed down the raven’s eyes as he bit his cherry-red lips in frustration. Terrible pain was reflected in those dark, alurring obsidian orbs, making Kouyou’s heart twist. He didn’t understand why his brother was crying. It had been ages since he had last seen Yuu cry like that.
Kouyou reached forward to touch Yuu’s cheek with his palm. Something inside of him tore apart as he watched the droplets of crystalline liquid escape the corner of his brother’s eyes. To him, Yuu was the epitome of strength, the personification of confidence. It wasn’t right for his big brother to shed tears, to show such weakness. And Kouyou could clearly knew that it was his fault. He was the only person who had always made his brother cry ever since they were kids.
Kouyou’s cupid-bow lips trembled slightly as he tried to control his own emotions and keep them in check, trying his best not to break down. He wanted to wipe away the tears and make Yuu smile. The blond reached forward for his brother’s face, trying to coax him to relax a bit, but before he could reach up, he was shoved away violently.
“Yuu...” Kouyou called out and this time, Yuu snapped.
“I’m going out.” The raven barked out sharply, staring down at his feet. Yuu wanted to be anywhere but here with his own flesh and blood. He wanted to kick himself to death for taking advantage of his innocent brother. If he didn’t leave the goddamn room now, then he might...
Without even thinking what he was doing, Kouyou lurched forward and grabbed Yuu’s wrist in a harsh, unrelenting grip, because the only thing he could register was the fact that he needed to stop Yuu from leaving. He’d gotten so close to his brother after such a long time, he wasn’t about to give it away for anything. The blond needed Yuu beside him now, to hold him close like he used to. He knew once his brother stepped out of that door, he wouldn’t come back, and the Kouyou couldn't let that happen.
“No! Wait, Yuu!” Kouyou blurted out, ignoring the snarl that left Yuu’s lips. He only strengthened the hold on Yuu’s wrist, planting his feet on the ground.
“What?” The raven sneered, thoroughly confused and angry with a whirlwind of emotions that were slowly dragging him down to sin..
Kouyou wracked his brain to find a good enough excuse, something that’d make the raven stay here with him and now leave him alone, but he is unable to think of anything.
“I... I need you to help me with Math, for the test tomorrow. Please, Yuu...”
The blond knew that it was the lamest thing that he could come up with, but once the words were out, there was no way he could take them back. He lowered his head in shame, releasing his grip on Yuu’s hand simultaneously, as his own arms lay limp on his sides.Kouyou felt so ashamed all of a sudden and he wanted to run away from the piercing gaze of his older twin.
“Ask someone else.” Yuu was getting really irritated. Why did Kouyou have to be so selfish? Here he was, trying his best to protect Kouyou from damnation, yet he was intent on ruining what Yuu was trying so hard to protect. If he could just spit it out, that he wanted his own brother, that he wanted to fuck his own brother and love him until the ends of the world, then maybe Kouyou would stop trying to be with him. But no. He couldn’t. He just couldn’t. Yuu was selfish too because he wanted his fair-haired twin to continue trying to win him back. Whenever he tried pushing Kouyou away, he desperately wanted Kouyou to reach out for him. That was what which allowed him to still keep his sanity.
“I... I can’t.” Kouyou mumbled out. How was he supposed to tell Yuu that this wasn’t about stupid school work or tests, rather about staying close to his own brother? How could he tell him that he didn’t want anybody else, he only craved Yuu’s company? He couldn’t, and that’s why he felt so helpless. Kouyou felt like blurting out everything that was tearing him apart and then face Yuu’s wrath, but the more rational part of him wanted to keep the raven close for as long as he possibly could.
“Hell you can’t! Then go fuck yourself!”
Kouyou wanted to press his palms against his ears, to block out all those cruel words, so that he didn’t have to hear what Yuu had just said. But then, his brother must have had his reasons to behave like this. If Yuu wanted to feel better by pointing all his rage towards his younger twin, then that’s the least the honey blond could do for his precious brother. Kouyou hoped he’d find out someday and then put an end to the misery that the person he loved the most felt. No matter how confident Yuu sounded, Kouyou could see he was hurting, could almost feel it.
“Please Yuu.” he tried again, not willing to give up when his brother was still in front of him. There was still a chance to be had, and he was going to take it. “I wasn’t feeling very good today, I couldn’t study. I’m gonna fail tomorrow if you don’t help me out.”
Yuu released an annoyed sigh. The last thing he wanted was Kouyou to fail, as it would only add to detention and he knew his brother was weak. If he was forced into detention, it would only make him lose energy. And there was no one who would help Kouyou either, as he had no friends at all in this academy. Yuu knew it was partly his fault because nobody in this damned school wanted want to talk to delinquent Shiroyama’s twin brother.
“Fine, go get your books.” he rasped before settling on his own bed.
A small smile appeared on Kouyou’s lips after the sudden surprise wore off. He didn’t really expect for Yuu to actually agree to help him out, but since he did, the honey blond felt like he would just explode from the happiness that made his heart flutter madly. But he didn’t dare show his eagerness though, rather let a grateful smile linger on his lips as he went to retrieve the required materials from his desk.
Kouyou then realized that he was still in his uniform clothes and so was Yuu.
“Shouldn’t we change first?” Kouyou asked timidly, gathering the books and copies in his lithe arms.
“Just get back here! I’ll be leaving after I’m done with that shitty brain of yours!” Yuu retorted, but Kouyou had long ago decided not to let his brother’s anger hurt him in any way. Not that he didn’t feel pierced cruelly as Yuu talked so rudely to him, but he’d taken it for granted and he only let out a sigh as he nodded his head in confirmation. The time when he could keep his brother to himself was long gone. Yuu belonged to a world he wouldn’t let Kouyou know about and the younger twin had to bear with that.
“Okay.” Kouyou uttered as he carried everything over to Yuu’s bed, settling in front of him. He wordlessly flipped through the pages of his text book and opened up the lectures that he was supposed to study.
“I always have problems with partial integration.” Kouyou mumbled out as he pointed to a particular problem marked red on the paper before him.
“What’s so difficult with this problem?” Yuu couldn’t help but roll his eyes in annoyance. Sometimes he just couldn’t understand why Kouyou found even the easiest things difficult. “It’s a really basic problem. You just have to differentiate partially with respect to ‘x’ while ‘y’ is assumed to be constant.” Yuu proceeded to explain as fast as possible. His body was reacting again due to the warmth that radiated from Kouyou’s body, and the last thing he ever wanted was to push Kouyou to the bed and have his way with him.
The blond scrunched up his eyebrows in concentration as he carefully tried to take in everything Yuu was explaining. It was really important that he got these things sorted out by tonight, and he already regretted wasting his time sulking because of his brother’s cold behavior. But then again, as he shifted a bit to lay his eyes on his brother’s face, something churned in his stomach. It was almost like Yuu had something else in mind that he wasn’t letting out and Kouyou felt he was the cause of it all.
As he tried to take the pen out of Yuu’s hand so that he could solve the problem himself after the raven had explained it to him, their fingers touched. Yuu jolted on the spot as if he had been struck by a bolt of electricity, leaving his twin staring at him with confusion written all over his face.
“D-Don’t touch me!” Yuu snapped. “Keep your fucking hands to yourself.” The raven was nearing a break down. “I’m leaving now.” he said curtly, immediately getting off the bed.
“Wait! Yuu! Where are you going?” Kouyou almost screamed, his voice breaking as he reached out to get a hold of his brother’s retreating figure.
Yuu felt his brother’s hand circle around his wrist, making him jump again. “I told you not to touch me!” he screamed, pushing Kouyou ruthlessly, almost making his brother fall to the floor. “Leave me alone, just fucking leave me alone.” The raven could already feel the tears collecting at the contours of his eyes. Not wanting to cry again, he sucked in his breath, forcing the tears back.
“Yuu, please,” Kouyou pleaded, ignoring his brother’s cruelty in favour of begging him to stay. “Don’t leave me behind. I don’t want to be alone.” he begged selfishly. Unlike his brother, he wasn’t as strong as to hold in his tears and let them stream down freely. The honey blond wasn’t actually using this against his twin in order to gain sympathy, he just didn’t have the emotional strength to hold them back. He loved his brother so damn much, enough to kill him due to the overflowing feelings, yet why was he being rejected?
“Selfish bastard, aren’t you?” Yuu laughed softly under his breath, his purple-streaked hair hiding his obsidian orbs, making his brother flinch. Kouyou was severely confused, he didn’t know what selfish act he had committed, but continued to listen to his twin’s cruel words. “You are no different from that man who called himself our father. Selfish to the core, blaming everything on others, trying his best to gain sympathy. That’s exactly what you’re doing now.”
For everything that could happen, for everything Yuu could blame him for, he hadn’t seen this coming. All his life he’d tried to make Yuu happy. He’d tried to be everything his twin wanted him to be. He wanted to be a perfect brother so that the raven would look back at him. Which part of wanting to be loved again by his dear brother was considered selfish, wasn’t really clear to Kouyou. But then again, Yuu had to endure so much for him didn’t he? His beloved brother had protected him, but he could never give anything in return.
Kouyou didn’t ever think that it was important to be able to give something back to Yuu, since they were brothers, twin brothers with the same blood flowing through their veins. He never thought that it was supposed to be a deal, that it was supposed to be like some kind of business to give something in return to your own brother. And that simple thought itself was selfish enough. Kouyou could see, as Yuu’s face contorted in agony and anger, what a selfish bastard he’d really been, how he never even thought about Yuu’s life, his happiness, how he always clung to the raven just for the warmth Yuu had to offer.
Yuu was right, and Kouyou knew he was losing his brother all over again.
“Yuu!” he whimpered, not even knowing what was he supposed to say. “Yuu, I’m sorry. I’ll... I’ll try to be good from now on, I won’t be selfish. Just don’t hate me, please!”
Yuu couldn’t take it anymore and finally, he came undone. He grabbed one of his notebooks from his study desk and flung hard, hitting Kouyou square in his face. “Study from that you brainless shit, hopefully you can pass by leeching off from my notes.” Without another word, Yuu opened the door, leaving a stunned Kouyou behind and slamming the door behind him which such force that the door ricocheted off its hinges.
Kouyou flinched on his spot as his brother stepped out of the room and closed the door with a loud bang, the noise reverberating throughout the small room. The honey blond stood motionless for a while, his eyes coming to a fluttering close. He felt so tired that he thought he wouldn’t be able to stand on his own two feet anymore. Kouyou didn’t care that he was still in his uniform, that he had a test to take the following morning. He didn’t care that he was hungry and needed to eat something. All of a sudden, the single bed on his side of the room seemed so appealing that he wanted nothing more but to drop down onto the soft surface, close his eyes and forget everything.
Dragging his feet across the small expanse of the dorm room, the honey blond pulled away the covers and slid underneath. He pulled out one of the pillows and held it against his chest, clutching at the soft material almost desperately between his frail arms, wishing that there was someone with him right now to hold on to.
He didn’t realize that he was crying until he felt something wet and warm trail down his soft cheeks. Kouyou drifted into a restless sleep with tears in his eyes as the image of Yuu’s beautiful face refused to get erased.
-X-
In the last room down the hallway on the third floor of the western wing, Suzuki Akira was having a hard time concentrating on his text book. He’d never been one of the brightest students, but he was practical and open-minded than most of the students in the school. So he never really bothered with grades. When he couldn’t find his textbook the least bit appealing, he just discarded it, the poor object landing on the godforsaken corner of the room as the blond boy grabbed one of the magazines from the floor, glad that his overly protective roommate, Yutaka, wasn’t there. He’d have annoyed the shit out of Akira to try and get him to study a bit more.
With a content sigh, the strongly built boy with dirty blond hair plopped down onto the bed on his chest, tucking a pillow under his stomach and spread the magazine before him, scanning the numerous pictures of different music gears. He always liked music, and he did play during the times he felt depressed. He never got proper training, but he liked to think he was a good musician.
Akira hovered in his own world for a while, until his concentration broke with a loud, impatient bang on the door.
Oh, he was very familiar with that noise. That could be none other than Yuu, most likely frustrated beyond his wits again to be venting off on the wooden door like that.
Akira got off the bed and with an annoyed ‘I’m coming for fuck’s sake’, and wrenched the door open to reveal the other boy. The completely disheveled Yuu that waited behind the door, however, took his breath away. He’d seen Yuu bad, but this was way beyond bad.
“What’s wrong?” he spluttered out, his fawn eyes widening in horror as Yuu staggered inside the room on wobbly legs and dropped like a dead man onto the bed.
“Can I have some water?” Yuu muttered as he grabbed his raven hair between his fingers and supported his elbows on his thighs, lowering his head.
“Calm down, man!” Akira threw the devastated male a water bottle from across the room which he gratefully received and chugged the liquid down like he hadn’t drunk anything in days. Akira narrowed his eyes as he scrutinized his friend, and with a sigh sat down beside him, letting his hand gently rub his back in an awkward attempt to comfort him.
“It’s Takashima again, isn’t it?” Akira asked softly, his brown eyes melting as he comprehended the amount of pain Yuu must be in. He didn’t know why Yuu decided to talk to him about the unhealthy obsession he harbored for his brother many months ago, but now every time Yuu came back to him like this, he felt almost the same weight pulling him down with the raven.
“Aki!” Yuu whimpered, his voice cracking with the strength of his emotions. “What am I supposed to do?”
And Akira sat there quietly, letting the other boy talk to him about everything he needed to, from Kouyou being there trying to protect Takanori, from him losing control and demanding that that his brother stopped seeing Hikari, for feeling so aroused and excited whenever Kouyou touched him. Akira found it quite surprising. This Yuu, shedding crystal tears on his shoulder and talking about his own twin brother like a love-struck fool was nothing near the violent gang leader everyone in the school feared.
“I want to kiss him, Akira. I want to... want to... fuck him and make him scream my name! Am I going to hell, Akira? Am I Satan’s son? What do I do?”
Akira let him say all the obscene, yet heart-breaking things he wanted to say about his brother while he inwardly flinched. The level of Yuu’s obsession, it was nowhere near normal. Had it been another person, he would have felt disgusted towards them for having such blasphemous feelings for their own brother. But seeing Yuu’s visage, his tear stained face and leaking eyes, his helplessness was enough to convince Akira that, for Yuu and Kouyou to be together as lovers was the only right thing that could happen in the world.
Does it really hurt this much to be in love?
“I WANT TO DIE!” Yuu screamed finally, breaking down completely in Akira’s arms.
deadlyscarletAnd finally we are done posting the entire chapter *phew* Like I said this was a very very very long chapter and we had loads fun as well as loads of heartbreak while writing it. A huge thank to our beta-reader veroxion . Even though she was still sick, she mustered up the energy to beta-read for us and we love her a lot for that ^^
I read all your comments and thank you. I’m so proud of this story. It has brought me lot of happy treasures, one of them being dear xadowangel . I seriously love her and love working with her. We’ve already started writing chapter 3 and hope to post it as soon as we r done. We hope to get your continued support.
Love you all,
Scarlet.
xadowangel Hey guys, here we are again with the final installment of Chapter-2 of mine and Scarlet’s fic “Dearest”. I feel so empty now, I mean it’s almost like giving something away after nurturing it for so long. Me and Scarlet worked for such a long time on this single chapter...I almost have tears coz it feels like such an accomplishment!
I wanted to let Scarlet and Vero know how amazing they are. I tried so many times, and I’m sure they know it very well by now. Thanks to these amazing girls I’m never gonna get tired of writing ^_^
I really really hope you enjoyed this chapter. I read all your comments, and trust me those comments made me cry so bad! Thank you so much for your support, for your love.
I love you all so much!
Forever,
Xadow.