(no subject)

[deadlikeice]

BOO! BOO ON YOU! ALL OF YOU! You people with your relationships, love, happiness, fidelity! BOO! UGH! It's just, I'm so angry! Happy people take it all for fucking GRANTED! !!!! !!!! AAGHH!! It's like, I was happy. I was so content! And now I'm BUMMED! Because I like someone! AGAIN! AAAGGHH! ANNNNDD I know they don't like me, because they didn't earlier in the year when I first told them I liked them. They didn't even believe that I liked them. I've had a crush on this effing person on and off since meeting them, and you know what!? AAGGHH! I KNOW I HAVE NO CHANCE! I'm not their type of girl...I'm "one of the guys" and IT IS RETARDED!! FOOOOK! *sighs* I was happy...like. I was having dreams again, and I was almost liking Michael, but he wasn't charming enough to keep my attention. BLEH! I was getting the "I kinda like single life" feeling back in my brain and heart, and KABLAM!!! I start crushing on a stupid BOY! Ugh...I have a new/olde good friend, and it's nice. Because we have an understanding: we've been through practically the same stuff, same three guys, and we know a lot of the same people...Haha she knows my ex Matt, my ex Jeffrey, and haha a few other people I know. I just....*sighs* wish we weren't going through the same hurt. Like there are moments when I'm perfectly fine, yaknow? Like "I don't need him" moments, where I can be happy and laughing and knowing I can do way better!! but then...something reminds me of him and I start being a little sad again...at first it was just little flashed, little things, and over in a second waves of emotion...but now it's cut-worthy depression...and I can't get out of it...We were having a good silly laugh but...like now I'm thinking about him...and about all guys I've been with....either they weren't good enough for me, or I wasn't good enough for them...or i was Bragging Rights....I'm "Hot Katrina" to Mike and his friends....nothing more, and nothing less. Just UGH! I don't get it! I have people telling me I'm beautiful and I DON'T CARE!!! Ian would love to be with me, Andrew too!! Shit, Imaj would (no offense to you Imaj, just had to mention it), and so would a young girl I know!! BUT I DON'T WANT THEM! I want the guys who don't pay attention to me, because they're absolutely gorgeous! I like the hot guys with the great sense of humor and extreme talent that don't LIKE ME! It's not that I'm not good enough, I'm just not girlie enough, smart enough, important enough, or nice enough. I'm just...Katrina. That's all. And I want a boyfriend...one who will take care of me and be sweet to me, be romantic...or hell, just like me and want to be aroudn me and not be ashamed to put his arm around me in front of his friends...*sighs* I just want...Someone. *sighs again*

♦Slash My Wrists and Stop My breathing.....I Must Be EEEEEMOO...♦
Hehehe
XOX
Rayne Sco Skye Iscariot