(no subject)
It hasn't been the best day for me today. just depressing thats all. news of home has definitely kept me thinking all morning. i'm not talking about home as in russia but as in SS Marie even though its the farthest place i could ever call it home. mainly my brother. *sigh* i feel like exploding on my cousin >>;;. my mood just suddenly un-expectingly went from depressing to pissed off depressing. i feel like slughtering my cousin for the comments and things she says. she doesn't know but it offends me. she can go to hell. and she borrows a lot of my stuff and its because i let her but what do i borrow from her, i ask. nothing thats what. not to mention she's sitting in this very room with me while i'm typing. and i have a feeling she can read it she wants but has no clue what i'm typing >>.
An apple was left on my note book by who-knows-who, but i later found out it was my mother. i found it strange for my birthday presents were left the same way the day before. and no one answered once i asked who put it there but then again my mom wasn't home then. sudden thought has struck me--i'm listening to garbage and do they/she or whatever sing adrogyny? cherry lips? and shut your mouth? i think so. ok. back to what i was going to say. i got an RCA mp3 1500 mb (megabite--don't know the abriviation for it) a crystal horse--i don't think that anyone in my family knows that i got enough figurienes for my birthday <<. oh and this cup and plate set (its very sweet as in cute) even though it has butterflies on it.
i'm listening to a song by guano apes-big in japan. my cousin has this whole music list and its set on shuffle and that song happens to be playing right now. my brother's car got wrecked. though this was one of the subjects i was hoping to avoid and not talk about but thats not gonna happen. my father is not in the best moods now too. he says he won't pay for anything sinse his "privious" accident that happened to happen a few weeks or months ago cost our family some trouble with money. why does this keep on happening to our family. *long pause of silence* i don't want to talk about. why won't my feelings just leave me.
this world is hollow and no space can fill it.....
it destroyed everything i held dear to myself....
and then what's left when everything is gone?
living is not living, living is money, and thats all.........