Ups and Downs
One good thing leads to one bad thing. Off today, a Saturday....you know how hard that is to pull off at my work? I had plans and I got forgotten....again.
I'm not quite sure why I'm always thought about last? I do anything and everything for people I care about but in return I get forgotten. Pretty lame. It really hurts my feelings.
I had been looking forward to today all freaking week. I was telling everyone I was making dinner. I rarely get to cook for someone who can appreciate it. But oops....sorry Jamie I have other plans now after I already accepted your dinner invite. WTF? Am I just a filler until something better comes along? Why do you forget me...this has happened more than once. It freaking hurts.
Jake called me last night. He wished me a happy thanksgiving and wished me well. I didn't answer the phone. I'm not sure I can ever really talk to him again. Not after some of the things he said to me last time. So hurtful. He mentioned one of his friends brothers killed himself this week, why does Jake always feel it necessary to mention sad depressing things? Is it a ploy to get sympathy? I helped him out when he needed it and all he's done in return is make me feel like a horrible person.
I need to find where I belong in this world because so far I don't feel like I belong anywhere. Not California, not Virginia, not New York...I've met a lot of cool people on the way but I always feel so out of place. I feel alone. I feel incomplete. I keep hoping someday something will just come to me...a message...a sign...a nudge in the right direction. But there is nothing to give me the insight I need. It's just me being stupid and naive thinking someone really is watching over us. But I lack the faith because I'm not sure of anything. I'm not religious in any matter yet I still hope there is more to life then what we see is what we get. I just don't know anymore.
I'm not quite sure why I'm always thought about last? I do anything and everything for people I care about but in return I get forgotten. Pretty lame. It really hurts my feelings.
I had been looking forward to today all freaking week. I was telling everyone I was making dinner. I rarely get to cook for someone who can appreciate it. But oops....sorry Jamie I have other plans now after I already accepted your dinner invite. WTF? Am I just a filler until something better comes along? Why do you forget me...this has happened more than once. It freaking hurts.
Jake called me last night. He wished me a happy thanksgiving and wished me well. I didn't answer the phone. I'm not sure I can ever really talk to him again. Not after some of the things he said to me last time. So hurtful. He mentioned one of his friends brothers killed himself this week, why does Jake always feel it necessary to mention sad depressing things? Is it a ploy to get sympathy? I helped him out when he needed it and all he's done in return is make me feel like a horrible person.
I need to find where I belong in this world because so far I don't feel like I belong anywhere. Not California, not Virginia, not New York...I've met a lot of cool people on the way but I always feel so out of place. I feel alone. I feel incomplete. I keep hoping someday something will just come to me...a message...a sign...a nudge in the right direction. But there is nothing to give me the insight I need. It's just me being stupid and naive thinking someone really is watching over us. But I lack the faith because I'm not sure of anything. I'm not religious in any matter yet I still hope there is more to life then what we see is what we get. I just don't know anymore.