(no subject)
"The daily things that keep us all busy
Are confusing me"
Seriously, I'm having a little trouble keeping my grip on reality these days, despite my health slowly returning after that near deadly scare two months ago. Seriously, turned out I was a lot closer to GAME OVER than anyone thought. After five stays in Hospital, reaching nearly 20kg underweight, more drugs than is healthy, every scan, test, and what have you they could throw at me (Including an absolutely ghastly hour and forty minuets in an MRI machine...which I'm still having nightmares over) they finally figured out what was wrong with me. Now I am on not one, not two, but FOUR giant horse tablets a day....for the rest of my life (which is now going to be GREATLY shorter) or I WILL die, still think I may sue Monash for negligence, I never would of ended up in this situation if it wasn't for them. In other news,
Time is flowing in unpredictable ways, I no longer sleep more than a sporadic few hours every few days, I hallucinate all the time, seeing and hearing people and things that are not there, or things that I know outright are fantasy, but feel no less real. The simplest things cause me intense panic and confusion. For example, I started hyperventilating and getting intensely claustrophobic today...because I found myself staring at my bedroom door, unable to figure out how to get out for a few minuets...and on Saturday I had an utterly irrational fear of entering the kitchen. I'm so completely lost and have no idea how to fix this. Is it the medication? Sobriety? Am I losing the last bit of sanity I still had? More to the point why am I even posting this, nobody is either awake or really even cares too hear my bitching.
Maybe my refusal of psychiatric help when I was in Hospital was a bit premature? I'm not sure I can cope with this surreal existence I find myslef in indefinitely.
Are confusing me"
Seriously, I'm having a little trouble keeping my grip on reality these days, despite my health slowly returning after that near deadly scare two months ago. Seriously, turned out I was a lot closer to GAME OVER than anyone thought. After five stays in Hospital, reaching nearly 20kg underweight, more drugs than is healthy, every scan, test, and what have you they could throw at me (Including an absolutely ghastly hour and forty minuets in an MRI machine...which I'm still having nightmares over) they finally figured out what was wrong with me. Now I am on not one, not two, but FOUR giant horse tablets a day....for the rest of my life (which is now going to be GREATLY shorter) or I WILL die, still think I may sue Monash for negligence, I never would of ended up in this situation if it wasn't for them. In other news,
Time is flowing in unpredictable ways, I no longer sleep more than a sporadic few hours every few days, I hallucinate all the time, seeing and hearing people and things that are not there, or things that I know outright are fantasy, but feel no less real. The simplest things cause me intense panic and confusion. For example, I started hyperventilating and getting intensely claustrophobic today...because I found myself staring at my bedroom door, unable to figure out how to get out for a few minuets...and on Saturday I had an utterly irrational fear of entering the kitchen. I'm so completely lost and have no idea how to fix this. Is it the medication? Sobriety? Am I losing the last bit of sanity I still had? More to the point why am I even posting this, nobody is either awake or really even cares too hear my bitching.
Maybe my refusal of psychiatric help when I was in Hospital was a bit premature? I'm not sure I can cope with this surreal existence I find myslef in indefinitely.