6th incision - Filtered from Alexis
How eagerly I anticipated Father's visits, welcoming him with open arms. Yet seeing the servants preparing the feast for his return threw me into a panic when I saw they were killing the farm animals, those I considered my friends. To kill in order to live was inconceivable to me as a child. The food I ate, the clothes I wore, the very air I breathed meant the cessation of lives.
I refused to eat for a long while until Father spoke to me - explaining, as it where, that it was inevitable, and also that he wished me to take my meals, to grow stronger, for he was considering making me his heir as I was his only child. My best friend, a lamb, was taken away from me, as were my sisters, though I was told if I obeyed I would surely see them again.
And soon I was taken away from my mother also, to one of Father's houses, to be 'made well', as I was always sickly when I was young. Yet he kept his word - when does he not keep his word - to reunite me with those I'd lost. For after taking a meal with my Father, forcing myself to eat in order to please him, I was informed that my friend was that meal. Not only that, but the sisters he had taken away, he told me I had eaten of their lives also, their organs placed in me to make me stronger.
And that is when he showed me the picture of him. The half-brother I knew not, the legitimate heir, the reason I was cast aside as useless, why I had only been a plaything, a puppet for my Father's whims. Why I would never be loved by him.
I have taken of the lives of my sisters and best friend - only the least, the lowest of humans would do such a thing. To never be cared for, never loved, despised for what I have done and what I am, it is only what I deserve.
What he wished me to be, shaped and formed as he pleased, utterly belonging to him.
And so it is. My beloved Father, from whom I shall never be free.
I refused to eat for a long while until Father spoke to me - explaining, as it where, that it was inevitable, and also that he wished me to take my meals, to grow stronger, for he was considering making me his heir as I was his only child. My best friend, a lamb, was taken away from me, as were my sisters, though I was told if I obeyed I would surely see them again.
And soon I was taken away from my mother also, to one of Father's houses, to be 'made well', as I was always sickly when I was young. Yet he kept his word - when does he not keep his word - to reunite me with those I'd lost. For after taking a meal with my Father, forcing myself to eat in order to please him, I was informed that my friend was that meal. Not only that, but the sisters he had taken away, he told me I had eaten of their lives also, their organs placed in me to make me stronger.
And that is when he showed me the picture of him. The half-brother I knew not, the legitimate heir, the reason I was cast aside as useless, why I had only been a plaything, a puppet for my Father's whims. Why I would never be loved by him.
I have taken of the lives of my sisters and best friend - only the least, the lowest of humans would do such a thing. To never be cared for, never loved, despised for what I have done and what I am, it is only what I deserve.
What he wished me to be, shaped and formed as he pleased, utterly belonging to him.
And so it is. My beloved Father, from whom I shall never be free.